Disclaimer: The characters from Fushigi Yuugi are the creations and property of Yuu Watase and related enterprises

Disclaimer: The characters from Fushigi Yuugi are the creations and property of Yuu Watase and related enterprises. The characters from Inu-Yasha are the creations and property of Rumiko Takahashi and related enterprises. I do not own them and do not make any profit from this fiction except for my own enjoyment in spending time with them.

On the other hand, the original characters Mom and Dad are my original creations and they belong to me, as do other assorted family members. So do the original plotline and plot devices. As for the reviewers and fanfic authors in this fic - they belong to themselves! But I get to "borrow" them for the duration of this fic.

Musical selections: UFO, by Pink Lady, 1977.

Warnings: Abuse of fanfic authors and reviewers, with special emphasis on Purple Mouse and Ryuen; excessively corny jokes; and unfortunately, some scatological humor. However, no Tamahome abuse! (Chichiri's Girl: Why not, Roku? Isn't he in this chapter?! Roku: Uh, actually, no. Chichiri's Girl: I knew it!) And no chickens, either! I'm trying to kick my addiction. :P

###################################################################################################################

Chapter 12. STRRRRRRIKE!

Part A. The keyboard is mightier than the pen…

After the uproar over Chiriko's videotape, the cast and downstage crew have dispersed to their dressing rooms on Roku's orders. They have been instructed to await Roku's call once she gets the play back on track. But first, the Director must deal with disciplinary action for the youngest seishi, who has been confined to his dressing room for his own protection from his irate compatriots. Chiriko's videocamera and tapes have been confiscated. Roku was also pleasantly surprised to see that Chiriko possessed a Mac PowerBook G4 notebook computer, which she then confiscated because she "felt like it!"

Setting up Chiriko's AirPort in the greenroom, the Director prepares to stealthily check her e-mail, a deplorably long process due to her painfully slow typing. She is interrupted by one of her equally stealthy but considerably quicker charges.

Tasuki: (dropping down onto the couch) Whatcha doin'?

Roku, startled, bites the tip of her tongue which was caught between her teeth.

Roku: Dammit! Now you made me mess up my password!

She squints at the keyboard, then types in 3 letters, hunts for a punctuation mark, then for the shift key, presses both together, then hunts for a number and finally two more letters.

Tasuki: This is almost too painful to watch. What th' fuck are ya tryin' ta do?!

Roku: (frowning in concentration) I just typed in my password. (whispers conspiratorially) It's case-sensitive, you know!

Tasuki: No shit. Where'd ya get the laptop?

Roku: (smirking) Confiscated it from Chiriko. It's part of his punishment for being a bad boy!

Tasuki: Hmmph! If ya ask me, ya went waaaay too soft on that little shit! Ya shoulda let me give him a few "tessen lessons!"

Roku: (guiltily) Well, he seemed really sorry…

Tasuki: (snorts) Sure he was - sorry he got caught! Shit, all he hasta do is start doin' th' tears in th' puppy eyes thing, an' all you wussy wenches just melt and turn into putty in his hands.

Roku: That's not true! I gave him…er, a very firm talking to! And an extended time out!

Tasuki: Whoa, that's some fierce punishment! Whatcha gonna do next? Reduce his cookie allowance to two cookies instead of three?

Roku: (mumbling) I also told him that he couldn't have chocolate milk - he was stuck with white.

Tasuki: This from th' wench who beat th' shit outta me at the beginning of the last chapter just ta get my attention!

Roku: (defensively) Well, I couldn't take away his milk allowance; he's a growing boy, and he needs his calcium!

Tasuki: (tugging at his hair in frustration) Someday all you rocket scientists are gonna do th' math and figure out how old he really is! Whaddaya think? - that all th' rest of us are gettin' older, but Chiriko's stayin' a kid?!

Roku's eyes widen as she catches Tasuki's point - but right then, her mail alert distracts her with a quack, sounding like a rubber duck that just got stepped on.

Roku: (pleased) Hey! I got mail!

Tasuki: Simple minds, simple pleasures…

Roku: (hitting him absently) Shut up you, I'm trying to get this to come up…(frowning) Hey, this is from Kaze-chan. If she wants to talk to me, why doesn't she just call in over the radio headset?

Tasuki: Well, th' last time she tried that, you told her ta shut up an' butt out.

Roku: Ahhhh, she's used to my mouth. I'm sure that she didn't take offense…ohhhhhhhhh.

Tasuki: (leaning over Roku's shoulder) Lemme see.

Roku's Yahoo account displays the following letter:

#########

From: "Kaze-chan" <kazeko sama ya hoo.com>

Subject: Dear Ms. Kyu

To: kyu roku 02 ya hoo.com

Dear Ms. Kyu,

As you know, I am currently employed as the "lighting technician" for your play, "White Stones in the Moonlight." Logically thinking, I have a very important job - I keep everyone in the light, literally. Now that we are clear on those terms, I have a notice for you.

I'm sure you are familiar with the old phrase "All work and no play makes Kaze-chan very pissed off." In other words, Kaze does not appreciate being trapped in one small room for the eternity this play is taking - those fifteen-second little "jaunts" previous to the date of this letter do not constitute as releasing me from the confines of a room that is most literally only four feet wide by six feet long, and although I am not clasutrophobic, spending eight hours on twenty-four square feet of floorspace is enough to drive anyone mad.

So, I am writing you to let you know that if things do not improve - AND I DO NOT GET A BREAK (with bishie interaction) - that I will strike.

Yes, you did indeed read that right - I will strike. I will wait until Kris is out of the booth (because for some reason she is released), then I will lock and block the door from the inside, preventing any entry or reentry. I shall then use the lightboard to plunge backstage, stage, and house into a complete blackout - a blackout so thick you will not want to leave your seat for fear of breaking your neck, one that even dogs could not see through. When enough people have panicked, I will set one very bright light on "strobe" and watch as people [read: you] develop headaches. And, depending on how devilish I am feeling, I may decide to play with the soundboard as well. Theatres typically have copies of Horror Sound Effects - how do you feel about haunted theatres? Namely, ones in the middle of a blackout?

Now, Ms. Kyu, I do not feel that my requests are unreasonable. I have not even touched upon your tendency to, as laymen would put it, "piss off Kris to high heaven" by dabbling with Chichiri, but I am sure I could do something about that as well.

You have my requests. You know what I shall do. It is up to you to follow through with them.

Thank you.

Kazeko-sama

#########

Tasuki: Ya know, tell me if I'm wrong, but I'm guessin' that she did take offense at your attitude. That's one pissed-off lady there!

Roku: (blithely) Nah, that's just Kaze having fun with me. She's really a good sport. (grins wickedly) So if she wants some fun, I'm gonna let her have IT!

Tasuki: Uhhhhh, Roku, I think you might need some tact and diplomacy here. Maybe we'd better send for Chichiri…

Roku: Hah! As if I'm not capable of the most delicate negotiations!

Tasuki: (flatly) You're not.

Roku: (offended) Hey, Fang-boy, I could say something about pots and kettles here.

Tasuki: I ain't arguin' that. So that's why I suggested Chichiri…

Roku: (sticking the tip of her tongue between her teeth in concentration) Too late. I'm whipping out a reply to her even as we speak.

She scowls in concentration as she types out her name and then the subject heading. Tasuki taps his fingers against the couch impatiently.

Tasuki: If that's whippin' out a reply, how long does a carefully thought-out message take? Two weeks?!

Roku: (still concentrating) Yeah, kinda like. Let me see. D-e-a-r…um, where's the quotes? Oh, yeah, shift key!…"L-a-d-y"… okay, now where has the K gotten to?! Um, um, um, um…oh, there it is! "K-a- hah, found the Z! -z-e-k-o Period. No, dammit, I wanted the comma!

Tasuki: (roaring) Just give me the goddamn computer! (snatches it out of Roku's hands) If you're so fuckin' determined to dig yourself into a hole with your crew, then at least let's get it done in this century!

