INT. PATIENT AREA - HOSPITAL - DAY

               Polly leads Daisy back to Mitchell's bed.  Mitchell's eyes
               light up when he sees them. 

                                   MITCHELL
                         You guys made up!

                                   POLLY
                         I was just watching her for you. 

               Jajuan walks in, nervous to talk to Mitchell. 

                                   JAJUAN
                         Mr. Fartnell, you almost died
                         today.  Had it not been for Ms.
                         Goodin here, you certainly wouldn't
                         have made it. 

                                   MITCHELL
                         What happened to me?  It felt like
                         I couldn't breathe. 

                                   JAJUAN
                         Well, uh -- you had wool in your
                         throat.  And since Daisy doesn't
                         have any around her face, I can
                         only imagine where you were kissing
                         her. 

               It takes a moment for Polly to register that, then she reels
               in disgust. 

                                   POLLY
                         Were you born without a chromosome
                         or something? 

                                   MITCHELL
                         It's hard for people to accept.
                         Heck, it's hard for me to accept. 
                         But I can't deny my wife.  After
                         she went off that cliff in her car,
                         I went crazy for weeks when they
                         couldn't find the body.  It wasn't
                         until I saw her in her new form
                         that I knew.  I can't lose Daisy
                         again. 

               Polly immediately turns to Jajaun.

                                   POLLY
                         Can you commit him? 

                                   JAJUAN
                         Officially no.  As far as I can
                         tell, the sex was consensual. 

                                   POLLY
                             (in disbelief)
                         It's a sheep. 

                                   JAJUAN
                         Hey, I'd love to help you, but my
                         shift is up and I really don't
                         care. 

               He tosses the chart on the bed and walks out.  

                                                           DISSOLVE TO:



               EXT. HOSPITAL - DAY

               Polly walks Mitchell and Daisy out.  

                                   MITCHELL
                         I won't push you, but please just
                         think about it.  Search yourself
                         and I think you'll find that you
                         are my son.  

                                   POLLY
                         I am not Benny.  What would make
                         you even think that?

                                   MITCHELL
                         Well, you kinda look like a boy. 

               Polly storms off in fit of rage.  Mitchell shrugs and walks
               along with Daisy.

                                   MITCHELL (cont'd)
                         C'mon baby.  Let's go home. 



               INT. COURTROOM - DAY

               A television has been set up and Rachel plugs in a videotape. 
               Sissy is on the witness stand.  

                                   RACHEL
                         Ms. Crapsworth, isn't is true that
                         you and Dr. Banner had sexual
                         relations just mere days ago?

                                   SISSY
                             (flighty)
                         Well, I don't know, there are so
                         many...

                                   RACHEL
                         Sissy, focus. 

                                   SISSY
                         Oh yes, at the hospital.  Yeah, he
                         was hot. 

                                   RACHEL
                         Anything else? 

                                   SISSY
                         Nope, that's pretty much it.  He
                         was hot. 

               Rachel groans and pushes PLAY on the VCR.  Everyone turns
               their attention to the television where it shows Dirk and
               Sissy in the hot tub. 

               The CAMERA pans around the room as the sounds of their tryst
               fills the room.  The audience is glued to the screen.  One
               Juror even eats popcorn. 

               The blind Judge uses braille to watch the tape.  The pins on
               his board form the shape of a butt and thrust up and down. 

               A moment comes on the tape where Sissy does a major SCREAM
               and everyone's eyes go wide.  

               Ragweed leans in close to Dirk.

                                   RAGWEED
                         How did you do that? 

                                   DIRK
                         It takes a bit of stretching. 
                         Little yoga wouldn't hurt either. 

               Rachel hangs her head in frustration as the tape ends and the
               lights come back on. 

               The courtroom erupts in applause and Dirk gets a standing
               ovation. 
               Enraged, Rachel throws a pencil across the room, not even
               noticing when there's a loud YELP as it connects with an
               unlucky person. 

                                   JUDGE
                         Ten minute recess. 



               INT. COURTHOUSE HALLWAY - DAY

               People are milling around the courtroom.  Dirk passes by a
               vendor selling copies of the Dirk/Sissy DVD.   He heads for
               the bathroom. 



