Chapter Seven
‘Without
a home’
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'It’s that
night again' she realized, when she placed her hand on the doorknob.
Why was she
here again? Wasn’t the torture of the life she had lived enough for her conscious
mind to bare? Did she have to be reminded of the past in her most private
moments? She couldn’t sleep, she never could, but that wasn’t the point. The
point was that she was still doing it all exactly as it happened. She couldn’t
stop herself and she didn’t even want to.
She pushed the door open and looked inside the grey room painted blue by the
shadows that lurked everywhere. She tried to watch her steps, like she always
did when it turned dark. It felt weird to think that the place she revisited
nearly every month was the only place she could call home. The thought was
distressing, since so much evil had been done there.
The carpet under her bare feet was expensive, done handmade probably in
There would be no more warnings or fool’s kindness that always lead to mercy,
no more useless attempts to struggle. This time she wouldn’t hold back. She’d
crouched and was now moving forward slowly, ready to dodge any attack by
sliding down on her knees and using the acquired item on her hand. Angela
admitted that she’d had a lot practise during these years.
She’d grown hard on the outside, while on the inside she still felt it all.
Another door blocked her way to the big living room, which she was headed to.
She moved against the wall waiting for a second as she needed to listen. There
was no sound at all. Everything was going according to her plan which made her
face melt in to a cold smile. She opened the next door slowly and looked into
the next room on her way.
Angela moved in with a soundless pace and she went straight to the bar table.
Near it there was a bar cabin, which she’d learned to open. After making sure
that there was still no one in sight, she hit the cabin triggering a system
that opened up the lock that had held her away for so long. So now it was
open. She reached out to look inside.
Her hand went into the darkness and she searched for the one thing that could
save her: His gun. Anger came first, then disappointment and rage. She couldn’t
find it! It wasn’t fucking there! Angela pulled back and started breathing
louder. She bit her lip to bleed, but it didn’t matter. When had this happened?
When had he taken the gun out? She backed away and hid behind the cabin, when
the lights of the BMW lit first the hall and then the room she hid in. The
devil had arrived…
Angela held the coal poker against her chest and prayed silently. Her back was
burning again. Some scars never heal. When the car lights went dead, she
was finally able to move. She made her way to the door and escaped into a
different room to think this all through again. She didn’t get the gun and now
he was coming. There were no options, because she’d gone so far already. She’d
have to make it out with the coal poker as her only weapon.
Courage Angela, she tried to calmed down and sucked her lip dry from all
blood. Courage. Now she turned to take a look at the kitchen. She could
get a knife if she wanted… The voices coming from the outside told her
otherwise. There was no time, because after he would’ve stepped in there was no
going out. The coal poker would have to do.
Foot steps grew nearer and nearer every second. She ran to the door, hit her
body against the wall and kept the weapon in her hands. Her heart was pounding
like hell. Only one shot at succeeding in this… Too bad it looked like she was
gaining nothing, but new scars and bruises. She gave her last pray as the
footsteps reached the door.
The world went in slow motion, when the key began to turn in the lock. Her
sweaty hands held the weapon like her life depended on it. Actually it did. The
door opened and he took his first steps to get in. She sensed him clearly now,
smelled the aftershave she’d learned to recognize. Then he was already inside
and starting to lock the door, when she finally attacked. The coal poker hit
his back.
Angela saw him fly against the wall, but she was too slow to act before he hit
her face and grabbed the coal poker taking it from her. The weapon she’d
depended on fell on the ground and he gave her face another strong punch that
could’ve easily taken her down if she’d been any more unprepared. You’re not so
easily beaten, when you just have a goal that you’ve been aiming at for years.
He thought she was down, but instead she’d just moved to a better position. She
was definitely awake, when she kicked him in the crotch and threw him against
the wall with all the body strength she had gained since their last match. He
hadn’t been expecting anything like this and maybe that’s why the blow had
slowed him up enough for her to squat and grab the coal poker.
“Die!” She shouted so hard that it hurt her throat and hit him once, twice
forcing him to fall down. The last blow was towards his head and it took him
down covering the poker in blood. He’d lost consciousness. She could do nothing
but breathe for a moment. The she threw the coal poker away and squatted next
to him starting up a search that went through out his whole body.
