Disclaimer: The characters from Fushigi Yuugi are the creations and property of Yuu Watase and related enterprises. The characters from Inu-Yasha are the creations and property of Rumiko Takahashi and related enterprises. I do not own them and do not make any profit from this fiction except for my own enjoyment in spending time with them.

On the other hand, the original characters Mom and Dad are my original creations and they belong to me. As do other assorted family members. As for the reviewers and fanfic authors in this fic - they belong to themselves! But I get to "borrow" them for the duration of this fic.

Warning: Some shounen-ai again - let's just take it as given for the rest of this fic, okay? - a harsh portrayal of nonconsensual ear-asssault; some extreme provocation of Chichiri fans by the author; and a brutally honest depiction of the things sisters argue about!!

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Chapter 7.    ...Make a Left Turn onto Fantasy

 

Part A.    Mistaken Impressions

 

Roku turns back to survey the onstage pandemonium, still hiccuping quietly. Mitsukake is trying to soothe Tama-neko, who has his fur standing on end and is hissing at both Hotohori and Tasuki. Chiriko runs off to fetch his videocamera to film events unprecedented in theatre history. Hotohori is sobbing, distraught over his shocking transformation. Miaka walks up to him and scoops him into her arms, failing to notice the scowl on Tasuki's dog-demon face.

 

Miaka: (soothingly) Don't cry, Hotohori - everything's going to be all right.

Hotohori: (sobbing) But just look at meeeeeeeeee…

Miaka: You look fine. (grinning) Actually, you look very kawaii!!

Hotohori: (wailing) I'm not supposed to be cute - I'm supposed to be beautifuuullllll!!!

Tasuki: Feh!! I can't take much more of this!

 

Roku-chan looks towards her lead actor in concern, but he just stalks offstage towards his dressing room, muttering grumpily, especially when he stubs a bare toe against a prop.

 

Tasuki: Goddammit! How come I lost my new boots on top of everything else?! Stupid floppy clothes, too!

 

He tugs impatiently at the billowing red kimono and tries to keep his long white hair out of his face. He suddenly picks up a familiar scent, and his pointed canine ears twitch back. He knows that someone is trying to sneak up on him, but his sharpened senses keep him way ahead of the game. He picks up a muffled snicker from across the room.

 

Tamahome: (smirking broadly while shaking a box of Milkbones) Here, Tasuki! Where are you, doggy-doggy? Come on home now - Daddy’s got a box of your favorite treats! (produces a collar and leash from behind his back) See? It’s time for walkies! Be a good boy and I won’t make you beg!

 

Tasuki whirls around and spots Tamahome across the greenroom. He starts to run at him - but suddenly finds himself crossing the room in one large leap, landing swiftly in front of Tamahome. Tamahome falls back startled.

 

Tasuki: (snarling and baring his fangs and claws) Fuck you, Obake-chan!

 

Tamahome freezes in place, momentarily startled by the golden eyes with slitted pupils, the sharp claws, wolf ears and fierce attitude. But the bad language and fangs lend a touch of familiarity to Tasuki’s form, and Tamahome can’t resist teasing his brother warrior.

 

Tamahome: (opening his eyes wide) My, what big teeth you have, Grandmother! (in a squeaky voice) The better to eat Milkbones with, my dear!

 

That’s the last straw. Fed up with Tamahome’s teasing, Tasuki throws a punch at him. But in spite of Tamahome being prepared for this move, Tasuki’s increased demon speed lets him get past Tama’s guard, and he knocks his brother warrior across the room with his demon strength.

 

Tamahome: (hitting the far wall) Oof!

Tasuki: (impressed) Fuckin’ A! That’s the first time I’ve been able to get past Tama’s guard all day! Maybe this form ain’t so bad after all. (calling out to Tamahome where he lies crumpled against the wall) Hey, Tama, you want a piece of me, you know where to find me! (whirls around and heads back towards his dressing room.)

Tamahome: (gingerly feeling his jaw) Maybe this isn’t the best time to provoke Tasuki into a brawl. He seems a little more... temperamental...

 

He gets to his feet and returns to his own dressing room to clean his cut lip.

 

Roku-chan has heard the crash from the greenroom, and although she can’t see what’s happened, she deduces correctly that Tasuki is out of temper and taking it out on either somebody or something. She turns to Miaka, holding her arms out.

 

Roku: Here, Miaka, give Hotohori to me. Hic! (leans forward and speaks softly into her ear) You know, Hotohori’s not the only one upset by -hic- the recent turn of events...

 

Miaka’s eyes widen, and she quickly hands the tearful kitsune to Roku-chan.

 

Miaka: (contrite) I forgot! I think I just accepted him as Inu-Yasha and didn’t think twice!! I’d better talk to him... (runs off)

 

Roku-chan ponders her next move while unconsciously jiggling the tiny fox-demon in her arms and cuddling him close. The kitsune suddenly calms.

 

Hotohori: (voice muffled against her breast) Ahem. If you wouldn’t mind, Roku-chan, I would prefer it if you wouldn’t hold me quite so close. I’m finding it somewhat difficult to breathe...

Roku: Whoops!! Forgot that you weren’t really Shippou. (smirks down at him) You’re right, hic! Much more of this, and you’re gonna owe me dinner, buddy!

Hotohori: (finally smiling back at her as she sets him down) Sorry, but I already have a date for tonight.

Roku: (smacking her forehead) Of course! Hic! That’s the perfect place to stash you for now. If anyone can protect you -hic- from Inu-Yasha’s wrath, it’s Nuriko!

Hotohori: (turning pale) No! No, I don’t want him to see me like this!! Besides, I’m the one who’s supposed to protect him!

Roku: (narrowing her eyes) Let me give you a piece of friendly advice, Hotohori... Stop -hic- being such a chauvinist and start having a little more faith in Nuriko. If you can’t bring yourself to rely on him, even when you really need him, hic, then your relationship is doomed before it’s begun. (frowning into his wide blue eyes) Trust has to run both ways, you know.

Hotohori: (looking down) I do trust him. It’s just that I’m afraid I’m no longer the man he fell in love with...

Roku: Now that’s totally stupid, hic!! You are who you’ve always been - this is just a stupid illusion -hic- caused by Shin. I’ll get this straightened out as soon as I can, but in the meantime, hic, I need to make sure that both you and Tasuki stay safe!! So guess what, buddy! (lifts him by his tail and starts walking) We’re going to see Nuriko, like it or not, hic!

 

Hotohori sighs while staring at the ground, swinging gently by his tail as Roku-chan marches him to Nuriko’s dressing room.

 

Meanwhile, inside his dressing room, Tasuki examines his new form in the mirror.

 

Tasuki: Hmmmm. Not as tall as I used to be, but not bad. At least, not as bad as what Hotohori got stuck with! Eyes are a bit lighter - and check out the freaky pupils!

 

He suddenly grins at his mirror image and is pleased to see his familiar fangs.

 

Tasuki: Good! At least the teeth are the same.

 

His eyes drift lower and fix on the rosary that hangs around his neck.

 

Tasuki: (pleased) Hey, neat beads. (fingers the dark purplish-black beads with curved ivory teeth interspersed at regular intervals) Kinda cool - but I wonder how my beads will look with this outfit?

 

He tries to remove the rosary by lifting it over his head - but it glows and refuses to move higher than his chin.

 

Tasuki: Damn! What the fuck is the problem with this thing, anyway?

 

While wrestling with the rosary, a strand of his hair has gotten entangled in one of his claws, so he decides to finger-comb his hair. Bad mistake - his hand becomes entrapped in the long snarls, and he tugs fruitlessly, trying to free his hand but only succeeding in pulling his own hair.

 

Tasuki: Goddammit!!! Fuckin' stupid, no-good mess of a fuckin' rat's nest!!!

 

There is a soft tap at the door, and Tasuki tries to free his hand again.

 

Tasuki: Dammit!! If that's Tama, he's never gonna let me hear the end of this! (calls out) Just a sec!!

 

He turns so that his entrapped hand is towards the back of the room and tries to look as if he is casually holding his hand up to his head. He opens the door only a crack and peers out.

 

Miaka: Hi, Tasuki. (looks up at him shyly) Ummm, this is you, isn't it?

Tasuki: (blushing) Yeah, it's me. (grimaces in embarrassment) Ummm, I'm not sure I want you to see me like this…

Miaka: (suddenly firm) Don't be silly - there's nothing wrong with the way you look. Anyway, it's just a stupid mistake, and Roku-chan should have it cleared up shortly. (smiles nervously at him) Is it all right if I come in?

