Disclaimer: The characters from Fushigi Yuugi are the creations and property of Yuu Watase and related enterprises. I do not own them and do not make any profit from this fiction except for my own enjoyment in spending time with them.

On the other hand, the original characters Mom and Dad are my original creations and they belong to me. As do other assorted family members. As for the reviewers and fanfic authors in this fic - they belong to themselves! But I get to "borrow" them for the duration of this fic. Bwahahahahahaha!!

Warning: Some gratuitous violence towards an innocent Toyota, some seishi molestation, some extremely bad dancing, and a great deal of Mouse abuse.

This chapter is dedicated to Kryssa, for her kind and thoughtful help in assisting me in my fanfic research. Just to show my eternal gratitude, I'm not only dedicating this chapter to her, but also writing the very last section for her personal enjoyment. ^ ~

Also, this strange interlude has been brought to you by the State Farm Mutual Automobile Insurance Co. No, I'm not soliciting paid advertising, nor did State Farm want to pay for my fanfic research - that's just the way that things panned out at the end of…

 

Interlude. Roku and Kryssa's Excellent Adventure

 

Part A. The First Anecdote (aka Who the hell is this Chichiri guy?!)

 

The curtain has dropped after the dramatic ending of "Flight," and the audience is murmuring as they wait patiently for the beginning of "Enchantment." There is an extended delay, however, and the audience begins to shift restlessly in their seats. Unbeknownst to them, the theatre and play have entered an "alternate universe" of Casting Stones, in which the fourth wall of the computer screen will be kicked out to explain the author's long absence from this particular story.

Eventually a tall, slim woman with brown hair cut in a swingy pageboy comes through the curtain and seats herself on the stage apron. She dangles her legs clad in dark boot-cut jeans and pointy-toed boots over the edge and adjusts her radio headset so that her voice is clearly amplified throughout the auditorium.

 

Aikido-chan: (calling up to the booth) Kaze-chan, if you please.

 

Kaze-chan obediently switches on a muted white spot over Aikido-chan so that she is clearly visible to the entire audience.

 

Aikido: (suddenly shy) Errrrr, hello, everybody. Ummmmm, well, let me introduce myself to those of you who don't know me. I'm known as Aikido-chan, and I'm a friend of Roku's, as well as being stuck with her on a daily basis in our research lab. Anyway, I've been, let's say, volunteered to explain one of the reasons for the big delay in the staging of Enchantment. It has to do with Roku-chan's obsessive-compulsive need to research insignificant details for her various fics. This particular incident has to with the upcoming Chapter 4 of Hidden Paths, the White Stones sequel, which will open with a scene in a Latin dance club.

Aikido-chan clears her throat and continues.

 
Aikido: Anyway, Roku decided that she needed to visit an actual Latin dance club to observe the people and fashions there. Although it would have been more accurate to visit the Roppongi district of Tokyo which boasts many such clubs, lack of time and funds made Roku settle for doing her research right here in this city. She was given some very kind assistance by Kryssa, our sound technician, who happens to have some friends who know something about the Latin dance scene. Kryssa, for some inexplicable reason, remains kindly disposed towards the Director in spite of being tortured on a regular basis by the Director's outrageous flirtation with certain desirable blue-haired monks.

Aikido: (glancing at some notes) However, my story of the events of this past Friday night do not merely encompass the dance club itself. The evening actually began with a meeting with another popular fanfic author who goes by the name of Purple Mouse.

 

Purple Mouse, embarrassed, slinks down in her theatre seat but raises one hand in shy acknowledgement.

 

Aikido: Now those of you who know Mouse-chan know that she is a very nice and decent girl, although she had just spent several days of her spring break in her local suburban courthouse, defending herself against charges of illegal table-dancing in an area zoned for family entertainment only… (frowns at her notes) Wait a minute here…

 

Purple Mouse shrieks and dives for cover in her theatre seat while her friend Ryuen jumps up to defend her.

 

Ryuen: (shouting in disbelief) That's absolutely untrue!! She was on jury duty, jury duty!!

Aikido: (raising a placating hand) I'm sure you're right, Ryuen. I suspect that the Director has rewritten some of my notes… Roku!

 

There is some giggling from behind the stage curtain. Aikido-chan glares at the closed curtain, then picks up the thread of the narrative.

 

Aikido: Getting back to the facts here, we have to travel even further back in time and take a peek into the Director's personal life. You see, Roku, in spite of her obsessive interest in certain bishounen who will remain unnamed, has her own personal "Tasuki" to whom she is rather committed. She wishes to make clear that her Tasuki bears no physical resemblance to the Tasuki you all know and love. The resemblance is in personality, with her Tasuki possessing the same fiery temper and penchant for outbursts of profanity as his younger counterpart, not to mention a rather wide jealous streak where his woman is concerned!

Aikido: (dropping her voice and speaking confidentially to the audience) Now I can guess what some of you are thinking. If Roku is a Tasuki-type and her best-beloved is a Tasuki-type, what do you suppose that relationship is like? I can tell you, since I have been painfully exposed to it on a regular basis. Incendiary would be a polite term. I have never in my life seen two people argue so much about so little on such a constant basis!! (Her voice begins to rise in agitation.) In fact, I have lived through my own personal version of Hell, being trapped in a car for hours with the two of them, as they fought about map directions, the weather, the itinerary and where they would go for lunch! (shouting) Hell, I tell you!!

 

She regains control over herself with an effort.

 

Aikido: Ahem. Please excuse that uncontrolled outburst. Anyway, back to our narrative. We shall stage the background story that sets up this evening encounter with Purple Mouse, for your enjoyment and at the insistence of our Director. Since she has assured you that her Tasuki does not look like The Tasuki, she will proceed to muddy that issue by having Tasuki play the part of her best-beloved. She, of course, will play herself. (cough, hack actor, cough!)

 

The curtain rises, exposing a simplistic set consisting of a double bed in a stark background, illuminated by a single white spotlight. Tasuki is sitting up in the bed bare-chested with a sheet modestly covering his waist. He is holding a piece of paper and frowning at it.

The Director makes her entrance clad in a black long-sleeved thigh-length jersey nightshirt, with black flannel capri pants and a pair of fuzzy Garfield slippers. Tasuki glares at his "wife."

