Reflections of Life: Fall 2002

Welcome to Part 2 of my web site... 

    Well time to review the past semester. Really, it's been good to me. There have been a few things that I wish I didn't have to go through, well one thing really but oh well such is life. Coming out of being home schooled I had no idea what to expect from college life. Aug 28 was orientation and the day to get an idea of how things were going to go. Well that was good, I guess. I think it'd be accurate to say that my experiences with college life began the first day, Aug 29. It's about 7:30 am, and I'm there for my first class of my college life, Personal Evangelism with Dr. Jack Lewis. Well I get to Moody NW, grab my book bag, and head to the door. Well the door was locked. I thought that we'd be using the front door. Seemed logical enough to me and thankfully to someone else too. A girl who I had just met the day before thought the exact same thing. So there we were, Thursday morning, both with book bags, me with a mug of coffee, and both of us completely lost as to what to do. So, we started talking and we discovered that we're going to have almost all of the same classes. Probabl about 10 minutes or so passed before we figured out how to get in, thanks to another returning student. Lo and behold, there was another door that we were supposed to use just to the side of the main doors and up a stairwell. I would have died from or almost died from embarrassment if it was just me who missed that. Of course I'm not wishing that on anyone but it was nice to not feel like a complete idiot alone. I had someone else around so I could tell myself, "okay I wasn't too far off cause I wasn't the only one" or the first one for that matter. When I showed up, she was already there waiting. So, we finally figure out how to get inside and get to class.
   Well that first day and week for that matter was mostly just getting to know the Profs and stuff like that. After class got out for the day, a group of us were wondering if we needed to stick around for chapel in an hour. Well it turned out we didn't so 4-5 of us went out and had coffee. I think we spent about an hour or so there. It was fun. Just so you know, the group included the girl who I had really just met that morning. Anyhow, the whole next week was similar in that I was trying to get used to everything and get to know the Profs. The next real interesting thing happened Tuesday. I have Psychology on Tuesdays. Well, I forget about the 3^rd classroom in another part of the building. I though that maybe the class has been renamed or something like that. So, I wrote my name in on the wrong list, but I crossed it out when I realized I just forgot about the other classroom. So, that was the gist of my getting oriented to the college life.
   For part of September and a fair amount of October, I would hang around after class on Tuesdays and occasionally Thursdays. Take a guess what I was doing. If you guessed chatting with that girl, you'd be right. We spent a fair amount of time together just enjoying the company as far as I was concerned. Since mid October though, we haven't done that nearly as frequent as we once did, which I'm fine with. I mean we have our own lives which if our daily paths cross that's cool and if they don't that's fine too. One thing I can say though, when we first started not chatting as much it drove me nuts. I felt as if not only this friendship but another very close one were being either pulled away from me or losing their closeness. It hurt feeling that. I'll be honest. I don't like the idea of losing friends very much at all. I don't mind moving on if we just go in different directions but this was a challenge for me. Especially with that one friendship that was really close. This one was with a girl I had met via CGR. We had started IM'ing each other about how another person was doing and soon it became a friendship. Over this past year, our friendship has moved from a normal friendship to a brother and sister relationship because in essence we are. In Jesus, we are brother and sister. This friendship became important to me because I felt I needed to just be a big brother even though she's older than me. By big brother I mean, be a friend, listen whenever needed, always be open to talking, and just other things along those lines. I felt it my job to come along side her and when she falls or struggles, pick her up and walk along life's road together. King Solomon mentioned in the proverbs that two are better than one. If one falls the other can pick him up, but pity the man who falls and has no one to help him up. So when I felt this friendship slipping that also hurt. So, I emailed her about that. I hadn't heard from her in probably close to a month on how things were going in her life. Well I got an email back a few days later. As I read through that letter oddly enough, it was like a breath of fresh air. I'm still not entirely sure why but when she said there were some things she didn't want to and couldn't deal with because she was scared, well, that was comparable to being told that I'm still very much needed to continue what I had been doing. So, that brings us to the present on this one. I still don't hear from her much, but you know that's fine. Why? Because I'm not in this for me, meaning I'm not in this friendship to get something out of it. On the contrary, I'm in this to give what I can to help make life better for her as best I can. Even though thousands of miles separate us and we probably will never be able to meet in person, I still am in this to give, not get. You know one thing mom and I talked about this afternoon (Sunday, December 8, 2002) was spiritual gifts. Well one that we came up with as possibly a strong one of mine is encouragement. In essence that's what you could call what I'm doing with her. Still it's been good because I've learned how to care and be open. There are things I tell her that I don't tell anyone else for a while. I tell her what I'm going through, and what I'm struggling with, things that even mom and dad don't know about until later. Including an issue I'm really having to fight with now.
     That issue is whether or not a "crush" is the real thing or not. What is making it hard is the fact that I've never had to work this hard to tell myself to do something. It's difficult because part of me is wondering if she is "the one" and yet the other more logical part is saying "maybe, but let God deal with it and get on with life." Which is the answer I want to happen. Well now it looks like I might need to do that, cause there is the possibility that she may like someone else. Which is fine cause maybe he's better for her than I would be, who knows. Up until last week I thought there might be a chance for me, now well, that chance is much less now. Anything's possible but probably not likely. So now, I need to move on with life, which is a hard but necessary part of growing up. Back to my close friend who I tell things like this too, she has been helping me in this so I am getting something back, though I'm not looking for that. It's nice to get a different perspective on something when I'm too close to it to really see things clearly. It's like another voice telling me what I already know, that it's time to move on. So I'm trying. It may take a little bit but I'm trying. Whatever the case, I want God's will to be done.

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