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Random Jokes 'n Quotes

• Let's meet at my house Sunday before the  game. -God
• C'mon over and bring the kids. -God
• What part of "Thou Shalt Not..." didn't you  understand? -God
• We need to talk. -God
• Keep using my name in vain, I'll make rush hour longer. -God
• Loved the wedding, invite me to the marriage. -God
• That "Love Thy Neighbour" thing... I meant it. -God
• I love you and you and you and you and...  -God
• Will the road you're on get you to my place?  -God
• Follow me. -God
• Big bang theory, you've got to be kidding.  -God
• Tell the kids that I love them.  -God
• My way is the highway. -God
• Need directions? -God
• You think it's hot here? -God
• Have you read my #1 best seller?  There will be a test. -God
• Do you have any idea where you're going?  -God
• Don't make me come down there. -God

• 1 - Law of Cat Inertia
  A cat at rest will tend to remain at rest, unless acted upon by some outside force - such as the opening of cat food, or a nearby scurrying mouse.
• 2 - Law of Cat Motion
  A cat will move in a straight line, unless there is a really    good reason to change direction.
• 3 - Law of Cat Magnetism
  All blue blazers and black sweaters attract cat hair in
  direct proportion to the darkness of the fabric.
• Variation: Dark fabric will attract only light cat hair; light fabric will attract only dark cat hair.
• 4 - Law of Cat Thermodynamics
  Heat flows from a warmer to a cooler body, except in the case of a cat, in which case all heat flows to the cat.
• 5 - Law of Cat Stretching
  A cat will stretch to a distance proportional to the length of the nap just taken.
• 6 - Law of Cat Sleeping
  All cats must sleep with people whenever possible, in a position as uncomfortable for the people involved as is possible  for the cat.
• 7 - Law of Cat Elongation
  A cat can make her body long enough to reach just about any counter top that has anything remotely interesting on it.
• 8 - Law of Cat Acceleration
  A cat will accelerate at a constant rate, until he gets good and ready to stop.
• 9 - Law of Dinner Table Attendance
  Cats must attend all meals when anything good is served.
• 10 - Law of Rug Configuration
  No rug may remain in its naturally flat state for very long.
• 11 - Law of Obedience Resistance
  A cat's resistance varies in proportion to a human's
  desire for her to do something.
• 12 - First Law of Energy Conservation
  Cats know that energy can neither be created nor destroyed and will, therefore, use as little energy as possible.
• 13 - Second Law of Energy Conservation
  Cats also know that energy can only be stored by a lot of napping.
• 14 - Law of Refrigerator Observation
  If a cat watches a refrigerator long enough, someone will come along and take out something good to eat.
• 15 - Law of Electric Blanket Attraction
  Turn on an electric blanket and a cat will jump into bed at the speed of light.
• 16 - Law of Random Comfort Seeking
  A cat will always seek, and usually take over, the most
  comfortable spot in any given room.
• 17 - Law of Bag / Box Occupancy
  All bags and boxes in a given room must contain a cat within the earliest possible nanosecond.
• 18 - Law of Cat Embarrassment
  A cat's irritation rises in direct proportion to her
  embarrassment times the amount of human laughter.
• 19 - Law of Milk Consumption
  A cat will drink his weight in milk, squared, just to show
  you it can.
• 20 - Law of Furniture Replacement
  A cat's desire to scratch furniture is directly proportional to the cost of the furniture.
• 21 - Law of Cat Landing
  A cat will always land in the softest place possible.
• 22 - Law of Fluid Displacement
  A cat immersed in milk will displace her own volume, minus
  the amount of milk consumed.
• 23 - Law of Cat Disinterest
  A cat's interest level will vary in inverse proportion to
  the amount of effort a human expends in trying to interest it.
• 24 - Law of Pill Rejection
  Any pill given to a cat has the potential energy to reach escape velocity.
• 25 - Law of Cat Composition
  A cat is composed of Matter + Anti-Matter + It Doesn't Matter.

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