"Is something wrong, Dr. Akagi?" Maya asked.
Ritsuko carefully considered her answer. "...No, nothing's wrong. Look," she told Maya, nodding at the screen and leaning back.
Maya moved forward again to do so. She looked it up and down attentively, and then up at Ritsuko, shaking her head with mild confusion. "I don't see anything out of the ordinary."
Ritsuko pointed at the synch ratio. "It's risen again."
"Yes, but only about the same as Shinji. I thought that was normal fluctuation?" the younger, brown-haired woman asked back.
Not with Rei... "You're right, I was just... distracted," Ritsuko decided to reply.
Maya looked up at Dr. Akagi with quiet curiosity, but didn't ask any questions.
"Something wrong, Ritsuko?" Misato asked calmly.
Ritsuko walked over to her side so they couldn't be overheard. "Rei's synch ratio has risen again."
"Isn't that good?" Misato asked back with slight surprise, but also quiet.
"Yes, normally, but Rei isn't supposed to change," Ritsuko explained.
Misato looked at her friend with thoughtfully narrowed eyes. "What do you mean?"
Ritsuko looked around herself subtly. "...I can't tell you here."
Misato narrowed her eyes further, but nodded. Her friend's tone bothered the Major. It was worried, almost panicked. Ritsuko wasn't the kind to worry about herself in that way, she was terrified for someone else. Misato wasn't sure if it was Rei directly, or perhaps Cirus, but someone was in danger. What a weight to have on your shoulders when the day had turned out so well...
"Hyuga, can you isolate why Cirus has such a high synch rate with his Eva?" Misato decided to change the subject in her mind.
"Negative, Major. He just seems to... get along with his better," Hyuga seemed to think the term fit.
"Getting along better would be one hundred compared to one-oh-two. That high a synch-ratio would only fit if he and the Eva were practically the same being," Ritsuko explained seriously.
Misato and Ritsuko suddenly looked at each other in shock.
"No, no it couldn't," Misato quickly dismissed the idea.
"It is possible," Ritsuko replied.
"That's insane, why would they create a whole new being just to pilot a..." Misato suddenly trailed off as she realized the comparison. She looked to Ritsuko with faint hope in her eyes.
Ritsuko looked down at the screen with Cirus' face on it. "No wonder they get along so well," she commented quietly.
"But he's... healthy," Misato chose the word carefully. "He smiles on occasion."
"We don't know how they did it differently, Misato!" Ritsuko snapped.
Misato was temporarily mystified as to what had set her friend off, but then she realized. Ritsuko had helped create Rei, had in fact been responsible for her being the pilot for Unit 00. Thus making her responsible for all the pain both Unit 00 and Rei went through. The fact that Cirus didn't seem to have gone through any of that showed her that she was a failure, at least for Rei.
Ritsuko suddenly ran out of the lab, holding her hand to her face. Everyone, especially Maya and Misato, looked on after her in surprise.
"I can't leave the test unsupervised, Maya. Go check on her please," Misato asked, looking to the younger woman.
Maya nodded and hurried out of the lab herself. She found Ritsuko leaning against the wall, on the ground just outside the lab, to the right of the door. She was crying into her hand quietly. Maya lowered down beside her mentor with a sympathetic smile. "...Why are you crying, Dr. Akagi?"
Ritsuko calmed herself down and looked up at Maya with a smile through her tear stained face. "I'm sorry, Maya. I shouldn't have just run out on the experiment like that."
"That's alright," Maya smiled more cheerfully.
Ritsuko smiled despite her emotional state. The young technician was just too cheerful for her to stay upset. "You're a very good worker, Maya."
"Oh, thank you, Dr. Akagi," Maya replied, starting to blush.
Ritsuko stood up and brushed herself off. "Let's get back inside then, shall we?" she asked, starting to recover.
Maya nodded happily and the two of them proceeded into the lab again. Misato greeted her friend with a little humor, commenting sardonically, "I thought it was bad to wear contacts with glasses?"
Ritsuko smiled wryly and retorted, "A common misconception," before getting back to the test.
Out in the test area, Rei relaxed inside her test-plug, her eyes closing. She let her mind stay content with the Eva to avoid any loss of synch, but really just sat there in the controls until asked to get out.
This time, however, she noticed something different. A strange feeling washed over her and she opened her eyes. She was surprised to see open terrain, as if she were piloting her Eva into a fight. She looked around calmly, not sure what was happening to her.