               INT. BATHROOM - COURTHOUSE - DAY

               Dirk stands at the urinal doing his business.  The remaining
               people finish what they are doing and exit, leaving him
               alone.  

               He zips up, turns around and sees Rachel standing there,
               leaning against the wall.   She looks sexy as hell. 

                                   RACHEL
                         How do you do it, Dirk?  

                                   DIRK
                         I don't know.  Some things you're
                         just born with. 

                                   RACHEL
                         Well I can't hide my feelings for
                         you anymore.  Ask me anything, and
                         I'll do it.

                                   DIRK
                         You could drop your suit.

                                   RACHEL
                         Okay.

               She unzips her suit and it falls around her ankles.  All we
               can see is her back.  Dirk gets a cocky grin. 

                                   DIRK
                         I meant the LAWsuit.  But this'll
                         work too. 

               He moves in and they kiss like animals, heated and intense. 



               INT. COURTHOUSE HALLWAY - DAY

               A PATRON walks up to the bathroom door and is about to go in,
               when he hears deep male grunting.  He turns and walks away.

                                   PATRON 
                         That must be some crap. 



               EXT. PARK - NIGHT

               Polly walks around a park, looking up at the stars.  No one
               else is around. Polly looks like she's crying and she's
               screaming up to the clouds. 

                                   POLLY 
                         Please! I can't do this on my own!
                         I don't care if you're an alien!

               She continues to walk through the park.

                                   POLLY (cont'd)
                         You know, aliens have to pay child
                         support too, you know?

               She sits on a bench, cradling her belly. 

                                   POLLY (cont'd)
                         I just wish I understood why this
                         happened to me. 

               We hear some noises come from the bushes. Jonathan approaches
               her.

                                   JONATHAN
                         I'm glad you came.

                                   POLLY
                         Why did you call me?  I don't even
                         know you. 

                                   JONATHAN
                         You know me better than you think. 

                                   POLLY
                         What's that supposed to mean? 

                                   JONATHAN
                         Look, I don't know how to tell you
                         this -- but you are not having an
                         alien baby. 

                                   POLLY
                         Oh really?  Then I suppose I
                         dreamed the whole thing up?

                                   JONATHAN
                         I'm not saying that.  I'm saying
                         you're nuts. 

                                   POLLY
                         That's comforting.  So if I'm not
                         having an alien's baby, whose baby
                         am I having? 

                                   JONATHAN
                         Mine. 

               Polly stands up, starts to back away.

                                   POLLY
                         No -- no, it can't be. 

                                   JONATHAN
                         You were at Mike Harvey's party,
                         almost nine months ago.  

                                   POLLY
                         I remember -- that's where it
                         happened...

                                   JONATHAN
                         You went through two bottles of
                         vodka before the guests even got
                         there. 

                                   POLLY
                         That's not right.  There's no way --

                                   JONATHAN
                         You're not as squeaky clean as
                         you'd like to think.

               Polly puts her head in her hands.

                                   POLLY
                         I don't remember...

                                   JONATHAN
                         You went to the back bedroom.  I
                         came back to check on you and you
                         started kissing me.  I knew you
                         were blitzed, so I just let it
                         happen.

                                   POLLY
                         That's not true -- it can't be true
                         -- WAIT!  There were lights!  I
                         remember bright lights!

                                   JONATHAN
                         Yeah, sorry about that.  My friends
                         started taking pictures for the
                         internet. 

               Stunned Polly backs away. 

                                   JONATHAN (cont'd)
                         Look, don't go.  I can help you
                         take care of the baby.   Just let
                         me --

                                   POLLY
                         No!  NO!!

               She hurries away.  Jonathan tries to follow, but loses her. 



               EXT. CLIFFSIDE - NIGHT

               Kenneth stands, overcoat blowing the sea wind, as the moon
               reflects over the ocean.  The waves crash into the jagged
               rocks below the cliff.  

               Nearby, Auggie crouches behind a big set of rocks.  He holds
               a grenade.  He pulls  the pin, arming the grenade, but still
               holds down the safety lever.  He's about to throw it when --

               Another car pulls up and Marla gets out.  She stands next to
               him. 

                                   KENNETH
                         I'm glad you could come.  I wanted
                         to talk to you, away from the
                         house, away from our problems. 

