Chapter 6
| A Simple Act of Faith
Chapter 6 |
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When Lindsey went to bed, it was already 9 in the morning. The streets were awake with people hurrying to work. He was tired. He thought of Darla. He did not know what happened after he passed out on Cordelia’s grave. Darla left him alive because she knew he would agree to her terms.
He missed lying next to her, but this was not about him. Cordelia did not deserve to die. Even if he brought her back and she refused to speak to him for what he had done, at least she would still be alive.
He closed his eyes.
Promise me, Promise me you won’t blame yourself.
Her last words constantly play in his mind,
but he could not. He blamed himself. He had caused her death.
He closed his eyes and drifted off into uneasy sleeping thinking he was
a murderer.
Holland was not surprised to find Darla, Drusilla, and Spike waiting for him in his office. They had told him downstairs that the three vampires who had been approved by security were waiting for him.
“Darla, Dru, Spike, how are our plans going?”
Darla smiled. “Dru and Spike have been leaving plenty of body trails for the slayer. The next time I see Lindsey, he will agree to help me. The poor dear is so despondent over the lose of dear wifey,” she sighed. “Human emotions. Gets them every time.”
“Excellent,” Holland said and laughed.
“I told him he had to drive Angelus to me for us to do the spell.”
Holland shook his head.
“Why not?” she asked, confused. “Once Angelus comes to me, I’ll kill Lindsey if you like. He depresses me, reminds me too much of my own death.”
“Because I don’t want him dead, my lovely, I want him dark.”
Darla chuckled. “You seem to want a lot of people dark.”
“Killing him would be to easy,” Holland explained. “I want his very soul—in exchange for his wife. Now that you’ve told me his state, I’m confident he will do anything to get her back.”
“Oh—“ Drusilla said. “I didn’t know you were so wicked.”
“I can be as bad as they come,” Holland said and smiled.
“I could turn him,” Darla explained.
Holland shook his head again. “Owning
his soul will be far more pleasurable.”
Lindsey opened his eyes and knew someone was sitting by the bed. He looked over and saw it was Faith.
“Hey,” she said.
“Hi,” he replied. “Is there something wrong?” He guessed that Alex had blabbed and told her of his drinking binge. He also expected Kate to do the same thing.
She nodded. “A lot of people have been talking about you.” She did not want to mention Angel, but if Lindsey pressed for names she could always use Alex and Doyle. Apparently Doyle had come to visit when only Alex was in. His visit was due to concern about Lindsey’s state of mind.
Lindsey got up and hugged the blanket to his chest. He suddenly felt cold.
“I need time,” he explained, not caring if she realized he was lying. He did not understand why he was so numb to her-- to everything.
“It’s just that we’re worried about you. All of us.”
“Look—“ he said and paused. “She’s dead—I need time.”
“Not if you are never gonna get better—you seem like you are getting worse.”
“Look,” he said. “Is this about us?”
“Nope,” she replied. “I don’t mind waiting, although, you know I don’t have much time to wait.”
Lindsey did not replied. She was right. He would lose her in only a short amount of time. He could not risk that much pain.
“This is about you.”
“I just can’t Faith—I’m just so tired—I don’t feel like fighting anymore. I just want to do my work for Alex and that’s it. Give me a few more months. Please. Just a few more months to rest.”
Faith did not know what to say. She could not force him to go through the grieving process.
Faith looked down. It was like all the love he had for her got turned off and there was no way to figure out how to turn it back on.
“I love you,” she suddenly said.
“Me too,” he said and she knew he didn’t mean it.
“Anyway—“ she said, feeling defeated. “I gotta go train.”
“I’m going to get a little more sleep.”
Faith nodded. She knew he had been out drinking the night before. No one had told her. She could smell it.
Lindsey watched her leave the room.
She did not understand. She seemed to have gotten over Wesley with
no problem. He did not have the luxury. He felt alone again.
He needed someone who shared his goal. Not Darla, she only cared
about getting back Angelus.
Faith was nearly in tears when she made her way down to the office. She was losing him and she did not know what to do.
Before she made her way down to the training room, Alex called to her.
“Faith?”
“Yeah?”
“You have a phone call. It’s Kate.”
They had moved again to another abandoned building since Gunn had last worked for them. It had been about two months since he had last seen Gunn. Gunn and his friends were making repairs to the building.
Gunn surprised Lindsey by being very receptive. He climbed down from a ladder where he was repairing a hole in the roof and headed toward Lindsey.
