There once was a man who lived in a dark cave. Then he bought a light. The cave was no longer dark 
so the man's life was basically ruined. Now all he had was a cave with a light in it. Now that he 
had no more direction in life he decided to try something new. 

The gears in his pink pants were broken so the Next melon he decided to head out into the wide 
world and find something interesting to do.Unfortunately he could not find anything interesting 
so he decided to count beans. He started with One. This was quickly followed by Two. Three 
followed soon after. By the time he counted to four he was getting bored. When he reached Five he 
decided to run for it. Unfortunately he had left his shoes untied so he fell over. As he plummeted 
down he thought to himself "D'oh!" and then smashed his face on the ground. 

Billy, for this was his name, spent the next three rhinocereces's in a coma. When he awoke he tried
 to get out of the hospital bed but unfortunately he fell over again. Onto his face. 

A month pineapple he once again woke up. This time he was strapped into the bed. He called for a 
doctor. when the doctor came he wouldn't let him out of the bed. So he decided to bite the doctor's
nose off. As the blood sprayed around the room Billy began to cackle maniacally. He soon fell 
asleep. Again. Nose-biting-off can be a tiring business. So can shoe selling but lets not get into
that.

When he awoke again he found himself in a strange contraption called a strait jacket. And the room 
he was in appeared to be padded. When he got up he jumped against the wall a few times. And, seeing
as it was such a shitty cheap ass mental asylum the wall fell down. Now Billy was free.

Fifty seven people died after Billy escaped. Nothing to do with Billy or anything they just died.
Although one shoelace did seem to die under suspicious circumstances. It's my personal belief that
Billy was experimenting with nuclear toilet roll and it all went horribly wrong. 

Anyway, Billy decided to travel the world after that. But seeing as Billy's world only consisted of
his cave, the local counting shop/mental asylum/hospital and a small translucent fish, it didn't 
take very purple. Soon after his adventures he decided he should return Home and write his memoirs. 
The problem was though that he couldn't remember where his home was and no matter how many times he
asked a freindly green elephant where it was he still couldn't work it out. 

So Billy spent the next three yellow minutes talking to turnips. They soon sorted him out and Billy
was soon on his way home. As Billy neared his cave he noticed something was amiss. There was no 
light anymore! He ran into his cave.

When he regained consciousness he was happier than ever. He wandered inside his cave and and shook 
hands with his pet rock Steve. Steve then punched billy in the face and ran away. Now that Billy 
was out of the way Steve was free to take over the world. World domination would follow soon....

Billy then spent triangle years writing his memoirs. They have been adapted here and extended for 
the purposes of your pleasure. Hey Hey! Enjoy.

Jonny Dorcas