A Simple Act of Faith, Chapter 1

It was the second night this week that he had woken up in tears, drenched in a sweat and clutching his pillow wishing it was her he was holding.  When Lindsey realized it was a pillow and not her, he placed it back on the bed.  It was damp with the same sweat on him. He looked at his clock, it was 3:45 and he was alone in bed.  The sweat was dripping in his face despite that the air conditioner was on full blast and room seemed ice cold.

He had dreamed about her, about how she died.   He could see Angelus hanging over her, the condescending look on his face as he sunk her fangs into her innocent neck.  The blood that stained her neck and made Angelus’ lips the color of rubies.  He dreamed Angelus smiled when he did it and reveled in his handy work.

He would wake up in tears and soaked in sweat.  His neck would ache, but not from the phantom pain that he got after Angelus tried to strangle him twice. That had long since gone, but the pain that Cordelia felt as he bit her.  Lindsey felt her fear.  Her thoughts.  What was she thinking of?  Was she thinking that she should have never married him and that if she had not pursued him, she would be still alive?
He assumed it every day.  Every morning when he woke up crying, he thought she would have been better off with him.

He reached over, hoping to find Cordelia next to him, but the bed was empty.

He got up and looked to the empty side of the bed.  It had been almost 3 months since her death.

Faith had essentially stayed in two places.  Her official home and address was where she lived with Wesley and now lived with Lilith.  Sometimes she crashed in the smaller bedroom, but only when a hard day’s work left her closer to Lindsey’s apartment than Lilith.  The futon and TV had never been moved from that room from the night Lina stayed in there and Lilah had managed to fall asleep in there along with her terror.

They had both decided that if they wanted to make a go of their relationship, it was better that they stop sleeping in the same bed.  She also said they should be friends until they were ready.  He agreed, but he missed having someone in the bed.  He felt very lonely.  Even when he woke up and remembered that Cordelia was still dead.  He just wanted someone there. In the last few weeks, Faith had been spending less time with him.  He guessed he had become unbearable.

There had been discussion almost every day for putting the place up for sale.  Alex no longer liked her office.  He knew that he was the reason she had not gone forward.  He was not ready for a move.  Cordelia’s scent was still everywhere.  So was her stuff.  She did not have much, but Lindsey liked to look through it.  He liked her high school pictures the best.  She looked happy there.  She had told him once that she missed those times.  He had assured her that she was better off.  How wrong he had been.

He should have sent her off to school with Harmony.

Harmony had come to visit him once over the summer when she was moving into an apartment near UCLA.  Though she really was shallow, she was legitimately shocked and upset over Cordelia’s death.  Lindsey had thrown her out when she started to flirt with him, but he regretted it now.  Seeing Harmony would make him close to Cordelia again.  He was afraid he would forget her.

Alex told him she would put the place up for sale whenever he was ready.  Every time she brought it up, he had a new excuse.

Lindsey knew he would not be going to sleep for the rest of the night.  He turned on the lights.  He could not remember if Faith had stayed over tonight or what, but she probably had not.  He cared a great deal about Faith.  He could almost say he loved her.  But without Cordelia his world felt numb and over the last few months, that numbness had grown almost to a point where nothing mattered anymore.  Even though Angelus got back his soul, he knew there was another vampire out there who could kill Faith.  He couldn’t bear to lose another person he loved.

He opened up his closet door.  His guitar was sitting in the back; where he had put it three months ago after her death.  He reached in and grabbed it.
 

Holland Manners was in good spirits.  Three months ago, Angelus had killed his boss, Nathan Reed.  Reed had been blamed for the entire Angelus fiasco including Angel getting his soul back, Lindsey and Lilah’s defection and ultimately his own death.  When Reed died, Holland was given his old position.  Holland already had his sights on a young ambitious lawyer that he could groom.  A lawyer by the name of Gavin Park who worked mostly in real estate. He trusted this gentlemen far more than Lindsey.  Lindsey always had that slight morality given to him when he was young, but Park had never had it nor was he like Lilah, who did not quite have what it takes.

But this was not what he was happy about.

A week ago he had been contacted by Drusilla after a long absence.  Holland had never learned if she had been staked in Sunnydale.  Angelus’ plan had been disastrous.  Faith and Lindsey had found a copy of the curse and given Angel back his soul and had staked all but one of the vampires Angelus had brought back.

All the plans that Holland had laid out were gone, although he had set it up as being all Reed’s idea, but the call he had received made him happy because a new plan was brewing in his brain.

Angelus had managed to open the doorway briefly, apparently Lilah Morgan who Holland was sure would never think for herself had died to close the doorway, but not before they had brought back Angelus’ sire Darla.  Drusilla had contacted Holland, that she, Darla and Spike wanted to talk to him about Angelus.

Holland entered the darkened room.  The shades were opened because it was night, but the lights were off.

