FALLEN ANGELS
A Fruits Basket Fanfic
Written by Miyu, Vampire Princess
AUTHOR'S NOTES:
Again with the ideas from Mona-chan. And yet another Shigure x Rin story. This
is a story told in 6 parts and this part is split between Rin's and Shigure's
POVs. Non-lemon chapter. Please enjoy. The song lyrics are from Sarah
McLachlan's "Fallen" ((c) Arista Records 2003). Comments are always welcome.
CHAPTER 1 - Deeper than the Rain
************************************************
Heaven bend to take my hand
And lead me through the fire
Be the long awaited answer
To a long and painful fight
************************************************
I hate rain.
"It wasn't meant to be."
I hate crying.
"I don't love you any more."
I hate pain.
"There's...someone else."
I hate myself.
"You'll get over it in time."
I hate HIM.
Frustrated, I scream into the pouring rain. It's a proverbial downpour. The drops fall quickly, straight from the sky. The water feels like little knives against my skin. Beating. Cutting. I wish I could bleed. Slash open my wrists and just let it all out.
Tree branches and twigs scrape against my legs as I break into a run. I have to run. Get away. Far, far away.
How could he do this to me? How could HE?!
I suppose it's my fault. I was the one who wanted freedom. I was the one who needed space, time to think. I was the one who didn't want to be tied down. Even if I was in love.
I'm still in love.
Haru. His words cut deeper than the rain. Deeper than any knife. I liken this pain to being beaten by a huge metal spoon. Strangely enough, it has happened. Or maybe it's the pain from a lash of a leather belt. But this pain crawls beneath my skin. Lightening lashing out at my heart, my very soul.
"There's someone else."
Gods how that stung. He was in love with someone else. It so hard to believe. Someone else was in love with him. Well, I suppose I can't blame them. Kami, but I'm a fool. If only I hadn't run away. Perhaps I could've pleaded with him. He was always so soft hearted, even when he tried to be stern.
So then why...was he being so mean?
I pause only once to catch my breath. Where am I? Is that--? Odd. I never thought I'd run here. Consciously or not.
The rain comes down harder and I push myself to run faster. the rain seems to be echoing my mood...or am I echoing the weather? In either case I fall upon the wooden planks of the front porch, panting on my hands and knees. For the first time since I ran from the park where Haru and I had met, I feel the cold air. I feel something other than the pain he's inflicted upon me. I sit there, huddled into a ball and allow myself those last few tears. Shivering cold and aching tired, I stand and move towards the front door.
Knocking does no good. I know my cousins are not here. Neither is that annoying little girl, Tohru. They should be in school. I should be, too. And Haru. I manage a wry smile. We skipped a day of school just for this? HA! School would've been more merciful.
I know Shigure won't be.
He manages to surprise me every now and again, though. He's always on guard. Always aloof. But you'd never know it by that carefree smile he keeps plastered to his face. You'd never guess because of his relaxed demeanor and degenerate humor. You'd never be able to tell by the books that he writes, either.
He's a dog, in every sense of the word.
My arms wrap around my body, even as the warmth from the house sinks into my skin. It's gray, with hardly any light from the outside. And quiet. So very quiet. The front door was unlocked so that meant that someone was home.
"Hello?"
My answer is a resounding string of explicatives that can only come from Shigure. Either he was in the middle of something good, or he lost his train of thought. Forcing myself to walk straighter, to be less wet and cold, I walk down the dark hallway to his study.
"Shigure?"
Judging by his bowed head and the blank computer screen in front of him, I believe my second guess to be correct. He must be working on another novel. Poor guy. I wonder if he's on time or behind.
"Rin...I didn't expect you to come by today."
"You never expect me," I reply, trying to keep the chattering of my teeth out of my voice. I quickly have to remind myself why I'm there. Wait...that's right. I don't know.
"You could've knocked."
"I did. No one answered." Taking a deep breath I try to calm myself. The pain is threatening to return. Tears start to well up in my eyes. I'll be damned if Shigure sees me cry. "What are you moping about? Not happy to see me?"
"I'm always happy to see you. You've surprised me is all." Sighing he turns his computer monitor off and swings his chair around to face me. "I just accidentally erased a few pages of manuscript is all. You really...Rin, what the hell happened to you?"
His wide eyes show concern that's not normally there. At least, I don't think it is. With fluid grace he stands from his chair and grabs a blanket. I move only to cower into myself, only to draw myself tighter to fight off the pain.
The blanket that touches my shoulders is much softer than it looks. Warmth floods through my body, even as the cotton material sticks to my damp skin and wet clothes. The blanket smells like my older cousin too. Strangely comforting. I relax a little, but that's when the pain returns, hitting me ten-fold. Everything Haru said, so harsh and biting.
"Rin?"
Damn it! Fresh tears begin to fall down my cheeks. Why? I can't let him see me cry. Not Shigure. Not the person I have to be strongest around. He can't know I'm weak. He just can't!
