Last night I played a blank tape at full blast. The mime next door went nuts. If a person with multiple personalities threatens suicide, is that considered a hostage situation? Just think how much deeper the ocean would be if sponges didn't live there. If a cow laughed, would milk come out her nose? Whatever happened to preparations A through G? If olive oil comes from olives, where does baby oil come from? I went for a walk last night and my kids asked me how long I'd be gone. I said, "The whole time." So what's the speed of dark? How come you don't ever hear about gruntled employees? And who has been dis-ing them anyhow? After eating, do amphibians need to wait an hour before getting OUT of the water? Why don't they just make mouse-flavoured cat food? If you're sending someone some Styrofoam, what do you pack it in? I just got skylights put in my place. The people who live above me are furious. Why do they sterilize needles for lethal injections? Do they have reserved parking for non-handicapped people at the Special Olympics? Is it true that cannibals don't eat clowns because they taste funny? When a man talks dirty to a woman, it's sexual harassment. When a woman talks dirty to a man, it's $3.95 per minute. If it's tourist season, why can't we shoot them? Isn't Disney World a people trap operated by a mouse? Whose cruel idea was it for the word "lisp" to have an "s" in it?