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bing ba da boom

I sat on the couch and looked out from window. I wondered what was afternoon in AJ's opinion. It was 2 p.m. and I was starving. I couldn't order any food to the room 'cause no one really knew I was there. Or no one should know. I thought about going downstairs to hotel's restaurant but I wanted to see AJ as soon he'd come.

So I put the TV on, tried to find something to watch and leaned back.

One romantic comedy later my cell phone rang.
-What do you want to eat?
-Good, it's you! I'm soon fainting. I'd eat anything.
-Me?
-Including you. After the real dinner thou, I'm too weak right now.
AJ laughed. -But what about Chinese?
-Yeah, sure.
-Umm... One more thing. The Boys want to dine together.
-Where, what, when?
-In Nick's room, in 10 minutes. We'll have all the foods with us. I'll pick you up in a minute.
-You're not doing this to me!
-It'll be just fine. I'm there too.
-OK. I give up. See you soon.

I was amazed. I thought we could have spent warm and wild afternoon in bed, first eating and then... You know what I was thinking. But now I'd have to deal with all of them, including wives and babies. This was worst that meeting the parents!

Finally it turned all right. Howie hugged me once we met which made AJ act like a jealous husband. After that all the boys surrounded me with kisses and hugs and didn't let AJ even see me. It was so fun!
-It's good to see at least some girl really eating, Kevin said later.
I felt embarrassed.
-My wife eats nothing but carrots.
-No I do not! Kristin protested.
-But I've ate last time last nigh like 2 am.
I wanted to stand up for me.
-It's OK, Kev said. -I didn't mean to judge you. I'm glad that you're enjoying the meal.
-Yes this is very good.
-Don't eat too much, Nick reminded. -It'll make you too tired to eat more.
-OK, AJ said. -Stop teasing her and let her eat. More?
AJ offered me rice.
-No thanks. I'm fine with this.
-Are you sure?
-Certainly. Nick really has a point there.
I smiled to Nick and his stunned face.
-So you can say it aloud but I can't? Sexual racism, I'll sue you!
-You know, Howie said after few second's silence. -I think she'll fit in all right. Girl, you can be naughty!
-You haven't seen nothing yet.
Then Brian opened his mouth almost for the first time.
-I'm sorry we teased you. We're just worried of AJ.
-AJ. You're lucky to have friends like this. But you all know that Alex has to make his own mistakes. So do I. None of us knows if this is going to work. But I love this man. I really do love him. And bringing me here makes me pretty sure that I'm not just some quick lay for him. AJ?
-You're not.
-I told you! Nick yelled. -They've already made it.
-NICK! AJ almost lost his temper. I laughed and AJ looked at me.
-Actually we haven't. But I'm sure you'll know when we have. 'Cause I wont let him out of bed. If he's any good I mean. And if he's bad... I'll fly back home.
-Do we really have to talk about this? AJ asked.
-No, I answered. -We could go into your room.
-OK. Go! all the boys said.
-So... If you'll excuse us...
I took AJ's hand and pulled him with me. Right after closing the door I pushed him against the wall and kissed him with great intense. AJ sighed.
-You're a lady.
-And all yours. Shall we?
AJ opened the door and peaked into the hallway. That wing was closed from public but you can't ever be too careful. So AJ went first into the hallway and I followed him a little bit later. And in seconds I was in his arms.

We made out for a while and I was getting really excited. So I jumped up and looked at AJ.
-Are you sure we wanna do this?
-What do you mean?
-If this would be an average relationship, this would be our second date. And having sex on your second date...
-Could be a huge mistake, AJ added. -But ya remember, this is far from average. I've know you for months, we've shared our lives in almost every another way, so why not?
-I don't know. I still feel easy.
-Girl don't! You're not easy or cheap or anything like that. You are a woman I love. Now let me love you.
AJ pulled me back and I let him kiss me. His hands were touching my hips and if his touch burnt me earlier... now it was sweet warmness. Pure pleasure. And then he stopped.
-You know what?
I didn't so I was silent.
-I think we need to chill out a bit. Or at least I do so that I wont be too hasty.
-What are you talking about?
AJ stood up and took me into his arms.
-Darling, he said carrying me. -We'll take a cold shower now.