 

Tasuki steps aside and tries to wave her into the room - but suddenly remembers that his hand is stuck in his hair. Miaka walks past him into the room, leaving the door slightly ajar, and stands near the mirror, trying not to stare at his dog-demon form. Instead she looks around the room in a forced casual manner. Tasuki walks towards her, his hand still up by his head. Miaka frowns at him.

 

Miaka: (concerned) Is something wrong, Tasuki? Did you hurt yourself?

Tasuki: (embarrassed) Noooooo… it's just that… all this hair - it itches! Yeah, that's it!

 

He scratches his head briefly, then stops, wincing at the pain caused by his claws digging furrows in his scalp.

 

Miaka: No, I can see that you're hurt!! Here, let me take a look at you! (tries to pull his hand away)

Tasuki: No, don't - OUCH!!!

 

His head snaps to the side as she tugs on his entangled hand.

 

Miaka: (dropping his hand) Sorry, sorry! (looks carefully at him) Your hand is caught in your hair, isn't it, Tasuki?

Tasuki: (closing his eyes in humiliation) Yeah. (drops his voice) I must look pretty fuckin' stupid, huh?

Miaka: (softly) No, you don't look stupid. (tilts his chin up) Look, the same thing would have happened to me if I suddenly grew cascades of demon hair. So stop being embarrassed and just let me help you, all right?

 

Tasuki's golden eyes stare down into hers for a long quiet moment, dark with some unspoken emotion. Miaka feels her heart begin to beat rapidly as he bends towards her. She is frightened by his unfamiliar features yet excited by the familiar expression on his face. Unfortunately, Tasuki's captive hand causes his elbow to crash into the table lamp, and they jump apart, the moment ruined.

 

Tasuki: Goddam stupid fuckin'…!

 

Miaka puts a finger up to his lips, stopping his tirade. She motions him to sit down in the chair before his stage make-up mirror and picks up a brush.

 

Tasuki: What're you doin'?

Miaka: (grinning) Setting you free…

 

She brushes the strands of hair near his entangled hand, smoothing the surrounding hair out of her way. Her eyes are drawn to the wolflike ears on top of his head as they twitch nervously in response to her motions. She gently begins to unwind the hair that is wrapped around his claws, patiently working strand by strand until he is finally free. Tasuki stretches his arm out and shakes his hand to get the blood flowing again, his ears pricking forward, then flipping back towards Miaka. She stares in fascination at the expressiveness of his ears.

 

Miaka: Ummmmm, Tasuki, can I ask you a favor?

Tasuki: (grinning a fangy grin at her) Sure - I owe you one anyway.

Miaka: Would it be okay if I, ummmm… (in a rush) if I touch your ears?

Tasuki: (surprised) Sure, why not?

 

Miaka doesn't hesitate, catching the soft white furry triangles and rubbing them gently between her fingers. Tasuki can see her reflected in his mirror and almost laughs out loud at the blissful expression on her face - until she moves her fingers gently down the length of his ears, scratching softly at the base of each one. His demon eyes go wide in wonder.

 

Tasuki: Oh, gods, that feels… (gasps) that feels…

Miaka: (purring as she increases the rubbing motions) Feels what?

Tasuki: (groaning) Fantastic! Incredible! Unbelievable! Org… (stops and blushes)

Miaka: (smirking at him in the mirror) Org- what?

Tasuki: (completely scarlet) Or-iginal!! Original, that's it! I never felt anything like that!

Miaka: (laughing and releasing him) Guess I just deflowered your virgin ears, right?

Tasuki: (blushing but grinning back at her) Ya did it again! I knew that I hadda watch out for you!

 

Miaka smiles and gently caresses his long white hair.

 

Miaka: (softly) I'm beginning to see what Kagome sees in Inu-Yasha…

Tasuki: Hey!! You're startin’ to make me jealous, ya know.

Miaka: (teasing) Oooh, a jealous dog demon! Very scary thought. I wonder how Kagome deals with it all the time...

Tasuki: (growling) Let me show you how Inu-Yasha should deal with it!

 

He gets up from his chair swiftly and takes her in his arms, pulling her body into his. Miaka is tipped back slightly, and she catches onto his shoulders for support. Tasuki stares intently into her eyes as he lowers his lips to hers slowly. Miaka catches her breath, her heart racing as she is mesmerized by his demonic golden eyes. His white dragon locks swing forward, tickling her cheeks, while his claws prick lightly at her skin through the back of her uniform. She finds the unfamiliar sensations almost unbearably erotic and gasps as she is swept up in a powerful wave of desire. On his part, Tasuki is overwhelmed by the flood of information about her state of arousal that is streaming into his consciousness from his heightened demon senses. He has known since the Purification scene that she was attracted to him, but he never before realized the fierce intensity of her desire. Her response fuels his own passion, and soon they are kissing wildly, tearing at one another’s complicated clothes.

At the same time, Kagome and Sango are wandering through the greenroom towards the dressing rooms, looking for their truant companions. They see Roku-chan further down the hall outside one of the dressing rooms, holding a small furry bundle next to her body.

 

Sango: (squinting) Could that be Shippou that Roku-chan is holding? Come on, let’s check it out!

 

Roku-chan looks up to see Sango and Kagome heading towards her swiftly.

 

Roku: Shit!!! Hic! I don’t have time to explain all this to them! (begins pounding on Nuriko’s door harder) Open up, dammit! Hic!

 

The door swings open, and a damp and somewhat confused Nuriko stares out at them, towel wrapped around his waist, holding another towel to his long dark hair.

 

Nuriko: What’s going on here, Roku-chan? Why was I in my shower with my shoes on… and what is that...?

Roku: (urgently) No time to explain, hic! (shoves Hotohori into his arms) Take this - special delivery!! Guard it with your life!! Hic!! (slams the door shut on the two of them just as Kagome and Nuriko reach her)

Nuriko: (staring down at the blushing kitsune in his arms) Ummmm, Shippou, am I right?

Hotohori: (glancing away, humiliated) Actually... no.

 

Nuriko realizes that his hair is dripping onto the kitsune’s fur, so he sets the little fox down and picks up the towel again, pressing the water from the long violet strands.

 

Nuriko: So if you’re not Shippou, who are you? And why does Roku-chan think you need a guardian?

Hotohori: (sighing and gripping his tiny fox feet) It’s because Inu-Yasha is after us. He thinks we’re demons trying to masquerade as him and Shippou.

 

Nuriko tosses the hair towel away and crouches bare-chested in front of the kitsune, trying to get eye-to-eye with him. Hotohori blushes scarlet, feeling his heart rate pick up at the close proximity of his half-naked love interest. He finds himself fixating on the "willow" symbol on Nuriko’s chest - then forces his eyes away. The violet-haired seishi smiles at the tiny creature’s shyness and leans over to try to catch his eye again.

 

Nuriko: So who’s "we"? (smirking) Ya got a flea in your pocket or somethin’?

Hotohori: (completely scarlet) Noooooooo... Tasuki and I are "we." (in a rush) You see, apparently Shin started exerting its powers during Chapter 8, and transformed us into Inu-Yasha and Shippou right during the dining room scene! And that infuriated the real Inu-Yasha, who is now hunting us down for a battle!

Nuriko: (frowning) The dining room scene? That would make you Mitsukake or Chiriko, or... (catches his breath) Hotohori-samaaaaa??!!

Hotohori: (wincing in embarrassment) Yes.

 

Nuriko leaps up and grabs the other towel, holding it in front of his chest while blushing furiously. Hotohori bows his head in humiliation... and Nuriko’s heart suddenly melts. He lets the towel drop and approaches the cringing kitsune.

 

Nuriko: (softly) Hotohori-sama?

 

The kitsune looks up fearfully.

 

Nuriko: (suddenly grinning) You look very kawaii!!

 

Meanwhile, outside the door, Roku-chan turns an innocent smile on the two women.

 

Roku: Ahhhh, nice to see you, Kag-hic-ome! And you, too, Sango... hic! What brings you two down here into the dark recesses of the theatre?!

Kagome: Neeee, Roku-chan. We’re looking for Inu-Yasha and Shippou. They ran off, thinking that someone onstage has Shikon shards - but I can’t sense any in the theatre! Except for those in Kouga’s legs...

Roku: (laughing lightly) Ha, ha, hic! ha, ha! No, nothing like that around here. Hic! Just the normal everyday operations... same old boring things, ya know, hic!

Sango: (frowning) You really need to do something about those hiccups, Roku-chan. By the way, wasn’t that Shippou you were holding just now?

Roku: (eyes wide and innocent) Oh, no, no, noooo. Hic! That was just Nuriko’s fur hat for... for Chapter 13, that’s it. We decided to try a new look for him, hic! Sort of a Tomite-type fashion statement...

