I know I said last issue would be just that, the last. But how can I leave you all to a world such as this? With as many dick-fucks out there, and two trying to be president, this world needs me now more than ever. So the
weekly dose will continue, till the end of time. This week will have Dear
Pezorgy, a new story called Animal Barn, something offensive, and my
innapropriate views on tards, plus politics.................hmmm....maybe I
shouldn't have left that one for last.
Ok, ok, first of all, this bullshit with the presidency race. How many
times have I told you so, this system doesn't work. If this is the start of
the new term, we all are in for One Screwed Up Nation. Gore is a penis pump,
Bush is a ass herpie, which one would you like leading our nation? Look at
Gore, does he look to you like a liberal? The trick: there is no such thing
as a liberal, they are all conservatives. A true liberal ( which i'm not sure
even exists) would have to be open to everything, including rapists,
murderers, klan members, smurfs, and even nazi's ( and everybody hates them,
so don't dare call yourself a liberal). But most of all, a liberal would have
to be open to even the conformist view, which that in itself would defeat the
whole purpose. So therefore, they are all conformists, so don't fall for
thier trickery. Is it to much to ask for an atheist president? I mean, how
can someone logically run a country if he/she still believes in fairy tales?
Here is how I would campaign: pez, prozack, and condoms. Nothing would make
the country happier then pez, prozack, and condoms. Plus my name would be
written on every condom, if that name is instilled into thier minds (
especially easy at a time like that), they will vote for me no doubt. That is
unless the condom breaks...........And once I'm president I vow to blow up
the statue of liberty and replace it with a sexier statue. And I'll make Eggo
stations at every corner, breakfast is the most important meal of the day.
Think about it, unlimited Eggo access!!!! Plus I'll make killing Bea Arthur
leagal, her golden years are over. Ok, enough polotics, my head hurts just
thinking of the stupid shit this new one will bring. How about some Dear
Pezorgy.
Dear Pezorgy...
What the hell? You cannot stop writing SST! Look here is your damn dear
pezorgy section! If you rid your readers of that wonderfully demented
newsletter, that is wrong. I, a faithful weekly reader, have found others
who are very much interested in your newsletter. It offers me my weekly
dose of insanity which is very much needed here at college. When things get
hectic and too much to handle, I usually just go to my email address and
read over the latest edition of SST. Who cares if others don't read and
just delete it from their mailboxes? How do you know that anyways? Please
don't stop this insanity from reaching email addresses far and wide...we
need it, crave it. You are a god (what the hell did I just say??!!) ;o)
Anyways, take this into consideration and do not stop writing us our weekly
dose of laughter...and no you are not a puppet...but you can't stop
something that is so good, so quickly...it never even had a chance...ok now
i am just babbling so goodbye.
love, your faithful SST reader and #1 Pie joke fan,
Jodie Bean
____________________________________________________
Yes I am god. Ok next opinion.
Dear PezOrgy:
I am extremely distruaght that you decided to quit sending out SST's. I was
one of those good people who read the thing every time it came out. Actually,
it was a highlight of my week. Please don't quit writing them. Everyone who
gets it and reads it gets to see a little piece of Tom each week. How can you
not love that?
You want a little pice of Tom eh? I will be willing to sell you a part of
me, for only $200,000 you can have my left kidney. Think of all the kool
things that you could do with that. You could even love it.
Dear Tom (not Pezorgy, because I've got questions for you pal) lol,
Did you offend anyone with your outlook on voting? is Jodie yelling at you or
has she given up? lol I think that's the reason you haven't offended anyone,
they know the outcome, and speaking up changes nothing when it comes to SST.
Did you run out of ideas? or was it just a ploy for feedback? Silly Tom,
you're sick way of getting people interested again.
How dare you think that this was a just a ploy to get feedback ( it
worked didn't it?). I mean the only other thing that sells is sex, and I
can't exactly put that in here can I? hmmm... looks like you will just have
to read Animal Barn. It will make you ill.
tom i just think that you not doing sst is a monstrosity. just because a
couple of fucking ass holes dont send you letters that is bullshit. i for one
read every issue you send my way, i dont write you because for the most part
i'm just like you and i agree with what you say. fuck those other people they
dont count. i think you should keep writing sst and keep trying to offend
people. dont give up on your dreams. i know there are tons of people who are
offened but they are just to affraid to say something because they know that
you will humilliate them 1000000000 times over again. so dont stop. reading
your stuff makes me feel better
nikki
As you know by now I'm not stopping SST, and as Melanie pointed out, it
was all just a scam ( hmmm... scam...cough cough election cough). Oh by the
way, I hate the muslims.