Suddenly she saw Unit 14 and Kafziel, the Angel that had broken her Eva's arm and used vibration to vanish. It had Unit 14 back in the same horrible, restraining grip as before, when they had been focused in her sights, her finger over the trigger, their arms entangled, the Eva's head clenched between Kafziel's claws. She was suddenly holding her cannon in her Eva's hands. She heard muffled voices coming from all around, until one focused itself into Gendo's voice, ordering her to fire. Rei expected herself to warn Ikari of the danger of firing, but she didn't. She suddenly felt her hand pulling down on the trigger; she had no control over herself at all. Rei gasped, trying desperately to stop herself from firing, but her body wouldn't listen to her. No! She struggled fiercely, her shoulders quivering with exertion, but still, it would not listen. NO!
The cannon opened fire and the blast streaked forward, ripping apart Unit 14 and the Angel alike. Their charred remains fell back to the ground as Rei's vision suddenly changed. She was no longer in the Eva, but was looking down at herself, lying on her back, on a soft purple carpet. And then a massive hand reached down and picked up her limp form. It was Gendo's hand, and he started to play with her like... A doll?
Rei's scream pierced through the synch lab's comm system. Misato leapt forward and slammed on the comm. "Rei?! Rei what's wrong?!" she shouted.
Rei's screen showed her, eyes still closed, thrashing around as if she was having a terrible nightmare or even some kind of violent seizure. Her eyes were clenched shut and her back was arched as she flung her arms out in every direction.
"Get them out of there, now!" Misato ordered.
Hyuga didn't even bother replying before slamming the button to pull all four test plugs out.
Ritsuko and Misato ran into the testing area as the plugs opened, and ran over to Rei's directly. Misato leapt onto the plug as the hatch was pulled away, and Ritsuko climbed up with her. Dodging Rei's thrashing arms delayed the Major, but she finally got a hold of the young woman and pulled her up, Ritsuko getting a hold. They held Rei as gently as they could, and pulled her out, still thrashing wildly.
Asuka, Shinji, and Cirus quickly ran over to see what was wrong, coming to a stop with a rippling series of metal thumps on the grating from their feet as they saw Misato go down to her knees, holding Rei as Ritsuko stood by with slightly widened eyes.
Misato cradled Rei in her arms and looked down at her face. "Rei!" she called, "Rei! Wake up!" She shook her.
Rei lashed out with her arms, her mouth opening as if she was screaming as she whipped them around. Cirus suddenly came forward and got down beside her as he looked up at Misato. She nodded and handed Rei over to him carefully.
Cirus held her steadily with his left arm as he looked down onto her face. "Rei... Rei calm down. It's not real. Wake up, Rei. It's not real," he said softly, brushing her hair out of her face with his free hand.
She calmed down and stopped thrashing, but was panting from the violent activity.
"What happened?!" Cirus asked abruptly, looking up at Ritsuko and Misato.
"We don't know. She suddenly screamed and we pulled you all out," Misato answered.
Cirus looked back down at Rei, his glasses hiding his tightened eyes. He leaned down to her closely. "Rei... come on, wake up," he said softly, stroking her hair.
Rei's eyes opened slowly and she looked up at Cirus. Her face softened as she fully recognized the warm shadow above her, and then she suddenly grabbed him around his torso and pulled herself to him, starting to cry. Her breathing came in quick bursts. Cirus recovered from his shock quickly enough to hold her to himself. The young man looked up from her and back to the others standing there. "She's terrified," he explained, his eyebrows raised in concern, almost unable to believe it himself.
"I'm not a doll!" Rei suddenly shouted, her voice muffled in Cirus' suit. "...I'm not a doll," she repeated in a much softer... weaker tone.
"No, of course not, Rei," Cirus replied, doing his best, but not really having any idea how to comfort her. "Why? What happened in there?" he asked, leaning down to her more closely. She was quivering in his arms; he'd never seen her like this.
"I saw... I saw him... controlling me..." Rei answered between quick gasps.
"Saw who?" Cirus asked, his tone soft as he continued to stroke Rei's hair and hold her.
"...Ikari..." she whispered, almost pulling herself up into a ball in Cirus' arms.
Shinji's eyes widened. "M-me?!"
Rei shook her head quickly.
"Commander Ikari," Misato stated the obvious thoughtfully.
Gripping the back of his suit, Rei pulled her lips up to Cirus' ear, still quivering. "...I-I've never f-felt like this, p-please... take me home," she requested in a desperately pleading tone.