 

Tasuki: (breaking character) What the fuck?! You said that you were gonna wear a Victoria's Secret nightie!

Roku: (smugly) I am, see? (holds out her left arm, the sleeve emblazoned with the words "Victoria's Secret" in white against the black jersey material.)

Tasuki: (pissed) That's no fair! How come I hafta be naked, while you get to wear something almost as concealing as a damn burka?!

Roku: Face it, Tasuki, I'm just giving the audience what they want. The world wants to see you naked - not me! Anyway, this is what I really wear to bed.

Tasuki: (still pissed) But I thought that I was supposed to be sick in this scene! Does your Tasuki wear nothing to bed when he's sick?!

Roku: No, mostly he wears sleep shorts or silk pajama pants.

Tasuki: So why am I naked?

Roku: (grinning) 'Cause that's the way I like you!!

 

She kicks off her slippers and leaps into bed, lifting the sheet and peering eagerly underneath it. Tasuki slams the sheet down with his arm.

 

Tasuki: Stop that! Goddam pervert!

Roku: Awwwww, honey, it's nothing I haven't seen before…

Tasuki: Shut up!

 

Sorceress is offstage, scribbling busily in a small notebook.

 

Sorceress: (gleefully )That's another fifty dollars added to your tab, Roku-chan!

 

Aikido-chan breaks in before the scene dissolves into complete chaos.

 

Aikido: Let's make at least a token effort to get back to the scripted story, shall we?!

Roku: (singing) Every party has a pooper, that's why we invited you…

 

Aikido-chan fixes the Director/ Current Lead Actress with an awful scowl, while Tasuki swats her over the head with his pillow.

 

Tasuki: Goddammit, Roku, let's just get this over with, okay?!

Aikido: Thank you, Tasuki. I guess we can tell who the professional actors are, can't we?

 

Roku-chan sticks her tongue out at the Narrator.

 

Aikido: Back to the story, once again! Anyway, on this dark and stormy night… (frowns at her notes again, then glares at the grinning Roku-chan). I mean, on this ordinary, not particularly dark but noticeably clear night…

 

Suddenly, there is a flash of lightning onstage and a crack of thunder. Tasuki jumps in surprise, while Roku-chan seizes the opportunity to peek under the sheet again. Aikido-chan whirls around and spots Chichiri standing offstage right, clutching his shakujou with an innocent look on his face.

 

Aikido: Chichiri!

Chichiri: Yes, Madam Narrator?

Aikido: Did you do that?

Chichiri: Yes, Madam Narrator.

Aikido: Please don't do that again!

Chichiri: I'm sorry, Madam Narrator, but as Special Effects Technician, I take orders only from the Director.

 

Roku-chan grins and gives him an enthusiastic thumbs up.

 

Aikido: (narrowing her eyes suspiciously) Since when have you become Special Effects Technician?

Chichiri: Since the last ten minutes.

 

Aikido-chan sighs and returns to her script.

 

Aikido: As I was saying, on this particular day in question, Roku's Tasuki had remained home from work due to a bad cold.

Roku: (whispering) Cough, Tasuki!

 

Tasuki gives a half-hearted cough.

 

Roku: (frowning) That's a pathetically wussy cough. Put some feeling into it, dammit!

 

She reaches under the sheet.

 

Tasuki: Whoop!!!

Roku: Now that's overkill. It wasn't as bad as whooping cough.

Tasuki: (glaring at her) No matter what you call 'em, Roku, they ain't made for juggling!!

Roku: (sweetly contrite) Oh, was I too rough with you, baby? Next time, I'll be more careful.

Tasuki: There ain't gonna be a next time! Whoop!!! Goddammit, Roku, cut it out!!

Aikido: (irritated) Could we curtail the molesting of the seishi in favor of returning to the narrative?!

Roku: Oh, all right. (places her hands innocently on top of the covers)

Sorceress: (offstage) Let's see, actually handling the forbidden goods should be worth at least seventy-five dollars per incident - which makes Roku's tab increase by another $150!! Bwahahahahaha!

 

Aikido-chan looks at her notes again.

 

Aikido: As I was saying, on the day in question, Tasuki stayed home from work because he had a bad cold. Feeling slightly more energetic later in the day, he decided to clean up the paper-strewn area around Roku's computer.

Tasuki: Did I really? Do I clean house often?

Roku: Yes, you do, sweetie. It's one of your many talents. You're worth your weight in gold!! And we're only talking about house-cleaning right now! (winks at him)

Aikido: (glaring at the unruly actors) Ahem!! While cleaning, Tasuki had picked up a printout of reviews of this play… and was alarmed by one particular review written by Purple Mouse. She had enjoyed Roku's interactions with the bishies in Chapter 6 and had written….

Roku: (bolting upright in bed) Wait! I have a brilliant idea! Let's get Mouse-chan to read her own review!!

Purple Mouse: (sinking down in her seat) No! No, thank you, Roku, that's not necessary…

Roku: (enthusiastic) No, it would be cool! CG, Kryssa! Go get me the Mouse!!

 

Chichiri's Girl and Kryssa cross the stage and jump down into the audience, seizing a cringing and protesting Purple Mouse.

 

Kaze-chan: (up in the booth) Hey!! How come Kryssa gets to leave the booth, but I'm always stuck in here?!

Aikido: You're going to have to take that up with the Director. Speaking of which… (points an admonishing finger at Roku) You can't keep being the Director while you're trying to be lead actress, too! You're going to have to choose one or the other!

Roku: No, I don't! Plenty of great directors also act in their stuff. Look at Scorsese! Look at Redford! Look at…

Aikido: Look at the time! And shut UP!

 

Meanwhile, Purple Mouse is clinging desperately to her seat in a futile attempt to keep from being press-ganged into becoming a featured performer in the play. Chichiri's Girl mercilessly peels her fingers off the seat back.

 

Purple Mouse: Ryuuuuuuuuennnnnn! Help!

Ryuen: (jumping up and wagging a finger fiercely at the two stagehands) Now don't think that I'm going to allow you to…. Wait! Bring her back here!

