We can only guess the shady pasts that this dynamic duo have left behind them upon leaving the institute of Catholicism that is Sacred Heart College. The fact that Pumbar is an anagram of "bum rap" may hint at what these two got up to with the priests and may also explain their fear of communal showering.
Nevertheless, these two have put all that behind them to focus on the ultimate goal - "to be the best cougar one can be".
Bill's nomadic style adds another dimension to the cougars, who generally prefer to just stand around and watch. Like a true forward, he's always fucking around in the backline and has tried his hand at kicking, claiming the midfield defensive bomb as his own.
Both Bill and Pumbar prefer the bonding and camaraderie of the front row. Pumbar prefers nothing more than a strapping young lad on each arm, but due to the large number of hookers that hang around the cougars squad, Pumbar's done his fair share of bench warming and on occasion has been heard saying "I would have got far more game time if I'd played another season of under 12's".
In summation, the child prodigies have shown ability well beyond their years and could be the face of cougars rugby in years to come.
Position: Rich stands at an intimidating 6ft 2 (on a good day), and has yet to actually make the U85 grade, which is not really a problem as he enjoys hiding from the flying squad. Pus lines up as a barnstorming, line breaking number eight, who often has a penchant for standing out at first five. He is startlingly mobile and quick for one his size. What is even more surprising is the fact that this year, Richard has been held up over the line twice.
Off Field Form: We used to be able to rely on Rich's better half helping improve the always tidy cheer squad, and we will all miss Rene. As many may know Pus does not drink, as he is a recovering alcoholic, one day at a time mate! With all the money that he manages to save on booze, Pus is often the best-dressed man in the team.
Interests: Some of you may have witnessed Rich riding round in a large green van. No he is not a member of the Scooby Doo gang, although there is that striking similarity to Ralph, you know clean cut, square jaw. The van is in fact tied to his secret identity as The Milo Man, a crime fighter full of malty get up and go! The van also helps in his other pastime, acting as a taxi driver for all his drunken mates! That is not to say he is a great driver as Macca can testify to!
Other Secrets: What many do not know is the fact that Rich was on the AGS swim team, a feat achieved after much begging and sucking up, but not to fear, he has the rep jacket to make it all worthwhile. Rich also studied the anatomy of fish at uni, something related to his swimming past maybe. As a tip to others, you should also know that Pus is the man, and he is often right, which makes arguing with him somewhat ineffective. Add to that the fact that he has a highly effective colon and does not get sick because of his amazing immune system and there you have it Richard Pusinelli, international man of mystery
Many blame Conal for the debacle that was last year's pre-season. His organisational skills weren't quite up to it, and when the going got tough, Conal got going going gone. It wouldn't have been a big loss, as his growing ass was reducing his effectiveness in the lineouts, the only problem was Conal told a couple of the Cougars "more skilled" players that there was not going to be a team and that they should go somewhere else. Dark. The Cougars were thankful for one thing though, Conal's guilty conscience meant sizable contributions to the Cougar's drinking fund. This year, the going's good, and what do you know, Conal's back. Due to the increased size of the Cougar's squad however, his buxom behind is doing what it is probably best at - bench warming.
It's difficult to say where you would start with a guy like Horner. Rarely ever called by his first name, other than by his parents when he is a naughty boy (never that often due to his angelic like look).
Horner is a through and through Grammar boy, ever since the days of the under 5's that his dad used to take him along to when you used to play in bare feet and all the rest of that crap. Amazingly, Horner was involved in a heated telephone conversation with Macca before the season started about how the team was a bunch of traitors, or words to that effect, and how could we turn our back on the Grammar club. Horner managed to turn up to our first training with no explanation whatsoever, other than that we were a great bunch of guys and he just had to play with us. Little did we know the Grammar Blues had self-destructed and Horner decided to swallow his Grammar pride, which is about the size of his ego, and play for the Cougars. Besides the fact we would have thrashed them anyway this year, Horner made a good choice in hindsight.
