| Chapter One |
| Disclaimer: We do not own Wile E. Coyote (drat), any of the media that the quotes come from (double drat), or LotR (curses, foiled again!) We do, however, own the 'confused, blinky face.' It's ours, you can't have it. ************************ Thranduil: "My son, I think we need to have a little talk about this Strider fellow." Legolas: "I'm not bright. Big words confuse me. I have the attention span of a rodent. And Strider loves me anyway. He makes me happy, and that should be enough for you!" Thranduil: "Uh..." *confused blinky face (TM)* "Legolas, I just wanted to know if he was going to pay back that five bucks he owes me." Legolas (blushing): "Oh. Oops." * * * Frodo (buried neck-deep in snow on Caradhras): "Legolas, how *the heck* do you manage to prance around *on top* of the snow like this?!?" Legolas: "Well, Frodo, I..." Aragorn (pops out from behind Legolas...): "Cause he's magic *ooh!*, magic *ooh!* * * * Pippin: "Gandalf, may I have some of your pipe weed, please?" Gandalf (blowing smoke rings): "You can't have any; you're too young." * * * At Isengard, Gandalf leaps off of the tower and onto the back of the eagle. Saruman watches for a moment before leaping off after him, hitting the ground below with a thud and leaving a deep imprint of his body (a la Wile E. Coyote) Saruman (in a cheesy British accent): "He flies, I don't. He flies, I don't. *He flies, I don't.*" * * * At Amon Hen, the boat carrying Boromir's body is about to go over the falls. Legolas: "Uh, oh..." Gimli: "Don't tell me. He's about to go over a huge waterfall?" Legolas: "Yep." Gimli: "Sharp rocks at the bottom?" Legolas: "Most likely." Both: "Bring it on." Boromir (going over the waterfall): "Booyaaaaahh!!! Whooooohooooo!..." * * * In Moria, the Fellowship has just barred the doors against the approaching orcs. Boromir: "They have a cave troll." Legolas tries to notch an arrow, but can't quite seem to do it. (Highly unlikely I know, but work with me here ) Aragorn (glaring at the elf): "Hurry up!" Legolas (in a sing-song voice): "Patience is a virtue." Aragorn (also in a sing-song verse, but still annoyed): "Not right now it isn't!" * * * At Amon Hen, just after the Fellowship leaves the boats. Aragorn: "A shadow and a threat has been growing in my mind." Legolas (looking at him strangely): "And how did you come up with that?" Aragorn (shrugging): "I had a hunch, Legolas." Legolas (hands on his hips): "You don't have hunches; *I* have hunches." Aragorn (smirking): "I had one of your hunches, Leggy. It felt good." * * * After Gandalf has fallen into shadow, the Balrog appears to the Fellowship. Frodo (looking wide-eyed, scared and lonely *you know the face*): "What did you do to Gandalf?" Balrog: "I ate his liver with some fava beans and a nice chianti." (slurps) Fellowship: "Ewww." * * * At the Council of Elrond in Rivendell. Boromir: "Well, you tell him it's not true." Aragorn: "No, it's not true." Legolas (puzzled): "So it's not true?" Aragorn: "No, it's not true." Elrond (standing and pointing at Boromir): "Aha! So it is true! A double negative." Boromir (shifting uneasily and paling): "Double negative? You mean you have... photographs?" Aragorn just sits and smirks. Elrond: "That sounds like a confession to me. In fact the double negative has led to proof positive. I'm afraid you gave yourself away." Boromir (getting angry): "Are you trying to make me look stupid in front of the rest of the council?!" Elrond (one eyebrow raised): "You don't need any help from me, sir." Boromir (speaking before he thinks): "That's right." Pauses. "Wait..." * * * In Rivendell, Aragorn and Arwen are standing on the bridge. Arwen (giving Aragorn her Evenstar): "I choose a mortal life." Elrond (popping up from behind Arwen): "Do you hear that, Estel? That is the sound of inevitability. It is the sound of... your death." Arwen (elbowing Elrond in the stomach and whining): "Daddy!" Aragorn (blinking): "Uh, I think I'll be going now." * * * In Rivendell at the Council of Elrond Aragorn (standing up): "I am Aragorn, son of Arathorn." Legolas (also standing): "So it *was* you. I was going to expose you." Aragorn: "I know, so I choose to expose myself." Boromir (leaping to his feet): "Please! There are ladies present." (looks around) "Okay, so there's not, but Legolas is close enough." Legolas notches an arrow... * * * In Lothlorien Arwen: "Grandma, which wallpaper do think would look good in Aragorn's throne room?" Galadriel (clapping her hands together): "Ooh, wallpaper! Fun!" * * * On to the answers On to Chapter Three: The Madness Continues |