“Well, well, lawyer-boy,” he said, giving him a big smile. “Long time, no see.”
Lindsey did not smile in response.
“Is there a problem?” Gunn asked, his tone turned concern. “Oh god, it’s ain’t Faith?”
Lindsey shook his head. “She’s fine.”
“So why the long face? Everyone’s okay? Right?”
“Yes.”
“So do you need me?”
“I do.”
Gunn looked at him strangely. “Last time you had that look, Faith and you were going on a suicide mission against Angelus.”
“It’s nothing like that,” he explained. “I promise no one will die.” He paused for a moment. “You and I have a lot in common.”
Gunn did not reply right away. He and Lindsey did have a lot in common. Lindsey apparently had been in same kind of poverty that Gunn had been while growing in. Except Lindsey had sold his soul for a period of time to escape the poverty. A mistake that he seemed to be punishing himself for long after everyone else had forgiven him.
“Angelus—he’s stolen from us—both of us. People who we hold dearly.”
Gunn nodded. “I got no problem with him, as long as he stays out of my hood.”
“Don’t you think it’s unfair that Alonna and Cordelia are dead, while he roams free?”
Gunn paused. “You shouldn’t beat around the bush. You want to do something to Angel?”
“He should suffer,” Lindsey explained.
“Having a soul and remembering all the terrible things he’s done should be enough,” Gunn replied, unsure of exactly what Lindsey wanted to do.
“I didn’t use my soul when I worked with Wolfram and Hart. And I know about him from when I worked for Wolfram and Hart. Did you know that 10 years after he got his soul, he went back to his sire Darla.”
“What?” Gunn said.
Lindsey nodded. “He would murder who he thought was guilty. He’s still a killer even when he had a soul.”
“What happened to giving the good guys back their warrior.”
“The good guys want innocent people to die to get back a killer. The good guys gave Doyle no vision to save Cordelia or Wesley, who fought hard for them. The good guys give a young teenage girl a short life. The good guys are worse than Angelus.”
“So what are you suggesting?” Gunn asked.
“I want Angel out of LA,” Lindsey lied. He knew Gunn would never agree to the spell and working with Darla and therefore working with Wolfram and Hart. “I do not want him to have any comfort living here. Let him go save the world in some other town.”
“That’s it?”
“Yep.”
“Faith know about this?”
Lindsey shook his head. “She wouldn’t agree—but I know deep in her heart, she wants vengeance against Angelus for Wesley’s death.”
“I’ll think about it,” Gunn said. Although he would like Angel out of Los Angeles, he was unsure if this was the way to do it. “What do you have in mind?”
“Making him feel guilty every time we see
him.”
Kate was sitting by her desk not looking happy.
“Hey,” Faith said, smiling, “long time no see.”
“Hi Faith,” Kate said and tried to smile.
“So what’s up?”
“A couple of things,” she replied. She paused. “About the other night and those two vampires.”
“Spike and Drusilla,” she explained. “They’re making their presence known in LA by killing as many people as they can.”
“Oh god—“
“These two are toughies and hard to kill, but I’ll get them.”
“Please,” Kate paused. “What they are doing-- It’s gruesome.”
“I know— they just like to play around.”
“Look, I didn’t call you about these vampires. I was debating whether or not to tell you this. But I think I have to. It’s about Lindsey.”
Faith collapsed in the chair across from Kate. She slouched in the chair. “Oh god, what did he do now?”
“He broke into the cemetery. He was drunk. One of the cemetery workers found him passed out on Cordelia’s grave.”
Faith looked down and sighed.
“He’s having a lot of trouble dealing. He’s dwelling. Everyone and their mother has been telling me that,” Faith said. She took a pencil off Kate’s desk and began playing with it.
“I’m just worried about him,” Kate said. “I think you dealt with Wesley’s death, but he still hasn’t dealt with Cordelia’s. It’s rough. It took me a long time to get over my father’s death.”
“Don’t I know it. Sometimes I don’t even know if he loves me.”
“He does,” Kate said. “Perhaps he’s just acting that way because he’s afraid he’ll lose you.”
“He might. Us slayers don’t live too long. He thinks he killed Cordelia.”
“He didn’t—Angelus killed him.”
“I saw him.”
“Saw who?” Kate questioned.
“Angelus—I mean Angel.”
“Oh, I haven’t had the pleasure and I hope I won’t. As long as he stays out of trouble.”
“He’s a nice guy,” Faith admitted.
“He is?” Kate asked.
