Ralph Quotes

Ralph Wiggum has long tortured those daring enough to unravel the secrets of his wisdom with the exquisite logic of his dissertations on beauty, form, and the many mysteries and meanings of life. Here are a few excerpts from the vast vault of enlightenment that Ralph so rarely permits others to glimpse.
Ralph on His Diet
I ate my crayons.

I ate my caps *SNAP* ow!

I ate too much plastic candy.

Can you cook my food? My parents aren't around, and I'm not allowed to touch the stove.

My worm went in my mouth and then I ate it can I have a new one?

Oh, Daddy, this tastes like Grandma.

Ralph Holds Nothing Back
I love Lisa Simpson, and I'm going to marry her.

Principal Skinner and Missus Crabapple were in the closet making babies, and I saw the babies, and then one of the babies looked at me.

So, the doctor says I wouldn't have so many nosebleeds if I kept my finger outta there.

My daddy shoots people.

Ralph on the World Around Him
Ms. Hoover, the floor is shaking.

My cat's breath smells like catfood.

Teacher...my shoes are making noise.

Hi Lisa, hi supernintendo Chalmers...I'm learnding.

Self Exploration by Ralph
My daddy says I have to wear rubber pajamas 'till I learn better.

I'm scared, Daddy. Too scared to even wet my pants.

Lisa's bad dancing makes my feet sad.

Ms. Hoover, I glued my head to my shoulder. Heh, heh...heh.

Ralph Probes the Depths of Others' Souls
Do you like...stuff?

I heard your dad went in a restaurant, and ate all the food in the restaurant, and they had to close the restaurant.

Back to My Quotes to Live By
Quotes By Ralph's Friend and Mentor, J. Danforth Quayle (Just Kidding)
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