Roku: (blowing on her bruised fingertips) Geez, Gen-chan, have you ever thought about taking "Impatience Management" classes?

Tasuki: Just shut up and dictate!

Roku: Is it me, or is that an oxymoron? (intercepting his fierce glare) Oh, all right, all right. Here we go.

#########

From: "roku kyu" <kyuroku 02 ya hoo.com>

Subject: Re: Labor negotiations

To: "Kaze-chan" <kazeko sama ya hoo.com>

Dear "Lady" Kazeko,

As initial frontline administrative assistant to the production "White Stones in the Moonlight," I would like to inform you that I have forwarded your demands to the highest authority in charge of this production.

However, being aware that YOU are well aware of how severely understaffed we are, I'm certain that you will not be surprised to find that the highest authority in charge is...

Me.

The advantage to this situation is that it saves a great deal of time in forwarding labor disputes.

We, the Management - all right, I, the Management, find your demands to be well-thought-out, clearly presented, and…somewhat amusing. I do not mean to imply that there is anything amusing about striking workers; in the real world, work stoppage threats are treated with proper respect. However, in the world of "Casting Stones," it appears that you have forgotten that I, as Director and Author, am essentially…

God.

Thus, as long as I choose to write it, there will be no loss of lighting, no strobing headaches, and no rebellious technicians. However, being that I am essentially a benevolent god, I choose to take your complaints into consideration.

First off, I wish you to understand the reason behind your long incarceration in the tech booth. It arises purely from the altruistic heart of your concerned director, who seeks to shield such a young and innocent soul from the depraved incidents occurring on a regular basis backstage. Of course, Management realizes that she is the ultimate source of all such depraved behavior - but she has no intention of changing her evil ways in the foreseeable future.

The second argument that Management presents is that this production is taking place in a major downtown theatre, not a measly little high school auditorium. Thus, instead of being a claustrophobic four-by-eight foot space, the technical booth is a modern masterpiece of large consoles of flashing lights contained within a spacious twelve-foot by eleven-foot square room recessed into the back of the theatre. Management knows because she has done extensive research on this! (i.e. peering curiously into the tech booths at major entertainment events and scaring the hell out of the real techs ensconced within!) Since I have released you for, to quote you from your review of Chapter 8, far too many bathroom breaks, Management does not see why you are complaining of discomfort in such a roomy, well-equipped work area.

As an aside, Management points out that she has also equipped each actor's dressing room with a couch, dressing table, closet and personal bathroom complete with shower stall. Management is certain that the most famous of Broadway actors would stand in awe and envy of the facilities provided for the "White Stones" actors. Once again, she knows this from personal experience, having visited said famous Broadway actor's dressing room, which shocked her with its darkness, narrow shoebox size, and lack of amenities.

Thus, Management feels the need to remark upon the marked ingratitude implied in such caustic demands accompanied by threats. However, as stated previously, Management considers herself a person of open mind and great largesse (no, that's Largesse, not Large Ass!) Thus, Management has agreed to spend some of her exceedingly rare and sparse grey cells on your dilemma, pondering some way to meet your demands. She will do her best but can make no firm promises.

However, she is certain that you will be very pleased to hear that she has decided to accede to your demands on the behalf of your co-worker Kris to cease and desist with her intimate sexual interludes with one monk who shall go unnamed. Management has decided to give said monk a brief vacation from her attentions while she turns her sights on a different target for her affections. This new target is quite different from the aforementioned monk in personality, being somewhat fiery in disposition. However, this target does not have flame red hair - rather, he possesses snow white hair, an engaging smirk, and a penchant for large gold hoop earrings and lovely ladies. Management is certain that you will be pleased with this new development on behalf of your friend and coworker Kris.

In conclusion, Management would like to say how pleased she is with all communications with her labor pool, and ends this particular social intercourse with the remark:

Bwahahahahahaha!

Ja ne!

Roku, the Incorrigible

#########

Tasuki sits back and frowns at Roku.

Tasuki: Are you sure that you want me ta hit the "send" button?

Roku: (blithely) Ah, ye of little backbone, untwist thy knickers. (leans over and punches the "send" button) This is just a little joke between me and Kaze; she's gonna get a big laugh out of it, just wait and see.

Tasuki: I dunno…she's as obsessed with that white-haired lech as Kris is with 'Chiri, an' I don't think that she's gonna like you puttin' the moves on him.

Roku: It's a joke, Tasuki: J-O-K-E. Geez, lighten up. What's with you, anyway - post-coital blues?

Tasuki: (flushing bright red) Hey!

Roku: Ha, ha, made you blush!

Tasuki: Uh-huh, keep flapping that trap, and Tama's gonna be askin' what yer talkin' about.

Roku: Oh! Forgot! My bad. (grins sheepishly)

The rubber duck alert quacks again.

Roku: (startled) Damn, that was fast!

She leans over and clicks on her e-mail account and reads the following letter.

#########

To whom this may concern,

To introduce myself, my name is Kryssa, and I am currently "employed" in the play "White Stones In The Moonlight" as the sound technician. However, I have been silent for far too long and I'm afraid I have some harsh words to share with you.

In accordance with a recent idea from my fellow worker and friend, Kaze-chan, I am also going on strike. Simply put, I will stop working the music, the sound effects, and even those drastic curtain calls that continually save the Director's behind when she is in apparent (and continual) need of them.

Roku: (to Tasuki) Save your butt is more like it!

Tasuki: Yeah, from YOUR mother and her damn Slippers!

Roku: Eheheheheh! Er, let's get back to the letter.

Now, if you are wondering why I should have to take such drastic measures, let me outline the situation for you.

During the entire course of this play, I have been a very patient and understanding woman. I realize that the intercourse between the Director of "White Stones" and a certain blue-haired monk (who shall remain nameless) has all been done in good fun, but she has gone far enough. I cannot work under the conditions of watching a favored actor being seduced by a woman who is quite obviously more interested in another one of her actors - this one being the red-headed bandit (who, too, shall remain nameless).

Tasuki: Woo-woo!

Roku: (grinning) Yeah, it's no secret that to me, you are the cat's pajamas and the bee's knees! I'm warm for your form and sweet for your…better stop now.

Tasuki: You are a Bad Girl!

Roku: Yeah, I know, I just crossed the line into Raging Bad Taste. Yet Again. Aikido-chan is gonna come in and starts beating me around the ears. Better get back to Kryssa!

Not only that, other members of the crew have noticed the Director's distinct need to torment this hard-working woman, and my humor has been stretched to the limit. This working environment is not conducive to my mental and emotional health!

I am also, quite rarely, ever released from the confines of the tech area. It is understood that the work area Kaze-chan and myself are employed within is roomy and comfortable, but it is still a box in the back of the theatre. I have been told that I may be allowed some time outside during an upcoming chapter, but looking at the track record of the previous chapters… the likeliness of that seems to be close to nil.

Despite all the hard work I do, it seems that I am not being taken seriously enough. For that, I hope you can understand that I am more than serious about striking during the rest of this play unless my demands are met. Thank you for your time.

Sincerely yours,

Kryssa

#########

Tasuki: Ya know, this situation's startin' ta look serious…

Roku: Piffle! And pshaw! I know how to deal with that wench. Type on, garcon!

Tasuki sighs and goes back to the keyboard.

#########

From: "roku kyu" <kyuroku 02 ya hoo.com>

Subject: Re: Labor negotiations

To: "Kryssa" kjtrinity 13 earthlink. net

To my dear, deluded sound technician,

I am shocked and hurt that you could think that the seduction of a certain nameless blue-haired monk is being carried out solely for the purpose of tormenting you. You yourself refute this claim in a previous statement, when you refer to intercourse between myself and said monk being "all in good fun." That statement is absolutely true! It is all in good fun!