 

Ryuen chases after the girls carrying off the wailing Mouse. They deposit Purple Mouse in the stage right wings, where Sorceress quickly brushes some powder over her nose, then shoves a piece of paper into her hands.

 

Sorceress: Here! Read the highlighted lines, okay? Now go out there and knock 'em dead!

 

She gives Purple Mouse a good hard shove out into center stage. Ryuen dashes out after her friend - then suddenly realizes that she is out in the spotlight. She stares at the audience for a moment, then runs back to the stage right wings.

 

Ryuen: (stage whispering to the stunned author) Pssssst, Mouse-chan! I'm right here for you - right here…errrrrr… safely hidden behind the curtain. Eheheheheheh… errrrrrr… ummmm… I'll be cheering you on!

 

Purple Mouse stares transfixed at the audience. The audience stares back. This goes on for another ten seconds until Aikido-chan loses patience.

 

Aikido: (hissing) Just read your lines, Mouse-chan, and then Roku will let you go!

 

Purple Mouse looks over at the cheerfully waving Director and the bare-chested seishi in bed next to her. She flushes red, then buries her nose in the script.

 

Purple Mouse: Ummmm, errrrrrr… oh, here we are. I wrote "Ahh, Roku, you have so much fun with these boys! Singing and dancing with Chichiri, giving Tasuki a back rub, instructing Nuriko on the workings of love..."

 

Tasuki, in character, crosses his arms and scowls fiercely. However, Purple Mouse, now more at ease in the spotlight, puts the paper down and addresses the audience.

 

Purple Mouse: (in her characteristic soft and diffident voice) And, ummmm, I would just like to say to Roku-chan that if she ever publicly humiliates me like this again, errrr, I will never again leave her another review for any of her stories!

 

She makes a slight curtsy as the audience cheers, then exits gracefully to stage right, gathering up Ryuen as they return to their seats.

 

Roku: (grumbling) Try to make someone into a star, and this is the thanks you get!

Aikido: (wearily) The script, remember?!

Roku: Oh, that's right. Umm, where were we? Oh, yeah.

 

She turns to Tasuki as she gets into character, and the "anecdote" finally gets underway.

 

Roku: Good night, sweetie!

Tasuki: Listen, Roku, I've got a question for you about your writing. You've said that you base a great deal of your stories on your real life, right?

Roku: (smiling mistily) Yeah… remember all those love scenes in "White Stones" that we had to… research?

Tasuki: (distracted for a moment) Were there really sixty-seven different love scenes in that one story?

Roku: Oh, absolutely! Would I lie to you, sweetness?

Tasuki: Welllll…(starting to sound a little… stressed) Look, I came across this paper today with a note to you from somebody named "Purple Moon"…

Roku: You mean Purple Mouse. Yeah, I told you about her, remember? She's the girl who goes to my old alma mater.

Tasuki: Well, you say that you base a lot of your interactions with one of the characters on me, right?

Roku: Yeah, that's Tasuki. (grins) Hot-tempered… passionate…!!

Tasuki: (accusing) So who the hell is this Chichiri guy that you've been singing and dancing with?!!

Roku: (under her breath) Uh-oh… (scenting danger at last) Ummmm, Tasuki, he's just one of the characters in my play…

Tasuki: But who is his real-life counterpart?!

Roku: There is no real-life counterpart to Chichiri! (looks over to offstage right and winks at Chichiri)

Tasuki: (disbelieving) Hmph! Well, what about the other guy?

Roku: (confused) What other guy?!

Tasuki: (pissed) The guy that Purple Moon refers to - saying that you taught him about the mechanics of sex!!

Roku: What??!! Mouse never said that - and I never did that!!

Tasuki: Oh, yeah? Then why does she keep gloating over it?

Roku: (foozled) I don't know what you're talking about!!

Tasuki: (angry) That guy that Purple Moon mentioned…

Roku: Purple Mouse!

Tasuki: Whoever!! That Nuriko guy…

Roku: Ohhhhhh, Nurikoooo… you're talking about Mouse-chan’s review for my play! She never said anything about sex - she mentioned that I was teaching him about the ways of LOVE.

Tasuki: Same thing!!

Roku: It is NOT!! (her eyes widen as she realizes that Tasuki thinks that she is doing field research - with Nuriko!) Anyway, Nuriko is a crossdresser who's in love with the Emperor of Konan… He's gay, Tasuki!

Tasuki: (shocked)!!!!

Roku: So you see? He wouldn't be interested in me anyhow, and there's certainly NOTHING that I could teach a man about the mechanics of gay sex!!

 

Roku smiles triumphantly - until she realizes that she's defending herself from an accusation of having an affair with a character from her fanfic!

 

Roku: Look, this is stupid…

Tasuki: What about this Chichiri guy? Is he gay, too?

Roku: No!!!

 

Tasuki scowls furiously.

 

Roku: They're just characters in the play, Tasuki! None of this is real!

Tasuki: What about this backrub with Tasuki, then? That's real, isn't it?

Roku: Well, yeahhhh… (affectionately placing her hand on his shoulder) You know… like the Shiatsu massage you like so much? (pushing her thumb into a knotted muscle)

Tasuki: (turning his back on her) Stop that. I'm mad at you. Wait… no, don't stop. (purrs) Just a little lower there… errrrrrr… ummmmmmmm… mmmmmmm…

Roku: Lower?

Tasuki: Oh, yeah… Mmmmmmmmm, that's good… ummmmm, lower again…

 

Aikido-chan stands up and signals Kaze-chan to drop the curtain. She breathes out a sigh of relief as the curtain billows down to conceal the increasingly affectionate couple.

 

Aikido: (addressing the audience again) Well, that anecdote was supposed to end with Tasuki angry with Roku-chan, but I guess we'd better not hold our collective breath. In any case, Tasuki remained highly suspicious of Roku's interactions with the characters from her play - as well he should! - but in all fairness, it was wrong to suspect Nuriko of any wrongdoing. However, the other person he wrongfully continued to suspect was that Immoral Promoter of Extramarital Affairs, Purple Moon, known to most of the FY fanfic world as Purple Mouse! This of course tickled Roku-chan no end, and she took every opportunity to tease Purple Mouse about her shocking lack of ethics.

 

Aikido-chan pauses for a sip of water, then turns over another page of notes.