 

The three women begin strolling back past the dressing rooms. Kagome is looking around in concern, Sango is pondering the events leading up to this situation, while Roku-chan hustles them along, just wanting to get them out of there before they start asking difficult questions. She’s out of luck, however - a thought suddenly occurs to Sango, and she turns to Roku-chan impulsively.

 

Sango: Roku-chan, about what happened onstage just before intermission - who exactly...?

 

Unfortunately, the giant boomerang, Hiraikotsu, that she wears slung across her back knocks into Tasuki’s dressing room door, pushing it all the way open and revealing the couple within. Tasuki and Miaka are still kissing wildly - luckily for their unexpected audience, Inu-Yasha’s complicated kimono has proved too much of a challenge for their mindless tugging, and so he is still mostly clothed, the kimono only pulled down over one bare shoulder. Miaka’s buttons have also been too slippery for Tasuki’s clawed fingers, so she is only slightly disheveled. There is no doubt, however, of what they’ve been up to and where they’ve been heading.

Kagome goes very white and lets out a tiny, strangled sob. Tasuki looks up quickly, his demon senses picking up on her distress. He and Miaka jump apart, blushing furiously, while Roku-chan raises her hands to the heavens and prays silently for mercy.

 

Kagome: (in a soft, broken voice) Inu... ya... sha... (begins backing away)

 

Miaka jumps forward and grasps her arm.

 

Miaka: (desperately) Kagome - this isn’t what you think!! He isn’t Inu-Yasha!!

Kagome: (dully) Of course not. Tamahome just grew his hair really long and dyed it white, right?

 

Miaka stops and flushes guiltily. Kagome wrenches out of her grasp and takes off at a stumbling run. Sango pulls Hiraikotsu off her back and holds it above her head, glaring furiously at Tasuki.

 

Sango: Teme!!! You bastard dog!!! It’s bad enough that you have to break her heart with Kikyou - now you’re out fooling around with any priestess you can get your claws on!! You’re nothing but a... a... a miko addict!!

Tasuki: (confused) I’m a what? A what?

Sango: (snarling) Don’t you play dumb with me!! I ought to cut you in half!!

 

She raises Hiraikotsu above her head, preparing to throw the deadly demon-killer at Tasuki. Roku-chan leaps forward and grabs her arm.

 

Roku: Listen, Sango, this is all a terrible mistake! Hic!! I’ll explain everything in a moment, but first we have to get Kagome back here. (looking up at Tasuki) Tasuki, you’re the only one -hic- fast enough to get to her! Go bring her back now!

 

Tasuki nods, then leaps off with his enhanced demon/seishi speed, pulling his kimono together as he runs. Sango stares at Miaka and Roku-chan in confusion.

 

Sango: Did you call him Tasuki?!

 

She turns wide eyes on Miaka, who looks down and blushes again.

 

Sango: Guess what we saw onstage wasn’t just excellent acting, then, huh?

Miaka: (softly) No... no, it wasn’t.

 

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Part B.   Clash of the Hotheads

 

Meanwhile, Tasuki has caught sight of Kagome in the greenroom as she stumbles blindly forward, wiping at her eyes.

 

Tasuki: (to himself) Aw, fuck, she’s cryin’! I can’t stand it when girls cry!!

 

He leaps forward and catches her gently by the arm, trying to avoid scratching her with his claws. She stops but keeps her head down, her hair covering her eyes.

 

Kagome: (in a choked voice) Let me go, Inu-Yasha - I’m going home.

Tasuki: (gently) Please don’t cry, Kagome - this is all just a stupid mistake. Why don’t you come back....

Kagome: (interrupting) I’m not crying. Just let go of me.

Tasuki: (firm) No, I’m not lettin’ go, ‘cause that’s just gonna make things worse. Just let me explain...

Kagome: You don’t owe me any explanations. (looking up at him tearfully) You never made any promises to me - only to Kikyou. There was never anything between us, so you don’t owe me anything.

Tasuki: (softly) Then that half-demon is an even bigger idiot than I thought!

 

Kagome looks at him in confusion. Tasuki tries again.

 

Tasuki: Look, Kagome, I know that you’re hurtin’ right now. Hell, I know exactly how you feel - been there too many times myself. That’s why I can’t stand to see you like this - and to know that I caused it, even if I didn’t mean to. Like I said, it’s all a big mistake and if you’ll just come back with me, we’ll get it all straightened out....

Kagome: You sound different, Inu-Yasha.

Tasuki: (beaming) Good! Glad you noticed - makes the explanation easier...

Kagome: (tearing up again) You haven’t called me "bitch" or shouted at me to go home...

Tasuki: (golden eyes widening in shock) Why would I do that?!

Kagome: (crying openly) You’re being nice to me - that means that it’s really over, right? You’re being nice because you really don’t care any more!! (begins struggling) Let me go!!! Let me go now!!!

Tasuki: (frustrated) Dammit, if you would just listen to me!

Kagome: I don’t have to listen to you anymore! Let go, or else...!

Tasuki: Or else what?

 

Kagome wrenches out of his grasp. As he tries to grab her again, she raises a warning finger in his face. Neither of them notices the real Inu-Yasha and Shippou entering the greenroom from the other side.

 

Kagome: Osuwari!!!

 

The prayer beads around Tasuki’s neck begin to glow, and suddenly a tremendous force yanks him down by the neck, and he slams face first into the floor. Unseen by either of them, Inu-Yasha is also slammed into the floor.

 

Tasuki: Ouch!! Fuck!!! Owwwwwww!!

Inu-Yasha: (struggling to raise his face from the floor) Teme!!! You bitch - what did you do that for??!!

 

Shippou takes advantage of Inu-Yasha’s current helplessness to scamper over to Kagome.

 

Shippou: (wailing) Ka-go-meeeeee!!! Inu-Yasha was mean to me!! He pulled my tail, and… he made me drop my candy, and... and... he tried to make me fight demons!

 

Kagome stares in shock at the real Inu-Yasha, struggling and cursing at her, and his duplicate, just cursing in general. Her heart lifts as she realizes that it truly wasn’t Inu-Yasha who was kissing Miaka - and with the emotional relief comes mental clarity. She finally recalls the onstage transformation of the Suzaku seishi and realizes that she just "sat" a member of the "White Stones" cast. Kagome runs up to the prone figure of Tasuki and waves her hand at him apologetically.

 

Kagome: Ahhhhhhh, gomen, gomen! Are you all right, Suzaku no seishi-san?

Tasuki: (face still stuck in the floor) I thik you broke by doze.

Kagome: (distressed, patting his shoulder) Ahhhhh, I’m sorry, Tamahome-san. I thought you were Inu-Yasha!

 

The "osuwari" spell abates slightly, and Tasuki is finally able to lift his head, relieving the pressure on his nose. He touches the bridge of his nose gingerly, relieved to find out that it’s not broken. He meets Kagome’s gaze and knows why she has mistaken his identity again, so he turns his face away.

 

Tasuki: (softly) I’m not Tamahome, either...

 

At that moment, Inu-Yasha leaps to his feet, completely recovered.

 

Inu-Yasha: Kagome!! Get away from that bastard - he’s a fake! Just tell me where the Shikon shards are, and I’ll cut them out of him!!

Tasuki: (also leaping to his feet) The fuck you will, asshole!!

Kagome: (trying to calm Inu-Yasha) Maa, maaa, Inu-Yasha!! There are no Shikon shards here - this is caused by something else!!

Inu-Yasha: Feh!! Like I care! I’ll still kill the youkai bastard anyway!!

Tasuki: Who the fuck are you callin’ a youkai, you half-assed excuse for a demon?!!

 

All the shouting has brought Sango, Miaka, and Roku-chan running. Also joining the crowd is Nuriko, now dressed but still holding Hotohori, and Tamahome, roused from his dressing room sulk. From the other direction comes the backstage crew of Sorceress, Chichiri’s Girl, and the Vampire Princess, as well as Mitsukake and Chiriko, who is triumphantly brandishing the videocamera. The upcoming battle of the greenroom thus gains a standing-room-only crowd.

Roku-chan rakes her fingers through her hair as she surveys the disaster that she was hoping to prevent - the face-off of two Inu-Yashas against each other, both growling and snarling and shouting invectives at one another. It’s both an impressive and ludicrous sight - and at the moment, she can’t tell which is which.

 

Inu-Yasha: Fuck you!!

Tasuki: Fuck you!!

Inu-Yasha: Fuck you!!

Tasuki: Fuck you!!

 

Inu-Yasha suddenly catches sight of Hotohori in Nuriko’s arms. He turns to the real Shippou, cowering behind Kagome.

