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Day 5 - Part 2

I just couldn't go. I saw them all there, standing and waiting, surrounded with their luggage, looking so cool, happy, casual, simply great, relaxed, like it was everyday life for them. And for them it is.
Be-Bob came to ask me if I was allright. I don't like being so readable. I hate that I definitely do. And Nick� He looked at me all the way across the room but didn't do a thing. He just stared at me. I hate that too. There's something in his eyes I can't describe. It's like he almost hates me. But only almost.
Jeannie knows what's wrong with me so she came to tell me I could sit with her. She has ways to calm me down. But it was different that time. I mean, I had got used to it, I knew how to control the fear. I still feel it but I know it doesn't kill me. But right then it didn't feel like that.
Some officer came to us and asked Mark, the drummer, to go with them. It was no big deal at first. But when he came back fifteen minutes later I really started to freak out. They had wanted to ask him some questions of his passport! I know, these times you can't be too careful and I had to remember I WAS traveling with false identification.
And when we started to walk to the terminal, I whispered to Jeannie I would sit with Greg. She just shrugged and went on. I guess it took them a while to realize I was gone. It took me a while to realize that they were gone. I'm on my own again.

Okay, there's a twist I didn't expect. Along with the fact that I'm sitting on a train.
"So you now know I hate flying", note had said. "So you have to travel as I did and take a long road. Hope you don't mind. I have something for you to read on your way. Treat it with respect it deserves. Even if the thoughts are sixteen-year-old's they're still mine."
My ticket is to New York. It would take me about 10 hours to get there. And I had slept. Notebook itself isn't that thick, I would have to be able to read it in few hours. There is another book, thicker, but easier to read. It's a scrapbook. She had collected articles from May to August and commented almost on everyone at least with True or False or question mark. Some of the notes seem like they were made later. It really enchants me but I decide to order some dinner first. Being so exited about leaving I had forgotten to eat. Silly me.

Dinner is delightfully good, considering where it's served. It's better than ones served on planes. Even if that isn't so much�
I have diary with me while I eat but I resist reading it. I'm afraid I would drop some of my juicy chicken on it and ruin it. She made very clear that she wants it back. I would too. Knowing how honest and young she then was she has probably written down her deepest thoughts. And all the facts that would me every gossip reporter to drool. They made me drool! Way more than food did.
Man of my age came to me and tried to start a chat. I understood him. On a long way it's nice to talk with someone. Two strangers meeting in the night. I listened him politely until I was finished with my meal, then apologized and retreated into my cabin.

SAT - We are in the highest floor, in darkest corner of this whole house. We have to climb eight stairs to get here. It was pretty hard for Ophelia. Now she sleeps on the other side of the room. We don't have here pretty much more than two mattresses. I've hidden most of our stuff around this floor. We shouldn't be here, it's obvious.
House felt so strange when I got back here. For days it was crowded, there were lights everywhere, cameras following us all the time, people shouting to someone somewhere you couldn't see. There were so many smells coming out from the kitchen, garden, cigarettes, sweat. This house was alive. And now it's all empty. Well, almost.
I found Ophelia in our old room. She was just sitting there. I asked if she knew what she would do know but she didn't. At least she didn't say anything. I changed her bandages, they weren't that bad anymore. It will take a while for those wounds to heal in this climate. It's getting hotter. Summer is coming.
We ran into some men on our way up here. I lied that we were just about to leave. One of them told me he's seen me with Nick so it was okay for me being here. When we got here, I went back to listen what they were doing. They checked the house, pretty carelessly, I think, then went out and drove away. One of them told others he would come back day after tomorrow to clean up. I guess it's Sunday tomorrow. We need something to eat.

WED - I'm getting used going around the house by myself. Ophelia doesn't like walking. She doesn't like pretty much anything. She sleeps trough the days. In the evening she climbs to the roof, I tell her not to because it scares me, heights scare me, I'm afraid she would fall or jump, but she still does. She takes her cd player with her and listens all the saddest songs boys have ever made. Sometimes she sings along. It's very creepy. She hits the notes most of the times but it's like half singing, half whisper.
No one has been in the house after Monday. Yesterday I went to village to shop. I stole cooking plate from the kitchen so we can heat something up. Also took minibar from one of the master bedrooms to keep things cool. Hope no one notices they're missing.

SUN - Played some piano today. I was so freaked out most of time, really afraid someone would come. There's like a mile all around the house until there goes even a road, so no one can really hear me, but I'm still afraid someone would find us. Wouldn't know what to do. Ophelia is like a ghost. Not want to do anything. It's always a show before I get her to eat anything. I think she still smokes pod outside during the nights. And I think it's not good for her.

TUE - Played all the day. It was so cool. I found the controller room for security and forced Ophelia to sit there all day watching the cameras in case someone would come. She passed out thought. I don't know what to do with her.
Wonder how boys are doing.

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