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.: Character Profiles :. Written
by: elfboy Location:
The Internet The internet is a myriad of colors, deep intense blues, felt-like greens, suede-like browns, velvety velvet. The figure in cyberspace shifted through information at a million times a second, breaking proxies, breaking password protections, breaking firewalls like a renovation contractor gone berzerk. But finally the figure reached it's destination. Figure: Utility Thong Mk II plans. Location:
Firesenshi's Shower, Model Men Agency, Los Angeles But outside the shower, a shadow seen through the shower curtain passed by. Suspenseful music played. Firesenshi put a generous helping of shampoo in her hair and started lathering. Shampoo flowed down the drain. Meanwhile the shadow outside stretched out a hand and reached for the shower curtain. Suspenseful music reached a crescendo. The figure ripped the shower curtain to one side. Firesenshi:
EeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeEEEkkkkkkkkk! *Note: The producers don't know what Skysenshi is talking about. Now, uh, work that body Fire... yeah, we're on Primetime now. Model
Men Agency, Los Angeles, a.k.a Silicone Alley BlogMaxx and Icesenshi, the Model Men Techno-wizards were conducting the debriefing. BlogMaxx: Nyahh onii-chan.
Just leave your Utility Thong at the door. Here I'll help you. Firesenshi walked in and took her seat. The seats were arranged in a semi-circle, all facing the huge Holographic (no that does not mean you get porn on it, elfboy) Projection Screen. Icesenshi was standing on the podium next to the screen. Icesenshi: Now that
everyone is here, I'll begin briefing you about the situation. BlogMaxx,
give Bluemaxx back his Utility Thongs. Icesenshi switched on the Holographic Projection Screen. Icesenshi: I'm sure
you've all heard about the recent security breaches on the Internet. Icesenshi: Well, over
the past week, major websites have been attacked and had content stolen.
Even "MicroSuck" has been hit hard. Skysenshi: I've a
bad feeling about where this is going. Icesenshi: I regret
to tell you but, we've been affected too. In fact... we've lost all the
plans for the Utility Thong Mk II! Icesenshi: Yes, but
there's a problem. You see, we managed to track the data trail to Madagascar.
But I don't think that's where the bad guys really are. In fact... I have
a deep suspicion I know who did this. elfboy: So where is
the YaKaZaa? We'll go and smash their headquarters and get back our Utility
Thongs! BlogMaxx: Well...
the YaKaZaa only exists in one place. Computer
Labs, Model Men Agency Skysenshi: So this
is where all the money is going. Blogmaxx helped Bluemaxx into a tight-fitting, body-hugging, lycra bodysuit. elfboy had to struggle into his own. Bluemaxx: Why do we
have to wear these? Blogmaxx: Okay, you're
all wired up to go to the net. Blogmaxx: Firesenshi,
please help elfboy into the special Virtual Spacial Chair so I can jack
them into the net. Firesenshi helped elfboy into the chair and strapped him in. Just as she was about to turn to leave, elfboy grabbed her arm and looked deep into her eyes. elfboy: In case I
don't come back, Fire... I need to tell you something. *Ballad music plays
in the background* Icesenshi: Okay, enough
of the Unresolved Sexual Tension. Once you're in the Gaytrix... Bluemaxx: I need an
exit? Skysenshi turned to BlogMaxx and Icesenshi. Skysenshi: Are you
sure it's okay to separate their minds from their bodies like that? Our two really really good looking heroes were reclined as they prepared to jack into the world of the Gaytrix. (it's just a name). elfboy looked at Firesenshi. Breaking his silence he shouted towards her. elfboy: Fire, before
I go, I'd just like to tell you... In a bright flash, our two heroes consciousness were zapped through the fiber optic lines into the internet. Meanwhile back at the computer labs, the others were looking at each other. The bodies of our two Model Men were sitting inside their chairs, though their minds were far, far away. Firesenshi: WHAT DID
HE SAY?!!!!! Firesenshi stormed out of the room, leaving Ichi knocked out on the ground. Ichi: ... (sub: Lookit all the pwetty stars.) [To be continued] Written
by: elfboy Location:
The Gaytrix Bluemaxx: You know...