The golden key to her cage was found in his back pocket. She also emptied all
the cash he had in his wallet. Then it was time to run. Angela got up and put
the money in her pockets. The worn down leatherjacket covered her up enough for
to move in public. She was still missing shoes, so she stole the first ones she
found in the closet that was placed right near them. Her eyes were placed upon
the the door.
She ran to it and pushed it open. Thank God he hadn’t had time to lock it up,
she though as she ran through the garden in the middle of the driveway. The key
was within her fist that she’d closed up protectively. The route to the gate
seemed just as long as always. She knew by now that the gate could not be
crossed by climbing over it. She also knew that digging a tunnel under it was
just as ineffective. Her thumb felt her fingers by instant as she remembered
her former attempts to escape. Broken bones, broken fingers, so she’d be wise
enough not to try and dig a tunnel ever again.
The gate was still standing there in front of her. It had been in the way of
her and the world for six years now, but no more. Angela stopped running and
she grabbed the steel bars with her hands. Her eyes found the lock and the key
she placed in fit perfectly. A grin of relief freed her face and broke into a
smile of genuine joy. She opened the gate and walked to the other side.
She was free.
-
It was morning
and she found herself lying on the bed. He was gone, she realized in horror.
Why was he gone? She'd thought... What had she thought? She'd slept the night
in the arms of a stranger, feeling more secure than she’d felt in ages. Maybe
she had wanted him to stay, to open her up, so that she could finally feel
something, when another person touched her.
“Ben…?” She tried asking, though she knew that he wasn’t there. Her experiences
in life had made her quite aware of the people around her. Too bad she was
nearly obsessed with it. Too bad she was feeling bad about the things she’d
said to him. He’d just made her feel so special.
Angela dragged herself to the bathroom and tried to wash her worries away with
a hot shower. It only made her feel worse as the scars started to ache from the
touch of the hot water. At this point she probably should’ve taken a cold one,
because he was still in her head. Those hazel eyes and suffering essence were
really drilling a hole inside her. It was a good thing that she hadn’t seen him
brooding, because that just would’ve melted the ice.
“Why do I have to be so emotionally retard?” Angela asked herself after she
turned the water off. The answer was clear; a girl who sleeps with a knife,
just isn’t the most ideal girlfriend. Many men like to actually be able to
touch the woman they love. Would there ever be anyone else, except the cold
shadow of him in her dreams? Probably not.
She wrapped herself inside a towel and walked out. With a single push of a
button, the TV was open and she was already examining the only closet in the
room. To her own pleasure Angela found a bathrobe that was about her size.
Quickly she threw the towel away and put the robe on. It felt nice and comfy.
She gave a sad look towards the door. No use trying to run around the city and
look for him. He wasn’t that important…
After a sad sigh, she jumped on the bed and started swapping between channels.
There was nothing good on as usual. Channel 10 was broadcasting some kind of
document about the pre-pulse world, but Angela didn’t take interest. Like
anything had been better then anyways. She gave another look at the door. Wonder
what time he left? Wonder if he pressed his lips against her forehead to say
goodbye?
“You are a god damn dickhead, just like the rest of them… damn you Ben.” She
mumbled as the TV show on channel 5 seemed to have something interesting to
offer. Then suddenly the TV set went nuts and she realized that the program
changed into an Eyes Only’ video bulletin. Angela gave the tv a mean eye and
tried to change the channel. Too bad, that the crap had to show from every
channel. Angel threw the remote away and buried her head in her hands.
“Do not attempt to adjust your set. This is a Streaming Freedom Video bulletin.
The cable hack will last exactly 60 seconds. It cannot be traced, it cannot be
stopped and it is the only free voice left in the city.” The familiar voice
said and she wondered if he’d ever be able to catch anyone else except some
lowlifes that had no other way of surviving except the world of crime? There
were more dangerous people on the planet than the small men who did all the
dirty work. There were men above the food chain. Men who could do anything they
wanted… or anyone.
“… it is important that this man is brought to justice…” Angela stared at the
picture of some guy in an expensive tuxedo. Wasn’t such a big surprise that the
man had to be loaded with cash and connections, she thought. Eyes Only wouldn’t
probably live another day after his broadcast. Some how she found herself
pleased. Wouldn’t do much harm to the world to get rid of this idiot who
spreading false hope to them all.
That’s when somebody knocked on the door. Angela’s head turned and the cable
hack ended returning the tv to its former self. She got up as the door was
knocked again with an anxious touch. Angela took a look at her bag before she
decided to go to the door without weapons.