In fact, this intercourse is in great fun; the MOST fun intercourse I've had in my entire LIFE! Wait, what am I thinking, to promise Kaze-chan that I'll give up nameless blue-haired monk in favor of nameless white-haired lech?! I must be insane - I can't give him up! I'll just have to…HAVE THEM BOTH! Bwahahahahahahaha! More chocolate whipped cream at this table, please!

Luck and love and lots of intercourse with monks!

Roku

#########

Roku pushes back, panting rapidly.

Tasuki: Whoa, settle down there, girl. You're gettin' over-excited here - and you remember what happened the last time you let yourself get outta control!

Roku: (wincing) Oh yeah…some of those people are still in traction. I keep forgetting that not everybody has the constitution of a Suzaku seishi. (bats her eyelashes at him winningly)

Tasuki: (scowling) Don't get all flirtatious with me! In spite of what Kryssa said about you bein' interested in me, I notice that I just got tossed outta the chocolate-whipped-cream loop!

Roku: (pouting) That's because you're gonna be busy with the Love of Your Life - you don't have time for me anymore.

Tasuki: Awww, Roku, look….

Roku: (grinning) Don't worry about it; I just have to take every opportunity to be a Drama Queen!

Tasuki: Really? I didn't notice.

Roku punches him in the arm as the rubber duck quacks again.

Roku: Man, these wenches are FAST at typing! Come on, Gen-chan, let's see where this joke's going next… Oh, look, it's our "White Stones" crew yahoo group!

#########

To: wstechcrew yahoo groups.com

From: "Chichiri's Girl" <CG ya hoo.com>

Subject: Casting Stones...and then some!

Hey Everyone!

I think that it's high time that some ol' hentai-minded Director leave our favorite Sorcerer to those who really know how to make him feel appreciated......minus the chocolate whipped cream.

Anyway, Roku, dearest, you'll be soooooo busy making sure that the Oni Destruction Scene works out fine minus a sound technician and lighting tech that (Oh my gosh!) you only have me, Chichiri's Girl, as your crew for this scene! Well, now I'm feeling pretty fine with that IF you promise me a wonderfully sensual blue-haired monk to help me make sure that nothing goes awry with the scenery props...like heavy paper mache temples and the like.

It would be just as unfortunate to see the return of your Shin-inspired hiccups without the prompt and effective preventive measures of your beloved baby sister.

So! Here's the deal: you give me the Sorcerer for backstage...um, help during your next scene of WS, or I'll walk off to the 7-11 next door for some liquid refreshment while you figure out how to handle all of the props (and your hiccups!)

Ta! Ta! Big Sis

#########

Roku: That blackmailing WENCH! That double-dealing bitch! Wherever did she learn such underhanded tactics?!

Tasuki: (drily) Pro'bly from you.

Roku: (scowling) All right, that's true, but that makes it even worse! Is there no respect for your teachers nowadays?!

Tasuki: So whatcha gonna do?

Roku: Tell her that she can cram her 7-11 coffee up her…

The duck quacks yet again.

Roku: Now what's going on? Another message to the yahoo group?

#########

To: wstechcrew yahoo groups.com

From: "Chichiri's Girl" <CG ya hoo.com>

Subject: Yo! Aikido-chan!

Hey Aikido-Chan,

Since you've suffered such a shock to your system a couple of chapters ago by being run over by a large, monotone-speaking, ancient-Chinese-medicine practicing (need I mention, nude) doctor, don't you think that you could use a vaso-constricting substance in a nice hot form? I suggest that you introduce Mits to Dr. Starbucks in the tall, grande, or venti sized range during the next scene......whaddya say?

Chichiri's Girl

#########

Roku: Oooh, that wench is really startin' ta get on my nerves! But she's wasting her time on Aikido-chan. Aikido and Sorceress will never let me down…

The duck quacks for attention.

#########

From: "Aikido-chan" aikido chan ya hoo. com and "Sorceress" sor cere ss a ol. com

Subject: Crew Solidarity

To: wstechcrew yahoo groups.com

Dear Roku,

We are very sorry to inform you that after careful consideration, we must join our fellow tech crew members in their proposed walk-out. We hasten to assure you that there is nothing personal in our decision. We have no significant gripe with you, but we must uphold the solidarity of the tech crew team.

After working closely with our fellow crew members for the past six weeks, we feel that it would undermine the future functioning of the group if we were to defy the obvious wishes of Kryssa and Kaze-chan. We assure you, however, that we will work very hard to resolve the issues that contributed to this confrontation, and we sincerely hope that you will do the same.

Best Wishes,

Aikido-chan and Sorceress

#########

The rubber duck quacks almost instantly with another message.

#########

From: "Kaze-chan" kazeko sama ya hoo.com

Subject: Re: Crew Solidarity

To: wstechcrew yahoo groups.com

Gee Roku, can we say "all-out rebellion"? -

Hehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehe...

Kaze-chan!

#########

Roku gets up and staggers around the greenroom in shock and anger.

Roku: (in an English accent) Those slithy toves! Those mimsy borogroves! It's Mutiny, Suh, Mutiny, I say! I'll have their heads for this! I'll hang them from the foc'sle and feed their livers to the Frumious Bandersnatch!

Tasuki: (through gritted teeth) If you don't quit mixin' Jabberwocky with Horatio Hornblower, I'm gonna hafta hurt you very badly!

Roku collapses onto the couch and puts her head in her hands.

Roku: But what am I gonna dooooooo, Gen-chan?! We're already behind because of Chiriko's antics, and now…!

Tasuki: You could always apologize.

Roku: (standing up and declaiming dramatically) Nevuh! Nevuh, Suh! They'll soon see who they've chosen to tangle with. I'll have their livers…!

Tasuki: Yeah, yeah, ya said that already, so sit down and shut up so's I can think!

Roku: (sadly) Et tu, Tasuki?

Tasuki: Hey, I'm still here with ya, ain't I? We'll come up with somethin.'

At that moment, the rubber duck quacks again. Roku leans over Tasuki's shoulder eagerly.

Roku: Maybe they've had their little joke, and they're ready to apologize!

#########

From: Kei-chan" <cerulean sky e eclipse ya hoo.com>

Subject: ##waves##

To: "Roku Kyu" <kyuroku 02 ya hoo.com>

Hey there Roku-chan! Psst!! I have an idea!!!

Since CG seems to think that you have no crew to help the next scene of CS, you could always bring in Ryuen, Mouse-chan, and I as backups! Wouldn't that just kill her? grins Of course, I'd be killed if anyone saw this letter, which is why I just sent it to you instead of the list. giggles Us Tasuki-like folk gotta stick together, ya know?? fanged grin

--Kei-chan

#########

Tasuki: (scowling) What does she mean, Tasuki-like folk?! There's only one of me!

Roku: Of course, baby, they broke the mold when they made you. But…(beams) this is brilliant! This is the perfect solution! I'll bring in Kei-chan, Mouse-chan and Ryuen to act as fill-in crew members, and maybe a couple of other volunteers from the audience! Once Kaze-chan, Kryssa and the rest see how easily I'm functioning without them, they'll come crawling back with their tails between their legs!

Tasuki: (skeptically) But they won't know how ta do th' stuff that the real crew does. An' since Kaze-chan and Kryssa barricaded themselves inside the tech booth, how are ya gonna work the lights and sound?

Roku: The old-fashioned way--by hand! I can get somebody to adjust the light angles by crawling up on the stage catwalk, and I have a manual light board down by the wings to adjust intensities. For music, I'll just hook my Boze CD player to the sound system. You forget, Tasuki - I have experience working all of the crew positions from previous theatre jobs.

Tasuki: (muttering) I still think yer makin' a big mistake, but don't let me stop ya from playin' in traffic.

Roku: (cheerfully) No worries, Gen-chan! This is gonna work like a charm, and before you know it, the regular crew will be begging for their jobs back! Not before I make them grovel a bit, though…

Tasuki: (to himself) Famous last words…

###################################################################################################################

Part B. Easier Said Than Done

Roku has instituted her emergency plan. After asking for volunteers from the sudience, she has assembled a team composed of Kei-chan, Ryuen, Purple Mouse, a slender Chinese teen by the name of Shadow Priestess (last seen at the Chichiri Kissing Booth due to her Chichiri obsession), and a tall, sturdy, no-nonsense English girl named Jouseiryuu. Jouseiryuu is in her mid-teens, with long, straight black hair and a tendecy to unnerve the Director by not smiling.