 

Inu-Yasha: Ship-pou! Go get that fake Shippou and kick his ass!!

Shippou: (whining) But I don’ wannaaaaaa!!

Inu-Yasha: Are you a youkai - or a coward who hides behind girls?!!

 

Shippou draws himself up, clenching his tiny fists.

 

Shippou: I’m no coward!! (to himself) I must stand firm, I must stand firm!!

Roku-chan: Good! That means that this one over here -hic- must be Tasuki!

 

Tamahome bounces on the balls of his feet. One part of him urges him to stand by his brother warrior in a battle - but the other part would dearly love to see Tasuki get his ass kicked, especially after the earlier punch.

 

Tamahome: (to himself) I’ll jump in later if he looks like he needs help - (smirking) after he’s gotten knocked around a bit first, that is... (shrugging) Anyway, two against one wouldn’t be fair.

 

Spotting Miaka standing near Roku-chan, Tamahome goes up and puts his arm around her tense shoulders.

Inu-Yasha draws Tetsusaiga, his demon blade. Tasuki reaches behind his back for the tessen before remembering that it’s not there. He grabs for the sword that is also hanging by his side - and pulls out an old rusted, chipped blade.

 

Tasuki: (pissed off) What the fuck is this shit?!!

 

Inu-Yasha is equally enraged, his Tetsusaiga remaining in its rusted form instead of transforming into a gigantic mystical blade.

 

Inu-Yasha: (screeching) Naniiiiiii??!!

 

Roku-chan realizes that Tetsusaiga is not transforming for either combatant because it somehow recognizes that Tasuki is human. It will not transform for Inu-Yasha because it can only be used to protect humans, nor will it transform for Tasuki due to his lack of a demon aura to activate the blade.

The two hot-tempered dog demons soon decide to continue with the battle anyway. They charge at each other, raising the rusty swords high.

 

Tasuki and Inu-Yasha: Bakayaroooooouuu!!!

 

They strike at each other simultaneously, the blades blocking each other perfectly. Inu-Yasha is slightly disconcerted at Tasuki's demon speed matching his own, so he decides to increase the velocity of his leaps. But Tasuki is no stranger to speed either, and he quickly adjusts to his increased abilities in jumping and flying. Soon the two combatants are just red-and-white blurs bouncing off the walls, moving too fast for the human eye to follow. The only way their audience can tell when they connect is by the harsh clank of the blades as they strike one another.

Meanwhile, Shippou decides to take on his double. He disappears in a swirl of foxfire - then pops back into view floating above Nuriko and Hotohori, this time as a giant pink ball with goofy crossed eyes.

 

Shippou: (trying to sound mysterious and threatening) You guuuuyyyyyyysss. I’m going to kiiiiillllllll youuuuu...

 

The pink ball opens a Pac-man-like mouth and proceeds to chomp on Nuriko’s head. Hotohori tries to leap up and defend Nuriko, but the violet-haired seishi just tucks him more firmly under his arm while yawning widely. He then smirks wickedly and flicks his finger sharply into the pink mass attached to his head. The pink ball vanishes with a shriek, and Shippou goes scampering back to Kagome, clutching his cheek.

 

Shippou: (wailing) Kagomeeeeeeeee!! That guy hit me for no reasoooonnnnnn!!

Kagome: (scooping him up and scolding gently) Shippou-chan!! You did try to start a fight with them...

Shippou: (wailing louder) It’s all Inu-Yasha’s fault!! He made me do iiiitttttttt!!!

 

At that moment, Kryssa and Kaze-chan arrive in the greenroom after their bathroom break. They are accompanied by Aikido-chan, who has come backstage to investigate the strange transformations of Chapter 8. Just as they step in, a red-and-white blur zooms straight at them. Kryssa jumps and tackles both her companions - an impressive feat, considering how much tinier she is than the taller women. The red-and-white blur passes harmlessly above their heads - but is soon followed by the second blur.

 

Kryssa: What the heck??!!

Roku: (fed up) That’s it!! Hic!! Somebody’s gonna get hurt if we don’t put an end to this right now! (turning to Kagome) Kagome, hic, if you please?

Kagome: Hai! Inu-Yasha... Osuwariiiii!!

 

The red-and-white blurs suddenly stop - and slam into the ground within two feet of each other. Tamahome flinches in sympathetic pain.

 

Tamahome: Oooooh! That looks like it hurts! (smirking) At least I hope it does!

 

Miaka turns a reproachful glance upon him but keeps her mouth shut. Roku-chan strides up to the two struggling, cursing dog-demons and crouches beside them. The one on her right is snarling out threats against Kagome, while the one on her left is cursing in general while intermittently groaning in pain. Roku-chan deduces the correct identity of each and catches each combatant by one furry ear.

 

Roku: Listen up, you two furballs!! Hic!! I’ve had enough of this shit from both of ya!! Now you’re gonna quit fighting and behave -hic- like two perfect little gentlemen, or I’ll make you regret that your mothers ever gave your fathers the time of day!

Inu-Yasha: Like you could, ningen wench!!

Tasuki: Shut up, you fuckin’ nimrod! You have no idea of what she’s capable of!!

Inu-Yasha: (in his nyah-nyah voice) Well, you may be whipped by human wenches, but don’t expect me to be afraid of them!

Tasuki: (lifting his face) You got no room to talk, asshole!! Who exactly d’ya think just did this to us?!

 

Inu-Yasha begins to struggle out of the "Osuwari" spell, trying to claw at Tasuki. Roku-chan twists his ear - and accidentally does the same to Tasuki. They both screech in pain.

 

Roku: Kagome, hic, once more with feeling, please?

Kagome: Osuwari!!

 

Both dog-demons are once again slammed into the floor.

 

Tasuki and Inu-Yasha: (fingers splayed out and twitching) Gak-gak-gak-gak...

 

Roku-chan grasps their ears once again.

 

Roku: Now I can keep this up all night, if you wanna keep fighting me. So go ahead -hic!- and mouth off to me some more - pain is a good teacher! (suddenly takes in the feel of their ears in her fingers) Hey, hic! This feels kinda nice. (gets a soft, goofy grin on her face as she rubs their ears) Hey, I think I like this, hic!

Kaze-chan: (fed up) That’s it!! You’ve hogged the bishies to yourself enough already!! Move over!!

 

She jumps forward and shoves Roku-chan aside, grabbing Tasuki’s ears and tweaking them enthusiastically.

 

Kaze-chan: (dreamily) Yessssssss!

 

Aikido-chan stands tapping her fingers against her elbows nervously.

 

Aikido: No, I’m an adult. More than that, I am cool, mature, and completely in control of myself. (looks down at Inu-Yasha) Gahhhhhhhhhhh!!!

 

She leaps in and shoves Roku-chan completely out of the way, grasping Inu-Yasha’a ears.

 

Aikido: (blissfully rubbing the soft furry triangles) Ahhhhhhhhhhh!!

 

This provokes a stampede of females down upon the two helpless dog-demons, shoving each other and shouting, "Me next! No, me!!" Roku-chan escapes from under the pile and walks over to Kagome.

 

Roku: I think that’s a better punishment than anything even I could come up with, hic!

Kagome: (anxiously) Do you think they’re all right under there?

Roku: Now’s not the time to get soft-hearted! Discipline -hic- requires firm resolve on the part of the disciplinarian. Trust me, hic! I know whereof I speak!

 

Tamahome is also thoroughly enjoying the spectacle.

 

Tamahome: Hahahahahahaha!! Tasuki’s finally getting his!! (fails to notice that Miaka is frowning in distress, her fists clenched by her sides) Good thing you’re immune to that ear-tweak thing, huh, sweetheart?

 

He glances down at Miaka, who blushes suddenly and mutters to herself.

 

Meanwhile, the "Osuwari" spell has finally worn off. Inu-Yasha erupts out of the pile of females, zooming up into the rafters above the greenroom. Tasuki looks up at him, peels Sorceress off his ears, then jumps up to safety next to his fellow hanyou. Inu-Yasha glares over at him - but decides not to fight him, feeling an unexpected surge of sympathy for the battered, bedraggled appearance of Tasuki’s abused ears, not realizing that his own ears appear equally as pitiful. The two dog-demons go into "sulk" mode - crossing their legs and shoving their hands into their kimono sleeves.

 

Fangirls and techies: Come back down here!! Come on!!!

Tasuki and Inu-Yasha: (putting their noses in the air) Feh!!

 

Inu-Yasha rakes his claws across the ceiling, detaching small bits of wood and flinging them at the crowd below. Tasuki scowls at this childish act - before shrugging and joining in. Roku-chan shoos out the crowd, bits of wood raining down on her. Nuriko takes Hotohori back to his dressing room, while Tamahome draws Miaka close.

