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.: Character Profiles :.
.: Emoticon Guide :.

Written by elfboy
Model Men Episode 7 - The Smoothie Soothie (Part 1)
(case file: 80-80-80-MAN-BREASTS-DOT-COM-00001)

Location: Model Men Agency, Los Angeles, home of the brave, the free and blonde bimbos
Male Model #1, Bluemaxx was seated at the Eco-friendly recycleable exercise cycle, cycling away. Sweat dripped from his brow, as various women wiped the sweat from his glistening perfectly toned body.

Bluemaxx: Are you sure I have to do this exercise wearing only my Utility Thongs, Thundersenshi?

Thundersenshi was the Model Men's private physical trainer & nutritionist. Keeping the Model Men good looking was not an easy job. Look what happened to Marlon Brando. Thundersenshi wore a lab coat over her aerobics leotards, and she wore glasses (coz of all you hentai pervs out there who wanted a girl with glasses in the series.)

Thundersenshi: Yes. It is absolutely necessary for you to be cycling in your see-through Utility Thongs.
Bluemaxx: Okay. As long as there's a good reason. *starts whistling happily*
Thundersenshi: Where's elfboy by the way? He's late for his anal... I mean annual physical.
Bluemaxx: Oh... he's out modelling some new product. Some fruity drink or milk shake.
Thundersenshi: Hmm... remind me to whip him into shape when he gets back. Now quicken your pace, Bluemaxx.
Bluemaxx: Yes ma'am.

Bluemaxx started cycling faster as the women around him wiped his body.

Halle Berry: Gosh, look at all of Bluemaxx's rippling muscles! (^_^)
Famke Janssen: Yeah... it's soo sexy... (^_^)
Ian McKellen: That Bluemaxx... he's so hot! (^_^)

Just then, elfboy entered the Gym. He was drinking a Smoothie Soothie.

Thundersenshi: Ah! You're late elfboy!
elfboy: *slurp* *slurp* *slurp* (subtitle: *slurp* *slurp* *slurp*)
Thundersenshi: Aren't you going to say something?
elfboy: *slurp* *slurp* *sssllllurrrrp* (sub: I'm sorry I'm late but I was held up in traffic. There was a large auto accident down in Rodeo Drive. A Ferrari got totalled. I also saw Jack Nicholson. But he wasn't involved in the accident.)

Thundersenshi: Hmmph. Put that drink down and put these see-through Utility Thongs on! I better see your butt in 30 seconds! I mean on that exer-cycle... cycling... uh... well sitting on the cycle... you don't cycle with your butt do you?

Bluemaxx: Well... there was that one time in Hong Kong...
elfboy: *slurp* *slurp* (sub: It was an honest mistake.)

30 seconds later, elfboy was wearing the see-through Utility Thong and sitting on the exer-cycle. Thundersenshi was busy putting all the diagnostic pads and wires on him.

elfboy: Why do you have to wire us like this?
Thundersenshi: Because I need to check your stats with the computer. Only the fittest Model Men get to wear the Patented Official Model Men Utility Thongs!
elfboy: Oh... is that why you put wires on my...

Halle Berry: Banana.
Famke Janssen: Sausage.
Ian McKellan: Footlong with two meatballs.

elfboy looked over at Bluemaxx's exer-cycle to find them ordering lunch.

Thundersenshi: Never mind where I put those wires. Now you start cycling!

As elfboy cycled vigorously, he couldn't help but reach for his Special Deluxe Smoothie Soothie, given to him by Dr. Gr0undZer0. He remembered it like it was 27 minutes ago... which coincidentally, was when it happened.

Flashback: 27 minutes ago.
Location: "Dr. Gr0undZer0's Smoothie Soothie Bar" Photo Shoot, Castro, San Francisco

Photographer: Oui, pour dat zmootie on zyour bananaz... oui... tres bien beautifoool. *click* *click* *click*

Male Model #2, elfboy was sitting in the fountain, dressed in a little sailor suit as beautiful women clung on to every limb. The campaign idea was that, a sailor on shore leave, elfboy, would want female companionship... and the women on shore want "Smoothie Soothies". They were pouring the delicious smooth creamy milky white substance on to the banana, that was in one of the women's mouths... it was beautiful & artfully done.

Photographer: Oui, now szuck on dat cherry, mon cheri.... oui... beautifool... *click* *click* *click*

elfboy felt the girls applying the "Smoothie Soothie's" on to his body... with their tongues. Gosh, will this torturous hard work ever end? :sweatface:

Photographer: Oui! *click* *click* *click* now you make l'amore in ze fountain passionately... like ze strangerz in ze park, or rabbitz in ze street... oui!

Dr. Gr0undZer0: *Ahem* And how will this sell my "Smoothie Soothies?"
Photographer: Oh, messieur Gr0undZer0, dis is not just a advertizement no? Dis shall be remembered as ze greatezt work of ze artz. You shallz be remembered az ze man whoz smooties... made ze world one szuper szexy place.

Dr. Gr0undZer0: ... err... right.

After the photographer wrapped up the photo shoot, Dr. Gr0undZer0 gave elfboy a Special Smoothie Soothie to enjoy. One sip of the creamy liquid kept elfboy wanting more. In fact, the smoothie he was now drinking was only his 23rd Smoothie.

Back to present,
Location: Model Men Agency, Los Angeles

Thundersenshi observed elfboy as he cycled, the way his muscles... I mean stats moved, how his heart beat remained constant as his thingie jiggled around happily... I mean as his body glistened... I mean... is it getting hot in here?

elfboy was cycling away happily. He remembered the time he was on the Tour De France. Yes, what an experience it was climbing up the Alps... though for some reason the organizers had thrown him out just because he was sitting on Lance Armstrong's shoulders at that time.