And in few seconds - no matter how hard I tried to fight - I was standing under the water with all my clothes on. AJ came on to me and we started to kiss again. It felt unbelievable! His warm lips and cool water. I felt that all my clothes have stucked to my skin.
AJ started to unbutton my shirt. I stood still and let him do that. Then he took his shirt off and I could see his tattoos. I teased him just little below the 69 and it made him totally wild. His hands and lips moved lower and I turned the water warmer and soon we were surrounded by steam...

Afterwards we were classically lying on the bed smoking. It took us a while to get there. You know, I'd had to dry AJ, inch by inch and then he did the same for me. And then we were rolling on the bathroom floor...
I felt very comfortable. More cozy that ever before after sex. AJ looked sleepy.
-Alex?
-Mmm...
-Are you gonna fall asleep?
-What? I thought we've done. You're quite a lady but I don't think I can...
-No that wasn't my point.
-Well, too bad. After a little nap I may be able to...
-I think we're done for now. We have our whole life ahead and you've proved to be worth waiting the next time.
-Cool.
-Men.
I rolled my eyes and killed my cigarette. The room was dim since the sun was setting.
-I don't feel any tired.
-It must be the first time! AJ said referring all my mail which I constantly was tired or just about to go to the bed. -But then what would you like to do?
-I don't know, I cuddled close to him. -Maybe stay here forever.
-OK. Let me just make sure that I got my alarm on for the morning.
-We're not gonna sleep!
-Just in case...
AJ reached to his cell phone.
-What? Eight new calls. Two new numbers: Howie and Nick. What the hell?
-Curious boys ain't they?
-Should I call them?
-If it's urgent they'll come to bang at your door. Thou they seem to do it anyway.
-Not tonight. This night is ours.
AJ gave me a kiss.
-But what about the future?
-What about it, I asked thou I'd rather stayed in that moment - forever.
-How long can you stay?
-I'll find out tomorrow.
-So we'll take one day at the time.
-We have these memories. They'll carry us when we are not together.
AJ came close to me. I fondled his hair.
-You know, no matter how long I hoped this would happen, still it's a miracle, he said. -But if this would have happened a year ago...
-We wouldn't be here now.
-Maybe, maybe not. I was terrified when you came in here. I thought that you'd be totally different than I think.
-Like fat and ugly...
-No not things like that. But you know, your humor, your mind, you in total.
-Well, I was scared too. That now when you'd finally meet me, you'd hate me.
-I don't. Now I'm brave enough to love you. Honey?
-Mmm?
-Can I call you that?
-Well... Let's see what else you can come up.
-ET. Alien.
-You bastard!
-Well, I like that one.
-Sure you do.
-I'm exhausted.
-I know.
-Can't we sleep?
-You mean sleep or sleep together?
-I mean sleep like two individuals in the same bed interlaced together.
-OK. Sweet dreams.
-My reality is one big dream. Good night.

-Are you sure you don't want to come with me?
It was morning and AJ was dressing. I lied on the bed snacking leftovers of our breakfast.
-I think I'd better arrange my work and all. Also I have to call to my sys and explain why I'm here.
-What are you gonna say?
-I'll make something up.
-OK. I gotta run.
AJ came to give me a kiss. I wanted to pull him back to bed but I knew that it would've been wrong. So I just messed his hair up.
-Thanks! If you need anything just call Mike. He knows who you are.
-Cool. Have an awesome day.
-I will.

I didn't get up right after AJ left. I watched the roof and tried to figure out what really had happened. Two weeks. What am I gonna tell to my sister? No one else was a problem, I could just e-mail to them and say... what?

