Lance wandered around the back yard of Justin's house, where he lived with his mother when he was home. The stars were shining brightly in the sky, the light reflecting off of he ripples in the pool beside him. It was slightly chilly out. A decent temperature for an Orlando autumn night. Not terribly cold, but cold enough that you would know fall was there.
Lance pulled his jacket tighter around him as the wind picked up. Leaves that littered the yard blew around him. One leaf in particular landed in the small cement lake, floating in the cool, blue water. It reminded Lance of a ship, lost at sea. That's how he felt, lost. No sign of a rescue in sight and he wasn't sure if he wanted needed or deserved one.
He knew JC loved him. He knew JC was in love with him, and that he was in love with JC. Maybe he'd been wrong his whole life. He'd always thought that love would always be enough, no matter what. Nothing else was supposed to matter when you were in love. But obviously he'd been wrong when he'd stuck by his boyish notions of love. Maybe it wasn't enough. Evidently it wasn't enough for JC. He'd gone to someone else to get what Lance hadn't been able to give him, whatever it was that JC had needed and obviously found in Ron.
Lance found that he'd been many things that day, but angry at JC for what he'd done wasn't one of them. He'd been hurt, betrayed, shocked, numb, sad, but never angry. He could never be angry at JC, no matter what he'd done. Lance knew that he should be angry. He should be irate and shouting, yelling, screaming at the man who'd broken his heart. But he couldn't find it to be mad at JC for something that, in Lance's mind at least, was his own fault.
Lance sighed and sank down on the concrete that surrounded the pool. He'd had doubts when they had started this relationship almost three years prior. He'd wondered how someone like him could keep such a free-spirited person like JC. They were completely different. JC had to be out there, around people, lots of people and lots of different kinds of people, in order to be happy. Lance on the other hand, was perfectly content to stay at home, curl up on the couch and watch tv with the one he loved.
He'd been scared when they'd first admitted their feelings for each other, wondering how long it would take for JC to become bored, feel hemmed in, strangled by their relationship. JC had lasted longer than Lance had ever thought he would. Lance could definitely give him that.
Lance knew they loved each other, but the love wasn't enough. JC need something more, which Lance must not have been able to give, so he'd sought it elsewhere. Lance couldn't blame him for that. Lance knew that in all actuality it was his fault. He'd dared to love a man who had needed more than he could give. He'd dared to trust his heart and soul to someone else. He'd failed to give the man he loved, what he needed.
Lance cried. Not for his broken heart, not because he was betrayed, but because he'd failed. He'd failed to give what was needed. He'd failed to be what JC needed. He'd failed at being JC's everything. That hurt worse than anything JC could have done to him did.
Now he was alone. He had no one left anymore. His family had deserted him when he'd told them he was gay and in love with JC. Some of the most important people in his life had abandoned him. He hadn't been able to be what they needed either. The only people that were close to him that had remained by his side were his group mates and best friends. Everyone else had left him in the cold, and now JC was gone too.
"Lance?" the quiet voice broke through the silence of the night. Sniffles were all that greeted Justin's ears as he steeped off the patio and into the back yard. Justin could see Lance sitting next to the pool, crying into his hands. "Lance? Are you ok?" Justin asked, moving to his side and sitting down beside him on the cool concrete.
"I'll be fine, Justin, but thanks for asking. What are you doing here? Why aren't you at your party?" Lance asked him, wiping arrant tears from his face.
"I was worried. Joey and Chris brought Josh. He told me what happened. He's a mess, Lance." Justin told him, gauging his reaction.
"Aren't we all? I hope he'll be alright." Lance said, gazing into the pool.
"He's told me to tell you that he's sorry, and that he loves you. He's worried about you." Justin said, laying a gentle hand on his friend's arm.
"I know he loves me, that's what makes it so hard. I love him and I'm sorry too." Lance said, not taking his eyes off the pool of water as it rippled in the breeze.
"What do you have to be sorry for, Lance? You haven't done anything wrong." Justin said, puzzled.
"I'm going to go and look for another place to stay tomorrow. I shouldn't be here invading your space." Lance said, completely ignoring Justin's question.
"You don't have to do that, Lance. You know you can stay here as long as you want." Justin said, studying his friend closely.
