This
site is not intended for people who can't take a joke. For entertainment
purposes only.
December 2002 Home | Archives | About Us | Disclaimer | Links | Submissions
Man At Funeral Openly Wonders Whether Corpse Is Dead
Springfield-At a funeral yesterday for 42 year old orthodontist Raymond MacInnis a man was overheard openly speculating the possibility that the deceased "isn’t really dead" and that he’s "about to jump out and yell ‘gotcha’".
The perpetrator of such inappropriate comments was later identified as James Mahoney, 41, who is the former college roommate of MacInnis. "[Raymond] was a jokester back in college, this is just the sort of thing he’d do," said Mahoney to MacInnis’ grieving cousins.
According to sources, Mahoney was later heard theorising that MacInnis "isn’t really the one in the casket. It could be a dummy, and he’s living off the insurance money in Cuba."
He then proceeded to tell MacInnis’ children, Ashley, 11, and Michael, 14, that ‘your dad is in a better place now-my guess would be Havana. And the worst part is, he’s living off of money that’s rightfully yours". He then loudly suggested that the family take the body in "for a professional DNA test."
"Where does this jack-ass get off making comments like that?" asked an enraged Timothy MacInnis, brother of Raymond. "What kind of jerk comes to a funeral from someone he barely knows and starts saying he’s not really dead?"
It was later revealed that Mahoney and MacInnis were placed in the same dormitory by a roommate selection service, and that they really never became friends.
"I’ve only ever seen him once before. But I remember him being really creepy," said daughter Ashley.
According to Mahoney, "Ray’s just waiting for some morbidly curious person to stroll up to the casket so he can grab their arm." he then added, "I’ll tell you something, that person isn’t gonna be me. What kind of twisted person goes poking at a corpse during a funeral?"
