Written by: Miyu, Vampire Princess

AUTHOR'S NOTE:
Wow! A whole new storyline unattached to my other short series fanfics! This story focuses on a love triangle between Haru, Kisa and Hiro. Each part is told from a specific point of view. Again, it's Kisa telling the story. This part takes place about one week after parts one and two. Lime warning. Comments are always welcome. Please enjoy. ^^

Part Three - What Once Was Lost

"What do you think of this one?"

"It's too flashy. And the color seems a little...."

"A little what?"

A sigh. "Tacky."

"Tacky? Honto ni?"

"Aa." A pause. "Oh, but the design is nice though. Are there any others similar to this?"

"I'll see what we have in stock, Miss."

I watch the saleswoman leave for the fifth time this morning. She's been so nice in helping me pick out bridesmaid dresses. Granted it's what she does for a living. Still, I can't help but think her smile is becoming forced.

My mother had totally overlooked this part of the preparations, saying that it should've been my responsibility all along. Sometimes I really want to throttle her.... Thankfully, one of my bridesmaids wasn't busy today and volunteered to come shopping with me.

Unfortunately, that bridesmaid is more particular than I am.

Or maybe I just can't get a certain thought out of my head.

The first three dresses were adorable...but frighteningly cute. I can't possibly let my bridesmaids look cuter than me on my wedding day now can I?

The next handful of dresses were just like this last one. Tacky. Oh, some of the colors were wonderful and the designs...umm...unique, but the decoration on them was...well...tacky.

With a sigh I flop down into the chair I've been sitting in for the past hour and a half. I hear the swoosh of material and look up to see my cousin, Kagura, smiling down at me. It's a somewhat sad smile, as she feels badly about her comments. But I appreciate her input. Kami only knows, I may have just picked up the first dress I liked and that would've been that.

And that dress was the worst of them all!

"We'll find something, Kisa-chan," she says, her smile brightening a little. "I really do like this dress. It's just that..." She holds up the sash belt with the weird beaded fringes. "This would have to go. I mean, fringes?"

I giggle at the strange look on her face. "I agree. Those are quite...."

"Unique?"

"Tacky."

We both burst into laughter. Thankfully we've calmed down when the saleswoman returns for three more dresses. She hands one to me as I stand, holding up the other two for us to see.

"Oh my God! Kisa-chan, look at this one."

I turn my head slightly to follow Kagura's gaze, only to realize she's looking at the dress I'm holding. Curious, I hold the dress away from me and take a good look at it.

The material was the color of spun gold. It wasn't very glossy, but it still shimmered in the light. The design was pretty simple as well: a one piece, standard pattern with a tightly fitting top and flared skirt. No quirky knickknacks or accessories. And certainly no fringes.

"Kisa-chan, what do you think?" Kagura looks at me pleadingly.

"Try it on," I say, handing the dress over to her.

It's about two sizes too big on Kagura, but it was the one dress we could both agree on.

I guess Mom will be able to get yellow daffodils after all.

"I'll take two of those," I tell the saleswoman.

"Wonderful," she replies with a rather happy smile. "We'll size both dresses the same. If there are any problems, we'll fix them right away."

"Arigato."

The cool Spring air never felt so good against my face and the silence on the way home is very welcome. Kagura's convertible drowns out any sound when she drives anyway. Even the stereo, turned up as high as it will go, is only heard when we come to a stop at a traffic light.

I haven't really had a moment to myself all day. As soon as I woke up my mother was calling for me and dragging me to this florist and that. Then I had to make sure I made it to the Honke by noon to pick up Kagura to go shopping for dresses. After nearly seven hours of being on the go, I need some "me" time. I'm exhausted both mentally and physically.

Not to mention hungry.

Kagura offers me some fish and rice when we get back to the Honke. I accepted gratefully and eat the meal even faster. After helping her clean up the dishes and straighten the kitchen, I say my good-byes and make my way towards the front of the estate.

In the meantime, my brain is still trying to put a finger on this...thing...that I deem to be missing from my life. It's been trying to for almost a week, but it's more difficult now than before. I blame it on the fact that Hiro and I have actually had sex. It was absolutely exquisite, but my basis for comparison is non-existent. Still, I thought I'd found what I'd been looking for.

As wonderful as it may have been, it wasn't what I had thought to be missing.

In the time since then, I think Hiro and I have become closer. Not more intimate, since we haven't actually slept together since then, just closer. Probably more spiritually than physically, I think.

And I still have no idea what I'm looking for? It's almost to the point where it's too frustrating to take. Without warning I let out a small scream, hoping to ease some of my tension.

"Kisa?"

Quickly I look up, startled by the voice of my cousin, Haru. He must be coming back from the library. The stack of books under his arm is enormous. Besides, he doesn't get lost as much as he used to...unless he got lost and went to the library instead....

"Kisa, daijoubu desu ka?"

I can't help but sigh and pout. I always feel like a little girl around Haru. Act like one too sometimes. But it's been a few months since we've actually spoken to each other. His classes and my wedding have kept us pretty occupied.

"Ah, I'm fine, really. I'm just...." I shrug, shaking my head. "It's been a long day."

"Wanna give me a hand with some of these books?"

I smile, nodding emphatically. "Sure."

He lifts his arm so I can take a few of the texts. They're heavier than they look and I nearly drop the four books I took from him. He must be doing a research paper of some kind for a class. The book on the top of my pile is titled, "The Doll of the Future." What a silly name for a book!

I walk beside him in silence, regarding the other books in my hands, before turning my full attention to my cousin. He's grown since I last saw him. At least another inch. What was he, six foot two or close to it? He had to be, considering Hiro's nearly six-foot stature. Maybe the reason I always feel like a little girl around him is because I am. My five foot six doesn't even bring me up to his shoulder!