Roku has assigned the girls to various tasks, but their lack of experience has considerably slowed down the process of assembling the set for "Confrontation." Not to mention that some unforeseen communication problems soon begin to manifest.

Roku is approached by Ryuen and Purple Mouse, whom she had asked to check over the light and set positions for the Oni Destruction scene. They appear nervous as they tug at her sleeve.

Roku: (trying to conceal her anxiety at the slow pace) Yeah, what's up?

Purple Mouse: We thought that you might want to know…

Ryuen: There might be a liiiiiiitle problem…

Roku: Problem? Where?

Purple Mouse: Well, maybe 'problem' is too strong of a word, 'cause maybe you wanted it to be that way…

Ryuen: And we don't mean to question your judgment, because after all, you're the Director and this is your play…

Roku: (foozled) What are you talking about?!

Ryuen: Not to mention that this is only our opinion…

Purple Mouse: And it's perfectly fine the way it is, so it's not really necessary that you change it…

Roku: (roaring) Kei-chan! I need a translator here!

Kei-chan comes running up and spends a few moments in whispered consultation with her friends.

Kei-chan: (turning to the Director and rubbing her hand through her spiky red hair) They're trying to tell you that the angle of Light #4 seems to be a little off.

Roku: (exasperated) Why didn't you two just come out and say so?!

Purple Mouse: (kicking at the floor shyly) We thought maybe you meant it to be that way…

Ryuen: And we didn't want to hurt your feelings.

Roku: (shouting) You're NOT hurting my feelings! (pauses as Mouse-chna and Ryuen flinch back) Listen, guys, just tell me straight out what the problems are, okay? Otherwise, it's gonna be another five hundred years before we're ready to start "Confrontation." I PROMISE…

She stops when they flinch again.

Roku: (softer) Look, I promise that you won't hurt my feelings by being direct with me, okay?

Ryuen and Purple Mouse: (in mouse voices) Okay…

Roku turns and stalks towards the stage, muttering under her breath. Ryuen nudges Purple Mouse.

Ryuen: See? I told you it would hurt her feelings!

Now onstage, Roku looks up to the catwalk. She sees her newest fill-in technician clinging tightly to the rails.

Roku: Hey, Jouseiryuu, I need you to reach over and adjust Light #4…ummm, are you okay?

Jouseiryuu: (through gritted teeth) Yes--yes, just tops! Which light is it?

Roku: Number Four, the blue light fourth from the far end. Hey, you're not afraid of heights, are you?

Jouseiryuu pushes her glasses up on the bridge of her nose and stares at the far end of the catwalk receding into the shadows.

Jouseiryuu: No, not at all. (under her breath) Unless I'm perched on two sodding boards suspended twenty feet in the air, where one misstep will turn me into a stage pancake!

Roku: Okay, I need it tilted more vertically, maybe about 15 degrees. Good luck, see ya! (runs out)

Jouseiryuu: (inching forward while grasping the metal rails in a death grip) Never again! I'm never volunteering for anything ever again!

Roku is once more with the backstage crew.

Roku: (glancing at her watch) Dammit! It's been fifteen minutes, and we're still not even halfway set up for "Confrontation!" The crowd is gonna kill me!

Kei-chan: (peeking through the curtain) Yep, the natives are gettin' restless, Roku. I think I saw them haulin' in a big cookpot and some firewood.

Roku: (sarcastically) Thanks for the encouragement, Kei-chan.

Kei-chan: Hey, I only calls 'em as I sees 'em.

Purple Mouse: (sidling up to Kei-chan and whispering) I think you hurt her feelings, Kei-chan. Roku's very sensitive, you know.

Kei-chan: (rolling her eyes) Oh, yeah, sure.

Roku: What?

Kei-chan: Never mind. Listen, you better come up with something fast, or you're gonna lose 'em. I think you oughta put your pride in your pocket and beg the forgiveness of your tech crew. We're doing the best we can, but the fact is that we don't know the set design like your real crew does…

She is interrupted by a loud crash from the onstage area.

Ryuen: (muffled) Sorry! Eheheheheheh…

Roku: (wearily) Will you guys go back there and dig out Ryuen? You know that she won't call out for help for fear of disturbing us.

Kei-chan: Here, I'll go do it. Mouse-chan, see if Roku needs any other help, okay?

She strides off. Purple Mouse hovers anxiously near the tense Director, her green-blue eyes filled with concern.

Purple Mouse: Roku, try not to wory. You know that you can count on us to do anything you need.

Roku: (eyes narrowed in thought) Anything? Are you sure about that?

Purple Mouse: (missing the glint in the Director's eyes) Of course. We're your friends, aren't we?

Roku: (smacking a fist into her palm) Okay, that's settled. Mouse-chan, go out there and teach the crowd how to do the UFO dance you learned at language camp last summer.

Purple Mouse: But…but…but wait!

Roku: Come onnnnnn, you showed it to all of us at the seishi sleepover - don't get all shy on me now!

Purple Mouse: But this is in front of hundreds of people….

Roku: (encouragingly) Hey, you're an old pro now, a seasoned hoofer addicted to the roar of the greasepaint and the smell of the crowd.

Purple Mouse: (wrinkling her nose) The smell of the crowd?

Roku: Now is no time to get squeamish! Get out there! Knock 'em dead!

Roku shoves Purple Mouse hard, and the diminutive fanfic author catapults through the curtain out onto the stage. She freezes for a moment - just long enough for Roku to hit the "play" button on her Boze CD player. The catchy, kitschy "Pink Lady" dance tune "UFO" comes on, and almost unconsciously, Purple Mouse starts tapping her foot. Pretty soon, she's bopping to the music, her dance routine an artistic blend of softshoe and hitch-hiking gestures. The crowd catches on and begins bopping in their seats along with her. Well, most of the crowd, anyway…

Tomo: Kekekekekekeke! (doing the "thumbing" gestures to UFO and nearly hitting Nakago in the nose) This is really quite enjoyable!

Nakago: Soi.

Soi: (guiltily slamming her own "dancing hands" down) Hai, Nakago-sama?!

Nakago: About Tomo…

Soi glances over at Tomo, who is now merrily mimicking Purple Mouse as she does the vaudevillian cross-hands-knees move.

Soi: Hai, Nakago-sama?

Nakago: Fry him.

Soi: (gleeful) Hai, Nakago-sama!

Tomo: Eh?

But it's too late for the painted magician. A bolt of lightning streaks down from the ceiling and strikes Tomo where he sits.

Tomo: (convulsing) Ek-ek-ek-ek-ek-ek-ek!

Acrid smoke rises from his scorched feathers. Unfortunately, the commotion has caught Mom's attention.

Mom: (shouting at the Seiryuu crowd) You itsa not s'posed to smoke in theatre!

Three Slippers come winging at the Seiryuu crew and, whap, whap, whap, hit Nakago, Soi and the blackened Tomo in the head. All three slump together unconscious. Ashitare whimpers and cringes in terror at the sight of the Slippers, while Miboshi levitates quickly to the balcony. This leaves only Suboshi and Amiboshi upright in their seats.

Suboshi: What should we do, Aniki?!

Amiboshi: Go join the Suzaku warriors.

Suboshi: (shocked) But Aniki, it's our duty to stay with the warriors of our country and our god!

Amiboshi: Otouto…Ashitare just soiled his theatre seat.

Suboshi: Last one backstage sucks rotten dodo eggs!

The twins bolt from their seats. Miboshi smirks down at them from his position levitating in front of the balcony. He cackles in his raspy, strangely androgynous voice.

Miboshi: Hah, you sneaky, disobedient children! I shall take great pleasure in reporting your disloyalty to Lord Nakago!

