When Lonely-Heart is alone at her castle one evening, she Ponders the Past. She wonders if walking along her Path of Romantic Failures will help her to see the Mistakes that she has made before, and find a way to avoid Repeating History.
1. Twisted-Mind. He is a lovely man who Lonely-Heart adored during her Teens and Tweens. He lives an Alternate Lifestyle, unable to decide whether to date Woman or Men, the two of them could never be on the Same Page at the Same Time.
2. Mama�s-Boy. He also lived in AC/DC Land, but leaned more towards the Masculine Love.
3. Manic-Man. They had begun to talk of Dating, but having not partaken of his Meds one day, Manic-Man Went Off on her during a phone call. Screaming that he didn�t want anything to do with her, saying not to speak his name, or visit him, or come to his Grave after he died, Manic-Man slammed the receiver into the cradle. Years later, he Died by His Own Hand, and Lonely-Heart has never been to the Cemetery.
4. Prison-Preacher. He is a Single Christian who became a member of her House of Worship several years ago. Much younger than Lonely-Heart, they became good friends. A few years ago, Prison-Preacher married a lovely girl named Cleaning-Lady and soon added Right-Hander, their handsome son to their family. His sister-in-law, Meek-and-Mild is living with them in a very cozy castle on A Family Compound.
5. Hunter-Guy, who is also a Fellow Christian. He is one of the few Paired-Ones that found a Mate online. For a short time Lonely-Heart tried to build a relationship with him, but they both found out they were better off as friends. Now he is married to Square-Jaw, and they seem to be very happy.
6. The Jerk. The details have been written in the previous chapter.
7. Lean-Wopper. He is yet another Fellow Christian at her House of Worship. Also being younger than Lonely-Heart, and unable to best her in a Match-Game of Sarcasm, they settled into a wary friendship. He met and married a Roaming-Evangelist�s daughter named Mountain-Girl, and they are living in a small castle in The Land Where the Sunshine is Piped-In, with her brother Traveling-Minstral.
(Update: This entire Tribe has moved to the Peach State. Traveling-Minstral has married and had a son, and LW and MG are expecting a baby girl. 4-13-07)
8. Irish-Perv. He was the first Online Contact that Lonely-Heart made when she was just starting on her Quest for Love. He wanted her to View his WebCam while he was nekkid. Ewwwwwwwww.
9. Online Dr. Spanker. He only wanted to Talk about Spanking for Pleasure and Punishment. Ouch.
10. Online Trolls Located in The Dark Continent Who Need Money to Come Home to the States. There were dozens of these fellows who contacted Lonely-Heart, Professing Adoration of her Plus-sized Body, but in reality were only trying to Run a Money Scam on her. The clues that gave these Trolls away was the fact that English didn�t appear to be their first language, and not knowing what a Passport was.
11. Staring-Man. He contacted Lonely-Heart through her original Personals Ad. Being a Large-Boned Man, he said he was very attracted to Lonely-Heart. After chatting with him, and speaking on the phone, Lonely-Heart arranged to meet him at the Mall of Yellow, in the Court of Food one afternoon, since he lived close by. When they met all he did was Stare at her. He seemed unable to speak in coherent sentences. Then he just got up from the table and walked away. Lonely-Heart waited for him, but he never returned to the Court of Food. Miffed, she realized she had been Ditched and left. Staring-Man called her cell phone apologizing and they arranged to meet again the next evening. Lonely-Heart took along Lady of the Cane this time. The two of them, along with Tall-and-Slim and Gangly-Runner, traveled a short distance to eat at a House of Ryan�s with him. The group had a pleasant meal and parted on good terms. A few days later, Staring-Man proposed a Weekend Get-Away with her and promising to do nothing but Cuddle. Yeah, right! Another one Bites the Dust.
12. Plumber-Dude. He is a Fellow Christian at her House of Worship, who flirts with her sometimes, but doesn�t seem to want to take any Next Steps. Lonely-Heart has decided to remain friends with him.
Hoping that Single-Parent is not turning into Mistake number thirteen, Lonely-Heart waits to hear from him�..