Milk Man...
A man goes into his son's room to wish him goodnight. His son is
having a nightmare - the man wakes him and asks his son if he is
OK? The son replies he is scared because he dreamt that Auntie
Susie had died. The father assures the son that Auntie Susie is
fine and sends him to bed.
The next day, Auntie Susie dies.
One week later, the man again goes into his son's room to wish
him goodnight. His son is having another nightmare - the man
again wakes his son. The son this time says that he had dreamt
that granddaddy had died. The father assures the son that
granddaddy is fine and sends him to bed.
The next day, granddaddy dies.
One week later, the man again goes into his son's room to wish
him goodnight. His son is having another nightmare - the man
again wakes his son. The son this time says that he had dreamt
that daddy had died. The father assures the son that he is OK
and sends the boy to bed.
The man goes to bed but cannot sleep because he is so terrified.
The next day, the man is scared for his life - he is sure is
going to die. After dressing he drives very cautiously to work
fearful of a collision. He doesn't eat lunch because he is
scared of food poisoning. He avoids everyone for he is sure he
will somehow be killed. He jumps at every noise, starts at
every movement and hides under his desk for saftey.
Upon walking in his front door, he finds his wife. "Good God,
Dear," he proclaims, "I've just had the worst day of my entire
life!"
She responds, "You think your day was bad, the milkman dropped
dead on the doorstep this morning".
Math Question...
Little Johnny was sitting in class doing math problems when his
teacher picked him to answer a question. "Johnny, if there were
five birds sitting on a fence and you shot one with your gun how
many would be left." "None," replied Johnny, "'cause the rest
would fly away." "Well the answer is four," said the
teacher, "but I like the way you're thinking." Little Johnny
says, "I have a question for you now. If there were three women
eating ice cream cones in a shop, one was licking her cone, the
second was biting the cone and the third was sucking the cone,
which one is married?" "Well," said the teacher nervously, "I
guess the one sucking the cone?" "No," said Little Johnny, "the
one with the wedding ring on her finger, but I like the way
you're thinking."
At the Doctors..
A woman accompanied her husband to the doctor's office. After his
checkup, the doctor called the wife into his office alone. He
said, "Your husband is suffering from a very severe disease
combined with horrible stress. If you don't do the following,
your husband will surely die: Each morning, fix him a healthy
breakfast. Be pleasant, make sure he is in a good mood. For
lunch make him a nutritious meal he can take to work. And for
dinner, prepare an especially nice meal for him. Don't burden
him with chores, as this could further his stress. Don't
discuss your problems with him; it will only make his stress
worse. Try to relax your husband in the evening by wearing
lingerie and giving him plenty of back rubs. Encourage him to
watch some type of team sporting event on television. And, most
importantly make love with your husband several times a week and
satisfy his every whim. If you can do this for the next 10
months to a year, I think your husband will regain his health
completely."
On the way home, the husband asked his wife, "What did the
doctor say?"
"You're going to die," she replied.
One Wish...
A man was walking along the beach in California and
found a bottle. When he opened it a genie appeared. The genie
said, "For your kindness, I will grant you
one wish, but only one."
The man thought for a minute and said, "I have always
wanted to go to Hawaii but have never been able to
because I'm afraid of flying and ships make me
claustrophobic and ill. So I wish for a freeway to be
built from here to Hawaii".
The genie thought for a few minutes and said, "No, I
don't think I can do that. Just think of all the work
involved with the pilings needed to hold up the highway
and how deep they would have to be to reach the bottom
of the ocean. Think of all that pavement that would be
needed, the ecology that would be disturbed. I am
afraid sir, that is just too much to ask."
The man agreed and thought for a minute and said,
"There is one other thing that I have always wanted. I
would like to be able to understand women. What makes
them laugh and cry, why they are so temperamental, why
they are so difficult to get along with and what makes
them trick?"
The genie thought for a minute and said, "Do you want
that highway with two lanes or four?"
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