Up in the balcony, Kagome sways back and forth in her seat, trying to follow Mouse-chan's UFO moves while craning her neck to see around the new obstacle in her way. She accidentally jostles the dozing Inu-Yasha.

Inu-Yasha: (pissed) Naniiii?!

Kagome: Ah, gomen, gomen, Inu-Yasha! I didn't mean to wake you; I was just trying to see the stage.

Inu-Yasha focuses on the small figure floating in front of their balcony seats.

Inu-Yasha: Oi, Bouzou! Move your monk ass before I…

At that moment, Miboshi turns around to see who is addressing him so rudely. Inu-Yasha's gaze fixes on the jewel in Miboshi's forehead. His eyes go red with intense, demonic fury as he leaps at Miboshi.

Inu-Yasha: Shikon no TAMAAAAA! NARAKU, YOU BASTARD!

Miboshi: (screaming as they fall) AIEEEEEEEEEEE!!

Kagome: Mat-te, Inu-Yasha! That's not the Shikon Jewel! (winces as they hit the ground with a sickening crunch)

Inu-Yasha: (leaping off the small crumpled figure beneath him) Eh? Not the Jewel?

Kagome: No!

Inu-Yasha: Feh! (kicks Miboshi) Then stop wasting my time, youkai-bouzou!

Miboshi: (twitching brokenly) Oh, I hurt…

Chichiri's Girl is walking down the aisle with her arms full of popcorn, candy and pop containers. She pauses and looks down at the small, crumpled form in her path.

Chichiri's Girl: Sucks to be you, Miboshi.

##################################################################################################################

Part C. Escalation

Meanwhile, Roku is taking advantage of the time Mouse-chan is buying her to try to assemble the Shrine of Seiryuu set. However, the complex arrangement of hoses and tubing for the various fountains has her flummoxed. She wavers, trying to juggle six hoses and scratch her head at the same time.

Tasuki: (in his smartass voice) Now there's a pretty picture.

Roku: Oh, thank Suzaku you're here, Gen-chan! I really could use some help!

Tasuki: Whoa! And no! I'm no good at that shit. You'd better get Chichiri.

Roku: Can't. He's meditating in his room, getting ready for his big scene.

Tasuki: Well, maybe Chiriko has the smarts…

Roku: Grounded, remember?

Tasuki: Oh, yeah. Well, then, the only brainiac we have left is Mits.

Mitsukake: (approaching from stage left) Someone taking my name in vain?

Roku: (desperately) Mits, do you know anything about plumbing?

Mitsukake: Only human plumbing, I'm afraid. I wield a pretty mean speculum, and my colonoscopy techniques are practically artistic!

Tasuki: (wincing) Okay, here's where I make my exit.

Roku: No, Tasuki, don't go! I still need you! (turning back to Mitsukake) Maybe your skills apply here; after all, plumbing is plumbing, right? Part A goes into Part B and all that…

Mitsukake: (suddenly looking nervous) You're not propositioning me, are you, Roku?

Roku: (red in the face) NO, I'M NOT PROPOSITIONING YOU!

Purple Mouse parts the curtains and slips to the backstage area.

Purple Mouse: (hesitantly) Ummmmm, sorry to interrupt, but I'm finished with my dance.

Roku: SHIT! I need more time! Listen, Tasuki, go out there!

Tasuki: And do what?

Roku: Distract the crowd. Entertain them!

Tasuki: Uh-uh, no way. You ain't gettin' me out there.

Roku: What's the matter? You've been out there all night! Don't tell me that you have relapsing stage fright!

Tasuki: I ain't got a script! It's one thing ta go out there with scripted lines, and a whole other thing ta improvise!

Roku: So you're saying that you'd do it if you knew your material ahead of time?

Tasuki: Ummmmmm…

Roku: (slamming her fist into her hand) Okay, I've got it! Just go out there and start telling some of your jokes!

Tasuki: What're you, nuts?! They don't wanna hear that!

Roku: Sure they do! You're the best joke-teller, Tasuki - your delivery is perfect. And besides…(chokes back a little sob), I really, really need you right now.

Tasuki: Okay, cut the shit! Enough of the fuckin' tears, I ain't doin' it!

Roku: (bravely suppressing another sob) That's okay, Gen-chan. I didn't mean to impose on you. (wipes her sleeve across her eyes) I guess I just got so stressed I wasn't thinking straight. I never meant to be a burden on you…

Tasuki: All right, all right already! I'm goin', see?

Roku: (voice cracking) No, I don't want to be the cause of any discomfort or embarrassment for you.

Tasuki: Look, I said I'd do it! So shut up and QUIT CRYIN'!

Roku: (sobbing into her hands) But then you'll always resent me for making you…

Tasuki: (roaring) ENOUGH ALREADY! I PROMISE that I won't resent you, and I'm goin' out there right NOW!

Tasuki blows angrily through the curtains, making some audience members shriek in surprise at his violent appearance. Roku lifts her face from her hands.

Roku: Geez, I thought he would never leave.

Mitsukake: You are an evil woman - but one hell of an actress!

Roku: All part of a director's job, I'm afraid. Okay, Mits, let's go plumb!

Purple Mouse rejoins her friends Ryuen (a little dusty) and Kei-chan in the wings.

Kei-chan: So what's all the fuss about?

Purple Mouse: (whispering) Roku propositioned Mitsukake, but he rejected her in front of Tasuki, so she got all emotional and made Tasuki leave.

Ryuen: (frowning in concern) But she seems all right with Mitsukake at the moment.

Purple Mouse: She's just being brave. You know how sensitive she is.

The two short girls nod seriously, while Kei-chan rolls her eyes.

Meanwhile, Tasuki makes his debut as a stand-up comedian.

Tasuki: (very nervous) Uh, hi everybody, my name is Tasuki.

Fangirls: (screaming) TASUKIIIIIII!!

Tasuki: (blushing) Uh, yeah, hi. Anyway, due to a few technical difficulties, the next scene is a little…delayed.

He glares up at the tech booth. Kryssa and Kaze-chan wave cheerfully at him.

Tasuki: In the meantime, Roku sent me out here to see if I could entertain you…

Fangirls: (pumping their fists) STRIP! STRIP! STRIP!

Tasuki: I ain't fuckin' takin' my clothes off! I just came out here ta…tell a couple jokes.

Fangirls: (disappointed) Booooooo!

Tasuki: (pissed) Hey! If ya can't take a joke…

At that moment, he catches Mom's disapproving glare and sees her hand edge towards her purse - the Secret Repository of all Slippers.

Tasuki: ….uh, just forget about it!

At that moment, Roku's Dad speaks up.

Dad: (happily) Hey, I love jokes. The cornier, the better!

Tasuki: Yeah? Didja hear the one about the guy who tried ta swallow a Viagra pill but got it stuck in his throat? He had a stiff neck for days!

Dad: Hee, hee, hee, hee, heeeeee!

Mom: (frowning in confusion) I itsa don't get it.

Tasuki: Good.

Dad: Hey, did you hear the one…

Tasuki: Come up here on stage so you can share my radio mike.

Tasuki leans down and gives Dad a hand up. Soon the two men are sitting on the stage apron, happily trading jokes…and confusing Mom.

Dad: Did you hear the one about the mouse that got swallowed by the eagle? Anyway, he works his way through the eagle's stomach and intestines until he's lookin' out the eagle's asshole. He sees mountains and trees below him, and calls back to the eagle, "Hey, Eagle, about how high are we flyin'?

Tasuki: (grinning) Uh-huh.

Dad: Anyway, the eagle says, "We're ten thousand feet in the air." And the mouse says, "You wouldn't shit me now, would you?"

Tasuki: A-hahahahah!

Mom: (recognizing the "s" word) Dah-dy!

Dad: Oh, okay, honey. (winks at Tasuki) I got a poem for you.

Tasuki: All right.