Cirus looked up, "Misato, I need a ride."
"I'll get my car ready," Misato replied instantly, getting up and running out of test lab.
Cirus picked Rei up in his arms and walked through as the other three parted for him.
Ritsuko followed them with her eyes, a new guilt welling up inside her. What have I done to you, Rei?
Misato's car screeched to a halt outside the Rei's apartment complex. Cirus got out and then helped Rei do so before she gripped him again. She was beginning to relax slightly at least, but she was still very frightened.
"This way," Misato said, walking into the building.
Cirus started to move, but Rei started to stumble. "W-wait," she said softly, but he was already back with her and picking her up.
"Forgive me," he said sincerely as he carried her again. She was so light he felt like he was cradling a child in his arms as he was led through the building and up stairs until they finally stopped after a few minutes in front of a doorway. Misato opened the door and let Cirus carry Rei through.
He walked in and over to the bed, laying her down on it gently. He tried to pull away, but Rei tightened her grip and let out a quick sob. He settled down beside her bed, still in arms' reach and she finally relaxed away from him, her eyes tightly shut. She was still quivering as if she were gripped with cold and quietly crying.
Cirus knew she needed to feel human at that moment, so he pushed aside his worries, and reached up with his hand, gently stroking her hair again. "It's all right... it's all right," he said soothingly with each slow stroke.
"...I'll leave you two alone," Misato said quietly and turned.
"No, Major. She needs people around her that care about her; now most of all," Cirus replied, still stroking Rei�s hair as he looked back at her.
Misato nodded with a faint smile and sat down against the wall. Cirus nodded to her and then turned back to Rei. She was lying on her side, facing him, curled up slightly. She had stopped quivering, but her eyes were still shut powerfully, as if she was trying to squeeze something out of sight.
"Rei... relax... it's not real," Cirus said softly to her.
He saw her start to open her eyes slowly, still afraid to see something. When they were open enough, Cirus smiled down at her.
"C-Cirus..." her voice trembled and trailed off. "...I... I am frightened."
"It's all right, Rei. It wasn't real at all, it was just... something you saw," he told her, not sure what to call it himself.
"But it was so real," she replied, starting to quiver again and curling herself up tighter.
"What did you see that frightened you so much?" Cirus asked her, gently looking into her very frightened eyes.
"I saw you and the Angel... when it had you pacified," Rei started to explain slowly. "I took aim, as I had before, but this time, when Ikari ordered me to fire I couldn't control my own body!" she started to grow more fearful as she spoke. Cirus stroked her hair again to sooth her.
"Don't worry, you don't have to finish. Don't be frightened, Rei. That wasn't real."
"My arm... I couldn't stop it... it fired my rifle and it... destroyed you and the Angel," Rei tightened her eyes again, but continued. "Then I saw myself, alone... and a large hand reached down... and started to play with me like I was a doll... it was Ikari," she finished, her breathing coming in quivered gasps again.
"Oh G'd, Rei... I'm so sorry," Cirus replied softly. It was a small wonder she'd been so terrified. Her worst fear had been shown to her as reality. His expression turned to pained sympathy for her as he looked into her shining, red eyes, which were now filled with fear.
Suddenly Rei leapt out again and grabbed onto him. She cried into his shoulder with quaking sobs and Cirus held her as gently as he could without making her feel like he was letting go of her.
He held her more securely with his right arm and climbed onto the bed with her, allowing her to curl her legs up on the bed and be held in his arms at the same time as he sat. She relaxed slightly, but only because her arms were worn out from holding onto him. She curled down into his torso and kept quivering. Cirus gently stroked her hair again, resting his head on hers.
"You're no one's doll, Rei. You didn't fire that gun," he reminded her, his own voice turning a little hoarse.
"... I... d-didn't hurt you... did I?" she asked, her voice muffled in his torso.
Cirus smiled softly. "No Rei, you didn't. You saved me, and all of us."
She started to calm down and breathe normally after a few moments. "...Please... stay with me?" she asked quietly.
"I will, Rei... I always will."
Cirus' eyes fluttered open as he recalled where he was. He'd fallen asleep holding Rei and he'd somehow managed to do it sitting up. He looked down at the beautiful young woman and smiled. She was fast asleep, still held in his arms.
"Do you think she�ll be alright?" Misato asked softly.
