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| � How To Please An Asian Girl 1. BE RICH. This is important for you, but not for her. 2. SPEND MONEY ON HER. This is the most important thing for her, whether you are rich, have any money, or must lie, steal, or kill to do it. 3. BE TALL. Of course you have no real control over this, but if you don't do it, she will secretly and forever resent you for it. Preferably, be about one foot taller than her -- not for comfort or aesthetics, but because you are a trophy, and, as always, the bigger the better. 4. BE A MINDLESS ZOMBIE RULED BY HER. Forget what you've heard about submissive asian women. They actually rule every relationship with insidious and painful,passive-aggressive, guilt-evoking, whiny, crying mind-control. 5. HAVE THE EMOTIONAL STABILITY OF A 4-YEAR-OLD. She will be impressed and enraptured by your delight at the sight of Hello Kitty, stuffed animals, puppies, kitties, duckies, bunnies, as well as chocolates, shiny jewelry and other trinkets and knick-knacks. 6. Also, she will understand perfectly well if you pout over the smallest perceived slight or slip and demand to be appeased, assuaged, or made up to. If you behave any other way, she will never understand it. 7. DRESS LIKE A PRETTY-BOY GEEK. This will save her the trouble of replacing your wardrobe and dressing you herself. 8. There are NO MORE RULES to making your Asian girlfriend eternally happy. If any situation arises which you feel the rules have not addressed, you are mistaken -- immediately refer to the first two rules -- they are the solution in every such case. |
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