Thundersenshi: Uh... elfboy?
elfboy: *slurp* *slurp* (sub: Yes, Thunderhottie?)
Thundersenshi: Uh... why are you putting on weight?
elfboy: *slurp* *slurp* (sub: What are you talking about? But damn, this Smoothie is soo delicious.)

Thundersenshi stopped elfboy cycling and checked him with her stethoscope. Listening to his heart beat and respiration, all seemed normal... but, who can ignore elfboy's... (dramatic lightning and thunder) pot belly!!!!

elfboy: *slurp* *slurp* (sub: ARRRGH! My abs!)
Thundersenshi: Will you stop drinking that?!

Thundersenshi suspected something about the Smoothie Soothie elfboy was drinking. She tried to get it away from him but he fended her off.

Thundersenshi: Darn it! Can't you see what's happening to you elfboy?!
elfboy: *slurp* *slurp* (sub: I just want to be really really good looking.)
Thundersenshi: Well... look at yourself.

Thundersenshi pulled a giant mirror from her lab coat and showed elfboy his own reflection.

elfboy: *slurp* *slurp* (sub: Oooh yeah, who's that handsome guy?)

Thundersenshi contacted Skysenshi and Firesenshi on her portable two-way communicator, also known as a cellphone.

Thundersenshi: Sky! Fire! We've got a problem with elfboy!
Firesenshi: Just tie him up and whip him. That usually works.
Skysenshi: ... Really?
Firesenshi: Yes, really.
Thundersenshi: Not that kind of problem! Look!

Thundersenshi turned her communicator (camera accessory sold separately) to face elfboy.

Skysenshi: Who's that?
Firesenshi: I don't know but he looks like a fatter version of elfboy.
Ichi: .... (sub: Look at all his jiggling flab... I think I'm gonna be see-sick.)
Thundersenshi: Uh... that's elfboy.
Skysenshi, Firesenshi & Ichi: WHAT?!!! (sub: WHAT?!!!)

Meanwhile,
Location: Dr. Gr0undZer0's Smoothie Soothie Bar, Secret Lab

Dr. Gr0undZer0 rubbed his hands gleefully.

Dr. Gr0undZer0: Heheheh... soon all the models will be drinking my Special Weight Gain Smoothie soothie. And after that, the world! Heheheheheh...

He had a whole picture gallery of Models lined up on his wall. He took out a magic marker and went over to elfboy's picture. Then he crossed out elfboy's picture. Then he started drawing a moustache and beard on Kate Moss' picture.

Meanwhile back at,
Location: Model Men Holding Cells, Underground

elfboy was being held in an all glass prison. They had forcibly taken away his smoothie soothies. Thundersenshi was furiously testing the Smoothie to find the cause of elfboy's sudden weight gain, and to find an antidote.

At the moment, Firesenshi was interrogating elfboy for answers. Firesenshi was dressed in a chic suit, like a FBI agent. elfboy was standing in the middle of the cell, his hair slicked back neatly, his prison shirt buttoned right to the top.

Firesenshi: elfboy, I presume?
elfboy: Ah, Firesenshi... please... take a seat.

Firesenshi sat down on the chair.

Firesenshi: I need to ask you a few questions. What made you drink that Smoothie?
elfboy: ... I had a friend for dinner once. ssssssslllllllssshup.

Firesenshi: (-_-U) Uh... what?
elfboy: ... Isn't this Silence of the Rams?
Firesenshi: Uh... no. Please answer the question.
elfboy: It's an unforgettable taste, as sweet as your first kiss, as tender as your first tender morsel, as fulfilling as apple pie... sssssslllllllsssshup.
Firesenshi: Will you quit doing that?!!
elfboy: Sorry.
Firesenshi: Now, you gave us all the Smoothies you have right?
elfboy: Yes.

elfboy moved slightly to the left to hide his secret stash of Smoothies under the bed.

Meanwhile, upstairs
Location: Model Men Agency, Chemical Lab

Thundersenshi: Hmm... the chemical structure... there is no doubt about this.
Skysenshi: What is it? What is it?
Thundersenshi: Yes, the perfume you're wearing was not tested on animals.
Skysenshi: Thank goodness.
Thundersenshi: Now can I process the Smoothie?
Skysenshi: Sure, go ahead. *phew*

Thundersenshi dripped a small helping of the Smoothie into a petrie dish. Then, taking a little and smearing it on to a slide, she slid it under her microscope. Looking through the lens, what she found shocked her.

Thundersenshi: My word! The genetic compound, the genetic signature... I've seen this before...

Thundersenshi quickly rushed to her computer and opened up Microsoft® Encarta 2003. When she couldn't find anything useful there, she got on the internet.

A few Google™ searches later and she found what she needed.

Thundersenshi: Yes... this smoothie would be delicious with whip cream and bananas.
Skysenshi: (^_^U) Uh, right... what about where this smoothie came from?
Thundersenshi: Oh, right. Yes, only one person I can think of could make something like this. He was my college professor. He was a genius... a little bit bald on the top, but bald is beautiful.

Skysenshi: Right... now, who made this?!
Thundersenshi: Dr. Gr0undZer0!
Ichi: *slurp* *slurp* (sub: Hey, he's just opened up a Smoothie bar on Sunset Boulevard.)
Skysenshi: Really?
Ichi: *slurp* *slurp* (sub: Yes, really.)
Thundersenshi: Uh, Ichi... why are you drinking that smoothie?

Meanwhile,
Location: Model Men Holding Cells, Underground

elfboy was sitting on top of his bed, when it suddenly crashed down, having broken in two. elfboy was now 325 pounds of pure meat & lard. But what's worse... he's developing... man-breasts! (the horror, the horror).

