All the ever more words in my life...
Extra
| It is never a good feeling to feel like you are the extra one. People like to be included but there are always people who are outside. They are not just view as an outsider, but an extra. The worst of all for anybody is to be push up and then press down. I was once "included", at least I thought I was. Then I got further and further until I am out of the circle, again. Everytime, when I think I can actually be happy, it would never work out that way. There has to be something that keep me out. It is a hateful feeling to be an extra. Because that's when you realize that you are the one person that is at the far end of the curve. The number out there that never fall into the percentile. You feel like that you have no connection with the rest of the socity, isolated. I can't imagine facing the truth that I am the "extra". Inside, I know I am one. It is very impoossible to believe that I am not after the way, society had treated me. An extra is not even the mimority who do little things around, but the one who is not needed, unnecessary, extra. I don't cry for pity, I cry for myself. I cry so that people can see... will see... |
Lost
| My definition of lost is when you have no destination and purpose. It is really sad when you are on the street all alone and have nowhere to go. You don't seem to have a purpose because you don't have to be anywhere. Nor do you want to go home because you have rest enough. You rested so much because you don't have anywhere to go or do perviously too. You end up wondering around, wasting time when you could have done something. But the thing is that you don't have anything to do. It is very sad when you don't know what is the point of being you? How do you know you are not just another person in the universe. I wish that sometimes, someone can tell me where I want to go. I like to be busy because I feel like I am doing something productive for this world or myself. But I don't see how would wondering around get me anywhere. What is my destination? Where am I suppose to be? Maybe sometimes it is fine to be lost before you can find yourself again. But don't be like me, here, lost forever with nowhere to be. Forever is not every good. This is an ever changing world, forever is too long, way too long... |
Silent
| Silent is a very scary thing. It is because nobody know what you are thinking and can't tell what are you going to do next. You can't tell if they are tired from putting on a mask for too long or if they just don't like to interact with the things in this world. Silent can be peaceful, but it can be scary. I scare myself sometimes being so silent. When there is silent, I think and think of sad things and stuff that brother me. My mind wonder off somewhere hoping that I can be free. Silent is also a sign of depress for me. I am silent when I am sad, so that I can constantly remind myself how lonely I am or the things that I feel bad about-- myself. I know it is wrong, but I compare myself with other people in the silent thinking why can't I have a perfect life too? Silent is when I can be myself. I am never a talkative person. I only talk to look friendly, socialible and have some friend. In the silent, I like to think of myself as the sadest person in the world. So that I don't have to feel bad for the things I did bad at. Silent is where I hid behind. In there, I also had my fear, feeling and anything me. Everything I do is symbolic, including stuff that I have, things that I wear... but no one see that. People think too simple of me. I don't have anyone anymore. They are all trayers because they all left me behind. In the world that exsisted one second ago... |
