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Elvert Xavier Barnes Photography . Writings . Ads
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I would return to the Lincoln Memorial during the Million Family March in October 2000 to capture the Sacred Marriage Ceremony. At which time I'd remember that when documenting the MMOW Wedding just a few months before and not unlike most other times, in recent years, since the passing of Frank that I had been alone. And when I say 'alone' I am not speaking of a 'feeling of lonlieness.' Because, quite frankly, I am very comfortable with 'being alone'. Or, for that matter. even when I'm 'in a crowd'
What I am speaking of when I say 'alone' pertains more to a sense of 'not belonging'. Resulting from social isolation. An isolation that is a form of social segregation ... imposed upon gay men of color who integrate, associate and sleep with white men. Such relationships are actually forms of negationships rooted in the communual negation of men of color. Therefore, 'not belonging' does not infer that the subject is not in a crowd. Quite the contrary, it suggests that he is, indeed, in a crowd. A crowd, a public, a community that will negatively reinforce him while simultaneoulsy rewarding ... and, in my case ... my white partners, white friends and tricks.
In Tim Wise's book ' White Like Me' he sheds light on the premise that whites always feel that they belong. And, in fact, seldom does a white person feel that he can not go anywhere that he/she so pleases. That is not the case of many blacks. It is in this reference that I speak. And, yet, as a then almost 50 year old gay black man who, over the years, had practiced integration one would have thought hat I would felt quite comfortable in a settting such as the Apriil 2000 MMOW just as one would think that after so many years in the catering industry that I would now feel quite comfortable in any setting with my colleagues. Nothing could be further from the truth.
When on Friday, the 28th, I'd receive a call asking if I'd do a wedding on Sunday at Selma Plantation reiterating that I would not be available for the weekend since I'd planned to photograph the MMOW I'd remind Ellyn that, in recent years, I no longer accepted positions on plantations. Since when I had, in the past, it was not uncommon for white colleagues to comment to the fact that years before I would have been their slave. And would not have been paid. And, perhaps, in a similar way, as the souls of the Negroe slaves would speak to me on more than one occasion, over the years, the souls of the white masters would speak to several of the white guys who after work when we'd walk through the wooded areas and along the winding roads of the plantations to our cars they would suggest that they and I engage in race play. Perhaps, as we would have done some 200 or 300 years before.
5 years ago today, on Sunday evening, 30 April 2000, at around 6:30p after having spent the weekend capturing the MMOW when I'd walk along Pennsylvania Avenue en route to Dupont Circle for a quick bite a white guy that I did not know but that I had photographed earlier in that day marching in the GLBT military band would approach me saying that he had noticed me taking pictues and wanted to compliment me on my style. He would then suggest that if I knew where he could get some crystal, perhaps, he and I could get together for the evening.
I thanked him for his compliment and indicated that after two days of photography I was on my way to have dinner. "And alone!" . As I continued west along Pennsylvania Avenue passing through Freedom Plaza along the way I'd reflect on the fact that when, in the past, white guys would approach in the street or in the bar or at work about drugs or sex that, and like a domino affect, others in the community would then proceed to police, oversee and negatively reinforce me. A few minutes later when I'd reach Massachusets Avenue at 17th Street I'd run into another white guy who I had engaged with several times before. And who I had always been very attracted to.
Informing him that I had just spent the weekend photographing the MMOW and was then on my way to dinner I'd inquire if he cared to join me. Immediately, and almost like a domino affect ... but as if his intent was to destroy my photography ... he would ask if I'd like to 'forget dinner' and get together for the evening. To smoke crack.