I claw at my eyes, but the tears fall faster. The pain inside me swells, threatening to blow up in my stomach. Correction, it blows up in my stomach. A sob escape unbidden and I'm at a loss to stop it.
What the hell is happening to me?! I'm falling apart in front of the one man who could totally ruin my life. If any of this gets back to Akito...I'm screwed. And not in a good way. Shigure knows I've been digging. Hell, he's the one I've been talking to! He knows something. I know he knows. And I've done everything short of sleeping with him for answers. If Akito finds out I've been trying to learn about the curse, I'm as good as dead.
Why am I worried about that now?
Because Shigure's going to think this is a ploy, that's why.
I've come to him in tears before. But those were fake. Those were superimposed so that he'd take pity on me. Ha! That was a joke. The man can't show a real emotion if it kills him. He's good at hiding. Very good.
I wish I knew...how he really feels. If he really knows.
Gods, the pain is too much. I double over, falling onto the floor. It hurts! Make it stop!
Please, Shigure. Make it stop.
************************************************
Truth be told I tried my best
But somewhere long the way
I got caught up in all there was to offer
But the cost was so much more than I could bear
************************************************
"Rin?"
Okay, I have to admit I'm stumped. As much as I enjoy Rin's visits and her inquisitive questions. As much as I enjoy teasing her mercilessly with answers to her questions that I simply don't have. As much as I enjoy just looking at her, having her near me, this is not right.
Rin never cries. Correction, never REALLY cries. She's put on the fake tears act before. I'm old enough to know the difference. These are real tears. Real pain. I haven't seen her cry in years. Not even when Akito put her in the hospital. Not even when she looked Haru in the eye and told him they could never see each other again...although, I know she didn't keep her word on that one. She loves him too much for that.
Not that I'm jealous or anything.
She collapses to the floor in a heap and I drop to me knees to join her. I whisper to her. Try to cajole her into speaking, but it's not working. She simple huddles there, her tears falling faster.
This had to have something to do with Haru. She wouldn't have this strong of a reaction to anything or anyone else. Did he tell her it was over? Foolish boy.
"Rin, daijoubu?"
She shakes her head. She's trying to collect herself, but there's something stopping her. Something just out of reach. She doubles over again as a loud sob escapes into the room. I can feel her flinch, but I'm not sure if it's from the sob or my hands trying to lift her. Her entire body freezes, goes rigid.
"Rin, you should get out of your clothes. I'll make you some nice hot tea in the meantime."
Her tears begin to subside. Her head moves, although it looks heavy. With a sigh, she manages a nod.
I really don't want to leave her alone. Not for a second. But she needs to get warm. If not, she'll become ill and I'd hate to have to try and explain this to Ha-san.
I move to stand but a hand stops me. Gripping tightly to my wrist, Rin turns her face upward to look at me. I see the pain that's eating at her. It's so raw, her emotion. She's teetering on the edge of sanity it seems. My first instinct is to believe it's an act, but there's a sadness in her eyes that I've seen before. Something she can't fake no matter how hard she tries.
Trying to be comforting, I pat her hand on my wrist and kneel down to look her in the eye. "I'm only going to the kitchen to make tea. I promise. While I'm gone, you need to take off those wet clothes. I can stick them in the dryer and bring you dry clothes."
I move to stand again. Her hand remains on my wrist but her grip is slack. Carefully I remove her hand and take a step backward. She watches me with wary eyes as I turn to go. She doesn't trust me. Why should she? I've done very little to earn her trust up until now. But I hope she will try in this one case.
A million things run through mind as I place a pot of water on the stove to boil. Not too high. I don't want to ruin Tohru's good kettle.
Could this be anther ploy? Another attempt to distract information out of me. Rin wants to learn about the family curse. I truly wish I could help her, but even my research has turned up very little. I could use the help, if she'd be willing. And I'm certain she would be.
Personally, I'm not willing to risk her life in this.
It took me a while to come to that conclusion. I care about Rin, like I care about my other, much younger cousins. Their lives are nothing like mine, Ayame's or Hatori's. When we were their age, we were barely hindered...obstructed only by our curse. Akito obstructs them now, holds them in a grasp tighter than a fist. It's unfair, certainly. But now that Akito is older and in power, it's not so easy to stop.
If Akito were to learn that I was researching the family curse, I would certainly be subjected to pain beyond my wildest dreams. And I don't like pain. Not at all. I've always avoided conflict where I was able.
Rin would suffer worse than I. Of that, I have no doubt. That's why I choose not to risk her life in this. She deserves to live a little at any rate.
Although, if the reason why she came to me is because she broke up with Haru...well, that's a whole different story.
Her tears are too real. I may be emotionally distant most days, putting on my best face, but I know real tears when I see them. No, this time Rin is not faking. She's hurt. In real pain. It must've had something to do with Haru. I'd be surprised if it didn't. but she's not willing to talk yet. That's all right. I'm pretty patient. I'll just let her get warm, perhaps make her take a nap. She could still be up and gone by the time Yuki, Kyo and Tohru came home.
But something in me told me she wouldn't.