We reach his rooms with little trouble. Carefully sitting the last three books on top of my four, he digs in his backpack for his key. Haru has always kept his room locked, although I'm not sure why. It's not like someone was going to come into the Honke and steal his stuff...or anyone's stuff for that matter. The place is like a fortress!

"Ano," I mutter, the books becoming too heavy. My body is arching under the pressure. I smile as sweetly as possible, my words coming through nearly clenched teeth. "Haru?"

"Gomen," he replies, taking six of the seven books from me before turning to enter his room. Now able to stand straight, I follow with the last book in hand.

"What do you need all of these books for?"

With a guttural grunt he drops the books on his desk, before reaching a hand out for the last one. I look down at the book then up at him, finally offering it to him. He takes it with a smile and sits it on top of the now leaning pile.

"I have to do a research paper for my engineering class," he explains. Pulling out the desk chair so I can sit down, he throws himself on the bed. "I wouldn't be so serious about it, but it is half of my grade." He shrugs. "And I actually enjoy the class."

Sitting in the chair, my hands folded in my lap and my feet crossed at the ankles, I can't help but giggle. "So you're going to change your major again?" He had started out as a business major, switching to theatre halfway through the last semester.

He shrugs in reply. "Not sure. I changed my mind last time based on one class." He smiles at me crookedly. "I'd hate to do it again."

"But if it's something you enjoy you should go for it."

He pauses for a moment, his eyes go blank and I can tell he's deep in thought. I'm nearly afraid I've said something that will bring out Black Haru, but then he smiles at me again, sitting up on the bed.

"What about you? How are the wedding plans coming?"

I sigh, shaking my head. "I wish the darn thing would hurry and happen, you know. My mom's driving me crazy with her incessant planning. And only this morning did she remember to inform me that I still needed dresses for my bridesmaids." I growl a little frowning. "Thankfully I had a little money saved up. It was supposed to go towards gifts for the wedding party, but...." I shrug. "Oh well."

Haru shakes his head. "You've been pretty busy over the past few weeks. What's Hiro been doing?"

I feel a light blush rise to my cheeks at the thought of Hiro. I've tried not to give him much thought all day while trying to figure out my own dilemma. "He's helping....I guess there really isn't much he can do."

"He's probably safer in the shadows," Haru comments. "If I know you mother, she'd have him whipped in no time." He cocks his head to the side and thinks a moment. "Hey, it might be good training for your marriage. You'll be a slave driver too no doubt."

I huff indignantly, crossing my arms over my chest and standing from the chair. "I hope you aren't implying that I'm going to turn into my mother."

His eyes go wide for a moment, then he smiles at me playfully. "No, not really. I'm just saying that the apple doesn't fall far from the tree and...."

"Why you?!" With that, I rush him, pushing him back onto the bed. Sitting on his lap, my legs straddling his and his legs completely immobilized, I smile triumphantly. We used to play this game as children. "Take that back."

He shakes his head, holding back his laughter. "Nope."

I punch him playfully in the shoulder. "I said take it back."

"No."

Much to my surprise, his arms reach up to encircle my waist. With great speed he flips me over onto the bed. I laugh, thinking it's all part of the game. But as he straddles my legs now, his hands planted firmly on either side of my face, our eyes meet. My laughter is subdued by the look of uncertainty and...something else. It's almost...I don't know...primal.

The game over, I'm feeling a little awkward. This is a position that two teenagers should not be engaged in unless....

"Haru?"

"Kisa."

My name is a hoarse whisper as he closes the distance between us, his arms lowering his face to mine. Our lips touch briefly, lightly, causing a ripple of unexpected sensation to course through me. It's unlike what I feel when I kiss Hiro. There's little gentle warmth in our kiss. No. This is like pure electricity, shocking in its intensity.

When I gasp, Haru takes the opportunity to place his lips fully against mine, his tongue brushing lightly against my upper lip. I gasp again, allowing his tongue to penetrate my mouth. My tongue seeks out his and they begin a slow dance, entwining with one another as our bodies slowly being to meld together.

We shouldn't be doing this, I suddenly realize. This isn't right, my mind screams. He's your cousin, not your lover! This isn't Hiro!

Maybe that's the whole point.

I love Hiro. I really do. But I've spent all of my life with him. I've never dated other guys. Not that I could have I suppose. Still, I have to find what it is that's missing from my life. I don't think I can truly be happy with Hiro, or even myself, until I do.

Then fight this, my mind screams. Fight him!

But as he lowers his body on top of mine, there's no fighting him. He's so warm, and the smell of him so distinct that I can't bare to tear myself away. I should be overwhelmed by his weight, overwhelmed by the whole circumstance, but I'm not. I am curious as to what brought this on, but I'm too much of a coward to ask. Besides, the sensations he's creating within me are starting to drive me crazy. Through a small haze in my head I hear a little voice screaming, "This is right. This is right!"

As he starts to pull away again, I bring my hands up to cup his face. Both of us gasp for air, our chest heaving with the effort. His dark eyes stare into mine. Guilt and despair spiral amongst love and lust as the same questions run rampant through his own mind. Is this right? Can we--? Should we--?"

To answer him, I raise my and, using my hands, lower his for another kiss. I can feel the tension in his arms and body, feel the uncertainty in his kiss. But after a few seconds it's gone.

We're gone.

Another little voice in my head starts screaming, "This is wrong! So very wrong!"

But in my heart, I know it's what I've been missing.

Gomen ne, Hiro-chan.

~TO BE CONTINUED~