I feel like I've seen this in a movie before. Icesenshi's Voice boomed in the room. She was speaking over the inter.com (who said the dot.com was dead?) Icesenshi: Okay, you might need to get prepared for your journey through the Gaytrix. What do you need? Bluemaxx: ... Guns
would be nice. From the background a black dot appeared... then it got rapidly larger until it revealed whole racks of automatic and semi-automatic weaponry. Bluemaxx: Wow. Let's
take all the massively big guns that are too big to carry but look so
macho. Icesenshi's voice boomed once again. Icesenshi: Actually...
why do you need guns on the internet? 20
minutes later, elfboy and Bluemaxx were carrying optical mouses... mices... mice... yeah whatever. They were carrying optical mice instead of guns, but that didn't stop elfboy and Bluemaxx from carrying them in gun holsters and stuffing a couple under their belt. elfboy: How do these
optical thingies work? elfboy: You would
have thought Icesenshi & BlogMaxx would have given us a cool car to
ride in. Bluemaxx & elfboy reached the Firewall. There was a door in it. They would have opened it, if it wasn't on fire. elfboy: Holy smoke. Bluemaxx went to the door and touched the knob. It was surprisingly cold to the touch. elfboy: Well... open
it! 40
minutes later, elfboy: Wow... it
looks like a giant spider web. Two giant spiders were approaching. They had Google logos on their side. elfboy: Arrgghh! We're
about to be spidered! Bluemaxx and elfboy whipped out their optical mice, one in each hand and started clicking away at the spiders. The bright red light was just bouncing off the mechanical hides of the spiders. One of the spiders snaked out a long leg which elfboy dodged by rolling on the floor. While he rolled, he continued firing at the Spiders with his optical mouse. He came to a stop behind a large Packet of Cookies. Bluemaxx: Male Model #2! Look out! elfboy rolled head over heels just moments before a long mechanical leg destroyed the cookies. Bluemaxx: That's how the cookie crumbles... Mmm... chocolate chip. elfboy got back to his feet and discarding one of his optical mice that was covered in chocolate chip crumbs, drew another one from his pants and fired at the Spiders. elfboy: It's not working! elfboy performed sideways sommersault, landing on his feet each time as he fired on the Spiders. This time he went in close to try and do his damage but each click seemed to bounce off the spiders armored hide. Dodging the mechanical legs that look like mechanical tentacles but weren't, elfboy landed on one of the spiders and started clicking away on it with his optical mouse at point blank range. elfboy: Arrrrrrrrrrgggggggghhhhhh!!!!
Eat Optical Light!!!! One of the mechanical legs wrapped itself around elfboy's leg and pulled him down. elfboy: Male Model
#1!!! HELP!!! The spiders soon had a total of 8 mechanical legs wrapped around elfboy and Bluemaxx, while using the remaining 8 legs between them to walk. elfboy and Bluemaxx looked around as the Spiders easily traversed the web. elfboy: I wonder where
we'll end up. Just as suddenly, the web spiders dropped our heroes inside one of the gaps in the web, right into a website! Our really really good looking heroes fell down... (if you scroll down now, you might catch them... oh too late.) They landed on the status bar at the bottom of the screen and looked up. Bluemaxx: How are
we going to get back up there? elfboy looked at all the hyperlinks to www.YaKaZaa.com, Reyl Media Player, Un-REYL Tournament and the "We REYLly Love REYL" webring. elfboy: Male Model
#1. Look at all these links. Do you think there's a hyperlink to the YaKaZaa!
from here? Suddenly they heard a woman's voice. Woman's voice: Oh... what do we have here? The world's official twin dimwits! Bluemaxx & elfboy looked around. Bluemaxx: Who is she
talking about? elfboy & Bluemaxx were now confronted by lots and lots of scantily clad women in suggestive poses. elfboy looked at the web address. http://www.scantilycladwomeninsuggestiveposes.com. Bluemaxx: I love the web. Meanwhile, BlogMaxx: Darn it.
Those web spiders must have dumped them someplace relevant! Ichi: ... (sub: ...