Dad: (standing up and declaiming) She offered her honor

He honored her offer

For the rest of the night

It was on 'er and off 'er!

Tasuki: Whoo-hoo!

The crowd laughs, getting into Dad's R-rated Fozzie Bear routine. Mom, not understanding the nuances of English, laughs politely with a bewildered look on her face.

Meanwhile, Roku and Mitsukake survey their handiwork critically. Roku looks at all the tubing arching up over the fountains instead of lying discreetly beneath.

Roku: (sighing) Ya know, it DOES look like the human digestive tract.

Mitsukake: (defensively) Well, I did tell you that I didn't know anything about…

Roku: Nah, I'm not blaming you; I was the main part of the assembly team here. That's what you get for having biology majors doing architectural work.

Mitsukake: Maybe we could make a few adjustments here and there.

Roku: Yeah, but first let's make sure it works. (calls down to her interim tech crew on her radio mike) All right, girls, turn on the water!

Deep in the recesses of the substage basement, Jouseiryuu receives the Director's command.

Jouseiryuu: (tapping her radio headset) Got it!

Shadow Priestess: You know, when I said that I wanted to come backstage and help, I was thinking of spending time near Chichiri, not down in some dark, dank basement!

Jouseiryuu: Oi, I'm not complaining, because I'm finally off that blasted scaffolding and back on the ground where nothing bad can happen…

She walks over to the water valves and opens them wide.

Meanwhile, Roku and Mitsukake watch the water flowing through the tubes to the fountain reservoirs. The pumps kick in, and water begins spilling rapidly over each tier of each fountain, forming clear, glassy sheets that catch and reflect the light.

Mitsukake: Wow!

Roku, pleased, slaps palms with him.

Roku: Yeah, now if we can only get those accursed source tubes out of sight…Uh!

Mitsukake: What is it?

Roku: I just caught sight of the flow meter, and…oh, noooooo!

At that moment, the flow over the fountain tiers increases with the increasing water pressure. The tubes and hoses vibrate with the pressure - then suddenly detach explosively, shooting water with the force of fire hoses. Roku and Mitsukake get knocked across the stage.

Roku: (screaming) Jouseiryuu! Shadow! TURN THE WATER OFF!

Mitsukake: (shouting) They can't hear you, Roku - you've lost your headset!

As Roku scrabbles frantically around the rapidly flooding stage searching for her headset, Kaze-chan and Kryssa lean back in their chairs in the barricaded tech booth.

Kaze-chan: Did you hear that?

Kryssa: Yep. Sounded like a scream, then a whoosh and splash, finishing with a glug, glug, glug.

Kaze-chan: (putting on an English accent) Perhaps I'm being a bit precipitate, but to me that sounds like a spot of trouble.

Kryssa: (picking up the accent) Dear, dear, I believe that you may have something there, old thing.

Kaze-chan: Is it time, do you suppose, to step in and put things right?

Kryssa: (shocked) Good heavens, no - far too soon! One must be patient and wait for the Director to grovel.

Kaze-chan: Far be it from me to contradict such wise counsel. (lifting her water bottle) May I refill your teacup, my dear?

Kryssa: (holding out her coffee cup) I shall be eternally in your debt.

Kaze-chan: Oh, look - I believe that the ginger-haired busker is about to gift us with yet another foray into humor for the lower classes.

Sure enough, Tasuki is regaling the crowd with another joke.

Tasuki: Anyway, so the Lone Ranger looks and sees this huge band of cattle rustlers and horse thieves gainin' on him. So he runs up the hill and lights a fire, waving his hat at it ta try ta send some smoke signals to Tonto. But just as he sends the last part of the message, the band of outlaws captures him. Okay, ready for the segue?

Audience and Dad: (shouting happily) Segue!

Tasuki: You got it! Segue to the Lone Ranger, all tied up to a stake, the outlaws gettin' ready ta toast him. Just then, Tonto comes riding over the hill, accompanied by about a hundred naked women on horses. The outlaws gape in shock, but the Lone Ranger hollers…(pauses expectantly)

Audience and Dad: What?!

Tasuki: (smirking) He hollers, "Tonto, you idiot! I told ya ta bring a POSSE!"

The audience roars, and Dad nearly falls off the stage, crying with mirth. Mom laughs politely, the usual bewildered expression on her face.

Just then, the water pressure explodes from backstage, sending the Director shooting through the curtain and hitting into Tasuki. Tasuki and Roku catapult off the stage and end up falling into the first row. Tasuki looks up from where he has landed - right in Mom's lap.

Mom: (looking down at Tasuki) Explain please. What itsa "posse?"

Tasuki opens his mouth, but Roku recovers first, elbowing him.

Roku: Answer that, and you're a dead man.

Mom: (insistent) No, Roku-chan, let him talk. (poking Tasuki) What itsa "posse?"

Tasuki: Uh, er, it's a group of ordinary cowboys who are supposed ta capture criminals.

Mom: (looking more confused than ever) Oh.

Tasuki: Okay, I am outta here! The next time ya need me for anythin,' Roku…forget it!

He stalks off, wringing out his wet tunic. Mitsukake, equally drenched, appears from behind the curtain brandishing a small black wire.

Mitsukake: (to Roku) Here. I think you'll need this.

Roku snatches the headset, pulls it on and starts yelling.

Roku: Jouseiryuu! Shadow! TURN THE DAMN WATER OFF!

Unfortunately, Jouseiryuu and Shadow Priestess are hanging off an overhead pipe, where they leaped when the water from the stage started pouring down into the basement, causing the electrical power lines to start sparking.

Jouseiryuu, Shadow: HEEEEEEELLLLLP!

Roku: What's wrong?!

Jouseiryuu: Your temporary techs are about to become permanently deep-fried!

Shadow: (sobbing) I want my 'Chiri!!

Roku: (pulling off her headset) Mits, the girls are in deep trouble! We need Chichiri NOW!

Mitsukake turns to run toward the dressing rooms, but Chichiri is already in the stage wings. Roku runs up to him.

Roku: Oh, thank Suzaku, 'Chiri, we need…

Chichiri: (tersely) Yes, I picked up on the disturbances in their ki. I'm already there!

He teleports out of sight. Roku rushes to the substage basement in a more conventional manner, tripping down the stairs. Before she's even halfway down, Chichiri reappears on the staircase carrying Shadow Priestess with Jouseiryuu safe beside him. Shadow Priestess has her arms locked around Chichiri's neck.

Roku: Thank God you're all right!

Jouseiryuu: (removing her radio headset and handing it to Roku) Thank you very kindly, Madam Director, for allowing me to participate in your play. It's been a lovely experience, I've thoroughly enjoyed the excitement, and I'm NEVER COMING BACK EVER AGAIN!

She stalks up the stairs, muttering the phrase "never volunteering again" several times before she disappears out of sight.

Chichiri: Roku, I still have to deal with the flood, so would you mind…?

He indicates Shadow Priestess, with her arms still locked around his neck, a glazed and blissful expression on her face.

Shadow Priestess: Ohhhhh, Chichiri-sama rescued me. Oh, Chichiri-sama held me in his arms…

Roku: (briskly, as she pulls the slender girl off Chichiri's neck) Okay, Shadow, you're coming with Roku now and going back to your seat.

Shadow Priestess: (frowning slightly) I don't want to leave Chichiri-sama!

Roku: Maybe he'll visit you later. Right now, he has to get ready for his scene. Don't you want to see Chichiri in "Confrontation?"

Shadow Priestess: Oh yes! Confrontation! Chichiri-sama blasts the oni! Chichiri-sama…

Roku gently propels the girl upstairs, leaving Chichiri behind as clean-up crew. Once she has pushed Shadow Priestess toward her seat, she is rejoined by Mitsukake backstage. Purple Mouse, Kei-chan and Ryuen reappear from the greenroom, where they had unknowingly remained out of harm's way. When Purple Mouse sees Mitsukake and Roku together, she pulls the other two girls aside.

