With summer just around the corner,
it's time to start thinking of ways
to express just how hot it really is.
It's so hot ...
I passed a Greyhound bus this morning and the dog was
sitting on the inside, drinking a glass of iced tea.
Fish are swimming down the Chattahoochee River kicking up dust.
Jesus said to the world, you better get right by me, because hell's hotter.
I was walking in the park and I saw two trees fighting over one dog.
The heatsicles are hanging from the eaves.
Lawyers have stopped chasing ambulances.
My brain is too fried to think of anything.
The lizards are running two feet off the ground.
I saw a mockingbird using a potholder to pull worms
out of the ground.
They are spraying the catfish for ticks.
Even the birds are looking for cheaper,
cooler airfare.
You could recharge a light bulb outside.
I saw a flock of Canadian geese attack an ice truck.
You can walk outside to curl your eyelashes.
I was plowing my corn the other day, the corn started poppin', my mule thought it was snowing and froze to death in the middle of July.
My dogs are boiling (not barking). My sweat is sweating. My lemons need aide.
The tongues in the delicatessen window are screaming: seltzer!
Seltzer! Seltzer!
Source: readers of the Columbus (GA) Ledger-Enquirer, 30 July 1999