 

***************************************************************************************************************************************

 

Part B.    Trial By Water

 

Aikido: Well, finally we've made it to Friday night in this narrative - the night of the Big Excursion to the Latin Dance club. However, through a fortuitous set of circumstances, namely spring break, Purple Mouse was able to meet up with Kryssa and Roku after being released from prison on that table-dancing conviction - Wait a minute!! Cancel that!! Roku's gotten at my notes again!

 

Purple Mouse is getting accustomed to Roku's repeated attempts to humiliate her, so she merely flinches slightly instead of running from the auditorium screaming - which would do her no good anyway, since the entire theatre and its patrons have been transported to Roku's Alternative Universe - from Which There Is No Escape.

 

Aikido: (gritting her teeth while glaring at the closed curtain) Getting back to the real story, Mouse-chan and a few of her old friends decided to meet with Roku and Kryssa for dinner downtown. Let's join up with them in the restaurant…

 

Suddenly a thought occurs to Aikido-chan.

 

Aikido: (calling in to Kaze-chan) Wait - don't raise the curtain yet, Kaze! Let me check…

 

She pokes her head through the curtain, then begins yelling in her characteristic high-pitched "fed-up terrier" yip.

 

Aikido: Would-you-two-get-out-of-that-bed-and-set-up-for-the-next-scene?!!

Tasuki's voice: Dammit! First good backrub I've had in four chapters, and she hasta start bitchin'…

Roku's voice: (interrupting) Don't worry, baby - we'll continue this later. Right now, the show must go on!

Aikido: (dryly) Will wonders never cease? The first glimmer of professionalism from the Director in this interlude.

 

After a short wait, Aikido finally signals Kaze-chan to raise the curtain.

Roku, in her characteristic cargo pants and black shirt, and Kryssa, in blue jeans and a blue jacket, are seated at a round table for six. Strange cone-shaped blown glass light fixtures with cream and brown stripes are suspended over the table. Also seated at the table are Sorceress and Chichiri's Girl, playing Mouse-chan's friends. However, the Mouse Herself is conspicuously missing - an omission the Director finally notices.

 

Roku: Sorceress, CG - get me the Mouse!!

 

Purple Mouse jumps up and tries to flee her seat, but before she can untangle herself from her row, Sorceress and CG have her in hand once again.

 

Purple Mouse: (wailing) Not again!!

Ryuen: (jumping up to defend her friend) Hey, you two!

Roku: Oh, don't forget to grab Ryuen while you're at it!! We need another friend for Mouse-chan!!

 

Chichiri's Girl thrusts Purple Mouse into Sorceress' hands, then grasps Ryuen in a firm kung-fu hold.

 

Ryuen: (wailing) Not me, tooooooooo!!

 

But their struggles are to no avail, and soon they find themselves in the available seats at the onstage "restaurant" table. Ryuen stares transfixed at the audience, frozen in place by stage fright. Purple Mouse, however, is becoming an old hand at public performances. She pats Ryuen's hand comfortingly.

 

Purple Mouse: Don't worry, Ryuen. You'll get used to it - it's kinda like root canals. A few minutes of shock and pain - and before you know it, it's all over!!

Ryuen: (through her teeth) Gee, thanks, Mouse-chan. That makes me reeeeeeally look forward to this!

Aikido: So, to keep from repeating the whole last anecdote, let's just take it as given that Roku has just informed the table of Tasuki's impression of Mouse-chan being less than ethical in her enthusiastic support for extramarital liaisons. Friends of the Mouse find this hilarious.

 

Kryssa, Sorceress, Chichiri's Girl and Roku all laugh uproariously. Mouse smiles in an embarrassed way, but Ryuen just continues to stare at the audience.

 

Kryssa: Psssst! Ryuen! Come on, laugh!

Ryuen: (waking out of her daze) Oh! Um. (flatly) Eheheheheheheh.

Roku: (hissing at Mouse-chan) Here's where you're supposed to choke on the water, Mouse-chan! So laugh - and then start coughing!

 

Purple Mouse takes a sip of water, gives a hesitant "ehehehehe" and then coughs weakly.

 

Roku: (irritated) What is it with you people and your wuss-ass coughs? Take a big gulp of water, Mouse-chan!!

 

She grabs a water glass and shoves it towards Mouse, accidentally knocking it against the other drink glasses, failing to notice something falling into the water. Mouse obediently raises it to her lips - but then Roku smacks Mouse hard on the back just as she swallows.

 

Purple Mouse: (choking) Ack! Hack! Gack!

Roku: (pleased) That's much better!

 

The girls at the table begin laughing again. But Mouse stumbles to her feet, still coughing.

 

Purple Mouse: (pointing desperately at her throat) Hack! Ack! Kaggggg!!!

Chichiri's Girl: Boy, some people just hafta hog the spotlight! Guess you were a wanna-be actress all along, eh, Mouse-chan?

Purple Mouse: (waving her arms) Gack!! Gaggg!! Hack!!!

Kryssa: All right, Mouse, I think the audience gets it already. You can stop anytime now.

Ryuen: (snapping out of her trance, realizing that something's wrong) Hey!! Mouse-chan is Purple!!

Chichiri's Girl: (looking downstage) No shit.

Ryuen: (wailing) No, I mean she's reeeeeeally purple!! Her face!!

 

The girls jump up as they realize that Mouse-chan isn't acting. Before they can move, however, a violet blur rushes past them and seizes Purple Mouse. Nuriko grasps Mouse below the diaphragm and gently applies the Heimlich manuever, taking care not to break her ribs with his celestial warrior strength.

 

Purple Mouse: Bleaaaggghhh!

 

She spits up a maraschino cherry onto the table top.

 

Tech Crew Girls:  Ewwwwwwwww!!

 

Nuriko pats Mouse-chan on the back.

 

Nuriko: You okay now, sweetheart?

Purple Mouse: (blushing furiously) Yeah… ummmmm, thanks for saving me, Nuri-chan.

Nuriko: (winking at her) Can't let anything happen to my girls, now can I?

 

He leans over and pinches Ryuen's chin, then exits the stage, waving cheerfully.

 

Roku: (frowning at the spit-covered cherry) You should know better, Mouse. They say that sweets can kill you!