So I got up and took my phone and went to sit on the couch with the calendar and started to call to my co-workers. After one hour I got all my shifts covered. All but one Sunday. So I'd have to travel back Helsinki to do that. Strange but true the travel would probably cost more that I could gain. But I couldn't afford losing my job. Then I called to my boss and explained the situation. I said something about my mom being sick and she was so sorry that I felt awful.
-No no, don't worry about that Sunday, we'll cover it. I do it myself if I have to. You just take it easy and come back when you're ready.

Wow, that was a relief. After that I wrote few e-mails. I felt awful also when I had to tell that I couldn't go see my godson as I'd promised. I thought about buying something nice to him, his sister and mother, who are all very special to me.

To Jo it was a lot easier to lie. Though we had been mailing 11/2 years we had never met. So I just told that I'll be in our cottage for next few weeks and couldn't check my mail. And then sister...
-Guess what?
-What?
-You're not gonna believe this. I met Ville last week and he said that they would be working in Stockholm and I came with them.
-What? You just got home from there.
-I know. That's why I wanted to come here again. I haven't probably told you but I've been cha tting with one girl from here. Last time I came to see her and I'll see her now again. I will hang out with the boys here for three days and then me and Annika, we go to visit her grandma. She lives somewhere near here, I don't know but...
-What about your job?
-I took care of that. And in case someone asks our mom is sick.
-OK. Are you really in Stockholm?
-I am. Do you want to speak with Ville?
-Oh no. Just say hi from me.
I covered the phone.
-Hey Ville, my sys says hi.
I waited for few seconds.
-He told me to say that they're gonna take good care of me. Oh shit, sorry, we gotta go. Guys wait me! I'll call you later. Bye!
I hanged up.
You wouldn't believe I hate lying would you? But even if AJ would have allowed me to tell the truth, I wouldn't have. Some day I will but not just yet.

-Hi Mike.
-Hello.
-Listen, it's me--
-Don't tell. What room are you in?
-742.
-Good. I'll come there in about 10 minutes.

I took a really quick shower and sat on the bed to wait. I was starving again. So Mike would come here? I had seen him for the few times. He was some sort of bodyguard, I really didn't know what I could even ask from him. Soon there was quiet knock on the door. I was on my way to open it when Mike already stepped in.
-I've got a key, he said and I started to laugh. How many people would say the same exact words? And would I always think of AJ?
But Mike was dead serious so I stopped laughing.
-Sorry, I just...
-We got all the keys.
I didn't know what to do so I sat back on the bed.
-So Mike, where do you want to take me?

So Mike drove me to the studio. We went by drive in so I could get something to eat. I sat there all afternoon watching boys working. And that's how it went for a week. AJ left early in the morning, I stayed in or went shopping with girls or looked after the baby so that Leighanne could get a nap. Then some time in the afternoon someone - usually Mike - took me to the studio and I stayed there until we all left back to the hotel. Sometimes we went somewhere to eat but usually we stayed in the hotel's restaurant in our private area having long dinners and great company. After that AJ and I went up to our room and enjoyed each other in many ways. Not just sex, we used to have long conversations about anything. Then we went to bed and slept until another day came. It was like heaven! But as we all know it can't stay like that forever.

We had four days, or nights, left when the boys decided to go clubbing again. So we went, all of us except Lil'Bri who was left tot the hotel with a nanny. I was a bit tired because we had stayed up late last night and in the morning my mom called so I couldn't get much of sleep. Thou AJ seemed OK, he had slept a lot less than me. But I didn't want to be a jackass so I tried to look fresh. The night was disaster.

-Hey who wants to dance? Nick hopped up and tried to get us with him.
-I'm just gonna sit here, you go ahead, I said and showed my full glass.
-Girl, camoon now!
I laughed to Nick 'cause he looked so pathetic when begging.
-OK, I'll come. But you'll have to hold me up because I'm not sure if my legs are gonna carry me.