                                   MARLA
                         What is it that you want?

                                   KENNETH
                         To set things right.

               Auggie is left holding the grenade lever, unsure of what to
               do.  He looks down and sees ants crawling up his legs.  He
               tries to shake them off.  He looks back over to Kenneth and
               Marla.

                                   MARLA
                         I don't understand...

                                   KENNETH
                         Things between us haven't been okay
                         for a long time.  I know that. 

                                   MARLA
                         Our life just isn't what I imagined
                         it would be. 

                                   KENNETH
                         It breaks my heart when you look at
                         me with that murderous glint in
                         your eye.  

                                   MARLA
                         You noticed that?

                                   KENNETH
                         Yeah.  I thought it was sort of
                         cute at first.  

               Auggie has shaken off most of the ants, but has started to
               sweat nervously from still holding on to a live grenade. 

               He doesn't see a large crab scuttle over near his feet, which
               are left wide open by sandals.  It pinches his big toe and
               lets out a small YELL, still trying to be quiet. 

                                   MARLA
                         All this time...I just thought you
                         were too stupid to know what I was
                         feeling. 

                                   KENNETH
                         Well, actually I was.  I found your
                         diary. 

                                   MARLA
                         You read my diary?

                                   KENNETH
                         Well, I had Jonathan read it to me. 

                                   MARLA
                         So you know?

                                   KENNETH
                         It explained why this funny looking
                         Australian guy was following me
                         around.   I just thought he was
                         gay.

               Auggie mouths the word,"GAY?",while still trying to shake off
               the crab.  He falls to his knees in pain.  Unseen, another
               crab latches straight on his crotch. 

               The grenade is getting harder and harder to hold.  He grits
               his teeth at the pain and the pressure. 

               Marla's eyes fill with tears.

                                   MARLA
                         I've wanted you dead for so long. 
                         It will be tough to learn to love
                         you again, but those old feelings
                         are starting to oome back. 

                                   KENNETH
                             (surprised)
                         Whoa.  What?  I never said I wanted
                         to get back together. 

                                   MARLA
                             (confused)
                         What?  I don't understand.  

                                   KENNETH
                         I thought we were on the same page. 
                         I mean, why do you think I brought
                         you out here? 

                                   MARLA
                         What do you mean? 

                                   KENNETH
                         Goodbye Marla.

               He lunges forward and pushes her off the cliff.  He watches
               as she hurtles towards the sea.  He flinches at the big
               SPLASH.

                                   KENNETH (cont'd)
                         Ooh, little rough on that landing. 

               Auggie manages to pull the crabs off and is stunned at what
               he's just seen. 

                                   AUGGIE
                         I don't believe he just did that! 
                         I gotta get my camera.

               He drops the grenade, fishing through his pockets.  Then he
               realizes what he's just done.

                                   AUGGIE (cont'd)
                         Oh no...

               He leaps away just as the grenade EXPLODES.  Kenneth turns to
               the smoke, then quickly gets in his car and drives away. 



               INT. OPERATING ROOM - HOSPITAL - DAY

               Dirk and Jajaun are washing up as nurses prepare a patient
               for surgery. 

                                   JAJUAN
                         So I heard Rachel dropped the case
                         against you.

                                   DIRK
                         That's not all she dropped. 

                                   JAJUAN
                         You sly dog.  

               The Nurse hurries over to them.

                                   NURSE
                         Doctors, we've got a serious
                         problem.  The patient is --

                                   DIRK
                         Dying? 

                                   NURSE
                         No, worse.  His insurance was
                         denied.

                                   JAJUAN
                         Oh my God.

                                   DIRK
                         Get his ass out of here.  Use the
                         back door. 

               Both Dirk and Jajuan head for the door, taking off their
               gloves. 

                                   JAJUAN
                         Man, what a relief!

                                   DIRK
                         I know.  I had no clue how do that
                         operations.



               INT. PATIENT FLOOR - HOSPITAL - DAY

               Dirk and Jajuan step out onto the floor and both are
               surprised to see Maya. 

                                   JAJUAN
                         Hey baby!  What are you doing here?

                                   MAYA
                         Just came by to get some sugar. 

               Jajuan gives her a light kiss. 