 

Tamahome: (pleased) Guess the show’s over for now. (smiles down at Miaka) I feel like I’ve barely seen you all day, Miaka! Let’s go back to my room and catch up with each other, okay?

 

Miaka casts a troubled glance at the two dog demons up in the rafters. One glares back insolently, but the other looks away, his eyes filled with pain. Tamahome follows the direction of her glance.

 

Tamahome: (fondly) You’re so soft-hearted, you know that? Don’t worry about them - they’ll be fine. Roku-chan will get everything sorted, you’ll see. Come on now - you look like you could use a break.>

 

Miaka smiles at him tremulously and lets him guide her out of the room. She keeps her eyes down, unable to face Tasuki at this moment. Roku-chan witnesses all, as usual, and sighs deeply. Only she, Kagome, Shippou, and Sango are now left in the greenroom with the two dog-demons.

 

Kagome: Neeeeee, Inu-Yasha. You can come down now - everybody’s gone!

Inu-Yasha: (putting his nose higher) Feh!! I don’t have to listen to a baka wench like you!! Go home!!

 

Tasuki looks over and catches the hanyou stealing a glance at Kagome to gauge her reaction. The girl in question puts her hands on her hips and scowls at him.

 

Kagome: Don’t be mad, Inu-Yasha. I only wanted you to stop fighting with... (pauses, suddenly realizing that she just saw Tamahome walk out with Miaka) ... with... er...

Sango: (leaning over and whispering) Tasuki.

 

Kagome’s eyes widen as she remembers his earlier interaction with Miaka - and realizes that the situation is much more complicated than she imagined.

 

Kagome: (stuttering) ...with Tasuki-san! (changing the subject) Onegai, Inu-Yasha - stop sulking and come down!!

Inu-Yasha: (in his snotty voice) Baaaaa-ka!! Go home, ningen wench - I don’t want to see you anymore!! (sneaks another peek at her)

Kagome: (finally angry) I-nu-ya-shaaaaaaa...

 

Roku-chan recognizes the "pre-Osuwari" tone of voice and lays a calming hand on Kagome’s arm.

 

Roku: Wait, Kagome. I’m not sure what kind of effect -hic- it will have on Tasuki to fall from such a height - he’s not a true dog-demon, you know...

Kagome: (eyes widening in horror) Oh, I forgot about him! (calls up) Gomen nasai, Tasuki-san!

Inu-Yasha: (smug) Heh!! Can’t use your stupid spell now, wench!! Go back to your seat!! (throws some bits of wood at her.)

Roku: (softly) Maybe it’s best if we just leave them alone for awhile to cool off, hic...

 

Kagome remembers Tasuki’s earlier kindness - and also his words to her about understanding her feelings. She smiles up at him in sympathy.

 

Kagome: Arigato, Tasuki-san... for your kindness to me.

Tasuki: (finally smiling down at her) Do itashimashite.

 

Kagome stares for a moment at the uncharacteristically gentle expression on "Inu-Yasha’s" face. She turns and walks out with Sango, carrying Shippou.

 

Kagome: (softly, to Sango) I’m beginning to see what Miaka sees in Tasuki...

Sango: Hai. It must be a very tough choice for her.

 

Kagome suddenly realizes exactly how Tasuki must be feeling right now - and her throat tightens in sympathy, as she recalls all the times she has been forced to witness Inu-Yasha’s interactions with Kikyou.

 

Kagome: (in a choked voice) Hai...

 

Shippou listens with wide eyes... and wide open ears, gleefully storing up this info to fling at Inu-Yasha at some later time.

Meanwhile, Roku-chan stares up at the two demons sulking in the rafters.

 

Roku: Listen, guys...

 

Just then, Sorceress returns, out of breath.

 

Sorceress: Roku, we need you onstage now!! Chichiri’s back - and he’s got Tomo!!

Roku: Thank Suzaku!! Finally, something’s gone -hic- right tonight!! (calls up to the guys) Hey, you two behave yourselves till I get back, got that, hic?!

Tasuki and Inu-Yasha: Feh!!

 

Two pairs of golden eyes follow the women as they rush out.

 

********************************************************************************************************************************************************************************************

 

Part C.    Soulmates

 

While all this is going on, Nuriko returns to his dressing room, still carrying Hotohori. He deposits the quiet kitsune on the couch, then shuts the door.

 

Nuriko: (cheerfully) Well, that ended up being no big deal in the end. What a relief, eh, Hotohori-sama?

Hotohori: (morose) We’re just lucky it was the kitsune who attacked us instead of the dog-demon. Otherwise, you may well be dead for all the use I was to you...

Nuriko: Ah, you underestimate me, Hotohori! That dog-demon doesn’t scare me, either. He’s just a fuzzier, ruder version of Tasuki! (snickering) Ruder!! To think that I’d ever meet someone who makes Tasuki look like Miss Manners!!

 

Hotohori just sits silently on the couch, sulking. Nuriko frowns and stoops to look him in the eyes.

 

Nuriko: What’s wrong, Hotohori-sama? You seem down for some reason...

Hotohori: (looking away) Why should I be down? All I’ve done is lose my height, my looks, and my ability to fight. What could possibly depress me about that?

Nuriko: (reassuringly, as he moves around the room, picking up wet towels) Try not to worry. I’m sure that Roku-chan will have it all straightened out shortly, and then everything will be back to normal.

Hotohori: I certainly hope so. I don’t know how much longer you can stand to put up with me, after I let you down like that.

Nuriko: (looking back at him, frowning) Don’t be silly. You didn’t let me down. It was just my turn to cover our asses - that’s the way it’s supposed to work between us, right? You watch my back, and I watch yours...

Hotohori: The way I am now, I’m lucky if I can watch your ankles. (standing up) I think maybe I’d better return to my own room. I’m not in danger anymore, thanks to you and Roku-chan, so there’s no reason for me to keep imposing on you. (softer) I don’t know how you can stand to look at me now, anyway.

 

Nuriko’s eyes darken, and he crosses the room to stand before Hotohori, scowling furiously.

 

Nuriko: (biting off the words) So that’s the only reason you think I’m interested in you, right? You think that I want you only for your looks and fighting ability! So when we’re old and gray, you think I’ll boot your ass out the door in favor of a younger, prettier boy-toy, is that it? (infuriated) Just how shallow do you think I am, anyway?!! Don’t you know me at all??!!

Hotohori: (flinching back from Nuriko’s vehemence) I’m not saying that you’re shallow!! I’m the shallow one here!! (bitterly) Narcissistic, self-absorbed - the only reason people want to get close to me is the way I look or the power I wield!! Why else would anyone be interested in me?

Nuriko: (shouting) You are completely self-absorbed, if that’s what you truly think!! Do you think that any of us, your Suzaku brothers, are interested in you for your looks or power?! Do you think that Chichiri needs you to protect him? Do you think that Tasuki dotes on your beauty?!!

Hotohori: (defensively) I’m not saying that!! I don’t think that they... (stops, suddenly realizing what he has just implied)

Nuriko: (pale) No, you don’t mean them at all. You mean me , don’t you? (soft) I was right the first time. You think of me as some kind of weak, pathetic creature who sees you as some sort of combination of beauty queen and guardian angel. You think that I’m such a loser that I can’t even look after myself properly, so I need you to do it for me! (furious) It never occurred to you that I might love you for something other than your ability to shore up my weaknesses!! It never occurred to you that I might love you for your kind heart and for the way our souls connect - because you never felt that connection yourself!!

 

Hotohori stands up and clenches his fists, his expression of rage rendering his tiny features nearly comical - but Nuriko is in no mood to laugh at him.

 

Hotohori: (shouting) Stop putting words in my mouth!! I never said - nor did I feel - such contemptible things about you!! I have felt that connection between our souls!!

Nuriko: (shouting back at him) Then how can you doubt my love?! How can you stand there and say that you love me when you don’t even know my heart?! (stops suddenly) Oh, that’s right. You never actually said it, did you? (softly) You told me that you loved my hair and my body - but you never actually said that you loved me. My mistake. (coldly) Maybe you’re right. Maybe you should leave now.

Hotohori: No! I’m not leaving!! I refuse to leave until you listen to me!!

 

Nuriko advances on him threateningly, ready to seize him by the tail and throw him out the door - but Hotohori foresees this and calls on his kitsune powers. Suddenly, he is transformed into a huge pink ball with goofy crossed eyes. Nuriko stares at him in shock.