Oooh yeah, ) BlogMaxx and Skysenshi went over to Ichi's computer and found him surfing www.scantilycladwomeninsuggestiveposes.com. Skysenshi: Ichi! How
dare you surf porn?! Skysenshi: We must
get them out of there and on with the mission! BlogMaxx: Oh oh. Wait, I think maybe Oniichan and elfy-chan are not going to enjoy their stay... Back at, The crowd of scantily clad women who were pampering our Model Men suddenly parted to reveal their leader, the woman whose voice our really really good looking heroes had heard before. Victoria Secret: How
dare you enter this website?! No male models are allowed to be seen on
this website! *cyber crickets chirp* elfboy: ... *psst*
*psst* Victoria Secret: Silence! Just as Reyl predicted, the Model Men will try and destroy his empire. But now you will suffer the consequences! Bring out the Wombat Brand Jello!!! The other scantily clad women brought out a giant Jello and threw our Model Men inside. elfboy: ... Why does
this feel so familiar? elfboy, Bluemaxx and Ashanti were all trapped together in the low quality Wombat Brand Jello. Meanwhile, [To be continued] Written
by: elfboy Location:
The Gaytrix, www.scantilycladwomeninsuggestiveposes.com Ashanti: *sigh* Don't
you guys have any other brand of Jello? Wombat Brand is messing up my
pores. Meanwhile, Professor waX: Very
good Fire. Lets turn the training level up to Level 9. The "Rilly Dangerous Room" started up and soon, all sorts of dangerous items like, giant Hammers (You could break a nail), and hot waX shot out of the walls. Firesenshi, an accomplished gymnast after years of watching Nadia Comeneci and Step-robics on TV easily avoided the dangers. Professor waX: Wow. The Professor didn't show any expression on his face. It might be because he was made out of waX. Firesenshi: Is this
Level 9? I break out in more sweat playing Super Mario! Firesenshi turned around and spotted her next opponent in this Survival match. He looked like a younger slightly less buff version of Fabio. Firesenshi: Accela
von Boobenheim?! The evil Iron Bra Baron last seen in episode 2? Elsewhere in the agency, Skysenshi was sneezing. Firesenshi & Accela soon tangled, first with Fire trying to knock Accela off a pedestal by swinging on a rope vine. Planting her feet firmly into his muscular chest, he sent him sprawling. But Accela managed to grab hold of Fire's leg and pulled her down to the soft mat below. They both got to their feet and faced off. Suddenly, a pole with two large Iron Bras attached on either end appeared in their hands. The pole looked like a giant Q-tip. Firesenshi: Why does
this feel so much like American Gladiators? Firesenshi proceeded to pound Accela with the giant Iron Bra Q-tip. Just as she was about to finish off Accela, the "Rilly Dangerous Room" returned to its normal state. Firesenshi: What happened? She looked up and saw Model Men Agency boss and head honcho, Skysenshi, Techwizards Icesenshi and BlogMaxx in the control room. Skysenshi: Fire, how
soon can you suit up and get ready to be inserted into the Gaytrix? Meanwhile elsewhere in the agency, Ichi sneezed while he was tied up blindfolded like a naked pinata hanging over the bed. Ichi: ... (sub: Please Skyhunny, I promise not to look at www.scantilycladwomeninsuggestiveposes.com anymore. And I won't look at www.animebabes_with_unrealistic_proportions.com either!) Icesenshi: We have
to send in a woman (you know for the sex appeal). Firesenshi: *sigh*
Okay, I guess I'll have to do it. Meanwhile, Victoria Secret looked on at the exploits of our hip-gyrating Model Men (and Ashanti) and looked worriedly at the System Tray Clock. Victoria Secret: Damn
it. Where's Agent Smith? Agent Smith: So... Mr. Anderson. Are you the one they call "Neo"? elfboy and Bluemaxx looked at each other before turning to Ashanti. elfboy: I think he's
talking to you, Ashanti babes. Agent Smith: Silence.
Human beings are a disease. They spread like a... Agent Smith: No! Spread
like a para... Agent Smith: Arrrggghhh... Time for mindless but super cool action sequences!!! Agent Smith went to the Jello and started chopping off bits of the colorful clear solid liquid. (spot the paradox) Finally our really really good looking heroes (and Ashanti) were freed from their Jello prison. Gathering bits of the fallen treat, elfboy and Ashanti hurled it at Agent Smith, but he unbelievably dodged all of them in multiple different positions (without moving his legs)! elfboy: Wow... he's
good. The scantily clad models were now covered in Jello, that was wiggling in... and squished between... and... oooooouuuuhhhhhh.... Agent Smith, taking advantage of our heroes distraction gathered up all the Jello around him and formed a giant Jello ball which he hurled towards our Model Men. elfboy: We're doomed! But Bluemaxx held up a hand and the Jello bits froze and hung in the air. elfboy: Woah! He IS
the one! True to her word, the Jello bits (after buffering) smacked into them. elfboy looked down at his chest and it was a sea of red everywhere. elfboy: Arrrrghhh!!!! I'm hit! I'm hit!!! Bluemaxx held the side of his head that was stained in red, with bits dripping down. Ashanti wiped a little of the red goo on her and tasted it. Ashanti: Guys... it's
just Jello. elfboy: Arrrggghhh!!!