Purple Mouse: (whispering) Let's let those two have their privacy. Maybe they're going to work things out!

Kei-chan: (smirking) What, are you encouraging Mits' infidelity to Shouka? I never thought you were that type of girl, Mouse-chan!

Ryuen: (defensively) You know that she's not, Kei-chan! She's just, uhhhh, errrr…

Kei-chan: (pointing at Purple Mouse) Blushing nearly purple, that's all.

Meanwhile, Mitsukake looms over Roku with folded arms.

Mitsukake: I think it's time you faced facts, Roku. Unless you apologize to your regular crew and get them back on board, this play is in danger of closing right now.

Roku: (gloomily) I know, I know. But how am I supposed to appease all of 'em? I can't really hand Chichiri over to my sister; slavery's been outlawed in this country for the past century or so, you know.

Mitsukake: I believe that Chichiri's Girl won't give you much trouble if you get the rest of the crew to come back to work. Family ties and all that.

Roku: Oh, yeah, family ties right around my neck. (meets Mitsukake's frown) All right, I'm exaggerating. That wench was just trying to take advantage of the uproar to apply a little duress. What else are little sisters for, anyway?

Mitsukake: Getting back to the real problem, Roku…

Roku: I hear ya already! I'm gonna call Kris and Kaze-chan on the radio mike right now and begin the groveling process…(trails off, her eyes narrowing in thought) However…there's no reason that I should make it any easier on them than they did on me.

Mitsukake: That's enough, I don't want to know! If you have any evil schemes, I'd rather not be in the thick of it!

Roku: (widening her eyes innocently) What do you mean? I only want to give them maximum satisfaction by making my humilation as public as possible. So listen up, Mits--do me a favor and call as many of the seishi here as possible to witness my capitulation. I especially want Chichiri to have a front row seat.

Mitsukake: (walking off and sighing) Why do I feel like I'm lining up a firing squad without knowing which side of the rifle I'm going to be on?

In the wings, Purple Mouse shakes her dark, wavy hair.

Purple Mouse: (sighing) Looks like Roku blew it again. Mitsukake doesn't look very happy with her.

Kei-chan: (pulling at her red spiky hair) Why do you insist on a romance between those two?! I just don't see it! Do you see it, Ryu-chan?

Ryuen: (awkwardly) Well, if Mouse-chan says so, then, well…But I don't mean to say that you're wrong, Kei-chan! Of course, I don't mean to say that Mouse-chan is wrong either. I mean…maybe there are some feelings tbetween those two and maybe there's not, and…(miserably) how did I end up in the middle of this?

Kei-chan grabs Ryuen and noogies her affectionately.

Kei-chan: You're not in the middle, goofball, so quit stressing! In the end, it's none of our business anyway.

Purple Mouse: (stricken) I didn't mean to put you in the middle, either, Ryu-chan! (tearing up) I never meant to stress you out!

Ryuen: (tearing up in response) I know you didn't, Mouse-chan, so please don't…!

The two girls share a comfortable little cry, while Kei-chan fights off an impending headache.

Kei-chan: (muttering) This just goes to prove that no good ever comes of speculating about Roku's sex life! (raising her voice) Come on, gals, I think I know where to find a television that's showing reruns of "Starsky and Hutch!"

The girls quickly snap out of their maudlin state and run off happily in search of subliminal slash.

###################################################################################################################

Part D. Capitulation

The real tech crew has assembled in the greenroom at the Director's request. Kaze-chan and Kryssa are unsuccessfully trying to suppress smirks of triumph. Chichiri's Girl isn't even attempting to suppress her grin, but Aikido-chan and Sorceress appear appropriately serious.

Roku enters the greenroom, her brown suede Reeboks squelching, and seats herself on the couch opposite her rebellious crew. She is obviously damp, her bangs wet and spiky and a towel around her shoulders. Avoiding eye contact, she opens Chiriko's laptop and slowly taps out a few commands. To her relief, her e-mail file and the WS Tech Crew's group page pop up. She finally lifts her eyes and fixes the crew with a pleasant but weary smile.

Roku: I'm sure that none of you are wondering why I've called you all here.

Chichiri's Girl: (chortling joyfully) No, we suspect that it has something to do with the words, "Glug, glug, glug!"

Roku breaks a moment to fix her sister with a glare but soon regains control.

Roku: (pleasantly but with a slight edge) Eloquently though crudely put. Yes, as my sister has said, various disasters have forced me to straighten out the misunderstandings between us. I would like to take this opportunity to apol…but wait!

Kaze-chan and Kryssa had been smiling openly at the long-awaited apology but startle at the Director's shout.

Kaze-chan: What?!

Roku: I almost forgot! I need my personal secretary to record these momentous events!

Kryssa: Personal secretary?

Roku: Yes, it's important that we keep everything above board and out in the open about this agreement. (calling out) Dollface, if you wouldn't mind?

Kryssa, Kaze-chan: Dollface?

Chichiri walks in wearing his smiling mask and carrying a small notebook and pen. He turns the eerily cheerful look on all present and seats himself beside Roku, opening the notebook and holding the pen poised above it.

Kryssa: (furiously) That isn't fair!

Roku: (innocently) What isn't fair? Do you doubt Chichiri's honesty or accuracy?

The smiling mask turns towards Kryssa, somehow conveying a sense of slight hurt. Kryssa turns red under the mildly questioning gaze.

Kryssa: No! It's not Chichiri's motivations that I'm doubting…!

Roku: (comfortably) Good, that's settled, so let's proceed. First off, let me state for the record that I apologize profoundly for any hurt or discomfort that my actions…oh, bollocks!

Kaze-chan: (wearily) What is it now?

Roku: I seem to have misplaced the file that has my written-out apology. (raising her voice) Tasuki! I need you here!

The red-haired seishi appears, clad in his stage pajamas while his green outfit is in the dryer. His hair is still damp, and he appears irritated.

Tasuki: Goddammit, Roku, didn't I tell ya not ta expect any more help from me?

Roku: (contritely) I'm sorry, Gen-chan, but I seem to have lost my apology file. If you could just tell me which buttons to press on the keyboard?

Tasuki: (fed-up) Just give me that goddamn thing before you drive us all nuts!

He snatches the laptop out of her hands and sits down on her other side.

Roku: (trying not to appear pleased) Okay, about that apology. (cranes her neck to read over Tasuki's shoulder) I apologize profoundly for any hurt or discomfort that I may have inadvertently caused you by my thoughtlessness and assure you that any hurtful actions were completely unintentional…

Chichiri's Girl: (in an undertone) Ripping off "A Fish Called Wanda."

Roku: (glaring at her sister) Well, pardon me, but I don't have much experience apologizing!

Chichiri's Girl: Tell me something I don't know!

Roku: Do you want to spend the rest of the night dissecting the originality of my apology, or do you want to get to the hard bargaining?!

Kryssa, Kaze-chan: Bargaining!

Roku: Okay, let's cut to the chase. Since Aikido-chan and Sorceress just walked for the sake of solidarity with their fellow techs, they haven't asked for anything. But out of my great largesse--and wipe that smirk off your face, CG!--I've decided to take their needs under consideration. I promise Sorceress that she will have more hard directing experience in the next few chapters instead of just make-up and gopher work, and for Aikido-chan…well, I won't go into much for the sake of sparing her embarrassment, but let's just say that bishie interaction looms on the horizon.

Kryssa and Kaze-chan grin in anticipation of their own deals, failing to notice the evil glint in the Director's eye.

Roku: Now, as for Kaze-chan…would you bring up her list of demands, Tasuki?

Tasuki obediently accesses the e-mail.

Roku: Hmmm, according to this, you would like more time outside the tech booth and, one would assume, backstage, am I right?

Kaze-chan: (belligerently) Absolutely right! I'm sick and tired of being shoved away, out of sight and out of mind…!

Roku: Duly noted. Did you get that, Dollface?

Chichiri: Yes, and please stop calling me "Dollface."