I hadn't eaten much so I was getting drunk. But I let Nick to lead me to the dance floor. Just when we got there I noticed that AJ was still sitting in the table with the rest.
-What's matter with them? I asked Nick. -Don't they wanna have fun?
-Don't mind them. Let's just dance.
And so we did. DJ was playing great music and Nick had cool choreographs. We danced for a very long time, I can't say exactly because I seemed to lost my track of time. I looked into the table and AJ was yawning.
-Should we go? I asked Nick and pointed at our table. I started to walk but I stumbled. Nick was right there beside me grabbing my arm.
-Are you OK?
-Yeah. I think that... that tile came up and grabbed me!
I laughed and even I could hear how horrible it sounded.
-Just take me there so I can sit down.
But when we got back I noticed that AJ and Howie were missing.
-Where are they? I asked but no one knew. Nick was in the bar getting more drinks and I thought I'd go look for them. Mike tried to stop me.
-I'm no one! Take care of them who you're supposed to. Or can you tell me where AJ is? Mike shaked his head and let me go.

I wondered all around the club but couldn't find them so I headed back. And there they were, easy and relaxed. I could feel how I got angry.
-Where the hell have you been? I yelled.
AJ stood up.
-Let's not make a scene in here, AJ said with a very calm voice. -Mike, let's go.

No matter how drunk I was I let them lead me out of the club. Driving back to the hotel was hell. Everyone sat silent. I kept looking out from window even if it made me almost sick.

AJ didn't say anything even after we got back to our room. He ripped his clothes off and went to bed. I laid my purse next to him but wouldn't sit down.
-So? I asked.
-So what?
-Where were you?
-Just hanging around.
-That's all?
-That's all.
I could feel how I was getting angry again. It wasn't any reasonable anymore but I didn't care.
-You could have told me!
-You seemed busy.
-OK. If that's your attitude...
-My attitude? AJ sounded angry. -I didn't get drunk and get us home too early.
-So now it's all my fault?
-It's no one's fault.
Now he sounded irritant.
-You know what? I'm out of here. One more thing: You could've told me that I was just fuck in Stockholm!
I took my purse and got out of the room before he even had a chance to react. But he didn't follow me.

I run for few meters but stumbled again and fell on the floor. I was suddenly grateful for that wing being closed from public. And anyway it was past midnight.

But I couldn't move so I just sat there and cried. Then suddenly I heard foot steps. Some one was coming. I got up and grabbed my purse tighter. In that bag were all I would need to get home, my phone, my keys and my money. And I had decided to go home. Who ever was coming, probably Mike, after he's gone I could be too.

I almost got crying again but I swallowed my tears. And then someone turned into the hall I was in. It was Kevin.
-Hey E. What are you doing here?
I didn't answer but when he got closer he saw my dirty, tear dropped face.
-E. What is it?
-I'm going home.
That was all I could say without bursting into total tears.
-What? Why? At this hour? What does AJ say?
-He couldn't care less.
-OK. Let's sit down.
Kevin led me to the window and we sat on the still.
-Now tell me what's wrong.
-I don't know! It's been great, these days here but now... In our room, there's AJ I don't know. I just wanna go home!
-After one fight?
-I hate to think that. You know, life without AJ. I could easily walk away from all this, hotels, bodyguards, reporters... But thinking that I wouldn't ever see him again... It kills me! Not to wake up with him, not be able to touch him, listen him while he whispers dirty words... But how can I stay?
-What does AJ think about this?
-I told him I'm gonna go. He didn't stop me. I'm just some fling for him.
-That's the thing. You're not.
Kevin looked thoughtful.
-Let me tell you something. Last winter we were at Howie's club and AJ met this beautiful lady. She was pretty and sophisticated and you could see how well they got along. And that's not usual. That's why it's a big deal. Always. Then and now. And then AJ took that lady to dance and she started to dance with Nick who had no idea that she and AJ had something early state thing going on. So they, she and Nick, ended up dancing just together. AJ went to bar, got drunk and broke one pool table on his way.
-What are you trying to say? I was not drunk but too tired to get him.
-He's afraid of losing you.
-What?
-AJ got mad and Howie took him to cool off.
-Why didn't he say anything?
-It's a big thing to discuss as early as you are.
-But I wouldn't ever let AJ down.
-You were just about to leave, Kevin reminded me.
-Yeah well, I'm having hard time too. As I said this has been heaven and soon it'll end. It's never gonna be same than here. I have to go back to Helsinki. I have my job, my school, my whole life there. I can't throw it away. How are we going to manage this?
-You're just gonna have to trust him.
-And he trusts me so much that he thinks I could jump into bed with Nick when I just get my chance.
-He just doesn't want to lose you.
-And shows it this way? I don't understand him!
-But you love him?
-Yes I do.
-Then you have to fight for your love.
-Does he love me?
-I've never seen him with anyone the same way he's with you.
-That's positive?
-Definitely.
-OK. I'll fight. With him. But for us.
-That's my girl!
-Watch you words.
-OK...
We laughed and I started to feel a little better. But I would have to face the worst.