Cirus looked up; Misato had shifted position, but was still there in the room with them. He smiled at her. "I honestly don't know, but I think the worst is behind her," he replied. "...You have a good heart, Misato," he said suddenly.
She smiled back at him faintly. "Thanks, but you're the one who's been holding her for the past two hours."
"Two hours? I must have fallen asleep sooner than I thought," Cirus replied, looking back down at Rei.
Her chest rose and fell steadily with each breath she took and her face looked very peaceful. Cirus would never have guessed what she had just been through, or that she was so hurt by life in general.
Just then, Rei's arm shifted slightly and she moaned. She was starting to wake up. Cirus wasn�t sure what to expect when she found herself in his arms on the bed, so he braced himself privately. Her eyes opened slowly and then widened when they saw a person in a black plug-suit so close to her, but then she remembered and looked up at Cirus' face. She blushed quietly and started to pull herself up. Cirus let go of her and let her sit up beside him on the bed.
"Are you alright, Miss Ayanami?" he asked quietly.
Rei sat on the bedside with her head hanging down. She was still frightened by what she'd seen, and being frightened alone was new to her. She looked up at Cirus with an unusual amount of emotion still on her face. "I don't know," she answered honestly.
"Perhaps not as bad as before?" Cirus rephrased the question.
Rei nodded, her face calming to its normal placid expression. "Yes... Thank you for staying," her voice dropped to an almost inaudible softness as she thanked him.
"Don't thank me, Miss Ayanami. You needed someone here with you," Cirus replied. "At least thank Misato before you do me."
Rei looked up at Misato and nodded to her. Misato nodded back with a smile.
"I have never experienced something like that..." Rei explained, looking down at the floor. "I am not even sure I was truly frightened, but I... I was so..."
"Afraid?" Cirus offered.
Rei closed her eyes. "I don't know. Since I've never felt the emotion of fear before I can not know."
"It was fear, Miss Ayanami. You can rest assured of that," Cirus replied calmly.
He didn't feel comfortable sitting beside her on the bed. In actual fact he felt too comfortable instead of uncomfortable, but it had the same effect. Yet if he stood up it could affect Rei negatively.
"Rei, do you have any idea what caused it?" Misato asked finally.
The blue hair shifted a little as she shook her head, the reminder enough to make her frightened.
"I'm sorry, I shouldn't have reminded you that soon," Misato apologized.
Rei shook her head again. "It is alright, Miss Katsuragi. I don't know," she answered. Suddenly she stood up off the bed and stepped out into the room slightly. Cirus stood up from the bed and went into an at-ease stance.
"May I not go back into the test plug for a few days?" she asked.
"Of course, Rei, that's understandable. Do you want to stay here and rest for the remainder of the day?"
"No," Rei's answer was instant. She did not want to be alone, in this room.
Misato nodded, probably understanding more than Rei realized. She turned to Cirus. "Cirus, I'm giving you leave for the rest of the day. Take Rei back to your apartment and let her rest."
Cirus hid his sudden surge of panic and turned to Rei. "If you wish to come that is."
Rei could tell Cirus was nervous by his tone, and that Misato had chosen his apartment instead of her own quite deliberately, but she still didn't know how to react. If she was ordered to go she would, but they were asking her. She looked up at Cirus, her turmoil apparent on her face for once. She didn�t know what she wanted. But then she remembered Cirus' voice, trying to calm her as he held her. It was comforting to remember, like his eyes. Rei's face calmed and looked at Cirus more steadily. "...I would like to." He bowed his head to her.
"You're still both in your Eva suits. Rei do you have any spare clothes around?" Misato asked.
"Yes," Rei replied calmly and walked over to a small closet, pulling out another blue and white school uniform, like the one she normally wore.
When she started to take her Eva suite off, Cirus instantly averted his gaze to the doorway, and went into the small hall, where he waited. Misato smiled at him. He had a good heart, too.
"I am ready," Rei reported calmly, walking up to them. Cirus turned back around. "I'm afraid we need another ride, Major," he said with a wry smile, back to his normal self.
Misato smiled. "Going to do the same for her?" she asked wryly as the three of them left Rei's apartment.
Cirus raised an eyebrow and shook his head as he held the door open for Misato and Rei. "You never stop, do you?"
Misato winked at him.
As the three of them walked together Cirus looked down at Rei. When he thought of where she'd been living he gritted his teeth. Rei was right; they treated her like a doll. They didn't care for her aside from being a weapon. He would not let Rei stay there another night... Alone.