Purple Mouse: But... but… but…

Roku: No buts. Stay away from that sugary crap - who knows what chemicals are in maraschino cherries anyway?

Kryssa: (sarcastically) This from the woman who dampens her sugar with a little coffee.

Roku:  Speaking of which - I NEED COFFEE!! Must stay awake to trip the light fantastic tonight!!

Chichiri's Girl: You're going out dancing after this? What time?

Kryssa: (lying through her teeth) Well, we're planning on going to the club around 10:30, maybe 11:00.

Chichiri's Girl:  (breaking character) You've got to be kidding! Roku, out on a Friday night? Don't you know that her hour of lucidity is up by 6 PM?!

Roku: (defensively) Well, I really don't have to be lucid. I'm just going to observe the dancing and the fashions. You know that I can't dance, anyway.

Chichiri's Girl: That's for damn sure!

Kryssa: Don't be silly. Everyone can dance a little - Roku just has to give it a whirl.

Roku: That's the problem. Can't whirl, can't twirl, can't shake my groove thang. Never could.

Kryssa: What about your dance with Chichiri in Chapter 6?

Roku: Oh, it's different when you're with a guy. He does all the work - all you hafta do is follow. And that man is so forceful, it's a pleasure to follow his lead!

Kryssa: (gritting her teeth) That's my magician you're talking about dancing with!

Roku: (innocently) Oh, were we talking about dancing?

Kryssa: Grrrrrrrrrrrrrr!!!

 

Aikido-chan signals for the curtain to fall. Purple Mouse and Ryuen bolt offstage beneath the descending curtain and rush back to their seats, tying themselves to the armrests in case Roku decides that she wants to use them again.

 

Aikido: In the interest of moving the action along AND in the interest of avoiding the bitch fight that Roku is trying to provoke with Kris-chan, let's go straight to the dance club scene.

 

***************************************************************************************************************************************

 

Part C.   Dancing Queen, Young and Sweet, Only SEV-EN-TEEEEEEEN!

 

The curtain lifts to show Roku's silver Toyota Corolla parked at stage left, shadowed figures within. At stage right is the simplistic set for the Latin Dance club, a few tall tables with high bar stools flanking a wooden dance floor intermittently lit by colorful strobing lights. Nuriko and Hotohori, in casual yet elegant chinos, sit at a table chatting. They will play all the men in the dance club.

Seated at a small table right outside the dance club door is Tamahome, looking bored in a black jacket with "SECURITY" emblazoned across the back.

 

Aikido: Well, here we are at the Latin Dance club at last… well, at least in the deserted parking lot across the street from the club. By the way, due to the fact that Kryssa and her friends are all under the legal age limit, this is an "eighteen-plus" club, open to people eighteen and older, although one must be 21 to drink. Roku suspects that she may just stand out in such a… youthful crowd.

Aikido: Oh, and for the purposes of simplicity, although Kryssa and Roku were accompanied by three of Kris' lovely young friends, we will only be staging this scene with Kris' friend Rei-chan. And since we didn't have time to solicit Rei-chan to appear in this… production, Roku has asked Kei-chan to play Rei-chan. (drops her voice) I suspect because she likes the confusion caused by their similar names!

 

The lights go up over the Toyota. Kryssa, clad in a one-shouldered tight black top and cream-colored pants, exits the car, followed by Kei-chan/Rei-chan, in a crop top worn with low-slung hip-huggers. Her navel is pierced and she wears a decorative gold jewel pasted to her forehead Hindu-style.

Kei-chan holds up her hand to the spotlights, wiggling her fingers.

 

Kei-chan/Rei-chan: And check out the cool fingernails!!

Tasuki: (offstage) Hey!! You're supposed to be like me! And I don't get pansy, wussy manicures!

Kei-chan/Rei-chan: (shaking her spiky red hair) Ah, bite me, Fang-boy! We differ in a few other areas, too, if ya know what I mean!

Kryssa: (interrupting) Hey, let's get Roku out of the car.

 

She leans in and shakes the figure slumped over the steering wheel.

 

Kryssa: Hey! Roku! Wake up already! We're here! (aside) Though she oughta know that, seeing as how she drove us here.

Roku: (blearily) Wha'time izzit?

Kryssa: 12:15! We got here early! We should have no trouble getting a table.

Roku: (suddenly awake and outraged) Twelve-fifteen?! I thought you said that we were starting at 11:00!

Kei-chan/Rei-chan: Ahhh, nobody's even here yet at that early hour!

Roku: Shit!! And I'm supposed to stay awake till when?

Kryssa: Come on! We're wasting time!

 

Roku stumbles out of the car and engages the alarm with her key remote, failing to notice that Kei-chan/Rei-chan has left her purse in the front seat instead of secreting it in the trunk. The small party approaches the front door of the club and is stopped by Tamahome.

 

Tamahome: I'll need to see some I.D., please.

 

Kryssa and Kei-chan/Rei-chan produce their driver's licenses for his inspection. Roku hangs back.

 

Roku: Hah! He's not gonna need to card me!

Tamahome: (to Roku) May I please see some I.D.?!

 

Roku's eyes widen, and she fumbles hastily for her driver's license, trying to keep from smirking.

 

Kryssa: (kindly) See? He thinks you're under 21, Roku.

 

Roku preens herself. Meanwhile, Tamahome compares her photo to a mug-sheet of suspected terrorists from Al-Qaeda. He stares very hard at a mug shot of a grim-looking woman wearing an eyepatch and carrying an AK-47. He looks back at Roku, who winks at him.

 

Tamahome: (under his breath) Nah, I guess that eye is real. (louder) May I have your wrist, please?

 

Roku holds out her hand, and Tamahome fastens a paper bracelet around her wrist. A few Spanish words are inscribed on the bracelet in bold lettering. Roku can't read Spanish, so she's unaware that it says "Over-Aged Loser!"

 

Kryssa: See? That means that you can buy alcoholic drinks, Roku.

Roku: Nah - one sip of booze, and I'll be passed out for sure!

 

They go into the club, and Roku sheds her coat, exposing her "clubbing clothes." The style would best be described as "slumming nun." Unlike her younger, cuter companions, Roku prefers to bind and conceal her figure in flat black. However, she is inordinately proud of her new shoes - a pair of low black boots with silver side buckles.