-Listen, I'm sorry about tonight, I said Kevin when we were standing outside of AJ's room.
-It's OK. We have a lot of chances left to party together.
-Let's hope so. But what happened to that girl?
-Well... First she told us that she was in the club by herself because her friends had dumped her. Then Leighanne heard her talking with someone in the ladies room. It turned out that all her friends were there watching us. They had some kind of bet going on. So that was the end of the story.
-That's sad.
-But it happens. You should go in now.

I opened the door. Room was dark.
-AJ? AJ? I asked quietly but I didn't get any answer. -I think he's sleeping. Kevin, thank you. I don't know what I'd done without you. Good night.
-I hope to see you in the morning. Good night.
I closed the door and tried to see something. Finally I could see that AJ really was in bed sleeping. I didn't want to wake him up so I undressed quickly and climbed into bed.

-I'm glad you didn't leave.
AJ was awake! He lift himself up a bit and looked me.
-So what did the old man say?
-Nothing much. You could've told me.
-Where I was? I went to talk with Howie in private.
-But why?
-He told you, didn't he?
-Yeah. I don't know... Maybe I shouldn't have danced when you didn't. But I just wanted to have fun.
-I know. And you shouldn't have to worry about my feelings. I've captured you here in this room for almost a week.
-I could have escaped if I wanted to.
-But you don't want to?
-Not anymore. I wanna be here with you. Like Nick, he's nice and cute and funny but... he's just not you.
-I ain't nice, cute or funny?
I smiled at him.
-I didn't mean that. You're more. You're everything. Everything for me. I thought you knew that.
-Well, I do. But it doesn't mean you couldn't say it aloud every once in a while.
I reached to kiss AJ and put my head on his shoulder. He fondled my hair.
-You know, since we're having serious conversation...
-Yeah?
-We could talk about our future.
AJ's hand stopped moving.
-What about it?
-We have three days left. I'll go back home, you'll go first to US and then to Mexico. When do we meet again? Do we?
-Of course we do. Right after we get back from Mexico about a month from now. Do you think you could be away from your jib for a week or something?
-I have vacation in the beginning of August. Actually two weeks until my school starts. How does that sound?
-Great. We should be staying in Florida, getting ready for new tour, learning dances and all that.
-Sounds busy.
-It is. But we'll have the nights.
-Then another thing.
-O-ou.
-This is probably worse.
-What could be worse than us being apart?
-Media.
-Shit!
-I don't mean I'd like to be in magazines or anything... I just want to know how to handle it.
-Let's do as we've done so far. I don't want to hide this but I'm not willing to give any interviews or anything.
-They'll write a lot shit about me.
-How's that?
-'Cause when you broke up with Amanda it was all bitch on the message boards.
-Yeah well, they may...
-I don't want to know if she's a bitch or not! At least not yet. But to your fans it doesn't matter who or what I am.
-I think that most of them are happy for me. And I can encourage them by saying that in the beginning you were just some nice fan from a cold country.
-Very funny! But OK, I don't worry about that.
-You should talk with Leighanne. She knows our schedules better.
-You mean you don't know?
-I'm surprised if even she does. But it'll give you some kind of view of our time together.
-OK. But since we're up...
-Now what?
I slipped my hand to AJ's pants.
-How about a little bing ba da boom?
-OK!!!

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