Gandalf (to Frodo): "By putting on that Ring you may have brought about the next apocalypse."
Frodo: "Gasp!"
Elrond (points to Gandalf): "You, lighten up, (points to Frodo) you, big trouble (points to Legolas) you, stay with them and be one of the few competent members of this outfit!"
Boromir and Aragorn: "Hey!"
Elrond: "You guys are competent too...I guess."
Thank you to Lady Megami for this one!
* * *
In Rivendell
Arwen enters her chamber, only to find Legolas, Elrond, and Aragorn playing with her hair accessories. Screams of rage were heard all the way to Gap of Rohan.
Elrond (whispering): "She looks angry."
Legolas (also whispering): "Yeah, what should we do?"
Aragorn (still with the whispering): "Running would be a good idea."
They all get up and run in utter, and strangely choreographed, panic from Arwen's room.
* * *
In Rivendell, again
Gandalf (confronting Elrond): "I've read some interesting fanfics about you and Isildur lately..."
Elrond (laughing): "Why believe those? I've heard so much more interesting tales." (ticking them off on his fingers) "I seduced Gil-galad in his own chamber. I teach pigs to dance and horses to fly and I keep the moon carefully hidden within the folds of my robe."
Gandalf: *confused blinky face*
* * *
In the wilderness, where no one can hear you scream...
Boromir has stolen Legolas's schoolgirl outfit (we said we'd bring it back!) and has tied Leggy to a tree.
Boromir: "C'mon Leggy! It looks good on me!"
Legolas (like a stubborn little kid): "You can't make me look. I'll just shut my eyes!" *proceeds to shut eyes*
Boromir (in a scary, maniacal-type voice): "Oh, you'll open them. You have to breathe sometime."
Legolas (yelling): "No I won't! I...wait. What do my eyes have to do with breathing?"
* * *
At Arwen and Aragorn's wedding
Elrond (with an arm draped across Aragorn's shoulders): "Someday, and that day may never come, I will call upon you to do a service for me. But until that day, accept this justice as a gift on my daughter's wedding day."
Elrond hands him a small, orange business card with the words "Get out of marriage free" written in bold letters.
* * *
Weathertop
The Hobbits are slowly being surrounded by five Nazgul.
Merry: "There's only one hope!"
Pippin: "Run from side to side?"
Merry: "Yup."
* * *
In a field, somewhere...
The Hobbits and Strider suddenly come upon a small cow rolling around in the grass.
Sam: "What's with that cow?"
Pippin: "Maybe aliens took over its brain!"
Merry: "Or maybe its been possessed by Pazuzu!"
Frodo: "Or maybe..."
Strider (stomping his foot to the ground): "This is *not* a supernatural cow!"
* * *
In the wilderness
Legolas is dancing around the campsite in his skirt and pigtails ensemble doing a frighteningly realistic Britney Spears impersonation.
Legolas: "Hit me, baby, one more time..."
Aragorn: "He's gone bahooties!"
The Fellowship proceeds to run around in utter, and strangely choreographed, panic.
* * *
At the Council of Elrond
The nine walkers are standing in a huddle listening to Elrond speaking.
Legolas (leaning over to Aragorn and whispering): "I'm wearing a thong."
Elrond hears this and slams his fist down on a nearby table. "I'm wearing a thong too, but two thongs don't make a right!"
He realizes what he has just said and blushes. "Ahem, um...you shall be...the Fellowship of the Ring!"
* * *
Again with the Council of Elrond
Elrond (standing, with a wave of his hand): "Frodo, the ring."
The council begins to snicker. Elrond looks around bewildered, only to see that Boromir has stolen his chair.
Boromir (smiling happily): "Elrond's butt is so warm and squishy!"
Elrond gives him the go-to-hell-of-Rivendell glare.
Boromir (wiggling around in the chair): "Ain't no booty like an Elrond booty!"
* * *
On to the answers
On to Chapter Thirteen: It's Bloody Raining Outside