Lance squinted his eyes, trying to block out as much of the light as possible. His head felt like it would explode, his mouth was dryer than a desert, and his stomach felt as if it were being turned inside out. And then there was that God awful banging that had woken him up in the first place.
Lance groaned as he tried to roll over and his stomach turned. Through the door leading from the living room to the kitchen, Lance could hazily make out Joey and Chris rifling through cabinets and banding pots and pans. That's when he smelled it. The food.
"Oh God." He grunted, sprinting from the sofa to the bathroom, barely registering that Chris had followed him until he felt the reassuring hand on his back as his already empty stomach tried to empty itself again.
"It's ok Lance. Don't fight it. Just let it come and relax. It'll be over more quickly that way." Chris said softly, mindful of the headache Lance was sure to have.
"Oh God, I'm dying." Lance moaned into the toilet.
"Is that what you had in mind when you drank all of that liquor? Cause you know, if Briteny hadn't found you this morning and made you throw up, you might have." Chris said, a little more sharply than he'd intended to.
"I wasn't trying to do that Chris. I swear I wasn't. I just wanted the pain to stop. I wanted to be numb, to not feel and last night it wouldn't go away. I just couldn't get it to go away." Lance said, beginning to cry into his friend's shoulder.
"Shhh. I'm sorry. I didn't mean that, Lance. I really didn't. I know you're hurting. JC broke your heart. It's supposed to hurt. I just wish I could make it better. Your heart shouldn't have been broken. He shouldn't have done that to you. You didn't deserve that." Chris was whispering into his friend's ear while rocking the sobbing boy in his arms. Chris raised his eyes to meet Joey's who had come into the bathroom shortly after he had.
"He didn't break my heart. I broke my own heart. That's what hurts so bad, but I do deserve to hurt. It's all my fault." Lance sobbed uncontrolably.
Chris looked back up at Joey, his expression clearly puzzled, as was Joey's. Looking back at Lance, Chris pulled away slightly to look at his crying "brother". "What do you mean you broke your own heart? How do you deserve to hurt?"
"I wasn't enough for him. I wasn't able to be his everything. I couldn't give him what he needed. It's all my fault. I messed things up. I ruined everything." Lance told him, as if it was common knowledge to the world that he hadn't been what JC had needed, tears still streaming down his face.
"Oh God Lance. No. You're wrong. That's not it at all. You didn't do anything wrong. None of this was your fault." Joey said, his eyes wide, betraying his shock at Lance's confession. Kneeling beside his friends, Joey took Lance by his shoulders. "You had nothing to do with this. You didn't do a single thing wrong."
"Then why'd he do it? Why did he have to go somewhere else if I didn't do anything wrong?" Lance demanded to know.
"I don't know why he did it." Joey admitted.
"There's no other reason. I just wasn't enough for him. He needed more. He needed more than what I was ready or able to give him." Lance told them, conviction in his voice.
"We'll talk about this later ok? Right now, let's get you to the kitchen and get some coffee and food in you." Chris said, his eyes meeting Joey's over Lance's head.
~*~
"Josh, are you almost done in there?" Justin called through the bathroom door. When he and Briteny had gotten there, JC had been sitting in the exact same spot as he was when Briteny had left earlier that morning. Through a lot of talking and yelling from Justin, JC had finally gotten up and agreed to take a shower. Briteny and Justin had spent that time cleaning up the house a little.
"Yeah, I'm just shaving." JC said, opening the door a little. The lower half of his face was covered in shaving foam. He studied himself in the mirror for a moment the went back to the task at hand.
"You know," Justin started, coming in the bathroom and jumping up on the counter next to JC, facing him while he talked. It was something they had always done. "The guys, Briteny and I are really worried about you. And Lance."
"What? What's wrong with Lance?" JC asked, his full attention on his friend now, totally forgetting his shaving. His thoughts were racing with things that could be wrong with Lance.
"He's drinking himself into an early grave. That's what. And you're not much better. You're just letting yourself sit out there in your living room and rot away. You guys have got to stop this." Justin told JC, leaving no room for argument.
"I know." JC sighed, his eyes turning back to his reflection. "I just don't know how to fix this. I don't even know if I can." JC sounded defeated. Justin didn't like to see his friend like this.
"I'm not going to tell you that you didn't screw up. You did. I know that. You know that. Lance knows that. You are going to have to talk to him. At least try to salvage your friendship. Show him that he can trust you. I don't know if you guys will ever get back together. But you can at least have your friend back. I'm not going to lie to you. It won't be the same as it was before you guys got together, but at least he'll still be in your life." Justin said, patting his friend on the back and leaving him to his thoughts.
JC just looked at his reflection, trying to come up with a way to make Lance trust him again. It would be hard, but he had to try.
Meanwhile, Justin was dialing a number he hadn't called in months. He hadn't heard from the Basses in a really long time. Lance would tell them about how the family was doing when he would call them, but none of Lance's family had come to visit him on tour lately. Justin thought it was strange, but Lance just told them that his family was really busy with FreeLance and other things.
"Hello?" the female voice answered on the other end of the line, her southern drawl prominent. Justin couldn't help but smile at the familiar voice.
"Hi, Diane. It's Justin."
"What do you want?" Diane answered back. Justin was taken back by her steely tone.
"It's about Lance. Something happened between him and JC and he really needs you." Justin said, deciding to ignore the cold tone in Diane's voice.
"So. What do you expect me to do about it? Serves the damned faggot right. I tried to tell him it was wrong and he was going to get nothing but pain. Did he listen? No. He's going to hell and that's all there is to it. I don't ever want to hear that boys name again, you understand me Timberlake? I don't have a son anymore. My son died when he decided to become a sinner and forsake God. He deserves everything he gets." Diane ranted, then promptly Justin's ear was filled with the sound of a dial tone.