Misato dropped them off at Cirus' apartment building, said a quick goodbye, and then sped off back to NERV headquarters. Cirus smiled at Rei faintly. "I believe you know the way," he said as they started into the building side-by-side.
"Yes," Rei replied quietly.
Cirus looked down at the ground as they walked, thinking about how to word what he wanted to say. "...Miss Ayanami, how long have you been living in that apartment?" he asked slowly.
"Since I was born," she answered.
Cirus' stomach tightened. Her entire life... "Would you like to live somewhere else in the city?" he asked.
"You want me to live with you?"
His throat caught abruptly. "N-no, I didn't mean it that way..." he sputtered out.
"Then what did you mean?" she asked, calmly scanning his eyes under the glasses as they walked.
"That room is no place for a young woman to live. You need a warmer, softer place where you can feel safe. I'm afraid my apartment isn't much of one, but it's better than the place they've stuck you in."
"How did you know they put me there?" Rei asked, slightly surprised.
"Would you have chosen it of your own volition?" Cirus asked back, his voice was very calm and soft, but there was an edge behind it that startled Rei. He was angry.
"Have I upset you?" she asked.
Cirus stopped and turned to her. "Not at all, you would never upset me just by talking like this. I'm upset because someone put you in that place to keep you from becoming what you are," he explained.
Rei looked down at the ground and then back up at him. "And what am I?"
An incredibly beautiful young woman... "A human being with a soul and a heart," Cirus answered softly. Both were true to him, but one he couldn't say aloud, not yet at least.
"...How can I be sure?" Rei asked back, her voice even softer and lower than before as she bowed her head.
Cirus smiled and crouched down in front of her, so she could look down into his eyes, despite the glasses. "You wouldn't be worried about it if you weren't," he answered.
He knew Rei had no response to that, so he stood up, and motioned in the direction they had been going. "Come on, you need some rest after today," he said calmly.
Rei nodded and they continued on. She may have fallen asleep, but she still felt incredibly worn out. She ran through what she'd seen in her mind again, this time able to cope. "Mr. Trent?" she asked suddenly.
"Yes?"
"...Thank you for staying with me," she said softly and then remained quiet.
Cirus quickly took in a breath when he'd heard what she said. She was in so much pain... "You are very welcome, Miss Ayanami. You can call me whatever name you want by the way," he added with a faint smile.
Rei nodded once calmly.
After a few more minutes they finally reached Cirus' door. He opened it and let Rei through first, following her.
"My apologies for the intrusion," she said quietly, standing near the main sitting area.
"It's no intrusion, Miss Ayanami," Cirus replied and then headed for his bedroom. "I'll be back out in a minute," he explained as he disappeared into it.
Rei looked around calmly as she walked further into the sitting area. She had been here before, yes, but she hadn't really paid any attention to the room itself. A desk with a chair was against the left wall as one entered, beyond the small kitchen area, and a small coffee table with two cushioned chairs lay near the right wall. She walked over, and sat down in the chair she had been when speaking to Cirus before, the one nearest the wall. There was indeed a much more comforting feel to this room than her own.
Cirus walked out from the room into which he'd disappeared wearing normal clothes. "Can I get you anything?" he asked.
"No, thank you," Rei answered with a brief shake her head.
"As you wish. You can use the bed in there if you'd like," he said, pointing behind himself with his thumb.
"Where will you sleep?" Rei asked, realizing that he was referring to his bed.
Cirus smiled at her. "Don't worry about that. I'll be fine."
Rei nodded her thanks and then stood up. "I am tired, may I go to sleep now?" she asked.
Cirus smiled again and motioned to the bedroom, "Of course you can. Go to sleep whenever you want, Miss Ayanami. You don't have to ask me."
Rei nodded her thanks again, quietly walked past him, and into the bedroom. She lay down on the bed on her back and looked up at the ceiling. She hadn't closed the door, she didn't need to. She started to listen to the sounds around her, and thought she heard Cirus sigh as his footfalls walked over to one of the chairs, and then the sound of someone sitting down. She hadn't meant to keep him from using his own bed, but he didn't seem to mind.
What was this feeling she had? She felt very comforted just by his presence. For the first time she felt like someone thought of her as more than a pilot or a weapon or a tool. It was a good sensation, but strange to her. She now understood fear, and she knew loneliness, but what was this? Someone else cared about her, asked what she thought, asked what she wanted. Was this what it was like to not be alone?
She drifted off to sleep without finding her answer.