“Yep, he brought me some pie and a cherry coke. Begged for my forgiveness. Told me he was worried about Lindsey.”
“When did he see Lindsey?”
“At the karaoke bar—that’s why with what
you said—I was worried about him. I’m afraid he might get into trouble.”
On the way back to Alex’s office, Lindsey stopped by the cemetery again. He made one quite stop to cut his hair so it was about an inch or so long. He did not want Darla’s hands in his hair anymore and he did not want to be reminded of how much Cordelia had loved his long locks.
He had promise Kate he would apologize to the caretaker about last night.
The caretaker was not the man that had cursed at him earlier.
“Hello,” Lindsey said, when he entering the small office. “Are you Mr. Evans?”
The dark skin older man nodded. He stood up and shook Lindsey’s hand. “I take it you are Mr. McDonald?”
Lindsey nodded.
“Sit down,” Evans said and smiled. “Want a drink?”
Lindsey nodded, despite that it was 3pm in the afternoon. Evans pulled out a plastic cup and poured something out of plastic bag.
Lindsey drank it quickly. It burned his throat going down.
“Mr. Evans,” he said. “I came here to apologize—“
Evans lifted his hand. “You must have loved her a great deal?”
Lindsey nodded and looked down.
“I lost someone too,” Evans explained. “She died very young and very—violently.”
Lindsey did not respond. He poured himself another drink.
“I loved that woman so much—“ Evan’s paused. “So much that when I lucked out and found love again, I did not even noticed. I was obsessed with her—and when I realized my obsession, the other woman was gone.
“So my advice,” Evans said. “Besides coming into the cemetery when it’s open is don’t dwell long.”
“Do you give that advice to everyone?” Lindsey asked, a little condescending.
“Nope, but don’t think you aren’t the only despondent person I’ve found here? Death makes people think cemetery workers are head shrinkers.”
Lindsey did not reply.
“I bet she would not want you to,” he replied.
Lindsey still did not talk. Instead he got up. “Thank you,” he said. “And again I’m sorry for breaking in. If you like I can apologize to that other gentlemen and replace the lock.”
“That was something I was curious about. That lock didn’t look like it was broken by a crowbar, it looked like someone ripped it apart.”
“No, I had a crowbar.”
Evans nodded. “That’s what I thought. Don’t worry about the lock or about Earle. He’s always been an asshole.”
Lindsey nodded.
“Thank you, Mr. Evans and for the drink too.”
“Anytime,” Evans said and smiled and watched
Lindsey depart. He knew that the young man had not been listening.
Faith was not happy when she returned to Alex’s office. She wanted to talk to Lindsey, but he wasn’t there.
“Any problem?” Alex asked, coming out of her office. “You don’t look too happy. Kate okay?”
“It’s nothing,” Faith explained. “Kate’s fine.”
“What she have to say?” Alex asked, knowing it was more than nothing. She knew it had something to do with Lindsey. Everything lately had something to do with Lindsey.
“I told you, Spike and Drusilla are in town,” she explained. “They decided to have a little blood feast last night.”
“Are you okay?” Alex asked, concerned.
“I found the bodies—but not them, but I will. Between Angel and I, we’ll get them.”
“Angel and you?”
“No,” Faith said, suddenly defensively. “Not working together, but separately we’re like trying to—“ Faith stopped for a moment. “Fuck it,” she finally said. “He’s a nice guy Alex.”
Alex did not respond. No one had seemed to realize that she had negative feelings about Angel.
“You saw him, I take it?” she said, her voice, slightly shaky.
“Yep. He was really humble. And very honest. Even after what he did to us— I can’t hate him.”
Alex did not respond right.
“Lindsey will always hate him and that’s what’s destroying him. That and he thinks he killed Cordelia.”
“I don’t know if he’ll get over it,” Alex said. She looked down. “I don’t know if I will either.”
“I’m sorry,” Faith said. Her chest felt a little tight. She had to tell someone. “Can you keep a secret?”
“What kind of secret?”
“I’ve been thinking about leaving Los Angeles. Lilith said there’s a bad vampire problem in New York.”
Alex got up. Somehow she had been labeled the rock. Faith and Lindsey were going through their torment, but good old Alex, she could withstand everything.
“You’re mad?” Faith suddenly asked.
“I take it Lindsey is not coming with you?”
“I think we need some time apart.”
“So I guess I’m going to be the one to pick up the pieces for Lindsey.”
“No. I’ve tried for the last three months to help Lindsey. I can’t get through to him. He won’t let me in.”
Alex turned around and did not say anything.