 

Roku: (twisting her boot towards the audience) See? Two-inch heels!!

Aikido: (deadpan) Oh, yeah - real cutting edge, Roku.

 

Obedient to Tasuki's paranoid cautions, Roku chooses a table near the door, for a quick exit in case of pepper spray, stampedes or flash fires. The girls barely get seated when Nuriko and Hotohori come up and grab Kryssa and Kei-chan for dancing.

Roku observes their clothes and moves, making notes in a small notebook. Although they haven't done anything that she hasn't already pictured from her exposure to various dance movies, Roku is still pleased to see that her imagination dovetails with the "real thing." She is happy to see that Hotohori employs the somewhat subtle "Cuban-style" hip swivels that she pictures Chichiri doing. Nuriko dances a somewhat flashier style, but still not as wild and overtly sexual as Roku pictures Tasuki dancing.

The guys and girls change partners a few times, enjoying themselves. Roku is happy just to observe - but suddenly Kryssa and Kei-chan/Rei-chan approach her.

 

Kryssa: Come on, Roku - you have to dance!

Roku: Look, Kris, I already told you that I can't dance!

Kei-chan/Rei-chan: No excuses! Let's go!

 

Kryssa and Kei-chan each grab one of Roku's arms and drag her out onto the dance floor. Kei-chan/Rei-chan is immediately seized by Hotohori, who begins dancing with her. This leaves Roku and Kryssa as dance partners. Roku shuffles her feet, trying to remember the weighting/unweighting techniques from her long-ago Latin Dance class.

 

Kryssa: (shouting over the music) You've got to move your hands, Roku!!

Roku: (watching Kryssa's graceful gyrations) Like this?!

 

She moves her hands in a circular motion reminiscent of homeless people cleaning windshields at traffic lights.

 

Kryssa: (wincing) No, move your shoulders - like this! (rolls her shoulders seductively)

 

Roku drops her hands and begins bouncing her shoulders up and down, as if spiders were crawling up her spine.

 

Kryssa: (getting desperate) No, just let it floooooooww! And move your feet, Roku!!

Roku: What?! Now you want me to move my feet again?! Make up your mind, Kris!!

Kryssa: (trying not to smack the Director silly) Listen, Roku, haven't you danced before?!

Roku: Yeeeeeears ago!! And usually with a man holding me, so I didn't have to move my hands!

Kryssa: But haven't you danced recently?!

Roku: (frowning in thought as she cleans more windshields) Oh, yeah! I did the Chicken Dance! In my living room!

Kryssa: (grimacing at that mental picture) Wellllll, I guess that's something. Didn't you have to move your hands and feet for the Chicken Dance?

Roku: Yes! But! Not at the same time! (taps the side of her nose knowledgeably) You know - first you flap your wings… (performs this action) then you stamp your feet…

Kryssa: (smacking her) Stop that!! Not in here!!

Roku: (offended) Well, you asked.

Kryssa: (striving for patience) So you danced without a partner - can't you try…

Roku: Not exactly without a partner. Aikido-chan was dancing it with me! (explaining while shuffling her feet again) You see, it was a Saturday night…

 

Aikido-chan breaks in desperately.

 

Aikido: Okay, that's enough of this subject! Thank you, Roku, for leading the world to believe that I spend Saturday nights dancing the Chicken Dance in your living room!

Roku: Well, you did.

Aikido: Just ONCE!

Roku: (smirking) Guess I just blew your "cool chick" image, eh? What's Mitsukake gonna think?

 

A deep voice resounds from offstage.

 

Mitsukake: I like the Chicken Dance.

Roku: There you go. A match made in heaven. Can I sit down now?

Kryssa, Aikido: YES!!!

 

Roku leaves the dance floor and climbs up on the high stool at their tiny table. Rei-chan/ Kei-chan and Hotohori also exit the dance floor, Rei-chan rejoining Roku and Kris at the table.

 

Kryssa: Rei-chan, we have to teach Roku how to dance!

Rei-chan: (agreeing) Maybe someplace a little quieter.

Roku: How about a dark closet somewhere? Listen, girls, braver people than you have wrecked their ships on that particular reef!

 

Aikido-chan takes center stage again as narrator.

 

Aikido: All right, let's leave this admittedly painful scene and cut to the action happening outside the club.

 

Mitsukake and Chiriko slink onstage from stage left in a furtive manner. Mitsukake is wearing baggy jeans, a short leather jacket… and a "do-rag." Chiriko is also in the same kind of jeans, but wears a shiny red satin acetate jacket with "Bulls" emblazoned across the back and a baseball cap turned backwards. They spot Roku's Toyota parked by itself and peer through the windows.

Mitsukake flashes Chiriko a hand signal. Chiriko wedges a screwdriver against the rim of Roku's front passenger window, pantomiming an attempt to pop it out. But his hand slips and smacks the screwdriver with unexpected force, driving the screwdriver against the glass. The window shatters, scattering glass throughout the interior of the car and setting off the shrieking alarm. The two seishi flinch back from the noise and run offstage.

 

Roku: (wailing, from the club set) You weren't really supposed to break it again, Chiri-chan!!

Aikido: (shouting above the alarm) What's done is done, Roku, so just turn off the damn alarm and get on with this scene!!

 

Roku dejectedly presses her key remote, and the car alarm mercifully goes silent.

White and yellow lights go up in the club set, signaling that the club is closing. The girls gather their coats and leave. Kei-chan/Rei-chan is the first to notice the shattered car window.

 

Kei-chan/ Rei-chan: Oh my God!! The car's been broken into… My PURSE!!

 

She begins crying and hyperventilating. Roku stands stunned, trying to get her brain to work while it's busy shrieking "Tasuki is gonna KIILLLLLLL Me!" Kryssa wraps a jacket around her hand and begins clearing glass out of the seats.

 

Roku: Okay, you're the grown-up here, Roku, so get it together and figure out what to do!!

 

Roku pulls herself together with an effort and calls 911, who puts her on indefinite hold. She pats Kei-chan on the knee.

 

Roku: Maybe the thieves just threw your purse into a dumpster after stealing your money. They do that, you know. Maybe you can get your keys and other stuff back.

