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NASA Plans To Send First Mentally Disabled Person Into Space
Houston-A report out of NASA headquarters indicates that the organisation has definite plans to send the first mentally disabled person into space. The report, although sparse on details, did quell rumours that the aforesaid potential spaceman is N’Sync’s Lance Bass.
The report leaves the identity of the chosen mentally-deficient person anonymous, however it credits the decision to a new NASA policy aimed at "making the infinite void of extreme temperatures and unknown substances that is space accessible to the every-man."
Developmentally challenged people throughout the country see this as an opportunity to better their life. Eddy Wileman, 27, who has worked as a janitor at a local community center for six years says of the idea that it is "very good because I could use some more money." Later, on a command from a reporter, Wileman added that "chicks dig space guys" as he thrust his mid-section forward in a mechanically sexual manner.
The documents of the policy also describe NASA’s plan to "give African-Americans an equal, if not greater, opportunity to be launched into the great, unexamined abyss" and goes on to say that blacks have "been kept out of space for long enough. The ultimate goal is to have 3,000 African-Americans on the moon by 2006."
It has also been reported that, for the first time in history, no one from the ACLU is protesting this new arrangement. "Finally the vast abyss of unknown terror can be reached by everyone," said a spokesperson for the organisation. "It is wonderful to see NASA opening its doors to everyone, no matter how grossly under qualified they might be."
Special provisions are being made for the potential spaceman, including an anti-gravity drool bib and an all-rubber interior of the spacecraft. NASA has also stated that they are trying to magnetically attract the moon towards the earth, in the hopes of one day making it accessible by airplane.
"The most important thing to remember," says a spokesperson for the space company, "is that we don’t want to discriminate in anyway. This country was built on human rights, which to me includes the right to be shot at high speeds into a largely unstudied and relatively unsafe environment."