[To be Continued]

Written by elfboy
Model Men Episode 7 - The Smoothie Soothie (Part 2)
(case file: 80-80-80-ELFBOY-IS-SO-PHAT-00002)

Location: Model Men Agency, Los Angeles
In our previous installment of Model Men, Male Model #2, elfboy was putting on lots and lots of weight. Not that it was unattractive...

Thundersenshi: Oooh, that elfboy is soooo phat!

But you know, there is the problem of elfboy being stuck in all the doorways of Model Men Agency.

Bluemaxx: Damnit! elfboy! Why did you have to walk in here?!
elfboy: I was looking for everyone. I was lonely.
Skysenshi: Okay. But you still shouldn't have tried coming into my office. I just remodelled the doorway too. *sniff* Bye bye my super duper ultra edition Titantron entrance.
Firesenshi: Here... I got an idea of how to get elfboy unstuck.

Firesenshi dug inside her purse and brought out a huge tub of vaseline, salad oil, lubricant, KY jelly, and STP motor oil. Rolling up her sleeves, she applied all of the above between the doorway and elfboy. Then with a slightly satisfying plop, elfboy popped out of the doorway.

Ichi: .... (subtitle: Ahhh... sweet air!)
Skysenshi: I warned you Ichi. You shouldn't have tried to barge elfboy out of the doorway.
Firesenshi: Nevermind that! We have to go stop Dr. Gr0undZer0 from fattening up all the models in the world!
Thundersenshi: Why? It can't be that bad beefing up some of the models right?

Everyone looked at Thundersenshi as if she had lost her mind.

Skysenshi: Do you know what you're saying? The fate of the world is at stake!!!
Thundersenshi: How? I mean how does a few models being a bit fatter endanger the world.
Bluemaxx: Don't you know?! If all the models in the world became fatter, then the designers will have to make bigger clothes so that models can fit in!
Ichi: ...... (sub: And everyone knows that models can only wear material gathered from the Polyesterdingdong tree in Australia. That tree is so incredible that one leaf from it can create Zang Toi's entire spring collection and still have enough to design bikinis for all the models.)

Thundersenshi: With them being so thin, it's not hard to imagine.
Skysenshi: But it's worse. If all the models put on weight, then they have to use more leaves. And the ultra rare Polyesterdingdong tree will be plucked out of existance! Therefore jeopardizing the enviroment.
Bluemaxx: And that will cause Australia's entire fragile eco-system to collapse!
Ichi: ... (subtitle: Causing Bondi Beach to close!)
Firesenshi: But worse than all that! elfboy can't wear Utility Thongs anymore!!!

Thundersenshi: Uh... right... so... I guess we have to defeat Dr. Gr0undZer0.
elfboy: To the ManMobile!!!

Everyone looked at elfboy.

Skysenshi: And where do you think you're going?
elfboy: I'm going to help you vanquish the evil Dr. Gr0undZer0.
Firesenshi: You can't even fit into your Utility Thongs!
elfboy: I wanna help!
Skysenshi: But you really can't fit into your Utility Thongs!
elfboy: Sure I can.

elfboy struggles to put on the Utility Thong.

elfboy: *grunt* *struggle* *inhale breath* There. See I put it on!
Firesenshi: I don't think it's supposed to fit around your ankle.

Our heroes (minus elfboy) ran towards the elevator to go into the secret underground garage where the ManMobile is parked.

elfboy: Wait for me!!!
Everyone else: NOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!

elfboy slammed into the elevator, crushing all the other Model Men against the back wall.

Firesenshi: Great einstein. Now how are we gonna get out of this?
elfboy: I don't know. I just want to be really really good looking.
Skysenshi: You know, since elfboy wants to help so much, this calls for drastic action.
Bluemaxx: You don't mean...
Skysenshi: Yes.

3 hours later,
Location: Model Men Agency, Los Angeles
Richard Simmons: 1, 2, raise those arms. Work it! Work it!

Richard Simmons was trying to get elfboy back into shape, using his rigorous "Richard Simmons, slim down in 132 minutes or less Part 1!" tape.

Richard Simmons: Move those flabby arms, 1, 2, 1, 2...
elfboy: 1 *chomp*, 2 *slurp*, 1 *chomp*, 2 *slurp*.

elfboy was lifting a burger in one hand, and a Smoothie Soothie in the other and as he counted, took turns eating and drinking.

Richard Simmons: Now shake your bootie!!!
Thundersenshi: *Sigh* That elfboy is soooo phat!

[To be continued]

Written by elfboy
Model Men Episode 7 - The Smoothie Soothie (Part 3)
(case file: 80-80-80-ELFBOY-IS-MAN-BREAST-FRIEND-00003)

Location: Model Men Agency, Los Angeles. If the Gangs don't get you, the Smog will.
When we last saw Model Men, elfboy was working out to a Richard Simmons Exercise video,

Richard Simmons: 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8.

elfboy stepped forward, then backward, then turned to one side, clapped his hands, then turned to another side and clapped his hands and then repeated the entire process as Richard Simmons counted.

Richard Simmons: 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, all together now.

elfboy & Richard Simmons: Don't Break My Heart, My Achy Breaky Heart~

Meanwhile
Location: Dr. Gr0undZer0's Sm00thie S00thie Bar, Sunset Boulevard
The other Model Men were dressed undercover as they staked out Dr. Gr0undZer0's Smoothie Soothie Bar. Bluemaxx & Ichi were dressed like 1970's detective duo, Starsky & Hutch or Cagney & Lacy. (Whoever was manlier).

Bluemaxx spoke into his afro transmitter, while Ichi spied on the YWCA with binoculars.