                                   MAYA (cont'd)
                         Hi Dr. Banner.

                                   DIRK
                         Hello.  Sorry to hear about the ice
                         cream stores closing. 

                                   MAYA
                         We'll get back on our feet. 

                                   DIRK
                         I'm sure you will.  After getting
                         an F, you've got nowhere to go but
                         up.  Excuse me.

               He heads off down the hall, Maya checking out his butt the
               whole way.



               EXT. CRAPSWORTH PLAZA - DAY

               Tawny waits in the main plaza wearing a classy business suit
               and carrying a satchel.   A limousine pulls up and Jonathan
               gets out dressed sharply in a suit. 

               They both put on sunglasses and walk towards the Crapsworth
               Building.

                                   JONATHAN
                         Are you ready for this?

                                   TAWNY
                         I was born ready.



               INT. BREAK ROOM - HOSPITAL - DAY

               Dirk relaxes, watching TV.  Maya enters and nudges up to him
               seductively.  

                                   MAYA
                         Hey baby.  There you are.



               INT. BATHROOM - HOSPITAL - DAY

               Jajuan is using the restroom, when he hears Maya.  At first,
               he's surprised, but then thinks she's talking to him.

               INTERCUT BETWEEN BATHROOM AND BREAK ROOM

               Maya rubs Dirk's shoulders. 

                                   MAYA
                         I've been looking all over for you. 

               Inside the bathroom, Jajuan grins.

                                   JAJUAN
                         Well damn baby, I ain't that hard
                         to find. 

                                   MAYA
                         Why don't you meet me that back
                         supply closet in five minutes?

               Dirk grins and nods.  

               So does Jajuan.   

               Maya heads out the door with Dirk following soon after. 
               Jajuan comes out of the bathroom with a big smile on his
               face.  

                                   JAJUAN
                         I'm about to get lucky. 



               INT. CONFERENCE ROOM - CRAPSWORTH BUILDING - DAY

               Kenneth sits next to Rachel in a roomful of board members. 
               He stands to address them.

                                   KENNETH
                         First I want to thank you all for
                         your thoughts and prayers for my
                         wife, Marla.  God willing she'll be
                         found to be given a proper burial --
                         I mean, alive and well.  Now to our
                         next order of business, the merger
                         of Shite' restaurants and Eate Ice
                         Cream stores. 
                         As it seems, a hostile takeover
                         attempt is possible and we should -- 

               The board room doors burst open.  Jonathan and Tawny march
               in, cool and calm.  Rachel walks over to try and stop them.

                                   RACHEL
                         You two aren't allowed in here --

                                   KENNETH
                         Jonathan?  What are you doing here? 
                         And why are you with Tawny?  

                                   JONATHAN
                         Well dad, as we watched you fumble
                         around with the merger, we decided
                         to launch a hostile takeover of our
                         own. 

               He sets a stack of papers down on the conference table.  

                                   TAWNY
                         Shite' and Eate will merge, but not
                         like you think. 

               Rachel glances through the paperwork, then raises her head,
               angry.

                                   RACHEL
                         You didn't. 

                                   JONATHAN
                         Oh yes we did.

                                   TAWNY
                         We are now board members of Tie Dye
                         Industries and with our respective
                         stocks now combined, we own
                         controlling shares in both Shite'
                         and Eate.  

               Kenneth looks through the papers, then turns to Rachel.

                                   KENNETH
                         Does this mean he can fire me? 

                                   JONATHAN
                         Oh yeah. 

                                   TAWNY
                         But we're not heartless.  Most of
                         you will remain on the board -- as
                         long as you're willing to play
                         ball.  This is a big move, but one
                         we hope will pay off.  Jonathan?

                                   JONATHAN
                         The business will have the
                         restaurant, the ice cream stores
                         and a clothing outlet.  Ladies and
                         Gentleman, I give you the next
                         generation!

               Jonathan unveils a large sign.  It's a logo billboard that
               reads : EATE SHITE' AND DYE. 

               The board room is stunned.  Kenneth rushes for Jonathan, but
               is stopped by the other board members. 

                                   KENNETH
                         I'll squash you like a bug you
                         little piece of Crap!

                                   JONATHAN
                         Little piece of Crapsworth. 