"I know that, Justin. I just need to be on my own for a change. Do you realize that I've never lived on my own? I'm twenty-two years old and I've never had a place to myself. I stayed with Joey until I moved in with Josh. I think it's time for me to try things out on my own for once." Lance said, looking at Justin for the first time since he'd sat down.
"If that what you want to man, I'm behind you a hundred percent." Justin said, pulling Lance to him in a reassuring hug.
"It's what I have to do." Lance whispered.
~*~
The next couple of days were hectic for Lance and the others of the group. They had the time off from the studio work, but spent their time getting Lance situated into his new apartment, completely across town from everyone else. Justin and Joey helped move his things from the house he used to share with JC, while Chris helped Lance pick out new furniture for his apartment.
Packing Lance's things at JC's was the hardest thing for Joey and Justin to watch. It had taken a few hours, in which time JC was determined he was going to help, but instead cried the entire time. It broke his friends' hearts. Chris was having about the same trouble. Lance would look at something and say 'JC would like that.' Then he'd think about it, and break down into tears.
The three friends refused to choose sides in the rift between the couple, determined to be there for both of their friends, no matter what. Lance appreciated that they weren't holding JC's indiscretion against him. It wouldn't have been right for them to do that, when Lance himself wasn't holding it against him.
For Briteny's part, she went by everyday to both homes, making sure both JC and Lance were doing ok. She didn't like what she saw happening to her friends. JC spent the rest of the week, after Lance's things had been moved, shut in his house, in silence. He had unplugged his phone, hadn't turned on the television, or gone out the door since Justin and Joey had left with the last of Lance's things. He was withering away.
Lance wasn't much better. Yes, he went out. He watched television. He talked on the phone when someone would call him. He even went clubbing with the rest of the group. Yet he didn't laugh. He didn't smile, and drank Justin and Joey under the table every chance he got. Briteny had brought some food over to his apartment only a few days after he'd moved in and was surprised to find three bottles of Jack Daniels, completely full and another bottle nearly empty. There were several more in the trash can by the kitchen door. She was getting worried.
"Guys, we've got to do something. Both of them are slowly killing themselves." Briteny said as she came into Justin's house, throwing her keys and purse on the hall table.
"What are you talking about Brit? " Joey asked, looking at her puzzled. It was exactly a week since Lance had moved out of the house he had shared with JC for almost two years. The four had planned to gather at Justin's that night to decide what to do with their evening.
"I'm talking about Scoop and Spaz. Do you even know what I saw when I went to JC's?" Briteny asked, plopping down onto the sofa beside her boyfriend.
"No what? I was over there yesterday, and things seemed like they have been for the past week." Chris said.
"That's exactly what I mean. Everything is exactly the same. He sits in the same spot, listening to the same CD, wearing the same clothes. The only thing that's change is his facial hair has gotten thicker since he hasn't shaved. And you will not guess what I found at Lance's." Briteny said, throwing her hands up in the air.
"I'm even scared to ask." Justin said, closing his eyes.
"I was scared too. You know I went grocery shopping with him yesterday right? Well, anyway, when we got back and we were putting the stuff up, there were four bottles of JD and two of vodka. And I ain't talking about no little bottle either. When I went over today, he was passed out on the couch, two empty bottles of vodka and a JD on the floor beside him. I looked in the fridge, and the other three bottles of Jack were gone, but his garbage was empty, so at least he took that out sometime during the night. I'm surprised he's not dead. But he did have a good hangover when I woke him up and vomited three times. I think he'll be ok when he sleeps it off." Briteny told them, shaking her head sadly.
"That's it. I'm calling his mom. He needs he's people around him. I'll try and get some of his friends from Mississippi down here. I know he told them all he was gay. They'll want to be here for him. Chris, Joey, call JC's mom and his sister. They need to get down here." Justin said, standing up and taking his cell phone.
"Brit come with me. We're going to go to JC's and try to get him to at least shower and shave. Why don't you guys go sit with Lance so someone's there when he wakes up. Watch him. Don't let him drink anything else. And don't tell him I'm calling his family. He might get pissed at us for sticking our noses in." Justin said, heading to the door with Briteny in tow.