 

Hotohori: (still shouting as he floats above Nuriko) I do love you! I’ve loved you for a very long time now - and part of me feels that I’ve loved you across many lifetimes!! Did it ever occur to you that perhaps the problem is that I don’t feel worthy of you?! Did it ever occur to you that I think of your heart and your mind as being so vast that the only pitiful things I can offer in return are my looks and strength?!

 

Nuriko holds his hands up before his mouth, struggling desperately with some strong emotion. Hotohori stares at him in frenzied passion.

 

Hotohori: Well??!! Aren’t you going to say anything?!

Nuriko: (tears rising in his eyes as he loses the battle for control) Bwahahahahahaha!!

 

Hotohori is so shocked that he pops back into his kitsune form.

 

Hotohori: Do you think that what I just said was funny?!!

Nuriko: (rushing up and scooping him into his arms) Oh, no, nooooo, Hotohori-sama!! Those are the words I’ve been waiting all my life to hear from you!! It’s just that... (giggles, then regains control) It’s just that... (snorts with laughter, then suppresses it) It’s just that... (losing control completely, wailing) For the rest of our lives, whenever I think of the first time that you ever told me you loved me - I’ll remember that you looked like a demented version of Mr. Bubble when you did so!!! (laughing and crying) I’ll expect a box of Mr. Bubble from you on every anniversary of this day, buster!!

 

Hotohori is slightly offended at first but finally sees the humor in their situation as he is cuddled close by his lover.

 

Hotohori: (leaning his head against the "willow") We’re both totally demented, aren’t we?

Nuriko: (snuggling him tight) Yes, that's true!! See - we are soulmates after all!!

 

*************************************************************************************************************************************************************************************************

 

Part D.   How to provoke Chichiri fangirls in seventy-five words or less...

 

While this all-important first lover’s quarrel is going on, Roku-chan and Sorceress skid onto the stage. They are followed by Chichiri’s Girl and Kryssa. Standing there waiting for them is Chichiri... and standing next to him is a sturdy young woman with laughing eyes and Tasuki-red spiked hair. She has an affectionate - but extremely strong - arm looped around Tomo’s neck, restraining him, and she waves cheerfully at Roku-chan with her other hand.

 

Kei-chan: Heyyyy, Roku-chaaaaaann! Brought you a little present from upstairs! (noogies Tomo affectionately, making his feathers wobble)

Roku-chan: (surprised and pleased) Kei-chan!! I didn’t even know you were here, hic! You didn’t come in with Ryuen and Mouse-chan...

Kei-chan: Nah, I decided to be fashionably late. But I brought you a special hostess gift, see? (holds up her captive)

Roku: How did you manage that? We haven’t been able to -hic- find him for ages.

Chichiri: It’s amazing - I no sooner ran into Kei-chan and told her who I was looking for, than she produced him in the lobby!

Kei-chan: Actually, I can’t really take the credit here. He was cornered by some crazy high-school chick in a camouflage t-shirt and blue skater pants. She was swinging at him with a frying pan while her pet chicken was pecking him. (shrugs) Weird, huh? Well, I jumped in to rescue my guy and stuck him in a corner to recover, when Chichiri walked up and explained that he needed to talk to Tomo. So voila - there he was!!

Roku: What about -hic- the girl with the chicken?

Kei-chan: Ahhhh, she ran off, screaming that her next mission was to capture Inu-Yasha or somethin’. (shrugs again) Go figure.

Roku: (frowning) Well, I’m not supposed to let animals into the theatre, Tama-neko excepted, hic. (sighs) But I guess if I were to get tough about that, I’d have to -hic- eliminate some of the important members of my cast, now... (frowns at Tomo) So where have you been all this time, my dear -hic- good friend?

Chichiri: He seems to have been down the street at the pharmacy, making a few purchases. (produces a bag and starts pulling items out) SoftSoap Antibacterial Soap, Purell alcohol waterless soap, isopropanol, hydrogen peroxide, antibiotic spray and, oh yes, iodine solution...

Roku: (narrowing her eyes) Wait a minute, hic!! This still wouldn’t be about the "Girl Spit" incident, would it?!!

Tomo: (looking away nervously) Kekekekekekeke.

 

The Director leaps forward and picks up his hand - only to see his palm painted brown with betadine solution.

 

Roku: (pissed off) Don’t you think you’re going a bit too far -hic- with this germ thing?!!

Kei-chan: Well, you can see his point. The human mouth does harbor many toxic bacteria...

Sorceress: Yes, one can’t be too careful nowadays...

Roku: (getting pissed) You know, I always think of myself as being a fairly secure person, hic! But I am rapidly getting a complex from the way that people keep going on about my mouth like it’s the reservoir for every -hic- infectious scourge known to man!! You’d think that I was harboring Ebola, smallpox, anthrax, and the Black and Bubonic plagues, the way you people carry on! Hic!!! I’m getting pretty damn SICK OF IT!!!

 

Chichiri looks at the infuriated Director, noting that she is trembling with rage. He strides over to her, grasping her shoulders... then pulls her up towards him and seizes her lips in a deep, passionate kiss. Her eyes widen, and she grasps at his kesa for support. After several seconds of sensual tongue action, he releases her and turns back to the problem at hand.

 

Chichiri: (serenely) Nope, no problem there. Tastes fine to me.

 

Roku-chan collapses into a sitting position on the floor, her eyes all swirly. Chichiri’s Girl and Kryssa leap on her and drag her off into a corner.

 

Chichiri’s Girl: (enraged) What the Hell was that supposed to be??!!

Kryssa: I thought he was supposed to be a monk!!! Since when has he had the hots for her??!!

 

They suddenly pick up muffled giggles coming from the crumpled bundle in the corner. Chichiri’s Girl jumps on her sister and turns her over. Roku-chan is smirking evilly at the two girls.

 

Roku: Heh, heh, heh! You two had such a fit over my innocent little dance with him that I couldn’t resist going one better! So read this and weep, ladies!!!

Kryssa: (pissed off) You dieeeeeeeee, wench!!

Chichiri’s Girl: (screeching) You bitch!! Prepare to suffer the Tickle Torture!!

 

They leap on the Director and begin tickling and pummeling her. She laughs wildly as she fends off their attacks. Finally, all three collapse exhausted.

 

Kryssa: (panting) I’m gonna get even with you for this if it’s the last thing I do!! Remember - you have a guest role in my fic!!

Roku: (bouncing excitedly) That's right!! Maybe I can talk you into writing a big makeout scene between me and Chichiri in "Between Seishi and Gods!" I mean, he's a high government official, I'm a high government official - it could happen!! (smirking gleefully) You said that you wanted some ideas for romantic pairings in that story!!

Kryssa: (screeching) Freaking FORGET IT!!!

Chichiri’s Girl: (growling) I oughta throw you to the rest of the fangirls in the audience!! Let Shadow Priestess, Mirth and the Rabid Fangirls beat the crap outta you - that’d serve you right!!

Roku: (opening wide, innocent eyes) Oh, gee, gals - listen! I think my hiccups are gone! Do ya think that Chichiri’s kiss is a cure for those things?

Kryssa and Chichiri’s Girl: (both screaming) Don’t you DARE go there!!

 

The Director begins laughing again, and sure enough, the hiccups return. She remembers her responsibilities and wanders back over to the magicians’ mini-convention. Tomo has procured a glass of water from Sorceress and poured in a mysterious powder, producing a strange orange concoction.

 

Tomo: Here - this should help with the Shin problem.

 

He turns to hand it to Roku-chan, but Chichiri’s shakujou is thrust between them.

 

Chichiri: (coldly) Why don’t you try it first, Tomo?

 

The painted magician makes a big show of exasperation at Chichiri’s mistrust, sighing heavily, then taking a large sip of the brew.

 

Tomo: See? No poison there. I am hardly capable of such crude, infantile plotting.

 

Chichiri glares at him but nods at Roku, indicating that she should try it. She takes a big gulp - then sticks her tongue out, wincing at the taste.

 

Tomo: (urgently) No - you have to drink all of it for it to take effect!

Roku: But it’s kinda yucky -hic- and it’s all grainy. Tastes like there’s hay in it or somethin’!

Tomo: Yes! Yes, it’s full of fiber - very healthy for you, kekekekekekeke! Now drink up!!

Sorceress: (suspicious) Wait a minute - let me taste it.

 

Sorceress takes a sip - then glares at Tomo.

 

Sorceress: There are no magical ingredients in this - it’s just an ordinary fiber drink!! I think it’s... Metamucil!!

Roku: (pissed off) Metamucil!!! Shit!!!

Chichiri: (angry) Yes, I think that’s the plan here. (shaking the painted freak) What the hell are you trying to pull, Tomo?!!

Tomo: (stammering) Well, she wants to get rid of Shin, right? There are two ways to do that...

