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Fox To Change Name To 'American Idol Network'
Los Angeles-In a move long-anticipated by industry
watchers, the FOX network announced it was changing its name to the
American Idol Network, reflecting the gradual change in the network from
sensationalistic, cutting-edge programming to American Idol-based
programming.
"We felt that the move was the right one to make, especially given
the fact that all of our affiliates broadcast nothing but American Idol
all day long," said FOX spokesperson, Jenny Foster.
The move follows similar changes by other networks, including the recent
rebranding of longtime television stalwart CBS as Survivor Station. Many
entertainment industry watchdogs have condemned the moves as the dilution
of quality programming on television, but network executives have defended
them as necessary changes to reflect the updated nature of network
television.
"Let's face it: all we ever show twenty-four hours a day, seven days
a week on this network is nothing but American Idol," continued
Foster. "We've given up on other programming, even those that were
successful like our pilots of World's Hairiest Rectums, because of the
tremendous demand to see Carolyn's tits."
Analysts speculate that ratings have risen by as much as fifteen percent
in the nine months since the CBS name change, attributing it to the fact
that viewers have found stability in a channel that broadcasts nothing but
Survivor all day long. "It's a proven maxim of all businesses that a
consumer values stability and continuity above all else. CBS, in providing
its viewers with a means through which to watch Survivor at any given
point during the day has achieved a monumental breakthrough,"
explained television analyst Mark Friedman from Stanford.
The recent moves are not without precedent; in May, Canadian music station
MuchMusic changed its name to Rick's Testicles Network, a reflection of
the fact that the station was so bereft of actual music that it had
resorted to focusing upon the gonads of its popular host Rick Campanelli.