Bluemaxx: Blue Eagle calling Red Chihuahua. Blue Eagle calling Red Chihuahua, do you copy, over?
Firesenshi: Copy that, Blue Eagle. Red Chihuahua reading loud and clear. You got a sight of the suspect, over?
Bluemaxx: Negative Red Chihuahua. Any word from HunnyBunny, over?
Skysenshi: HunnyBunny here. This is the last time I'll let Ichi designate my code name, over.

Ichi: ... (sub: I just want to be really really good looking, over)

Bluemaxx: I got visual confirmation of the suspect, over.
Firesenshi: Over where, over?
Bluemaxx: Over there, over.
Firesenshi: I see him, over. Isn't he over-dressed, over?
Bluemaxx: Definitely over, over.
Skysenshi: Could we stop using the 'Over', over?
Bluemaxx: What? And blow our cOver, over?
Skysenshi: *sigh*, nevermind, over.

Dr. Gr0undZer0 walked into his Smoothie bar and Bluemaxx got out of the pink cadillac convertible that was parked across the street. As he walked, all the women on the street turned and looked at him as he strutted towards the bar. Bee Gees Music played in the background.

Background Music: Well, you can tell by the way I use my walk, I'm a woman's man, no time for talk...
Firesenshi: *Sigh* That Bluemaxx... he's so hot, over.

Bluemaxx walked into the bar, his white polyesterdingdong shirt open to reveal his massive expanse of faux chest hair. He noticed there were bodyguards guarding the entrance to the kitchen. The camera hidden inside his afro revealed that fact to the watching Model Men. Music still played in the background.

Background Music: Ah, ah, ah, ah, Staying Alive, Staying Alive, ah, ah, ah, ah, Staying Alive~~~~~

All the patrons in the Smoothie Bar turned to look at Bluemaxx. Then in a synchronized pre-choreographed routine, the patrons got up from their chairs and booths and stood behind Bluemaxx. Together they all started dancing, disco style.

Background Music: Ah, ah, ah, ah, Staying Alive, Staying Alive, ah, ah, ah, ah, Staying Alive~

The bodyguards were powerless to the funky rhythm. They tapped their feet in time with the beat. The bodyguards couldn't help but join in the dancing. Making use of this distraction, Ichi, Firesenshi & Skysenshi sneaked into the kitchen.

Background Music: I'm going nowhere, somebody help me, somebody help me get, high~~~~ I'm going nowhere, somebody help me get, Staying Alive~~~~~

The crowd with the bodyguards danced out into the street. Once they were out of the store, Bluemaxx snapped his fingers and instantly the music stopped. He then locked the door and turned the sign to "We Are Closed". Combing his Survaillance Afro, he walked into the kitchen.

Meanwhile
Location: Dr. Gr0undZer0's Smoothie Laboratory
Dr. Gr0undZer0 looked at all the security monitors. He turned to his newly paroled from prison bodyguard who took one look at the monitors and recognized the Model Men.

Bodyguard: *Slurp* *slurp* (sub: Leave them to me, boss. It's payback time.)
Dr. Gr0undZer0: Yes. You must stop them from interrupting the next crucial stage. Yes, if the next crucial stage fails, then all my work will be for nothing. We can't let them stop that next crucial...

The bodyguard put his hand on the Doctor's face, silencing him.

Bodyguard: *slurp* *slurp* (sub: Just leave them to me, and make me a fresh batch of this Vanilla Mango Smoothie.)

Back at the,
Location: Model Men Agency
elfboy was trying to get the DVD of "Richard Simmons, Slim Down in 132 Minutes or else, Part 2" into the DVD player when BlogMaxx and Icesenshi (The Model Men Tech Wizards) approached him.

elfboy turned around.

elfboy: Ah... how do you put this DVD into the player?
Icesenshi: Forget the DVD! All your exercising keeps causing our furniture upstairs to shift. You would think we're having another Earthquake!
elfboy: But I have to get slim enough to fit into my Utility Thongs.
BlogMaxx: We got your solution right here!
elfboy: Something that will make me thin?!
BlogMaxx: Even better!

Icesenshi opened the titanium briefcase she was carrying. The bright light inside shone forth before subsiding to reveal...

BlogMaxx & Icesenshi: Bigger Utility Thongs!!!

elfboy's eyes lit up and he quickly grabbed the Super Jumbo Maxximum One-Size-Fits-Most Utility Thong™ ($19.95 plus shipping and handling) and started putting them on. Icesenshi covered BlogMaxx's eyes.

Icesenshi: Couldn't you at least wait until we're out of the room before you take off your pants and change?!
elfboy: Sorry.

elfboy waited for Icesenshi and BlogMaxx to leave.

elfboy: ... uh, don't you want to leave?
Icesenshi: ... what? Oh, yes... come now BlogMaxx.
BlogMaxx: But...
Icesenshi: No butts... I mean buts about it. But damn, that elfboy is soo phat.

elfboy put on his Super Jumbo Maxximum One-Size-Fits-Most Utility Thong™ and then tied up his hair.

elfboy: Witness the birth of... Elf Honda, SuModel Man!

Meanwhile, at
Location: Dr. Gr0undZer0's Laboratory
Our four Model Men heroes snuck through the laboratory looking for Dr. Gr0undZer0's secret Smoothie machine, when they spotted the bald dietician carefully mixing another batch of Vanilla Mango Smoothies for his bodyguard.

Skysenshi: Ah ha! We've got you now Dr. Gr0undZer0! Take him away boys!

Skysenshi waited for Ichi and Male Model #1, Bluemaxx to capture the evil dietician. However when they didn't respond, Skysenshi turned around.

She saw a giant blob-shaped man had captured Bluemaxx, Ichi and Firesenshi.

Skysenshi: Oh poop.

