ELIZARDA'S PAGE 'O THERIES
i know that my theories seem a little out there but here they are (someone once told me i should make a web site). I am sorry if they offend anyone. if you disagree with any of my theories, please E-mail me at [email protected] theories are best perfected by trial.
1. The best books have been
published by three different
publishers.
2. The other side of the
fence is always greener
because they hide their shit
better
3. Pineapples are good
4. Kristen Turk typically
smells good
5. Sit still long enough and
everything will change around
you, you just have to get up
and start moving when it
changes to the way you like
it. Unless you actually want
to accomplish anything in
life.
6. No matter how old you get
or want point of life you are
at there will always be those
boys and girls that just
annoy the crap out of you and
everyone around you and there
is nothing that you can do
about it.
7. Men are like grunion,
which (for those of you who
don't know) are small fish
that swim onto shore during
full moons because they are
attracted to the shinny moon.
Men are attracted to the
shiniest object in the room
and will often beach
themselves just to get at it.
8. People should need to have
a license to have children.
You need one to drive a car
but any idiot can have a kid,
and isn't that a little more
dangerous.
-A la pinky
9.now I see nothing wrong
with any religion. In fact I
attend good shepherd church.
This is however just a
theory:
If you are a Christian there
is a very high chance that
you will go to heaven. Say
that you made a mistake and
picked the wrong religion.
Well if you are Christian you
are insured. You are safe
under the Jewish religion,
you worship their god. It
goes for the Muslim faith.
You get anther chance with
Hinduism and Buddhism. Those
are the four other major
religions. So you see there
is a pretty good chance you
will go towards eternal
happiness. Granted these are
really not all that true. But
if you lived a good life you
shouldn't have to worry about
it away J
10. No matter what you say
you will at one point of time
or anther you will offend
someone.
11. Pauly Shore is in fact
the antichrist and his movies
are simply propaganda to win
stupid people to the
dark side...oh watch them go!
- thoughts by tom pezzy
12. boys, never ever send a
friend to ask a girl out. all
girls think less of a guy who
pulls such a stunt
now some theories from my
past, thought up and written
up by jessie:
1. if it truly bothers you,
set it on fire.
2. if you don't like some one
kick their ass
3. if you honestly think
you're above someone, your
just another redneck in
sincable shoes
4. when chatting on the
Internet, describing your
self as a big, angry,
brunet; will end a
conversation quickly
5. Keep your mind open, you
never know who might walk in
6. if you don't like your
neighbors, drive to another
park
7. the ability to drool down
your own cleavage should not
be thought of as
an acquired skill
8. never have sex in the
bushes, because love may be
blind, but your
neighbors aren't
9. there is no set god, or
power, just like there is no
set race, or
background
10. Pool, Toilet, Know the
difference.
11. the only limit to the
human imagination is the fear
of humiliation
12. when you have to use a
mini vac on your bed, it's
time to change the
sheets
13. meter maids eat their
young
14. if you can honestly look
back on a single year of your
life, and not
remember laughing or crying,
at all within that year, than
your life then was
truly wasted
15. don't waste your life
away fighting wars that were
your ancestors, its
your time to war on your own
16. I don't make any sense
now, and I probably never
will
see, this just goes to show
that if you send it i will
put it up here!
With that said I will leave
you with these theories of
mine. If you have any good
ones send them to me and I
will add them to my list.
1.
2. never visualize
3. don't break rule 2
Things to learn from movies
1. don't get into purple cars
2. if it's free it will end up killing you
3. if you don't know them they can't betray you so don't keep friends
4. shiny is never better
5. before you prepose ask yourself if you would rather marry your best friend or close companion of the opposite sex...saves money
