The sequence where Cirus finally experiences the seisure is one of the more strained scenes. This is mainly due to the descriptive tools I used, and I may very well go back and heavily revise some of my extra-dialogue text to make it work better. The question of showing Cirus' actual nightmare here, or as a flash-back, was a bit of question as I started writing, but really only a source of hesitation. I instinctively intended to not show the nightmare yet. Hopefully current revisions have created that effect. Regarding the comment about the controls overloading. To be clear, Cirus is crushing the controls in his plug because his fists are clenching around them very powerfully. Ayanami-sama's reaction to the seisure is probably the most interesting aspect of the actual event in this section, because she shows such genuine concern and sympathy in the simple gesture of reaching out to him across the space. A clear sign of her shifting character. Cirus, his dedication to duty the only thing holding him together, is swift to allow himself an escape. I wanted to make sure Rei wasn't seen as the weakest one in response to the seisures, and so to have Cirus himself, easily one of the tougher pilots, become so disturbed was a clear and fair way of making that point. Yes, I was tempted to make Shinji look like a complete pansy, but... I digress. The next sequence is very interesting because it shows Cirus in a state of weakness and vulnerability we've not yet seen, except in Rei's presence. He's obviously been frazzled, to the say the least. The ominous manner of his appearance from the test-plug is deliberately worriesome in style, but only sets the pace before he crashes out completely. His odd silence, shaky voice, and weakened body are all major red-flags to his condition. It's safe to guess that Ayanami-sama's presence keeps him together for as long as he is. Misato, with her usual shrewdness I like to use so often, lets him admit defeat with some honor to satisfy his sense of duty. A very touching aspect of this sequence, like when she reached out to him in the lab, is Rei's handing over of the glasses. It's a surprisingly intimate moment between the pair, however simple it is. It really does mean a great deal to Cirus, even if Rei's help is only a small task like handing him his glasses after dropping them.

A very important scene. Period. Cirus' ultimate fear is revealed as harming Ayanami-sama, deep-rooted and painful. The clear 'second half' of the sequence is his interaction with Misato. The actual nightmare, however, was very painful for me to write, very much like the aspects of the final Angel battle at the end of Kenosis. Again, Cirus is a self-insert, however focused, so his reaction to the nightmare is quite close to what mine would be. That's how I could make it so accurate. And it always means more when the dying meet your gaze... The interaction with Misato is a major one, no pun intended. Though Cirus still hides his eyes, he opens up to Misato completely for the first time, degenerating into the child he really is, however mature most of the time. I'm not sure how effective it is, but the 'mmm, not quite' comment in the lowered voice is a powerful sign that Cirus is close to breaking down. It's an aspect of my own personality that I could really inject into the story here. If I'm actually emotionally harrowed, I tend to be quite honest, but numbed. The calm before the storm, and alway signaled by a low, hushed, calm voice. It also comes with slightly widened, empty eyes, but Cirus' eyes couldn't be described without making it harder to maintain Misato's not seeing them. The scene is done with a slant to Misato's perspective.

The most enjoyable part of the interaction is when Misato asks if Rei has seen his eyes, of course. I every much enjoyed writing those lines of dialogue, especially from Misato's perspective. There's a more motherly tone to her character in this sequence, relating to Cirus' shift to a child-like state of unccertainty. Cirus does try to avoid revealing it, but is too worn to put up more than a cursory defense. Forcing the blunt statement is another trait of mine. Cirus then goes into denial for a span, which, of course, makes his emotions start to rise up. Misato takes the cues as needed, and Cirus' little break-down has full effect for the reader, I hope. A point of interest, is that his comment about 'would have held her and never let her go that night' is actually part of the aspect of himself that he desperately controls away from harming Rei. It's what he wants, not what she wants. After venting so much, he's quite capable of working his Eva, and so the scene ends, with Misato's sobering self-comment.

The end of part one of this chapter is really just an in-between section used to establish plot-facts. Cirus is back in Unit 14, they assume the attacks are an Angel-related issue, and all mixed with a dash of character-interaction (of course...). These chapters really weren't supposed to be split up... Myarf.