Justin was in shock. Lance had told them all that his family supported him 100%. That his family was happy as long as he was happy. Justin was having trouble comprehending what he'd just heard from the one person who was supposed to love Lance no matter what.
"THAT BITCH!" Justin finally yelled, when his brain registered what he'd heard from the woman in Mississippi.
"What? What's wrong? Justin?" Briteny came running into the living room where Justin was sitting, JC not far behind her.
"Who were you talking to?" JC asked, puzzled by his friend's outburst.
"I just called Lance's mom. Thought she'd want to be here for her son. Do you know what she said? She called him a faggot. She called him a sinner. She said he was going to burn in hell. She said her son was dead. What the hell?" Justin was pacing the floor now, his anger to much for him to sit still.
"What?" Briteny yelled, just as shocked as Justin.
"Justin, please tell me you didn't call her. Please tell me I didn't hear you right." JC begged, his shoulders sagging, his voice pleading.
"Yeah I called her. What the hell is going on JC?" Justin demanded, turning to his friend.
"Oh God. Lance didn't want you guys to know. He didn't want you to ever find out. At least not any time soon. I tried to get him to tell you. I really did, but he made me promise not to say anything." JC said, sinking into the couch.
"JC what are you talking about?" Briteny asked, sitting beside him, putting an arm around his shoulder for support.
"That week that he went home and told his family. He didn't lie to you about that. He did tell them. He was so happy when he left. We were in love and he was so happy. He couldn't wait to tell his family and friends that he was in love. He went home to his family. I wanted to go and be with him when he told them, but I had to be in the studio. He told them. He told his closest friends first. They rejected him. Turned their backs on him. He hasn't talked to them since. He called me, told me what happened. But he said that was fine, he didn't need them anyway. He still had his family, you guys and he had me. That was all he needed he said. Then he told his family." JC said, tears starting to make their way down his face at the memories. "They rejected him. His father hit him. Ford won't let him anywhere near Stacy or his nephew. His parents told him never to come back. Disowned him. Called him all kinds of names. Wouldn't even let him take his stuff from his old room. They said that was for their son Lance, not him. He hasn't talked to them since." JC explained to them, openly sobbing now, for the hurt his love had gone through. "He was a mess when he came home. He didn't want you guys to know. He didn't want you to feel sorry for him or worry about him. He promised me I wouldn't tell. Everytime he told you he had talked to his family and would tell you the stuff they'd done together when he went home, it broke my heart, cause he never went home again. He'd take his car to the airport and leave it there. Then he'd stay here and wouldn't leave for anything, so you guys wouldn't find out."
"He lied to us all that time? Jesus, JC, that was almost a year ago since he came out to them. He's been faking it all this time?" Justin asked, not believing what he was hearing. JC nodded.
"What about Christmas. He always went home for Christmas." Briteny asked, trying to process this information.
JC shook his head. "He waited until all of you left to go home to your own families and then he came up to Bowie and stayed with me and my family."
"Oh God. Poor Lance." Briteny sighed, hurting for her friend. He really didn't have anyone anymore except for the five of them, and now he didn't even have the one person he'd sacrificed everything for.
"Oh shit." Justin said, quickly turning away from the window he had been staring out. "What if she calls him?"
"You've got to call Joey or Chris. You can't let him talk to her. She'll destroy what's left of him. You can't let her get to him." JC shouted, jumping up from his place on the sofa and quickly grabbing Justin by his shoulders, his eyes wide with panic.
"Ok JC. I'm calling. Just calm down. God, I hope she hasn't called." Briteny said, dialing Joey's cell phone while Justin tried to calm his friend down.
~*~
"You feel better now?" Chris asked, sitting Lance down in a chair. Lance had opted for a shower before eating.
"I feel more human, or as close to it as I can get right now." Lance said, smiling weakly for his friends benefit. He honestly didn't feel any better. He felt dead, but not numb. He just wanted to be numb, to not feel all the pain inside of him.
"Well, here. Eat this. You'll feel better with something in your stomach." Joey said, placing a plate of food in front of Lance.
Lance's stomach turned at the thought of the food, but he humored Joey and began to nibble at it. He sighed in relief when the ringing of his cell phone saved him from having to fake an appetite.
"That's mine. I got it." Lance said, jumping up from his seat and running to the living room to retrieve his cell phone from it's charger. Only seconds later, Joey's rang.
"Hello?" Joey asked, turning away from the living room to sit at the table.
"Joey, it's Briteny. Is Lance ok?" She asked first off, wanting to know how her distraught and troubled friend was.
"He's better. Has a hell of a hang over, but he's showered and he's fixing to eat." Joey informed her. Joey looked up when he heard a door slam. Chris was making his way quickly down the hall. Joey figured Lance was going to be sick again.
"Great. Listen. We just talked to Lance's mom. I'll explain later, but answer his phone for him if someone calls and if it's her, don't let her talk to him. He's been lying to us. Details aren't important, but he hasn't talked to his family in over a year. They disowned him when he came out. Everyone turned their backs on him except us." Briteny said as quickly as possible, giving Joey only the necessary information.
"Shit. He just answered his cell phone right before you called. He just went to the bathroom." Joey said, jumping up from his seat and walking quickly down the hallway. He could feel Briteny holding her breath. "Chris, what's going on?"
"I don't know." Chris said, knocking on the door. He could hear crying inside. "The only thing I heard was him answer the phone, say 'Mom'. Then he ran in here and locked the door." Chris said, not knowing about the enormity of the situation.
"Oh Christ. It was his mom on the phone." Joey whispered into the phone.
"Oh God no." Briteny sighed into the phone, her voice not as steady as it had been moments before.