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Bin Laden Mr. Hyde To Bush's Dr. Jekyll
Washington, DC-In a startling revelation, American President George W. Bush confessed that he and arch-nemesis Osama Bin Laden are, in actual fact, the same person.
"I’ll admit it," said Bush, "the reason no one’s found Bin Laden is because he is me."
Bush explained that he had been having some problems with the country, and had started to take a variety of different drugs, to help him forget his problems. "Unfortunately," explains Bush, "the mix of drugs I took turned me in to another person, just like in the book Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde."
Secretary of State Colin Powell commented later that he is "not surprised by the news. I knew something was up. Every thirty minutes [George] would be like ‘uh, guys, I hafta go to the bathroom.’ Put it this way: I knew he wasn’t putting on make-up."
Bush continued to clarify the situation:
"You see, this country was really starting to piss me off, right around August of last year. So, I starting taking these drugs, which turned me into Bin Laden. On the 11th of September, I got so fed up with everything in this hell-hole of a country that I called some people in the Middle-East and asked them kindly if they could destroy some stuff. Once I came to, I realised that, as President of the United States of America, I would have to try and save my ass by creating all these fake enemies. Mohammed Atta? I made that up! I started this, and now I have to finish it, but my fellow Americans, do not be alarmed, the ongoing fight against terrorism will not stop, until we find everyone responsible for September 11th."
One reporter asked, "Mr. President, how come we heard Bin Laden, er, your voice on a microphone over in Afghanistan?"
"That’s simple, really," replied Bush. "I faked it."
"And the Osama Bin Laden tapes?"
"Made them at my cottage in Arizona. Lots of Afghani looking rocks and stuff."
When asked to comment on whether or not it was appropriate for him to continue his reign as President, Bush responded "as long as Osama Bin Laden, Al Qaeda, and terrorism still exist, we must remain a united nation and government, until these things are destroyed."
Many political analysts now theorise that Colin Powell is in fact Zacharias Moussaoui, and that White House Press Secretary Ari Fleischer is actually Yasser Arafat, however these reports have not as yet been confirmed by White House Press Secretary Ari Fleischer.
