What to say here? It's 7.10 p.m., my name's Addin, I'm jaded today, I feel empty. Why? Cos I've lost my goal. I've already lost my destination on August 23, 2000.
Actually, I've been so closed to my destination, but I still can't reach it. I'm fascinated by my destination, that's why I always keep it in my heart. But now, my destination is fades away. It going further, I can't feel it, I can't reach it, i can't even see it. Guys, what kind of life is it? Do you ever feel it before?
Life without destination, without something to reach. Ever felt that before?
Well, it's the painful feeling that ever happend to me, in my life. This time, when I write this... I feel the same way.
My girl, My destination... leaving me.

On August 23,2000, at (approx.) 2.05 p.m., when i just arrive home from school... my girl call me. she said that she can't handle me, she said
"let's just get over it...".
As you know, her word is my command. Without consciousness, I said "ok, let's get over it".
Then she hang up the phone, while I still heard the beeping... sign that she's already hang the phone off...and turn my life off.
My tears start to fall.... I can do nothing, I can't smile, I just can do NOTHING!
But that day forces me to smile, every body treated me good. I have to smile in a situation like that... imagine how hard is it! I can smile... but everytime I stopped my smile, my tears started to fall again.

I was crying in my way to Bhinneka (I like to playing basketball when I was sad). My tears are falling when I do lay ups, shoot, and the other basketball stuff. Her name keep on passing through my mind.
After three and a half hour I spent on basketball, I was coming home. My tears are empty.. but I still crying.. I was crying until I feel my eyes scratched out! I don't care about it. I keep on crying in my way home. I felt so weak. I was chilled by this thing. It killing me. It dissect me! This life is like dying when she's gone. what life mean without a home, a common gorund, a place to go, a destination... what does life mean without my girl? I said to my self that I'll die sooner or later without her. But until now. I'm alive! Girl.. kill me.

I know it will end this way. But I kepp on deny it. Why? Because I love this girl.

I never feel like this before. Girls leaving me is not a big deal. It keep happened on me on and on again. I didn't feel any pain.
But now, this girl leaving me. This very special girl lesving me. Turn my whole damn life off. I know the reason. I can't make her happy. And now (maybe) she's already got another boy who can make her happy. I hope she would be happy with him.
But I want to ask her something:

1. Is he perverted like me?
2. Is he speaks eloquently?
3. Is he an older version of me? "Alanis Morissette, You Oughta Know"

At last.. I want to thank for her...Tina, thanks for mentoring me.
Thanks for your time to thought me how to cry, to love, to live, to grieve, to gave a lot more honor to girls, and many other precious thing that I have to know
Thanks for being my home when I'm tired.
Thanks for ever being a compass for me when I was lost.
Thanks for being an anchor for me, so that the wave couldn't carried me away and make me misdirectio.
Thanks for being my savior in my hardest time and when I was humble.
Thanks for being the dreams that I keep wearing me.
Thanks for the chance that you gave.
Thanks for mold me into who people wants me to be.
Thanks for your time.
Thanks for the time that you spent to sing a song for me.
Thanks for the advice.
Thanks for ever being my partner.
Thanks for ever being my very own synpathetic character.
Thanks for being yourself.
Thanks for the judge that you gave.
Thanks for the support... (eventhough I do wrong she keep on saying "That's appropriate Addin").
Thanks for the joke.
Thanks for ever being my best friend.
Thanks for being a listener for me.
Thanks for giving me deliverance.
Thanks for the high feeling that you gave (eventhough I'm scared of height).
Thanks for the wings that can make me fly.
Thanks for the John Stocton card.
Thanks for the love tags...
Thanks for the spider picture.
Thanks for ever being there for me.
Thanks for the lies that you said to my dad.
Thanks for the poem.
Thanks for the questions.
Thanks for asking me to do something.
Thanks for the untrust.
Thanks for the perennial lusts.
Thanks for the ingrained.
Thanks for the ring.
Thanks for ever being my girl.