They couldn’t know where she was,
so it had to be the guy from downstairs, behind the reception desk. She
opened the door cooling her thoughts, but nothing had prepared her for this.
Ben stood there in front of her grinning all pleased. The grin widened into a
smirk as he walked past her, back to the room. Angela was about to say
something, but she just couldn’t. He was back.
Angela closed the door and when she turned around she just stared at him. Ben
was taking stuff out of a paper bag in no hurry, but he sensed her stare.
Something inside of her wanted to hug him, but she didn’t dare. So much for
the noble knight thing, she thought feeling powerless. Then the anger
kicked in: So much for the halo above his head, said a more cynical
voice. Angela found herself blushing, when she remembered her earlier thoughts
about him.
Her eyes went through the stuff he’d taken from the paper bag. She even calmed
up a bit when she realized that he’d brought her… breakfast? “Morning…” Ben
said softly and walked up to her. They shared another look that she felt in her
stomach. Damn this guy was annoying! No one had ever brought her breakfast! How
was she supposed to throw him out now?
“I brought you breakfast.” Ben noticed that he was a bit tied up as well. The
whole thing brought a bright smile on his lips. It was all just so
unbelievable: He’d just brought breakfast to a girl he met in church yesterday.
That was a whole lot more than he’d done to most of his lovers. Actually now
that he thought of it, it was disturbing.
All the things going around their heads seemed stupid at the moment. Angela
just couldn’t figure out how to react. Ben was lost, because she seemed so
confused about the whole thing. “Are we going to eat?” She finally asked and
walked to the table sitting down. Ben sighed in relief and followed her soon
after. It wasn’t exactly the family breakfast done by the handbook, but
everything felt so normal that it was almost scaring.
Ben had brought her nearly everything you could eat in the morning. He’d had
fruit: grapes and bananas. Then there was serial and milk and he’d found real
cocoa somewhere, which definitely surprised her. There was dark bread, cheese
and ham to put on it. Butter he hadn’t brought, because that was the point
where he had been running out of money, but he had desert: strawberry yogurt.
Angela looked charmed when her eyes went through everything. Ben was about to
say something about eating, when she started grabbing food on her plate. At
least she has appetite, he thought and his voice sounded very amused to his
ears. Then Ben began to eat for himself, since he’d grown hungry as well during
the two hour hunt he’d performed to gather the breakfast. Quite the performance
in this messed up nation.
Neither of them spoke while they ate, yet they both tried to convince
themselves that the breakfast didn’t have any hidden meaning. They weren’t
getting engaged or anything, they just ate together. Though all the convincing
sounded real enough, neither Angela or Ben could say that they were happy to
end the silence since it had been their only cover.
“Angela…” He started and she lifted her head. They both waited vulnerable,
scared. Then she barfed. Ben couldn’t help the laughter that came out of his
mouth. Even Angela showed a smiling face, but she ended it and turned on a
vicious look when she hit Ben’s arm. “Not funny…” she mumbled between her lips.
Poor Ben just didn’t know when to stop and poor Angela was too full of pride,
so she got up and walked to him. Then she started to tickle the poor boy to
make him stop. Bad choice of methods of course since he just couldn’t stop.
Then Ben grabbed her and pulled close so she’d stop. Unfortunately her weight
was enough to knock his chair down and they both fell over each other. Somehow
Angela ended up under him and once they got up their eyes met. She felt so
soft, he thought with his hands under her shoulders. Tension built up inside of
her again and she was breathing fast trying to control the beating of her heart
that way. Didn’t work.
Angela escaped again and Ben let her. He felt so stupid for letting things go
so far, so stupid and… strange. Why
couldn’t it be just heat? Things would be so simple if it was
just normal lust he had, but no. He had to different, he had to bring her
breakfast and he had to tempt her. Ben sat down on the bed next to her. This
was a damn stupid point to
develop a conscience.
“Sorry…” his words were true. He’d never want to harm her. He’d never felt
anything like this. Angela turned to her. “Thanks for the breakfast.” She said
before she walked into the bathroom. “I’m going to go change and if you’re
still there when I get back…” she didn’t even bother to finish the sentence.
Ben knew exactly what she wanted. Too bad she wasn’t getting rid of him so
fast; he thought and made himself comfortable.
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