Meanwhile,
Location: Outside Dr. Gr0undZer0's Smoothie Soothie Bar, Sunset Boulevard
Background Music: Well, you can tell by the way I use my walk, I'm a woman's man, no time for talk...

elfboy was strutting down the street as people turned around and looked at him... before throwing up. It wouldn't have been so bad if elfboy wore some clothes over his Sumo Utility Thong. As it was, his cellulite buttocks gave new meaning to the word 'rippling'.

Background Music: Ah, ah, ah, ah, Staying Alive, Staying Alive, ah, ah, ah, ah, Staying Alive~~~~~

elfboy looked at the Closed sign on the doorway. He sniffed the air and caught the delicious aroma of fresh Vanilla Mango Smoothie coming from the back. He walked towards the back of the store. Then he snapped his fingers and the music stopped.

elfboy: Coming through.

Meanwhile,
Location: Inside Dr. Gr0undZer0's Laboratory

Our heroes were shackled inside a giant jar. They regained consciousness to see Dr. Gr0undZer0 gloating, as a large helping of Smoothie Soothie was about to drown them.

Dr. Gr0undZer0: Mwahahaha... soon, you will be like your precious elfboy, slave to my delicious Smoothie Soothies! One sip of this and you'll be helplessly addicted to it, and soon you and the rest of the world will become my SuperSized Army!!!

Dr. Gr0undZer0 was about to pull on the lever that dumps Smoothie Soothie all over our captured heroes when elfboy crashed through the wall, his bulky beefy 434 lbs pound body revealed to all in all its glory.

Bluemaxx: Beefcake! Beefcake!!!

elfboy was wearing a Utility Thong, like a sumo wrestler.

elfboy: BlogMaxx and Icesenshi made this Super Jumbo Maxximum One-Size-Fits-Most Utility Thong™ (on store shelves now!)

Skysenshi: Quick elfboy! Free us before Dr. Gr0undZer0 releases that Smoothie Soothie over us!!
elfboy: No. There's something more important I'm after!!!

Gr0undZer0 was trying to escape when elfboy grabbed hold of him and pulled him to his waist... I mean face.

Dr. Gr0undZer0: Wha... what are you going to do to me?
elfboy: I'll teach you a major ass-whupping lesson... unless you give me some more of those delicious Smoothies.

Bluemaxx, Skysenshi, Firesenshi and Ichi: ELFBOY!!!! (sub: ELFBOY!!!!)

Dr. Gr0undZer0: Uh... sure. Right this way, you can have all the smoothies you want, if you join me to fatten up the entire world.
elfboy: I don't know... I mean the fate of the world is at stake.
Dr. Gr0undZer0: I have Vanilla Mango Surprise.
elfboy: To hell with the world!!!

Gr0undZer0 led elfboy to his secret Smoothie stash. When the metal sliding doors slid open, they saw...

Model Men: Big O?!!!!

Big O (last seen in Episode 2) turned around, his face and body completely smeared with delicious Vanilla Mango Smoothie Soothie.

Big O: Dats rwight laddies! Ids just ye olde pal fwomd the pahst, the Bwig-O!The sexxy-sexxy man! (sub: Buy My Action Figure Now!)

elfboy: BIG O!!! You finished ALL the Smoothies!!!! (sub: Buy the new Model Men Video Game now!)

Big O: Ya, an' noow iiilll finnishe yoouill!!! (sub: Buy the Model Men toys, from OBandai)

elfboy: Why are the subtitles translating differently from what we're saying? (sub: Buy the Model Men Soundtrack, available from CD Pirates)

Before elfboy got an answer, Big O smashed his fist through elfboy's TeleTummy causing elfboy to drop Dr. Gr0undZer0. elfboy doubled over, clutching his tummy as Big O stood before him.

Using his inner Utility Thongness and strength, elfboy in his Sumo Utility Thongs got ready to do battle.

Dr. Gr0undZer0: Go get them, Big O! You're my bodyguard!!!
Whitney Houston: And I~~~~ will always love you~~~~~

Big O: Ya waill doo as ye are toald or youill get in mah belly!!! (sub: That Bluemaxx... he's so hot!)
elfboy: Hah! Now you shall see the true Sumo power of Elf Honda!

Video Game Voice: Round 1. Fight!

Using his phattest pose ever, elfboy unleashed Elf Honda pose, as his hand slapped Big O a thousand times in a multi-hit combo.

But Big O wasn't to be outdone. He alpha-countered with a Bi-Son O sliding kick, sending elfboy Honda into the air. But before Big O could deliver his own aerial combo, elfboy somersaulted and called in his two combo buddies, IceSenshi Cammy and BlogMaxx Chun Li, they delivered a 99 hit combo that finished off Big O. Big O crashed to the ground completely knocked out.

Video Game Voice: KO! You win!

Our three heroes posed together in Video Game pose as the text "Don't hate us coz we're beautiful" scrolled below. "Super Street Poser Model Men Alpha (Beta) EX: World Warriors Edition: Championship Version" in arcades now.

When the smoke cleared, they found that Big O had hit the ground with such an impact that it had destroyed Dr. Gr0undZer0's entire Smoothie Soothie laboratory.

Dr. Gr0undZer0: My Lab!!! Now you've got me really angry.

Dr. Gr0undZer0 started turning green, and his body developed muscles that tore his shirt and lab coat to shreds... though for some reason, his pants still fit.

Thundersenshi ran in through the hole in the wall that elfboy had made earlier.

Thundersenshi: Oh no! I forgot to tell you! I tested a sample of Dr. Gr0undZer0's DNA and I found out that Dr. Gr0undZer0 is also known as the SuperStrength, SuperSized, SuperPowered Character The Fulk!!!