Roku: Anything you want, Sweetcheeks. (turns back to Kaze-chan) To my regret, I can't release you for this upcoming chapter, Kaze; your lighting skills are too critical for the Oni Destruction scene. But let me know during any other chapter, and I'll see what I can do. Is that acceptable to you?

Kaze-chan: (folding her arms) Fine!

Roku: (frowning over at the rest of the note) But wait…there's something else you wanted here, something to do with your fellow tech Kryssa?

Kryssa, furiously embarrassed in front of Chichiri, waves her hands frantically at Kaze and shakes her head. Kaze-chan raises a questioning eyebrow at Kryssa but yields to the panic in Kryssa's eyes.

Kaze-chan: No, never mind. Kryssa wants to take care of her own issues.

Roku: (smoothly) Good, then let's move on to Kryssa. So, Kris, I understand that you want more time, er, out of the booth as well, right?

Kryssa: (tense) Yes.

Roku: (scratching her head) Now I'm trying to remember something else you wanted, something to do with one of the seishi. Senility sucks, let me tell ya! If I remember correctly, you wanted me to cease and desist…uh, Tasuki, would you bring up Kris' letter for me?

Chichiri tilts his masked face toward Kryssa, appearing interested in her request.

Kryssa: (frantically) No! Never mind! I didn't want anything else!

Roku: (evilly) Are you sure, Kris? I could have sworn that I was doing something else to upset you…

Kryssa: (resigned to falling into Roku's trap) No. Nothing.

Roku: So we're cool?

Kryssa: (gritting her teeth) Cool.

Roku: Good. We shall now call the strike settled and return to work…

Chichiri's Girl: Hey, what about me?!

Roku: Oh, I almost forgot. The tech who almost killed Tasuki AND nearly provoked Tamahome into beating up Chichiri. What do you want?

Chichiri's Girl lacks Kryssa's sense of delicacy. She points to the masked magician.

Chichiri's Girl: Him.

Roku: Well, you can't have him. Free will and all that.

Chichiri;'s Girl: Okay. Just thought I'd ask.

At that moment, the rubber duck quacks, indicating incoming e-mail.

Chichiri's Girl: Geez, Tasuki, excuse yourself.

Tasuki: Fuck you! It was the goddamn rubber duck, not me!

Chichiri's Girl: Oh, yeah, blame it on the duck, as usual.

Roku breaks up the impending fight, leaning over Tasuki eagerly.

Roku: Great, it's from Taiitsukun! Now we'll finally find out where she is, and hopefully she and Nyan will be here by the time we set up the stage for "Confrontation!" Ohhhhhhh, SHIT!

Chichiri: What's wrong, Roku?

Roku: She says that they're held up! Their plane's been diverted because of fog at O'Hare! (wailing) How can a demigod be stopped by fog at O'Hare? Can't she and Nyan just teleport off the plane?

Chichiri: Now, Roku, you know that if she and Nyan disappear out of their seats, there will be a terrorist panic that's going to cause a lot of trouble and fear for the other people on the plane. Not to mention that she'll never get her luggage.

Roku: (beginning to panic) But what are we going to do? We can't stall any longer, and we can't eliminate her part in Confrontation - it's too important! And I didn't even consider getting an understudy for her, because it never occurred to me that a demigod couldn't show up! Other than me, no one else knows her lines, and…

Roku suddenly becomes aware that all of the others are staring at her.

Roku: Ohhhh no! Oh, no, I'm not! No way am I….!

Kaze-chan: (evilly) I could probably rig a few wires. We could get her floating in no time.

Sorceress: (calculating rapidly) Some white spray for her hair, a little bit of the right makeup…

Roku: (wailing) What do you mean, a little bit of makeup? I do not look like Taiitsukun! (grumbling) Much!

Tasuki: (diplomatic for once) No one's sayin' you do, Roku. It's jus' that you're the only one who knows her lines…and we're all countin' on you.

Chichiri: After all, the show must go on.

Roku raises her eyes to the ceiling as if looking for a way out….then sighs.

Roku: All right, let's do it. (muttering to herself as Sorceress leads her away) Crap!

###################################################################################################################

Glossary of Japanese Terms:

Naniiii?! - What?!

Gomen - Sorry

Bouzou - insulting term for a Buddhist monk. Inu-Yasha usually flings it at Miroku.

Mat-te! - Wait!

Literary Credit: Jabberwocky from "Through the Looking-Glass," by Lewis Carroll, 1832-1898

Author's Note: (5-15-04) Thought I was never coming back to this fic, dintcha? I myself was worried about the struggle to make it back here…Dang, eight whole months since the last update! I can hardly believe it myself! It seems really strange, because "Casting Stones" has never left my consciousness; the problem is that my life and work have become more complex, making me struggle to keep up with my writing for a few minutes late at night and between chores on weekends. Not to mention that my serious dramas have been absorbing what little writing time I have left.

Ah, well, I did make it back here…and I solemnly promise never to leave this fic untended for so long again. The muse is flowing on CS; with the Director being forced into the humiliating position of stand-in for Taiitsukun, the plot thickens and the action intensifies, I promise! Kryssa had already received a rundown of the disasters awaiting the Oni Destruction chapter when I first told her about them eighteen months ago! Yes, you can believe me when I tell you that this whole fic is finished in my head; it's just a matter of working out details on paper, or computer screen, to be exact.

Now, since Casting Stones is essentially finished in my head, the storyline is pretty set from here on out, and I'm afraid that I can no longer incorporate random audience members into the story. I apologize to anyone I may have disappointed with that news; I've truly loved having new reviewers and fanfic authors make guest appearances, but the storyline is veering off to focus more on the core characters. My apologies once again…and my thanks to those of you who have bravely offered your necks to the noose of my muse. :P

Speaking of thanks, I'm being horribly remiss in not thanking the co-authors of this chapter right at the beginning of these notes. Yes, all of the letters that you have read by my crew members were actually written by them in their own words. In fact, it was Kaze-chan's initial letter to me that provoked the idea of this whole strike scenario. Kryssa, Chichiri's Girl, Aikido-chan, and Kei-chan quickly jumped on board to yank my chain…and have theirs yanked in return! So thanks again, gals!

As usual, this chapter, like previous chapters of Casting Stones, contains some references to my admittedly bizarre real life. As Ryuen and Kryssa can tell you, the portrayal of my excruciatingly slow typing is unfortunately true; each girl (on separate occasions) when forced to watch me type, shoved me away from my computer in very Tasuki-like frustration! And you wonder why it takes me so long to update! :P

Speaking of Tasuki…the whole joke-telling scene between him and Dad is very true to real life, with Dad, my Tasuki, and male cousin all enjoying trading such jokes during family get-togethers. In fact, there was a certain dinner about a year ago that I will never forget. I somehow ended up seated across the table from Mom, with Tasuki on her other side and my male cousin to my left. Sometime during the dinner, Tasuki began joyfully sharing a scenario on his ideal way to die, which would be while engaging in, er, intimate relations with me. All this spelled out while he was sitting next to Mom!! And Tasuki was too far away from me to kick! (Roku still twitches at the memory.) To this day, I don't know how my Best-Beloved escaped Death By Slipper. Or me either, for that matter. (Roku twitches some more.)

In contrast to these real-life scenarios, Purple Mouse's dance routine was completely fictional, right, Mouse-chan? I mean, it's not as if we reeeeeally had a "seishi sleepover" at my house last summer, during which Mouse got up and danced before our group of 4-5 FY fanfic authors. This scene was just the product of my overactive imagination, just like anatomically-correct wasabi goblins. Really, truly. Uh-huh.

Okay, enough of Roku's Modern Life and back to fanfiction! Now that this transition chapter is finished, it's onward and outward to the true action. Stay tuned for the next chapter, in which Shin assists Chichiri in making "Confrontation" a true Method acting experience…for everyone onstage. Yikes!

Ja ne!

Roku

P.S. I'm ecstatic to be back! My world travels were thrilling, but it's soooooo good to be home!