Roku: You asshole!! Shin is stuck -hic- in my esophagus!! It’s not even in my stomach. The only thing you’re gonna succeed in doing -hic- is take my valuable time away from my play!! I oughta kick your ass!!

 

Surprisingly, Kei-chan steps between them.

 

Kei-chan: (pleasantly) Nah, I’m sorry, Roku-chan, but I can’t let you do that. See, I gave Tomo my word of honor that if he would just go quietly to be questioned, I wouldn’t let any of you harm him. So, sorry - but I’m a woman of my word...

Tomo: (smug) Kekekekekekeke!

 

Roku-chan clenches her fists in impotent rage - but she acknowledges the fairness of Kei-chan’s deal with Tomo.

 

Kei-chan: (smirking) However - I never said that I myself wouldn't harm him! (pinches his cheek) See, sweetcakes?! Beware of loopholes! (loops her arm around his neck again) So Tomo-baby and I are gonna go off somewhere to chat for a bit, and I’ll see if we can come up with anything helpful, ‘kay?

Roku: (grateful) You’re a godsend -hic- Kei-chan!!

Sorceress: (pumping her fist) Redheads Rule!!!

Roku: Oh!! That reminds me! I’d better go back and check on a former redhead myself! Hic.

 

She notes to herself that the hiccups are becoming milder and farther between - and perhaps will diminish completely.

 

Roku: (sighing) One lives in hope...

 

***********************************************************************************************************************************************************************************************

 

Part E.   Male bonding

 

Meanwhile, back in the greenroom rafters, one pair of golden eyes meets another.

 

Tasuki: Why do you always treat Kagome like shit? I don’t get it. How long do ya think she’s gonna put up with it? I tell ya, if I were ten years younger, I might think about givin’ ya a run for your money. (mutters to himself) It’s not like I got commitments from anybody else...

Inu-Yasha: (flattening his ears) Hentai!! Ten years ago, she was just six years old!!

 

Tasuki rolls his eyes and prays for patience. But he’s bored, so he decides to try again, speaking very slowly and deliberately, as if to a mentally-challenged person.

 

Tasuki: I meant that if I were ten years younger, but she stayed the same age she is now.

Inu-Yasha: (mollified)  Oh!!  (glares) Oi!!! You puttin’ the moves on my woman, bakayarou??!!

Tasuki: See, that’s what I’m talking about!! You just called her "your woman." I can see that you’re crazy about her - why don’t you just tell her how you feel?

Inu-Yasha: (shoving his hands deeper into his sleeves) Hmph!

 

He steals a glance at his companion - only to see his own face staring back at him, confused but not critical. The hanyou sighs, dropping his defenses for the moment.

 

Inu-Yasha: Because it wouldn’t be fair...

Tasuki: Why not?

 

Inu-Yasha steals another glance at Tasuki and sees that, unlike his usual companions, the human-turned-hanyou is not scowling at him judgmentally - instead, he looks openly curious.

 

Inu-Yasha: (hesitantly) I... I have a debt… to someone else - a promise I made a long time ago, but… I still owe her... everything. (looks down sadly) No matter what Kagome means to me, I can’t forget this… debt. So if I tell Kagome how I feel... and maybe get her to feel the same... and then maybe disappear forever… (shakes his head, then once again meets Tasuki’s gaze) It wouldn’t be fair.

 

Tasuki’s eyes reflect his sadness.

 

Tasuki: (softly) I think that it’s too late for Kagome. I think that she already feels the same about you - I can tell you for certain that you have the power to break her heart...

 

He trails off, remembering Kagome’s face when she saw him and Miaka kissing. Tasuki looks out across the greenroom, to where Miaka and Tamahome walked out together. His eyes darken.

 

Tasuki: I think you should tell her that you care. That way, even if it ends, she’ll at least have that. Instead of asking herself if it was all just in her own mind, she’ll know for certain that you cared about her as much as she cared about you... for a while anyway.

 

Inu-Yasha looks at his doppelganger, scenting the waves of sadness coming off the other man. He’s not sure why Tasuki should feel so strongly about him and Kagome... but he can sense that the seishi is speaking from his heart.

 

Inu-Yasha: But in the end, will it be enough?

Tasuki: (smiling sadly) It’ll have to be, won’t it?

 

Inu-Yasha stares at Tasuki again, finally realizing that the other man is speaking from his own experience. The dog-demon suddenly shakes himself - he doesn’t like getting close to other people, fearing that it makes him soft. Tasuki, too, draws back, suddenly embarrassed at showing his vulnerability to a near-stranger. The two hanyous scoot away from each other, bristling.

 

Inu-Yasha: Gahhhhhhh... Feh!!

 

He glances at Tasuki, who is glaring furiously at the ground. Unwillingly, he is suddenly swept with a wave of empathy for his double.

 

Inu-Yasha: (softer) I’ll think about it, okay?

Tasuki: (suddenly mischievous) Feh!!

 

The two hotheads stare at each other... then break into identical fanged grins.

At that moment, Roku-chan re-enters the backstage area, looking up into the rafters for her favorite bishies. She waves cheerfully at them.

 

Roku: Ready to come down yet, sweet boys? All is forgiven, and Mama's not mad anymore…

Inu-Yasha: (putting his nose in the air again) Feh!!

 

Tasuki looks down wistfully, feeling the need for someone to pet and fuss over him, knowing that Roku has come back to do just that. But he also feels a sudden sense of connection with his companion in the rafters and hesitates, unwilling to leave Inu-Yasha up there by himself.

Down below, Roku feels a distinct relaxing of pressure in her diaphragm. She takes a deep breath, noticing that the hiccups seem to have let up.

 

Roku: (thoroughly pleased) Hey!! I think my hiccups stopped!!

 

She barely has the words out of her mouth when Tasuki suddenly transforms into his original form, new outfit and all. His boots slip on the beam, and he falls backwards off the rafter before he can even shout. Before Roku-chan can scream in horror, a clawed hand shoots out and catches Tasuki by his wrist, holding him dangling twenty feet above floor level. Inu-Yasha casually pulls Tasuki back up on the beam, politely (!!) ignoring the seishi's panicked gasps for breath. He is, as usual, embarrassed by his altruistic deed and so adopts the "snotty" tone and attitude that is his habit after rescuing someone.

 

Inu-Yasha: Baka ningen!! Think one of you could sit on a simple piece of wood without falling off?!!

 

Tasuki isn't fooled. He turns grateful eyes on his savior.

 

Tasuki: Thanks, buddy! I owe you big time!!

Roku: (calling from below) Yeah, Inu-chan!! Me, too, sweetie!! Any favor you need from me, just ask!!

 

Inu-Yasha blushes, then whirls around to hide his embarrassment.

 

Inu-Yasha: (growling) Urusai!! (glances over his shoulder at Tasuki) Well, what are you waiting for? Climb on, and I'll fly your clumsy ass down.

 

Tasuki flushes, hesitant.

 

Tasuki: You mean that you want me to climb onto your back?!

 

Now it's Inu-Yasha's turn to roll his eyes in aggravation. He bristles at the implication of Tasuki's hesitation.

 

Inu-Yasha: Baaa-ka! I'm not asking you to date me!! I do this for stupid, clumsy ningen all the time!! So do you want to get down my way - or yours?

Tasuki: (shuddering) Yours!!

 

He climbs quickly onto Inu-Yasha's back and grasps the loose fire-rat coat sleeves. Inu-Yasha makes a gentle leap off the rafter and lands softly on the greenroom floor, flexing his knees, then straightening slowly. Roku-chan smiles to herself, knowing that he usually isn't so careful with anyone other than Kagome. Tasuki scrambles off his back, his face red. Inu-Yasha rolls his eyes again.

 

Inu-Yasha: See - we didn't end up betrothed or anything! <

Tasuki: (smiling) Bakayarou!

 

The two young males cuff each other affectionately, Inu-Yasha curling his claws inward to avoid damaging his new friend. Roku wriggles a little to herself, enjoying a wave of the warm fuzzies - until she catches sight of her watch.

 

Roku: SHIT!!!

 

The bishies jump at her sudden outburst.

 

Roku: Sorry, guys - but we are wayyyy behind schedule!! (raising her voice and shouting) Sorcie, CG, Princess, let's go!! Epilogue to Chapter 8!! Kryssa and Kaze-chan - get upstairs now!! Aikido-chan - round up the cast. Time to rock, minna!!

 

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Part F.    A shocking revelation…

 

The production is once more underway. The audience is fed, watered, relieved and on the whole, in a very good mood and inclined to laugh.