               Jonathan and Tawny hug triumphantly, then their eyes meet. 
               Could there be romance there? 



               INT. PATIENT FLOOR - HOSPITAL - DAY

               Maya walks down the hall towards the supply closet.  She
               begins unbuttoning her blouse as she reaches the door.  She
               opens it --

               A moment of stunned silence as she sees Jajuan and Dirk
               inside, wrapped in each other's arms.  

               They look just as surprised to see each other. 

                                   JAJUAN
                         YOU!!

                                   DIRK
                         YOU!!

               Maya just shuts the door, shocked beyond belief.  

               In the closet in PITCH BLACK we can only hear Dirk and
               Jajuan's voices. 

                                   DIRK (cont'd)
                         I thought it was a little hairy.

                                   JAJUAN
                         Hey!  Get that out of there!

                                   DIRK
                         Sorry.



               EXT. EATE HOUSE - EVENING

               Jajuan gets out of his car.  He's walking a little funny.  A
               PRIVATE INVESTIGATOR waits by his door. 

                                   JAJUAN
                         Did you get them?

                                   PRIVATE INVESTIGATOR
                             (holds up envelope)
                         Got 'em. 

               INT. OFFICE - EATE HOUSE - EVENING

               The Private Investigator sets the envelope on Jajuan's desk.
               He gets out a set of pictures.

                                   JAJUAN
                         What the hell is this?

                                   PRIVATE INVESTIGATOR
                         It's pictures.

                                   JAJUAN
                         Show them to me.

                                   PRIVATE INVESTIGATOR
                         Are you sure you want to see these?

                                   JAJUAN
                             (long beat)
                         Yes. I'm sure.

               The Private Investigator shows Jajuan the pictures. He shows
               Jajuan pictures of Dirk having sex with Maya. Jajuan looks
               furious.

                                   PRIVATE INVESTIGATOR 
                         You know that Dirk guy sure is hot.

                                   JAJUAN
                         Shut up!

                                   PRIVATE INVESTIGATOR
                         I'm afraid that I have more to show
                         you.

               He shows Jajuan pictures of Marla and Tawny having sex.

                                   JAJUAN
                         Oh, sweet Jesus, No!

                                   PRIVATE INVESTIGATOR
                         Yeah, that's hot.

               Jajuan punches the private investigator in the jaw.



               INT. HOSPITAL HALL - NIGHT

               The swinging doors BURST OPEN as Polly is wheeled down on a
               gurney screaming, obviously in labor.  Dirk is at the back
               pushing it down the hall. 

                                   DIRK
                         Don't worry Penny --

                                   POLLY
                         POLLY!

                                   DIRK
                         Polly, right.  You're going to be
                         just fine.

                                   POLLY
                         I don't want to have this baby
                         without the father here!

                                   DIRK
                         How do we contact him? 

                                   POLLY
                         How the hell should I know?  How
                         did E.T. do it? 

                                   DIRK
                         Sorry, but I'm fresh out of Speak'n
                         Spells.  Look it'll be okay. 



               INT. DELIVERY ROOM - HOSPITAL - NIGHT

               Polly is wheeled next to the delivery table.  Dirk and a
               Nurse get on opposite ends, preparing to move her. 

                                   DIRK
                         On three. 1 - 2 - 3!

               They pick her up and start to move her, but the gurney slides
               out and they drop her on the floor.  They quickly pick her up
               and place her on the table. 

                                   NURSE
                         Do you need some pain medication? 

                                   POLLY
                         Just give me something to write
                         with.  Paper and pencil.

                                   NURSE
                         Huh?

                                   POLLY
                         IT HELPS.  Just get it!

               The Nurse quickly obeys.  



               INT. MITCHELL'S HOUSE - NIGHT

               It's pouring rain outside.  Mitchell and Daisy are curled up,
               snuggling on the couch.  There's a loud KNOCK on the door.

                                   MITCHELL
                         Who could that be at this hour? 

               He opens the door and is shocked to see a pretty WOMAN
               standing there, dripping wet from the rain.  Mitchell
               recognizes her!

                                   MITCHELL (cont'd)
                         Daisy?  You're alive? 

               Daisy the Sheep raises up her head.