1) Plays chess to pass time in the bathroom.
2) Asks all new acquaintances early on if they play chess.
3) Asks chess players "What's your rating?"
4) Directly walks to the games/chess section in any bookstore.
5) Reads rec.games.chess religiously.
6) Looks at a newspaper's chess column before any other section.
7) Owns more chess books/mags than any other category of books/mags.
8) Looks at any checkered material and sees a chessboard.
9) Has more chess-related programs on his PC than any other type of
   program.
10) Always has a board and pieces at hand. (In office or backpack.)
11) Uses distinction between chess and checkers to illustrate J.S. Mill's 
    hierarchy of pleasures when teaching Political Theory.
12) Replies to posts about chess addicts.
11) Has first born child named Fritz/Judit/Bobby/ . . .
12) Has more chess clocks than watches.
13) Thinks "the olympics" are every two years.
14) Performs the calculation of 8 x 8 faster than 7 x 7.
15) Becomes scared for one second when the cashier says: "Check?"
16) Looking at a movie, when the murderer and the detective are
    playing chess, pays more attention to the game.
17) Asked about that movie, complains:
    "White square should have been in the right bottom corner."
18) Names dog or cat Chess.
19) Calls his home a castle or some other fancy Chess name.
20) Has a personalised letterhead with a Chess motif.
21) Keeps nagging the wife: "I want to mate you."
22) Makes friends hate him by always asking "Want to play a quick game?"
23) Quickly drops everything and spins around when someone says, "Hi Bobby!"
24) Sits in a room with desks and figures out how many classmates he could 
    take out if he moved like a knight.
25) Scoffs at any game that isn't played on a square (and even at most 
    that are.)
26) Doesn't like looking at a keyboard because the keys aren't in files.
27) Tries to do everything blindfolded.
28) Decorates his child's nursery in black and white squares "just 
    in case."
29) Likens every political, social, and economical struggle to the '72 
    World Championship.
30) Has 2,600,000 games in his master ChessBase file.
31) Subscribes to 142 chess magazines all over the world.
32) Plays tournaments 7 days a week.
33) Cringes in distaste whenever he sees someone using the animated,
    3-D mode of BattleChess.
34) Has twelve different interface programs for connecting to ICS.
35) Ends letters with "P.S  1.e4" hoping to provoke a game through mail.
36) Asks women if they play chess on first date.
37) Has chessboard cufflinks & tie clip.
38) Looks for the chess club whenever visiting a new city.
39) Is disturbed when he sees the Pope is on television and he is not
    walking diagonally.
40) Wonders if Leonard Nimoy can _really_ play.