Kryssa: (still cleaning the glass) Hey!! Rei-chan's purse is here, on the floor!

 

Kei-chan/Rei-chan begins crying with relief. The mood lightens as the girls realize that it's not such a big disaster after all. But Roku glances upstage nervously.

 

Roku: Hey, there are some shady characters standing over there - let's get outta here and go back to Kryssa's dorm.

 

They get in carefully, placing their coats on the glass-strewn seats. Roku moves the car a few feet to simulate driving away, then stops. Kryssa and Kei-chan exit the car.

 

Kei-chan/Rei-chan: Wanna come to breakfast, Roku?

Roku: (cheerfully) Nah, I'm gettin' tired. But hey! Thanks for a great night out!

Kryssa: (hesitantly) Well, be careful driving home, Roku.

 

They exit stage left as Roku waves cheerfully. She checks to make sure they're gone, then puts her head down on her steering wheel.

 

Roku: I am sooooooooooo DEAD!

 

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Part D.   The High Cost of Research

 

Aikido-chan walks up to the Director's car.

 

Aikido: What's wrong, Roku?

Roku: (sobbing into her steering wheel) I am a dead woman! Dead, dead, dead! When Tasuki sees this window, I'll be Tessen Toast! I'll be last week's fireplace ashes! I'll be grounded for the next 500 years!

Aikido: (frowning) He can't really do that, can he? I mean, you're a grown woman, and this is your own car…

Roku: (dejectedly) Obviously you've forgotten what a hot temper Tasuki has. Oh, he'd never even think of raising a hand against me, but there'll be plenty of "I told you so's" and "How could you venture into such a shady neighborhood?!" and "You could have gotten hurt!!" and similar reproaches until I'm ready to scream! And then, the next time I wanna do something he disapproves of, it'll be "Don't you remember that time you went dancing, and they broke into your car?" And what pisses me off the most is whenever he says something stupid like "Don't do that, or the sky will fall!" and I go ahead and do it anyway - the sky really does fucking fall, and he always ends up being RIGHT! GYAHHHHHHHHH!!

 

Aikido-chan looks offstage right, then waves urgently at Roku.

 

Aikido: Well, you'd better brace yourself, because now it's Saturday morning, and here he comes. (exits stage left)

 

Roku quickly takes off her "cool boots," pulls on her Garfield slippers, runs her fingers through her hair to get rid of the styled look, and leans innocently against her car. Tasuki wanders onstage from stage right, wearing silk pajama pants and a blue t-shirt emblazoned with the legend "Indiana Percussion Association."

 

Roku: (cheerfully) Good morning, sweetie.

Tasuki: (yawning) What time did you get in last night?

Roku: Errrrrrr, about 4 AM.

 

Tasuki stops and stares at her.

 

Tasuki: Must've had a good time then.

Roku: Um, not exactly… (in a rush) You see, we stayed until the club closed at 2 AM but somebody tried to break in my car and busted my passenger window and there was glass everywhere and I called 911 but they never connected me to the police and it was getting late and everyone left the club except for these creepy guys so we all got in the car and drove off and then we had to tape some bags over the window and…

Tasuki: (walking around and looking at the car) Anyone get hurt?

Roku: Not really, but…

Tasuki: Anything get stolen?

Roku: No, that's the lucky part. It must've been stupid kids, 'cause I think they got frightened away when the car alarm went off…

Tasuki: Good. Okay, why don't you call the insurance company while I use the shop-vac to vacuum the glass out of your car.

 

Roku stands in shock, awaiting the expected "tessen tantrum."

 

Roku: Ummmm, aren't you going to say anything else?

Tasuki: Oh, yeah. You look tired - maybe you should lie down for awhile.

 

Roku is obviously dumbfounded.

 

Roku: (narrowing her eyes suspiciously) Who are you, and what have you done with my Tasuki?!

Tasuki: (giving her a goofy grin) Quit foolin' around.

Roku: (grinning back) That's okay - I think I'll keep you, anyway!

 

She leaps at him and catches him in a big glomp. Aikido-chan re-enters the stage and pries Roku off her best-beloved.

 

Aikido-chan: Okay, enough of the sap. Let's keep things moving here. It's time for you to meet up with your insurance agent.

 

Tasuki exits the stage while Tamahome enters, wearing a business suit. Roku pulls off her fuzzy slippers and gets back into her "cool boots."

Tamahome circles the car, making notes on a clipboard, then finally stops and faces Roku.

 

Tamahome: Yep, you have a broken window.

Roku: I know that! I told you that! Now tell me where you want me to get it fixed.

Tamahome: (bored) Get it fixed wherever you want.

Roku: (patiently) I can't, Tama. I have to get it fixed where you want me to, because you're paying for it!

Tamahome: (shocked) Why should I pay for it? I didn't break it - I wasn't even there!!

Roku: Because you're my insurance agent, Tama, and it's your job to pay for it!

Tamahome: That's a hell of a stupid job! I'd be out of business within a week!

Roku: No, you wouldn't, because I've been paying you thousands of dollars over the years for just this eventuality. You owe it to me to pay for the damages!

Tamahome: Well, let's find out what it's going to cost.

 

Nuriko now enters the scene, carrying a wrench and clad in dirty tan coveralls with a streak of motor oil across one cheek. Tasuki can be heard snickering from offstage left.

 

Tasuki (offstage): Hah! Finally Nuriko gets to know what it's like to be Mr. Pigpen in a fic!!

Nuriko: (shouting angrily at offstage left) You'd better can it, Gen-chan, unless you wanna be a permanent addition to the tasteful décor in the lobby!!

Tasuki (offstage): Bite me!

 

Nuriko lunges towards offstage left, but Aikido-chan leaps up and catches him by one arm.

 

Aikido: Listen, Nuriko, we're nearly at the end of this interminable anecdote!! Could you please wait until this scene is over before you run off to beat Tasuki to a pulp?!

 

Nuriko, soft-hearted as always, nods in acquiescence. He begins circling Roku, Tamahome, and the car. He opens the passenger door and peers all the way around the weather stripping, then steps back outside and stoops until he is nose-to-nose with the car door. After examining it carefully, he rises, wipes his hands on the seat of his coveralls, and approaches Roku-chan.

