Here we go. This is where Kenosis will be made or broken for a reader. The true beginning of Cirus and Rei's romance can be pegged exactly on this nightmare sequence in the test-lab. This forges the connection. Whether that forging is believable or not is the key issue. The origin of the nightmare is explained later, so I won't get into that here. The one thing not taken from Rei is her ability to control herself. Each time her personal agency is denied, she shows deep emotional pain. The main and best example is when she breaks the glasses she previously cherished so much in the anime series. Her sacrifice for Shinji had been nullified, made pointless, by Gendo just bringing her right back to life. I used this as the basis of the nightmare sequence, Rei's ultimate fear. Complete loss of control, her own will denied by her very body. And Gendo is the source. The symbolism is blunt, because I wasn't interested in being abstract, I was making a very clear point. She doesn't want to be a thing someone else manipulates. Her heart is screaming for recognition. And this is doubly painful because any emotional investment she does have in Cirus before the vision is violently assaulted by his apparent death at her own, uncontrolled, hands. This is the turning point.

Cutting in where she screams audibly in the synch-lab, the action is straight-forward. Hopefully the reader has sympathetic urgency with the other characters as they scramble to get Rei, and the other pilots, out to safety. This also affirms Misato's concern for Rei, and Ritsuko's growing conscience. Of course, seeing Rei in such a horrible state destroys any pretense on Cirus' part, and he rushes in to help. Misato knows he and Rei have connected, so she is perfectly willing to hand her over to him. What follows is one of my favorite, most touching sequences in Kenosis. Its the first real embrace Rei shares with Cirus, and he's being gentle, soothing, and compassionate. Everything her heart has been starved of for her entire life except from Shinji to a mild extent. (I never denied her affection for Shinji, I just changed it in Kenosis through the plot development.) Rei reacting with such obvious emotion is obviously out of character for the anime, which is the biggest signal that the real shift is beginning here. Cirus continues to be supportive, right up to the quintessential moment of this scene. Visualizing Rei's silent plea into Cirus' ear is one of the most vivid images in my mind from Kenosis. Her subtly rasped, quivering voice, already so soft and gentle, just makes my heart melt. I'd walk bare-foot into hell if it were asked of me in such a manner. And thus, Cirus embodies full devotion to needs. He isn't even hesitant from embarrassment at her closeness when he turns to Misato for a ride.

I've got your heart-strings, and I'm gonna keep on tugging. The almost-stumble right at the start of the next section is another small, but poignant event in this whole sequence, Cirus once agian scooping her up in his arms, whisking her away from her pain. Yes, sappy, but you know you like it (if you're still reading at this point.) Naturally, he feels guilty for even moving an inch beyond where she wanted him, so he apologizes with deep sincerity just before doing so. It's important that the reader not the get wrong idea just yet. Rei isn't so much despearte for Cirus' company, at least not yet, so much as Cirus is the only one she can even hold onto. He brings her comfort, and in her vulnerable state, she's desperate for that. Cirus remaining at her bed-side, gently stroking her hair, is another powerful image for me. If you hadn't guessed already, I enjoyed writing this entire sequence very much. True comfort in a time of immense vulnerability is a powerful force for connection. It's proof of devotion, and a signal that feeling connected is 'safer'. Of course, Cirus understands how horrible the experience was for her better than most people, as he has his own intuition into Rei. Absolutely on the brink of wildly confusing and painful new emotions, Rei finally latches onto Cirus outright. He's a source of comfort, and she needs it. Readers may get a little anxious when he crawls onto the bed with her, but don't worry. I'll tell you right now, no matter what the situation, these two will never do anything naughty. (A warning to those who might want to write such a scene... Pray I never find your address...) And again, the innocent intimacy is taken to a much deeper level between them. And yes, the final 'I always will' has much deeper meaning in Cirus' heart than the ostensible repition for emphasis. Indeed, unless she commands him otherwise, he'll dive head-first into hell for her.

The image of Rei asleep is truly one of the most beautiful visuals imaginable to me. She's so pretty, and there's an innocence around sleep, a passive vulnerability that is so lovely. When she does wake up, yes, her blush is a little bit from Cirus' proximity, not all awkwardness. As I said, the romance has officially begun between them, even if they don't quite know it yet. (And Cirus would certainly never presume it.) Another important note. It's not so much that Rei has 'never felt fear', but rather, she is unfamiliar with what labels go with what sensations. And, of course, the sheer terror of her vision is a whole new level of fear, experienced already or not. And for the sake of clarity, Rei wants to get out of her room because it reminds her of Gendo's control over her life. As much as his marks her growing relationship to Cirus, it also marks the final nails in the coffin of her relationship to Gendo Ikari. And, once again, I use Misato's manipulative, but playful interference to get Cirus and Rei into another interaction together alone. Rei's deliberation about going or not is the biggest in-story signal that her personality and connection to Cirus are shifting more directly. There is now a little hint of wanting to be with Cirus, not just curiosity about his reactions or her own. The part where Rei starts to change clothes is actually my personal attack on the artists/directors/et al. who worked on the manga, anime, and movies. Where they make a blatant fan-service pitch of showing off Rei's body (remember that warning from above? Yeah, apply it here), I keep up Rei's immodest habit while completely ignoring the 'view'. If it were animated, the 'camera' would follow Cirus from behind, Rei completely out of sight until she's done changing. (The fastest way to make Cy-kun angry? Ayanami-sama represented by perverted hentai artists. Yeah. Nothing spells 'psychotic episode' faster.) All that said, the finish of the section shouldn't be misinterpreted. Cirus has no untoward intentions with Rei (he'd kill himself first), he simply doesn't want to abandon her in such a horrid room. He knows she wants friendship or companionship at least.

The final section of the first part starts with a classic Rei/Cirus interaction. Again, I use the double-dialogue of Cirus both speaking and making his own mental commentary to make a bigger development out of a single line of dialogue. His reassurance to her that she is human is a key theme between them. This is one of the more blunt ways in which I use Cirus to help Rei. He literally helps convince her of her self-worth. The finish of the section may seem 'anti-climactic', but it really couldn't have gone any other way. The final paragraph is another blunt demonstration of the changes happening in her heart. She can't label it yet, but no, she's not alone anymore.