Oh what a mess that would make. None of them know she's been visiting me and this will raise questions I'm not ready to answer. I'm not willing to risk their lives for my own cause.
Most may think me a bastard but I draw a line somewhere!
The kettle screams at me, startling me out of my thoughts. I remove it from the stovetop and sit the kettle on the tray without thought. I'm not sure why I messed with the arrangement of the tray, but after fussing with it until I felt it looked pretty, I carefully pick it up and walk down the hallway to my study.
The door was still wide open, much to my surprise. Rin was curled up on my futon, her knees pulled to her chest under the blanket I had draped around her. Had she even taken off her wet clothes? Ah yes. There they are...hanging over the back my chair. Not where I would like to see them -- as appealing as her matching bra and panties are, it's a leather chair -- but at least she's able to dry off and warm up.
With a sigh, I sit the tray on the floor in front of Rin. Her eyes are guarded, watching my every move again. I like her eyes on me actually...in a weird, perverse way. Of course, I'm sure that's not how she's looking at me. How depressing! I suppose I shouldn't be thinking of her in that way either, given the circumstances that brought her here. But I don't know that for sure either. Oh well, at least she's not bawling anymore.
Although...it was kind of cute.
"Are you feeling better," I ask.
"Yeah...I guess."
I raise an eyebrow, pouring the tea. "Warmer at least?"
"Yeah."
"Drink this."
She takes the cup, sniffing carefully at the contents. "What kind of tea is it?"
"Oolong. I had to pull some from Yuki's private stash, but I'm sure he won't miss it. He's taken to drinking coffee lately."
After a sip she winces. "I think you got the proportions wrong."
I pout in my usual style. I can't help it. My feelings are a bit hurt. "I made it according to the directions." I did!
She takes another sip, only grimacing this time. "Then Yuki has some strange tastes."
A smile graces my lips before I take my first taste. She's right. It tastes like crap. "You must be feeling better if you can quip like that."
"Whatever," she mutters behind her teacup.
I manage to keep a straight face until my fourth sip. Then I flinch as the bitter taste lingers in my mouth. "Wanna tell me what happened?"
She shakes her head, staring into her teacup. Something must be utterly fascinating because she won't look up even after I nearly choke on my tea. Yuki really does have some unusual tastes. I wonder if it's acquired.
"Well, then...why don't I go throw you're clothes in the dryer and see if Tohru has anything that will fit you."
She says nothing as I stand, although her eyes follow my movements until I'm out the door. Her clothes are thoroughly drenched. My arm is still cold after I toss everything in the dryer. I'm really not sure how long it will take to dry her clothes, but I'm sure it'll take longer than normal. Hmm...I wonder what's considered normal? I don't do laundry.
Then it's up to Tohru's room to find some dry clothing for her. I'm actually apprehensive about looking through Tohru's room. More from the fact that Tohru's taste and Rin's are totally different. I'm actually quite happy fingering all of my little flower's articles, particularly her panties...although they are lacking in color. Hmm...perhaps I should by her something bright for Christmas this year.
I leave the room with a sigh, a pair of pants, a button-down shirt and a pair of underwear over my left arm. I left out the bra because I wasn't sure Tohru's would fit Rin. My younger cousin is somewhat well endowed for her age. And curvy in just the right spots. Her height makes her look very slim, with long legs that go one forever. Her long ebony hair and dark eyes compliment her stoic face. It wouldn't hurt if she smiled more often, but she's drop dead gorgeous even if she doesn't.
Gods I'm giving myself a hard-on...and that's just, well, uncomfortable.
Of course the sight of her only intensifies my burning need as I return to my study. Rin, looking very much her age for once, is curled up on the floor, lying on her side. Eyes closed, I assume she's asleep. Unshed tears cling to her long eyelashes. And the blanket gaps open around her legs, giving me a nice glimpse of pale skin along her lower thigh and knee.
I should just lay the clothes there and go back to work. Let her rest. That was the plan. But something in me pushes me forward. I lay the clothes on the desk opposite my futon. Then I kneel beside the pallet and careful lay on my side, facing Rin. There's just something about the way she looks when she's asleep, I can't help but stare.
And my erection can't help but grow harder.
Damn. I'm going to have to take care of myself. And I can't very well do it in my own room...not with Rin there at any rate. GAH! I'm sounding like a responsible adult now. Someone pinch me.
Well, it's not a pinch, but as I go to move Rin's hand reaches out and grabs at the collar of my yukata. Her eyes open only slightly. I think she's asleep, but it's hard to be certain. I remain still, her lips parting as she mutters something incoherent at first. Finally her words begin to make some sense.
"Shigure...the pain...make it stop. Please...make it...stop."
I think she's delusional, but it matters little to my already befuddled mind. The images in my head are wrong. So very wrong. That's never stopped me before, mind you, but this could ruin everything...all my plans.
Oh what the hell!
Tossing sanity and logic aside -- and quite possible both of our lives and my
freedom -- I kiss her.
~TO BE CONTINUED~