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Hell Actually Quite
Humid
Hell-A report issued by the Climatology Foundation of Hades indicates that Hell, contrary to popular belief, is in fact quite humid. Spokesperson for the CFH, Arthok, told reporters that Hell can be compared to "Florida in August," or "India, with much higher temperatures."
The news comes as a shock to many of the world’s hell-bound, including fornicator Clayton Hutchinson. "Geez, I always thought that hell wouldn’t be that bad, you know, since it’s a dry heat. But now that I know it’s humid, I realise that I might be pretty uncomfortable for the rest of eternity after I die."
It is still unknown whether or not there are other weather patterns which have been previously unknown by the mortal realm, however many of Earth’s scientists have concluded that the region of Hell does indeed experience many climatic changes. Some have even gone so far to theorise that it may even be teeming with an inundation of different life-forms, ranging from tropical fish to apes.
When asked to comment on the recent discovery, God replied "it doesn’t matter. Heaven is ultimately the better place to spend eternity. All it takes is a little bit of effort for maybe seventy-five years, and then you can live in a perfect utopia for the rest of eternity."
Serial killer Chuck ‘the Choker’ McCarthy remains positive that Hell is better than Satan makes it seem. "So it’s a bit damp, no big deal. Plus, if it is that bad, God’s a good guy, he won’t doom me to a life of eternal damnation, even if I did slowly and painfully steal the lives of more than thirty people, including women and children, without ever once making an attempt at repentance."
It is expected that the news will in no way alter peoples’ lifestyles, which means that, inevitably, the rest of every human’s existence on Earth will involve several thousands of encounters with people who are ultimately doomed to spend their life burning in a pit of fire. Experts say that the only way people can be saved from this is if hell freezes over.