Skysenshi: Watch your mouth Thundersenshi! Children might be watching this!
Thundersenshi: I just said the Fulk!
Firesenshi: Oh my word! Thunder is saying four letter words!!!
Thundersenshi: ... Go Fulk yourselves! That elfboy... he's sooo phat!

BlogMaxx: Wait a minute, did you say, The Fulk?
Skysenshi: See, she's already corrupted BlogMaxx with that bad word.
Bluemaxx: I didn't think BlogMaxx could be corrupted any further.
Firesenshi: I didn't either, especially after what he did to your utility thong.
Bluemaxx: What did he do to my Utility Thong?
Firesenshi: .... uh nevermind.

BlogMaxx: The Fulk is none other than the brilliant dietician who accidentally ate Gamma Radiated food from the Microwave and now whenever he gets angry he turns into this giant green monster!

Icesenshi: I remember! The dietician swore that he would make the world appear just like him so that he didn't have to control his anger anymore.
elfboy: That's why he really wants to turn everyone all into giants like him!
Ichi: .... (sub: So he can make his own super giant army!)

Bluemaxx: What was the name of that dietician again?
Thundersenshi: You all know it. It is... Dr. Web Banner!!!

Thunder and Lightning FX.

GroundZero: Yes... it is me, Dr. Web Banner. Do you know how hard it was for me, for all of you beautiful people to make fun of my green colored skin, of my immense body? I swore to destroy all the models, all the ideals of beauty. And soon, I will have my revenge!

elfboy: Don't do it, Dr. Web Banner. It's not the color of your skin that is important, but what is beneath all that skin, that's who you truly are. (Audience members: Awww... how sweet, a moral to this stupid story.)
GroundZero: You mean... inner beauty?
elfboy: ... well I was thinking Bone structure, but inner beauty sounds okay too.

GroundZero: ... No... no it's too late. You're only tricking me! I have to smash all of you! FULK SMASH!!!!

[to be continued]

Written by Bluemaxx
Model Men Episode 7 - The Smoothie Soothie (Part 4)
(case file: 80-80-80-FULK-MAN-BREASTS-DOT-COM-MY-NET-00024)

When we last saw our really really good-looking heroes…..they were face to face with the evil monster-turning dietitian; Dr. GroundZer0 a.k.a. Dr. Web Banner. It was revealed that the evil Dr. GroundZer0 were able to turn into the super-powered, Super-strength green monstrosity known as the Fulk

GroundZer0:Fulk SMASH!!!! *pounds ground and causing an earthquake*
Model Men:Arghhh!!! *tries to balance themselves*
GroundZero:Fulk SMASH!!! FULK SMASH!!!! FULK SMASH!!!!Mwahahahaaaa!!!!

Firesenshi: We’ll be buried alive if we don’t leave this place quickly!!!
Bluemaxx:Really?
Ichi:……(sub:Yes,really.)
Skysenshi: All Model Men agents RUN FOR YOUR LIVES!!!!

Our good looking heroes run as fast as their good-looking shaven legs could carry them(including ichi, Bluemaxx and phat-man elfboy (^_^) and soon in less than a few moments, they managed to exit the building just seconds after before the whole place collapse. Panting and sweating profusely, our heroes posed before the mountain of debris and rubble of GroundZer0’s Laboratory……like all good-looking heroes should.

Thundersenshi: *sigh!*What a waste…… Mankind would have benefited a lot if he’d devoted his genius mind in the advancement of science and technology instead of wanting revenge on the whole world and being an evil monster-transforming scientist…
Blogmaxx:Yeah…. But I kinda can’t blame him for wanting to be an evil scientist though……they have better health and insurance benefits…..*looks at a brochure “Evil Mad Scientist Inc.” *….plus better working hours…..Can you believe they only have to work 20 hours per week? And look at this dental plan…..
Skysenshi:…*snatches away brochure* Ehem…..I’ll take that. So…elfboy, how’s my extra large Male Model doing?
Elfboy:I just want to be really really good looking……
Skysenshi:And?
Elfboy:Mmm…That Bluemaxx, he’s so hot..?
Bluemaxx:Male Model#2….that sounded really really wrong coming from you….
Skysenshi:And?
Elfboy:My thong’s giving this nasty wedgie…….I feel very ‘spreaded’ and uptight, ya know?
Ichi:………..(sub:And that sounded even more wrong, dude.)
Skysenshi: And?
Elfboy: Oh alright….I’ll stop drinking that Soothie Smoothies and continue on with my Richard Simmons exercising program…..
Skysenshi:Good…Now that everything is settled…
*crumble!*
A large green hand pops out from the mountain of debris and the Fulk a.k.a. Dr. GroundZer0 a.k.a. Dr. Web Banner pries himself free.
GroundZer0:Fulk SMASH!!!!
Thundersenshi: Oh….just shut the Fulk up.
Firesenshi: One more ‘Fulk’ word,sister…..and I’ll wash your mouth with the new Model Men Soap(available from OBody Shop; natural ingredients only (^_^).

Groundzer0/Fulk jumps up in the air and prepares to flatten our two very hot firesenshi and thundersenshi with body-splash when elfboy steps in and pushes our two ladies out of harms way. However, elfboy got the body-splash full on instead.
Thundersenshi & firesenshi:That elfboy…..he so PHAT! (^_^)
Ichi:……..(sub:Flat now too by the looks of it)

GroundZer0 rolls over and now elfboy is seen imprinted on the ground…..with only his man-breasts and large potbelly sticking out of the ground.(A very disturbing sight, I can assure you…)
BlogMaxx: Oooohhh…..I am getting turned on seeing the barely naked Fulk rolling over elfboy’s semi-naked thong outfit…..
Bluemaxx: I can’t believe you and I came from the same loins of our father…..

