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Day 5 - Part 3

Nightly sky curved above him. Down in the horizon airplane took off and another direction into great distance. Streets were almost quiet, random car wailed tires against asphalt. He was tired. His eyes were soaring. But he knew he couldn't sleep, not yet. He would have to calm down before he could lay down and close the world out.
He didn't have a habit going up to the roof but once there was a chance he felt he should use it. Air was little bit crispy, just for an inch, which make it feel freshening.
Be-Bob had promised to watch the stairs so no one could get on him. It would be crucial when there really was only one way out. Or then you'd go down. Really fast.
They weren't going down. Just the opposite. Since they arrived New York it had been big hoopla again. It was familiar, it was expected, scared if it wouldn't come but quite sure it would. Then tour started. Even if they didn�t call it actually a tour. It was just doing press in several cities, being in malls surrounded with thousands of screaming girls, singing one or two songs having no idea how it sound 'cause you couldn't really hear anything. It took at least half an hour until ears stopped ringing. They sat down for interviews, were carried around the town whole day, without a break, from hotel to airport not even knowing where they were headed.
If he'd been asked where they were, he couldn't tell.

Door behind him opened and his moves sharpened.
-Bob?
-No, it's me, sweet voice said.
-Oh.
Nick turned to see his friend.
-What are you doing up so late?
-Same as you, I guess, Howie replied.
-Having trouble sleeping?
-Ever since Alicia started her own tour. You know how I hate sleeping alone in those wide beds. It feels like an ocean liner. What are you doing up here? I thought you were playing so I went to your room.
-Nah. Something about this sky really comforts me.
-I know. It's like� It's eternal. And right now I need to know there's something continuous in this world.
-It feels like riding on a wave of fame, right? And finally you just hit the bottom.
-But our time hasn't come yet. We should be thankful of that.
Howie sat next to Nick.
-Don't get me wrong, I am, Nick said. �But it feels like we're giving up on so much.
-Haven't heard about her?
Nick shook his head. -I can't believe they didn't tell me until she had been gone for two days.
-Do you even know if she got to New York?
-No. And I don't know� It felt like something different. But maybe it was just that place and time.
-Sad thing you can't know now when she's not here.
-I know. And I treated her so badly. I wish I could tell her I never wanted to hurt her.
Howie sat silent. He knew how Nick trembled every time he saw Cara on screen. And their video was played everywhere so he couldn't really avoid it. Plus even if reporters were specifically told not to ask anything about casting in the videos (Dolores had given some not so admiring interviews of AJ) of course they did. They had come up with story of a local girl who walked to the set one day and vanished the next. No one bought it but it still sold well. Until it was forgotten and replaced with something new.
-How are others? Howie asked.
-You know there's no need you to isolate so much.
-I know. But I need that after all this fuzz we go trough during the days. And it doesn�t help that everyone is so tense. Whatever I say seems to offend someone.
-It's bad, Nick admitted. �Kevin's really not like big brother right now. I hope they don't bond with AJ too much.
-Why?
-Because Kevin doesn't yet have problem with scotch. AJ then again does. And I'm afraid that some day soon they'll head to bar, for some reason, I don't know, to gamble and start drinking.
-I wish I could do something for them. Either of them.
-Me too.
They stared at the stars for a moment. Nick yawned.
-You should get to bed, man, Howie said.
-I don't like leaving you alone in here.
-It's OK. I'm used to that.
Nick scrambled up.
-Good night.
-Take care. You're rare.
Nick tapped Howie on his shoulder and walked away.

Few days later those two guys got together again at some late hours of the day. Cities had changed but all the rest stayed pretty much the same.
-Thank God it�s only two more days, Howie sighed and crashed next to Nick who was watching some romantic comedy with no plot.
-Oh really?
-Do you ever really pay attention? Howie asked.
-Nah. Someone seems to take care of me even if I don�t. Honestly, Be-Bob has got strange since we got back from Portugal. He�s so overprotective, like I�d be 13 years old again.
-Maybe it�s good for you.
-Maybe.
Nick yawned.
-Can�t understand why I feel so exhausted and still am unable to sleep.
-Tell me about it, Howie said. �I just got off the phone with Alicia.
-How�s she?
-She�s great. She really loves what she does.
-So do you.
-Yeah. That must be the problem. Wonder if we ever find balance?
-Speaking of balance, Nick interrupted. �Kevin is starting to get hold of it again, don�t you think?
-At least he acts that way, Howie admitted. �Which is good. Because then he�s thinking about our feelings. I haven�t ever worried about Kevin so much. AJ still creeps me.
-I know! It�s like you can�t get trough to him. I try to figure out what to do but nothing comes up.
-Maybe he just needs some time.
-Which we really don�t have, Nick said. �And there is something I thought I could do�
-Really? What is it?
-I know it�s stupid� But I was thinking maybe I could go out and find Anna.
-No, Howie said immediately.
-Why not? You know he really cared of her.
-Yeah, did. Things are different now.
-How would you know? I mean, AJ went after her to Finland, of all the places, just to see her. She wasn�t there. So where is she?
-We don�t know. And she doesn�t want us to know.
-How can you say so? I mean our farewells were kind of dramatic, with whole Helen-situation and pregnancy. But it�s all gone now. It�s all different.
-For her it isn�t.
-Hey� Nick started to think. �You sound like you know more than I do.
-I think I spent more time with Anna than you ever did.
-I don�t mean that. Come on, Howie, tell me. You know something.
Howie sighed and tried to find more comfortable position on the couch.
-I also tried to play Cupid, he said. �I went to see Anna in New York.
-You did? When?
-Last January or so.
-How was she?
-I went there to give her ticket to our unplugged concert. But she rejected it. She was very upset for me showing up like that. She said she doesn�t want to have anything to do with us. That it was all too much for her. I�m sure she�s gone back to Finland, just another time, and has grounded there. You know, she was really like a little girl lost in this wide world. Like�
-I know, Nick said. �Like Cara. She was really a little girl.
-So if you�re trying to do something for them just to ease your own misery, at least leave Anna alone. Try to find Cara instead. In case she means something for you. Does she?
-I know know, Nick whispered, lost in thoughts. �I can�t say. I mean I miss her but it took me two days to realize she was gone.
-What really happened back there?
-You don�t want to know.
-I�ve tried to ask Brian but he gets always so upset I change subject.
-I�ll tell you. One day, Nick promised.
-OK. But let�s make this clear; master your own life. I know you wish you could make others feel better but it doesn�t really make you less lonely. Understood?
-Yes sir.
-Fine. Topic closed.
Howie stared the screen for a while.
-What is going on in this movie?
-This guy went to meet this girl but then he was late because he missed a bus or his mother got sick or I�m not quite sure but now there all really miserable because they don�t have any love in their life.
Howie sat quiet for a while and tried to get the movie.
-Are you sure that�s what happened?
-I�m not sure. Maybe it was on different channel. But you know, every dramatic love story is similar.
-Hmm� I guess you�re right.
They fell silent again. Nick�s eyes were attached on the screen but his mind was working on something else.

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