Drusilla was by the window.  She was a lovely dark haired woman with dark eyes.  Holland knew she had been driven insane by Angelus before he turned her.  Holland would have had her staked because her insanity was a liability, but she was also a seer and that was far more important.  Holland realized Drusilla acted a lot like a spoiled child.  He could control her as long as he provided what she wanted.
There were two other vampires in the room. There was a blond female vampire wore a tight short black dress.  From records Holland knew she was Darla.  There was another vampire in the room, a blond with spiked hair wearing a leather coat.  Holland knew this was Spike.  He had been sired by Drusilla. Spike had spent the last two years in Sunnydale tangling with the slayer there.  He had broken up with Drusilla when he betrayed Angel, but it was now apparent that Spike and Drusilla had gotten back together.

“Hello, Holland,” Drusilla said.  “You’re looking ever so sweet.”

Darla smiled.  She was the oldest, therefore it looked like she was going to take charge.

“Holland,” Darla said.

“Oh, you must be Darla,” he smiled.  “You are as beautiful as Angelus described you.”

Darla did not care for Holland’s false compliments, but she took it anyway.

“She does not like the double speak,” Drusilla said instead.

Holland did not respond.

“We need some help,” Darla said.

“Our help?”

“Yes,” she replied.  “We have similar goals.  We both want Angelus back.  At least that is what Drusilla tells me.”

“Yes.  There is an apocalypse coming up and we need Angel dark.”

“We need that,” Darla said and smiled, seductively.  “But there is also something else you can help us with.”

“What?” Holland asked.

Darla looked over to Spike.  “He has some kind of electronic chip in his head.  I don’t know the logistics.  I only know it is stopping him from killing.  We want you to get it out.”

Holland smiled.  “We’d be delighted to.  In return I need a favor from you.  It’s about a slayer here in LA.”
 

Lindsey was disturbed by the most horrible noise when he entered Caritas.  Some demon was brutalizing the song Mandy.

Then Lindsey looked to the stage and froze when he saw that it was him.  He was trying to sing and embarrassing himself.  Normally Lindsey would have thought this was funny, but now it was tragic.

He knew that Angel and Doyle had returned to Los Angeles.  He had seen Doyle once or twice when he came to visit the office.  He had tried to act like Lindsey’s friend, but he knew Doyle had gone over to the enemy.  He could not understand how Doyle could work with him after he brutally murdered Cordelia and Wesley.

Lindsey shook his head and turned around to leave, but before he could reach the door, the host stepped in front of him.

“Lindsey—babe.  Please don’t go.  Someone has to wash that,” he said, motioning to the stage, “out of their mouths.”  The host saw his guitar.  “And you’ve never played the guitar here.  Please play us a tune.  Don’t make me beg.  You would not like it when I beg.”

“I have to go,” he said and tried to make another move for the door.

But the host was stronger. “Please, sing, stay.  Have a drink on me.”

Lindsey looked down,

“Please, I promise that Angel won’t stay long."

Lindsey frowned, but then walked over to the bar.  He ordered a whiskey.

“It’s on me,” said a voice whose Irish accent he recognized almost immediately.  Lindsey did not look at Doyle.

“The host is already getting me a drink,” he explained.

“Thank god you are going to fancy us with a song,” Doyle said, eyeing the guitar.  “He’s horrific isn’t he?  But he’s got to do it.  Anything to save a life.”

Lindsey did not respond.

Doyle sighed.  “I expect you are not too happy with me?”

“He killed Cordelia.”

“I’m his link to the Powers that Be,” he said. “I have to go with him.  I’m not to happy either, but you have to know that he’s not Angelus.  He may look like Angelus, but Angel would never hurt anyone—except the bad guys.”  Doyle paused.  “He’s not a bad fellow once ya know him.”

Lindsey did not respond.  Angel finished his song.  He went over to the Host to talk to him.  That would give Lindsey a few more minutes before he came over to them.  A few more minutes to wonder if he should escape or remain to trade insults.

“You guys been on any cases lately?”  Doyle ordered a shot of whiskey and wolfed it down quickly.

“Regular stuff for Alex,” he replied and then downed his whiskey.  He wanted another one to numb the awkwardness away. “Faith’s been slaying, Alex’s been detecting, I’ve been doing paperwork.  The usual shit.”

“I miss you guys.”

“I miss Cordelia,” he said, coldly.

“Lindsey, you have to understand.  Angelus and Angel-- two different guys.”

“I got the information,” said Angel’s voice behind him.  He sounded a little hectic and out of breath.  He should try taking a breath while singing.  Lindsey almost laughed when he realized that vampires don’t breathe.  “Let’s go—“ Angel paused.  “Oh—hello Lindsey.”

Lindsey turned around and faced the man who had destroyed his world.  “Angel.”

“How you doing?” Angel said.  There was both concern and guilt in his voice.  Lindsey wanted to always hear the guilt.  He did not want Angel staked.  He wanted him to feel guilty for eternity.

He nodded.  “I was fine until I went deaf from your singing.”

“I guess you must be better.  Doyle raved about how wonderful your voice is.”

“It was a lot better before someone damaged my vocal cords by hanging me.”

Angel didn’t respond.

“Come on,” Doyle said, trying to create peace.  “We have to go help that girl.  She’s a cutie. Goodbye Lindsey.”

Lindsey did not respond.  Instead he turned back to the bar and ordered another shot of whiskey.

Chapter 2

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