The apology scene after the disastrous speech is set in Hotohori's throne room. The stage is wide open, with the throne at stage right and the oriental carpet running out to stage left. Roku-chan watches from the wings with her sisters at her side, smiling as the crowd laughs at Tasuki's insulting remarks to his emperor. Hotohori's demeanor is a little tense, as he senses that Tasuki is secretly relishing the "accidental" insults he is hurling at his brother warrior. Mitsukake stands cool and collected at the moment, although his composure is slowly crumbling under the stress of the growing hostility with flawless comedic timing.

 

Tasuki: (smiling in a friendly manner) I thought you were sayin’ all that shit on purpose. It never occurred to me that you were fucking up big time – I never saw you make such an ass of yourself before! So sure, I forgive ya – (relishing his lines) it’s kinda nice to know that the emperor can be as big an asshole as the next guy.

Mitsukake (putting his hands up to his temples, muttering) I knew this was a mistake!

 

Hotohori stiffens and clenches his jaw. Roku-chan suspects that it's not just good acting, considering how much Tasuki is obviously enjoying his revenge for the last scene. She has also noticed that Hotohori has been a little distracted since he morphed into Shippou - and deduces correctly that the loss of his beauty was a traumatic experience for him.

 

Hotohori: (coldly) Well, I’m pleased that you’re pleased…

 

Chichiri's Girl and the Vampire Princess are jostling Roku-chan as they poke at each other. Roku-chan sighs in exasperation.

 

Roku: Can you two settle down for even one minute?! Damn it, I swear to God, you're enough to try the patience of a saint - which I ain't!!

Chichiri's Girl: No shit, wench!! Especially not after that tongue action with my sorcerer!! I oughta fuckin'…!!

Vampire Princess: (interrupting) You're right, Roku - she is just like that one. (nods at Tasuki, who is now belligerently snarling at Hotohori onstage)

Chichiri's Girl: Look who's talking, Prin-cess. You're just like his royal head-up-his-ass-ness there. (nods at Hotohori, who has finally broken his icy demeanor and is now snarling back at Tasuki) All concerned with your personal appearance, but catch either of you lifting a finger to clean the royal palace!!

Vampire Princess: (smug) That's what husbands are for!

Chichiri's Girl: Yeah, to clean house, wash dishes and kiss your ass!!

Vampire Princess: You're just jealous!! Besides, I need somebody to pamper my ass… (smirks evilly) since I have the world's largest hemorrhoid - it's so big that it votes, pays taxes, and lives in another state!!

Chichiri's Girl: Fuck you, wench!!

Vampire Princess: Ooh, snappy come-back. I can tell that hangin' with the bunko ladies is really sharpening your wit!!

Chichiri's Girl: Screw you… and sharpen this!!! (makes a highly rude hand gesture)

Roku:  (thoroughly aggravated) Do you two ever stop??!! I'm tryin' to watch what's going on onstage, already!!

Chichiri's Girl: Ooh, look who's still pitchin' bitch-fits. Thought you would be more cheerful after the hiccups went away.

Roku:  I am! Or at least I was - up until I had to listen to the two of you! (sighs) But you're right - at least those damn hic-cups are gone!

Vampire Princess: (squinting suspiciously) What did you just say?

Roku:  I said, Hic!! That I'm glad the damn -hic- hiccups are gone, hic!! (her eyes widen in horror) Ohhhhhh, FUCK!!! HIC!!

 

There is a sudden low murmuring from the audience, rising like a groundswell and breaking over the stage. Roku-chan puts her hands over her eyes.

 

Roku: (nearly sobbing) I really don't wanna look at the stage, hic! I really, REALLY don't wanna know what's happening out there!!

 

She hears a sharp intake of breath from her younger sister and a strangled choke from her older sister.

 

Chichiri's Girl: I don't fuckin' believe it!!

Vampire Princess: That's just… not… POSSIBLE!!!

 

Roku-chan can't help it - human curiosity compels her to look out at the horror onstage. But it's worse than even her worst nightmare.

 

Roku: (praying frantically) Oh dear God, dear Suzaku, Hic! Say that this isn't happening. Please, please let me wake up now, hic!!

 

Standing in the spot where Tasuki had just stood is a young woman of about 5'3", with short dark wavy hair cut in a pixie style. She is clad in old jeans and a black P-Chan t-shirt - and is touching the front of the t-shirt in a way that would be suggestive if it weren't for the look of absolute horror pasted on her face. Sitting on the throne is an obviously distressed woman approximately 1 inch taller and five years older than the first girl. She is clad more fashionably in a black tailored pantsuit - but is clutching at her purplish-black hair cut in a Nuriko-style shag in a desperate, nervous fashion. Finally, standing between the two women is the shortest of the three. She is clad in Reeboks, dark green cargo pants and a black boat-neck long-sleeved tee with the sleeves pushed up. Her long straight brown hair falls more than halfway down her back but her bangs are tangled in front with a combination of a sweatband and a radio headset. She is the most composed of the women, touching the headset gingerly and obviously trying to think the situation through.

Roku-chan and her sisters clutch at one another in horror.

 

Roku: (in a hushed voice filled with dread) I can't believe it, hic! - Tasuki, Hotohori and Mitsukake have been turned into us!! And did you see… hic! Did you seeee…??!!

Vampire Princess: (sobbing) Yes!! I never would have believed it if I didn't see it with my own eyes!!

Chichiri's Girl: (defiantly) Well, I don't believe it!! There's got to be some kinda mistake!!

Roku: (dully) No, there's no mistake. It's right out there -hic- for all the world to see… (wailing) Our asses really are that BIIIIGGGGGG!!!

 

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Glossary of Japanese terms:

kawaii - cute!

Osuwari! - Sit!, as to a dog. Kagome’s spell that activates the rosary around Inu-Yasha’s neck, slamming him into the ground and thus keeping him under her control.

Teme! - very rude form of personal address, meaning "You bitch!" or "You bastard!"

Gomen - Sorry

Youkai - demon

Hanyou - half-demon

Maa, maaa - a soothing phrase, similar to "now, now…"

Naniiiii??!! - What??!! Inu-Yasha's famous aggrieved scream whenever he finds out that Kagome has lost the Shikon shards.

Bakayarou! - Stupid (low-class) bastard!

Ningen - human

Onegai - Please

Baka! -Stupid, or Fool!

Arigato - Thank you

Do itashimashite - You are welcome, or It was nothing

Urusai! - Shut up!

 

Dialogue Credits:

"I’m not supposed to be cute - I’m supposed to be beautiful!!!" Aikido-chan, who upon hearing my plot development for Hotohori’s transformation into Shippou, thought up Hotohori’s initial line.

"Pain is a good teacher!" Chichiri’s Girl - her favorite saying.

 And as for the sisterly bickering - I'm afraid that I can't take any credit for creativity there. Those are all real-life arguments that my sisters get into on a regular basis!!

 

Author’s Notes: (9-9-02) Yes, I know - another weirrrrrd cliffhanger. But once again, this story got outta hand and started blowing up to mega - gargantua - size, so I had to cut it off again. And once again, the famous sisterly catfight has been pushed off to the next chapter!! But it has been completely written and it will be included right at the beginning of the next chapter, I promise!!

(smirks evilly) Now, for all you Chichiri fangirls (and boys) out there - I await your pointed comments - and knives!! I was highly amused by the outrage over my dance scene in Chapter 6 - I mean, I put my hands all over Tasuki and undressed Nuriko, but the thing that provoked the most ire was an innocent little song-and-dance with the Sorcerer! But I warn you - the more you berate me, the more you provoke my wicked sense of humor. You don’t want to push me into bed with the poor guy, do ya??!! (author ducks various flying sharp instruments)

Well, regardless of response, you’re going to have to wait a bit for the next chapter. You see, I didn’t plan on taking this long on posting this one - but as usual, this chapter grew and grew... not to mention that real life bombarded me with barbecues, parties, out-of-town relatives, birthdays, anniversaries, head colds in my nearest and dearest - not to mention Work unreasonably taking up my Internet time!! (hee, hee) Yes, all this between Sept 1st and 9th! Real Life Rules!! The upshot of all this is that I never got around to my promised one-two punch on "Bridge" - so I must depart to that angsty fic before that fan base gives me up for dead! I hope to be back to "Casting Stones" within the next two weeks - but I hesitate to make firm promises, since that only seems to tempt fate!!

Ah, but the next CS will be worth waiting for, I promise! Like I said - a spectacular catfight - and the first appearance of the dreaded plagiarism curse!! Once again, there will be much abuse of fanfic authors and reviewers - and if you haven't made it into the fic yet, I promise that you will very soon. (Sorry, Sanosuke - next time for sure!!)

Ja ne!

Roku-chan