 

Nuriko: I'd say that you have a broken window here.

Roku: (deadpan) No shit.

Nuriko: Yep, definitely a broken window. (puts his hand through the passenger side window) See? No glass.

Roku: Oh. I was wondering why the wind was suddenly howling through my car. Good thing that I brought it to a professional like you.

Nuriko: (cheerfully) Yep, I can get this fixed up for you right away! Just have to order the glass, then pop! Put it back in!

Tamahome: But what's this going to cost?

Nuriko: Welllllllll, with parts and labor, just about…$475.

Tamahome: (choking) Damn!! At 230 ryu per $150, that's going to cost me… 728 ryu!!!

Roku: (impressed) Whoa! You remembered my *cough phony cough* conversion factor from Chapter 4!! You are some whiz with those numbers! It's like hanging with Rain Man!

Tamahome: I'm not paying 728 ryu for a window I didn't even break!

Nuriko: How did this happen, anyway?

Tamahome: And what time?

Roku: (frowning) Oh, sometime between 12:30 and 2:00 AM.

Tamahome: What?! After midnight?! What were you doing out at that hour at your age, anyway?

Roku: (growling) Keep it up, Ogre-Boy, and you're gonna be spittin' out teeth! Well, as if it were any of your business, I was at a Latin dance club researching the scene for one of my fanfics!

Tamahome: (perking up) Did you say that you were doing fanfic research?

Roku: (proudly) Yep! For my newest story, Hidden Paths on a CloudCast Night! I'm pretty compulsive about the accuracy of the details in my stories…

Tamahome: (grinning triumphantly) Well, it just so happens, Miss Fanfic Author, that my insurance company does NOT cover damages incurred in the course of doing fanfiction research! It's right here in our policy. (pulls a piece of paper out of his breast pocket and points at a small paragraph) See?

Roku: (squinting at the ultra-fine print) Blah, blah, blah… does not cover damages incurred while scuba-diving, filming beer commercials, or conducting fanfiction research… SHIT!! This is utterly unfair! Nobody mentioned this when I took out the policy! (wailing) Now what am I gonna do?

Tamahome: Sorry - your policy does not provide for personal counseling. Catch you later… sucker!

 

Tamahome loops his arm around Nuriko's neck, and the two exit at stage right.

Roku crumples into a disconsolate heap on the stage. Aikido-chan walks up and pats her on the shoulder comfortingly.

 

Aikido: Don't get so down, Roku-chan. After all, this is just a re-enactment…

Roku: (gloomily) Tell that to my broken window.

 

Suddenly a shadow falls across them. Aikido-chan looks up, smiles, and exits the stage, leaving Roku-chan still sulking. The mysterious figure stoops beside her, catching her attention by the jingling rings of his shakujou.

 

Roku: (in a soft, sad voice) Hey, 'Chiri…

Chichiri: I thought I sensed a disturbance in your ki. What's wrong, Roku?

Roku: Oh, nothing. Just a broken window, a $475 repair bill, and three stalled fanfics…

Chichiri: Well, I can't help you with the fanfic problems, but perhaps I can relieve you of your other concerns…

 

He approaches Roku's Toyota and raises his hand vertically before his face while intoning a few mystical words. The glass suddenly begins flying in reverse until the window is once more intact. He then sweeps his kesa in a large arc, and the car disappears, returning to its original spot in the theatre parking garage.

Roku jumps up and claps her hands in delight, then links her arm through Chichiri's.

 

Roku: (purring) Life is so much easier when you have your own personal magician! So what do I owe you for this automobile restoration job, kind sir?

 

Chichiri bends and whispers in her ear. Roku's eyes crinkle up in delight.

 

Roku: Oh, I can do that easily, sweetness - it will be my sincerest pleasure!

 

They exit towards offstage right, laughing. Kaze-chan begins shutting down the spotlights - but suddenly a figure rushes onstage fromm stage left. It's Tasuki again, this time clad in blue jeans and a Blue Devils Drum and Bugle Corps t-shirt, with a pair of drumsticks sticking out of his back pocket. He pulls a drumstick out of his pocket and points it angrily after his disappearing woman.

 

Tasuki: (accusing) And who the hell is this Chichiri guy, anyway??!!

 

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Author's Notes: (4-4-03) (Roku waves wildly) Heyyyyyyy, everybody!! Yes, I'm still alive!! Only been one whole month since I updated anything, and I'm not even gonna mention how long since I've updated this fic!

Okay, I know that this interlude was weird even by Casting Stones standards… but as I always say, Real Life is wayyyyyyy wackier than anything I can imagine in my fics! And the five anecdotes in this interlude are, yes - all based on real life incidents! So here's my challenge to you - of the five scenarios, two are extremely close to what actually happened, in fact accurate nearly word-for-word; one is only slightly exaggerated; and the remaining two are so exaggerated that they are almost, but not quite, completely fictional.

To refresh your memory, here are the five anecdotes:

1) Roku's Tasuki becoming suspicious of her interactions with Nuriko and Chichiri

2) Dinner with Mouse-chan and friends

3) Dancing with the Director

4) The broken car window and Tasuki's subsequent reaction

5) The insurance and repair estimate scenario

Okay, now the challenge: Designating #1-5, make your best guess as to A) Accurate B) Slightly exaggerated or C) Extremely exaggerated So if you were playing, you might say 1-C, 2-B, 3-A, etc. Wanna play? Answers will be given and winners announced next time!!

Have I apologized for being gone so long? If not, then consider this a big Gomen nasai!!!!!!!! Now you know what I've been up to! I'll also let you have a progress report on the next chapter of "Casting Stones."

I've written about 3400 words for "Enchantment" - which is equivalent to three chapters of most fanfics - but only equivalent to about one-third of mine! ^ ~ So I'll get back to work on it and hopefully have it finished for posting in April - but first, I have to complete Chapter 4 of Hidden Paths! After all, the research for this chapter cost me enough!!

Okay, time for me to hit the keyboard and get back to work!! Thanks for reading all the way through this extremely odd interlude! See you next time - for a "normal" Casting Stones chapter, if there is such a thing!

 

Ja ne!

Roku-chan