We all know Horner as a huge tackler on the field who makes some mammoth hits and most opposition fear running into his shoulders. Of course Horner's biggest hits of recent years have not been on rugby players but on inanimate objects. The first that comes to mind was a stop sign somewhere in Meadowbank that got the treatment and was completely snapped in half and left to lie. The second was a parking meter on Parnell Rise that Horner tried to take out using one of the passenger doors of his car. Both the stop sign and the parking meter were spoken to after the events and neither was seriously hurt.
What can you say about Horner other than he personifies what a good Cougar should be. He drinks 'til he drops, he trains hard and plays hard and has no fear when it comes to aiding his mates, especially the backs, i.e. smacking the shit out of the Uni Daddy's Axes blindside when Robbie decided he couldn't handle the fight when he missed his clothesline.
Good on you Horner, you now can call yourself a true Cougar.
It appears that since 'Lippy' has joined the almighty Cougars, he has found it necessary to relieve Joel as the mouth of the team. Now there is only one thing a mouth is good for with the Cougars (take note Fraser, we don't want you going to Taupo again) and that is a place to put the beer. Unfortunately Lippy has found it necessary to attack the referee verbally from any point on the field. We're not really sure where these attacks come from, but there have been suggestions of a frustration of some nature.
The coaches to their credit have recognised this. At the beginning of the season, Lippy was playing in the engine room at lock. Phil and Trev upon hearing Nick's complaints to the ref of "oh, he's holding me" in every scrum deemed it necessary to get Nick away from the referee who was getting quite disturbed so placed him at centre. But still the referee could hear Nick from there and subsequently the 7 foot 2, 70kg flyer (how did he get a weighin against Teachers??) was placed on the wing. Yet again Lippy stepped up to the plate and delivered a barrage of abuse to the trainee ref screaming something about 10metres.
Lippy has also found it a requirement at the end of the game to join the 'cancer stick club' at the end of the game in the changing rooms, surely deemable of many a fine. However, he his far from a member of Team Latte as shown by his tremendous thirst for a jug of beer.
To his credit, Nick likes to get involved in a bit of "off the play" biffo. Fair enough really, there's no point getting cold out on the wing. This has every team quaking in their boots, and it is rumoured that Nick Hawkins try of the season against Eden was caused because Lippy scared the opposition off tackling him. Look out Baabaas.
The Cougars look forward to more positive input from Lippy this year, whose on and off field form has shown him to be more than worthy of a Cougars' jumper.
These two have got to the stage where they share everything; groceries, accommodation, beer, bodily fluids and now, player profiles. The Bachelor is the Silverbacks Dian Fossey and he is her alpha male, as far as who's on top, who knows, but there is bound to be a lot of screaming and chest beating.
The Silverback has successfully made the transition from the jungle that is Northcote RFU to the cosmopolitan Varsity Club. Despite the fact that the average silverback weighs over 200kg, Snowy has eluded flying squads; probably because the average silverback is also less than 1.7 meters tall (1.2 on his knuckles) so as yet he has not been spotted.
An adult silverback can consume up to 30 kg of food per day, however with the shortage of berries, bamboo and wild celery in urban areas, Snow has adapted and supplemented his diet with beer, adding another weapon to the awe inspiring backline boatrace machine. Meanwhile Bachelor has displayed swallowing skill and has lent her talents to the fruitless forwards, assuming the position as their number one. She has the forwards training and has tried to build their confidence by giving them their first victory. Unfortunately Bachelors spontaneous selection of sheilas served up another spanking for the slow sipping forwards. George of the Jungle is evolving however, and may soon be meeting the members of Team Latte for one final frappuccino before moving. Don't get too good though George or you'll have to move into the backline.
No matter how cosy the Silverback and the Bachelor look, sharing moonlit walks, boat races, candlelit dinners and jug sculls, history is not on their side. It is well documented that no mountain gorillas have survived in captivity for more than a few years. Captivity leads to depression, insanity and eventually death. Can the Bachelor successfully domesticate the Silverback, or will it be a case of (as the saying goes) if you love something set it free.
Butch, Andre, Rob, Matty, Stevie G, Wayne, Nicko, Reeves, Simon, and George. For those who haven't yet posted a profile please do so. If you haven't got enough dirt on them, ask another Cougar for some pointers and/or make stuff up!!
If anyone else would like to submit a profile for anyone on this list it would be appreciated.