Bluemaxx,Ichi and Skysenshi leaves the now drooling BlogMaxx and rushed towards elfboy. The Fulk is seen busy chasing the two hot Model Men Ladies;firesenshi and thundersenshi, beating his manly hairy green chest and screaming “FULK SMASH!!!FULK SMASH!!!”.

Bluemaxx: Male Model#2….are you alright?
Elfboy:I just want to be really really REALLY good-looking.
Ichi:……*looks at Bluemaxx*…….(sub:He’s alright…)
Skysenshi:Can you move? We need you and your bulky body to defeat the Fulk…..none of us here has the strength nor bodyweight to defeat him…..
Elfboy:….I don’t think I can beat him…..I think I may have sprained my butt gland….
Skysenshi: I’ll buy you a smoothie if you go and fight him now…..
Elfboy:Screw my butt glands! Its not like I use them to fight anyway! (^_^) Show me the Fulk!

Elfboy gets up and runs towards the Fulk/GroundZer0. Just as the Fulk/GroundZer0 was about to smash our 2 lovely heroines, elfboy manages to take the Fulk/GroundZer0 down with a Spear tackle, causing the two large semi-naked big-sized men to roll over tumbling down some small hill. BlogMaxx followed the two, camcorder in hand and a camera in another taking away pictures and giggling away in delight.


Elfboy:Surrendah Fulk!Ye aint a maytch to mah big burly size and mah sexxay sexxay boh-day!Now dooh as yer are toald or youill get in mah belly!!!!

Big-O: Oi!What in the Bluey heill are ye doing?!! I can sue ye fer copying me sexy-sexxay style and shpeaking like me ya bash-turd! (suddenly crawls out of mountain of debris too…..)

Elfboy: Ooops….sorry. My bad…..(^_^U)
Big-o: Its awllriighhtt……*faints-passes out*

GroundZer0:FULK SMASH!!!!
Elfboy:Is that the only word you can say?
GroundZer0:No…….but I like saying it every 5 seconds….is that a crime?
Elfboy:No….but it should be.
GroundZer0:Shut up….you phat girly looking model man!

The two behemoths wrestled and rolls on the ground again.After countless reversals,girlish slaps,pose-downs and strange body-holds….GroundZer0 finally defeated Male Model elfboy by throwing him into a pizza delivery van after spinning him around by pinching elfboy’s nipples.
Ichi:………(sub:Man….that has GOT to hurt)
Elfboy:Owww……my nipples…..are they still there?*looks*Are they suppose to be that color and look like raisins?
firesenshi:……..I think it looks okay…..but I dun remember anyone having blue coloured nipples before…..
thundersenshi:I know someone though….
Bluemaxx:Hey….I’m a young guy……and it was just after the New Year….^^
Elfboy:Damn that Fulk!He bruised my nipples!!!And throw me into this pizza delivery van…Waitaminute…mmmmm….pizza….*drools*

Skysenshi:The Fulk is coming this way! Any idea how to stop him now?
Thundersenshi:Apparently….we’re not gonna win by using violence….I’d suggest we use another approach to defeat the Fulk.
Firesenshi:Can we just stop using the 4 letter word? Why can’t we just call the green freak Dr. GroundZer0?
Ichi:………(sub:Fulk no!Fulk sounds much better (^_^)…..GroundZer0 sounds soooo Harvard-like…)

Skysenshi:Fulk that!(Glares at ichi and firesenshi) We have bigger things to worry about!(looks towards thundersenshi) Thunder, you have any ideas on how to defeat the Fulk/GroundZer0?
Thundersenshi:Logically……the Fulk…..
Firesenshi: Dr. GroundZer0!
Thundersenshi:…gains his power and strength from his emotions…..namely anger. If we can erase his anger and replace it with another emotion…..more specifically, happy feelings, then maybe we can reverse the Fulk’s…..
Firesenshi: Dr. GroundZer0!
Thundersenshi:…transformation process and change him back to his bald geeky mad scientist form.
Firesenshi:That’s an excellent idea,thunder-san……does anyone know what makes the Fulk/Dr. GroundZer0 happy?

Skysenshi:Hot Yaoi action!
Bluemaxx:Hot lesbian action!
Ichi:……(sub:A happy song?)
Elfboy:Pizza!*munch!*...I mean…I just want to be really really REALLY good-looking.^^

Firesenshi:…..Those are the things that made YOU happy……
Sky,Bluemaxx,elfboy&Ichi: Ohhhhh……(sub: Ohhhhh….)
Firesenshi:Thunder, you’re his student once right? Do you know what makes him happy?
Thundersenshi:….I dunno.^^
Firesenshi:Whaddaya mean you don’t know?!! You’re his ex-student,right?!
Thundersenshi:Yes…I was his ex-student…..NOT his ex-Wife!How should I know what makes him happy?!!Who gives a Fulk?!!
Firesenshi: Ohh….you’re gonna get it now!Ichi…sky-san….hold thunder-san down!I’m gonna wash her mouth with soap right….NOW!*jumps on Thundersenshi*

GroundZer0:FULK SMASH!!!!*charges towards the Model Men*

[To be concluded]

Written by elfboy
Model Men Episode 7 - The Smoothie Soothie (Conclusion)
(case file: 80-80-80-BOOBY-GALORE-WOBBLY-WOBBLY-CENSORED-00005)

Location: Dr. Gr0undZer0's Smoothie Soothie Lab
Gr0undZer0: FULK SMASH!!!! *charges towards the Model Men*

But just as The Fulk...

Firesenshi: Gr0undZer0

...was about to make first contact with our really really sexy-sexxy heroes, he stopped.

Bluemaxx was dressed up as a Japanese Girl in Schoolgirl Uniform as he bent over and rubbed his body sexily.

Bluemaxx: Oh yeah, big green, mean thingie. I want you, I want you now!