I think that I have grown to use to your attempts at being offensive, I've
learned that by saying that what you say is offensive will only make you do
it more, therefore I do not say a thing, even when you talk about "retards" I
think your little pawns are realising this too, and are trying to please you
with their own offensive material( Mini Alan in her Frank costume,wouldn't
have been done if she hadn't gotten it from you I'm sure)so rather than
stopping SST you should open it as a forum for offensive material, maybe
somebody will respond, make it into a contest, they like contest. Bringing in
new offensive material will help you to make up your own offensive material
based on that, I think you just have offensive material writers block right
now. Well thats all for now Monkey boy, I'll talk to you later, bye bye.
An offensive contest? hmmmmm... there are possibilities there. But
believe it or not, there are some things I won't say in my newsletter, I
can't just shout out things like cunt-master, nigger-jew, or Billy the happy
abortion, I have morals you Pube!
ARE YOU INSANE??!!! Ok, wait a minute.. I forgot who I was talking to. But,
but... you CAN'T stop sending out your SST newsletter. Tom, some people
suffer through the endless week coping with the senseless bullshit that
surrounds them day to day just waiting the arrival of your newsletter,
because it is there, and only there that the truth is spoken. (Of course,
then there's the normal people who just read it for laughs, but we shun
normal people anyway) Just because people haven't been responding doesn't
mean you lost your edge. And just because you haven't offended anyone
doesn't mean that we don't love reading it. I personally don't read SST
simply for the Dear Pezorgy section. I read it for the stuff that YOU have
to say. So you better not stop writing it or I'm just gonna have to kick
your ass!
Even though SST is still here, you can kick my ass anyways, I like that
sort of thing. Speaking of Kicking my ass, my girlfriend has something to say:
you really should make a book, you have a lot of cool
stories....and i'm not just saying that because i'm
your girlfriend....=0)
A book is what you want? A book Is what you shall recieve. Look for SST:
The Book, due out for christmas. It will be the second perfect stocking
stuffer. The first being a human head.
DONT STOP WRITING YOUR NEWSLETTER. I FREAKIN LOVE IT..IT MAKES ME LAUGH WHEN
I AM DEPRESSED ..WHICH IS QUITE OFTEN SO IF YOU STOP..I WILL HAVE TO HUNT
YOU DOWN AND MAKE YOU WRITE OK....DAMMIT
I LOVE YOU
HEATHER
I never noticed how when you take away some-one's addiction that they get
all violent. Oh well, for the fnal time, SST is not going anywhere. Now sit
back and enjoy Animal Barn.
Animal Barn
Welcome to the Zooo,
A place not ruled by you,
But by animals, wild and few.
The old country was mearly a jungle,
Not nearly as formed as this bundle.
And when the animals found out that the King was nothing more than
a puss,
They made thier way here in a push.
Two by two they came to the zooo,
A land full of opportunities new,
But when they got here they had no clue,
They wondered who would lead them? Who? Who?
A system was formed from mistakes learned,
And a two-party format would take a turn,
Out from the ashes that burned,
Stepped forward Jack-Ass and Pack-A-Derm.
These two would represent all animals as opposite forces,
They would lead all fish, birds and horses,
They would lead land, air, and sea,
And they would rule it all justly.
The animals loved these opposite sides,
They loved it so much they started to divide,
This plan was so pefrect, it fit the ideal,
They wrote it up, and patched it with a seal.
Every four years Jack and Pack would debate and hate,
Hesitate, then discriminate,
Fake and shake,
Most most of all they would kiss the ass of the high class.
And that's how they stained thier campaign.
The animals had to vote for one of the devils
They just chose the lesser of two evils.
And that's how it steared,
For hundreds of years.
Untill one day Jack and Pack were caught in the sack,
Y'see for time to pass, Jack-Ass and Pack-A-Derm liked to play
Pack-A-Ass
The two were not enemies as it had once seemed,
In fact they were "friends", one in the same.
The animals all saw that the system had failed,
The system was wrong, they system they hailed,
They never had control, they never had a choice,
But they all sat right back down,
Because animals have no voice.