Everyone Else & The Fulk: (^_^U)

Skysenshi: What are you doing?
Bluemaxx: It worked in the last episode against Metal Gear OctoSoshi Ray. Ooh yeah, big boy!

The Fulk approached Bluemaxx, and with a flick of his finger, sent Bluemaxx flying through the air.

Bluemaxx: Noooooooo~~~ Hey, I can see my house from here....

Gr0undZer0: Sometimes you Male Models scare me. Now where was I? Oh yes. FULK SMASH!!!

Firesenshi: We're Doomed!
BlogMaxx: Hold me.

All the model men huddled together with their eyes closed anticipating their squishy doom. Skysenshi noticed that lack of contact before opening her eyes.

The Fulk & elfboy were seated on the floor watching a bootleg copy of X-Men 2 on a small 14-inch TV. Both of them were drinking Fuji Apple Tea Smoothies.

The Fulk: *slurp* (sub: I give X-Men 2 two thumbs up)
elfboy: *slurp* *slurp* (sub: Waaaaay up)
Roger Ebert: Who the !*$@*!# are you two? There's only space for one really really fat guy reviewing movies on this planet.

Model Men: (^_^U)

The Fulk: I wonder if they'll make a movie about me.
elfboy: If you keep pinching people by the nipples, I hope not. *applies ice to his blue swollen nipples*

The Fulk looked back at his watch then got to his feet. He pulled elfboy to his feet.

The Fulk: Okay, breaks over. FULK SMASH!!!

elfboy defended the Model Men but it was apparent that he was losing this battle. But reinforcements soon came.

Barney: I Love You, You Love Me, Play with my Purple Teletubbie~

elfboy & The Fulk: (-_-U) What the heck are you doing here?
Barney: Hyuk. The producers issued an invite for me to join all the big freaks on this show. I see you two have already got the party started.
Big O: Dwon't fergit abowt meh, laddie.

elfboy & The Fulk looked at each other. Then they turned to Barney and beat the crap out of him.

Barney: Hit me Britney, one more time~!

After beating the crap out of Barney, elfboy and The Fulk resumed their battle, when Bluemaxx returned... with a special guest star.

Bluemaxx: There they are, Mr. McMahon!
McMahon: Perfect!!! What fine specimens!

The WWE president & CEO approached the two heavyweights.

McMahon: Boys, how would you like to become movie stars?!
The Fulk: Hmmm...
elfboy: Hmmm...
McMahon: We got Ang Lee to direct it...
elfboy: Crouching Tigger, Hidden Eeyore.
The Fulk: But I'm supposed to FULK smash these Model Men.
McMahon: Did I mention that I can pay you... *finger to the lip* 1 mirrion dollars!
The Fulk: Screw the Model Men.
BlogMaxx: Oooh yeah, you can say that again. *clings to Bluemaxx*

1 month later,
Location: Model Men Agency, Los Angeles
Thundersenshi: Hey guys, don't you want to see The Fulk on Pay-Per-View?

Ichi, Skysenshi, Firesenshi, Thundersenshi, Icesenshi & BlogMaxx were seated around the High Definition Plasma Screen Digital Tuned TV. Everyone was wearing official The Fulk merchandise. Ichi was waving around a giant green foam middle finger with the words "Fulk It" printed on it.

Firesenshi: I'm so glad Gr0undZer0 has decided to give up his evil ways and become an actor.
Ichi: ... (sub: What do you mean actor? Wrestling is real!)
Everyone else: (@_@) Yeah, Ichi.

Bluemaxx came into the room and found himself a space on the couch. He was wearing official The Fulk stretchy pants.

Bluemaxx: These pants are really great. It stretches 1000% when necessary.
Icesenshi: And when do you have to make it stretch 1000%, Bluemaxx? ;)
Bluemaxx: Do you want to find out first hand Icesenshi? ;)
BlogMaxx: I bet I could fit in there. (^_^)
Bluemaxx: I don't know you.

elfboy entered the room, now looking back as his normal self. He underwent 1 month of extra-rigorous Richard Simmons exercise as well as nightly lessons from Firesenshi... get your mind out of the gutter, she was teaching him the importance of a balanced diet.

elfboy: I can't believe that McMahon said I wasn't WWE material. I'm good looking, I'm sexy.
Bluemaxx: Yeah, but you kept forgetting your lines.
elfboy: Hey, it was difficult dialogue. "That elfboy, he's your fat!"
Thundersenshi: ... somehow I don't think that was what they told you to say.

Skysenshi: Shhhh shhh shhh... The Fulk is on! WOOooooo!

Dr. Gr0undZer0 came dressed in his wrestling labcoat as hip-hop music played in the background, he climbed up the turnbuckle and raised both arms. His bald head was waxed to a gleaming shine.

The Fulk's Entry Theme: He is the Fulk, here comes the Fulk, Don't get him in angry mode, he's the muthaload, his massive bulk, you muthafulk, He is the Fulk, here comes the Fulk...

Ichi: ... (sub: He is the Fulk, here comes the Fulk...)
Thundersenshi: I wonder who he's fighting.
Skysenshi: Hey, is that who I think it is?

The challenger came down to the ring. He picked up a microphone and taunted Dr. Gr0undZer0.

Roger Ebert: I give you two thumbs up, Fulk. Two thumbs up your CANDY ASS!!!!

elfboy: I don't believe they replaced me with him.

[THE END]

And so, for another episode at least, the Model Men have saved the day. And another WWE star is born! :D But all too soon, our Model Men will be embroiled in yet another adventure, and once again they will have to save the world. Sooner than our Model Men can say "You've Got Male", our really really good looking heroes will be back in Model Men Episode 8: The YaKaZaa!

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