I can't feel my legs... it's getting cold... I see dead people. elfboy looked down and tasted the red stains on his clothes. elfboy: Oh... I knew that all the time. (^.^) Agent Smith stood beside elfboy and looked down at him. Agent Smith: Enough
of this! You move pretty fast for a human. But not fast enough. Firesenshi appeared behind Agent Smith and sent an optical mouse click (coz violence is not the answer) right into the back of his head. Agent Smith fell to the ground and disappeared, leaving only cookies in his wake. Firesenshi helped elfboy to his feet. Firesenshi: What would
you guys do without me? But Firesenshi pulled the Dimwitted Duo back. Firesenshi: We've
got to get the Utility Thong Mk II plans back remember?! Firesenshi dragged them towards the hyperlinks. They clicked the links and were soon transported through the Gaytrix to another website. Location:
The Gaytrix, www.YaKaZaa.com Firesenshi: Wow. I never thought P2P file sharing with the YaKaZaa was so popular. As Firesenshi stepped off the curb to cross the internet traffic lane, a mp3 of Madonna's new single almost ran them over. It played a sample of its track. Madonna Track: What
the f*ck do you think you're doing?! Our three really really good looking heroes made it across and came up to this large digital structure. They looked up and saw the logo of the YaKaZaa! printed on the side of the building. There was a giant brightly lit sign saying "This way to the YaKaZaa!" pointing at the doorbell. Bluemaxx: You think
this is the place? Firesenshi confiscated the remote detonator from them. Firesenshi: Remember,
no unneccessary damage! We're still paying for the damage we did to Tokyo
in Episode 6. Just as our heroes were about to enter, a giant eye-ball like creature appeared. Firesenshi: A sentinel!!! Quick hide! Firesenshi dragged the two Male Models into an alley. Firesenshi: I hope
it didn't see us. Fighting that would be a handful. Bluemaxx: What should
we do? Ooo... look at that bright red light... Firesenshi peeked around the corner. The Sentinel was patrolling dangerously close. She hid back behind the wall and took out her PDA with mini-keyboard. She typed in a rapid message to Model Men Agency. Firesenshi: Help. There's a Sentinel protecting www.YaKaZaa.com. What should we do? And who took my Billy Gilman CD and replaced it with Aaron Carter? And don't blame Michael Jackson for this! Elsewhere, Michael Jackson sneezed. After sending the message, Firesenshi looked around the corner again. But this time, the Sentinel was looking straight at her!!! Firesenshi: ARRRRGGGHHH!!! elfboy grabbed hold of Fire (copped a feel ) and followed Bluemaxx down the alley. Bluemaxx was looking into his handheld exit-finder thingiemajig but stopped when they came to a dead end. Bluemaxx: Oh no! It's
a dead end! Fire finally got the Grappling Hook/Harpoon out of elfboy's Utility Thongs and aimed at the fire escape. They had to make sure that Fire escaped up the fire escape. Fire fired the harpoon at the fire escape. The grappling hook caught hold on the fire escape, meaning Fire had fired the grappling hook very accurately at the fire escape. Now, can Fire escape through the fire escape before the Sentinel cuts off their escape and fires on Fire and friends as they try to escape on the fire escape? (p/s: If there's a fire on the fire escape... where would the fire escape to?) Firesenshi: Quick! Before the Sentinel catches us! The three of them held on to the Grappling Hook/Harpoon and the motor inside pulled them to safety. But their rate of ascent was too slow and the eyeball was on the verge of catching them. elfboy looked at Firesenshi and then at Bluemaxx. elfboy: Make sure Fire escapes through the fire escape, Bluemaxx. elfboy then let go of Firesenshi, fell a few feet and landed on his feet. He faced off against the Sentinel. He took out his Laser Pointer and switched it on. It glowed like a lightsaber. Firesenshi: No!!!! elfboy saw that Bluemaxx and Fire made it safely to the fire escape and turned back to face the eyeball. Firesenshi didn't want to leave elfboy but Bluemaxx grabbed her and quickly found the phone. Firesenshi: We've
got to get elfboy! We can't leave him here. Bluemaxx just realized he had said the exit password while speaking into the phone. Bluemaxx: Oops. Bluemaxx was transported out. Firesenshi looked at the phone and then back down to the alley where elfboy was fighting the Sentinel. She put the phone back on the hook and ran towards the fire escape. Meanwhile, elfboy was sweating. He looked up at the Sentinel. elfboy: ...You think
you've beaten me... but... do you have any 6's?! [To be continued] Written
by: Bluemaxx Location:
Model Men Agency HQ (Really-really-really high tech futuristic room) 3 minutes
later……Thundersenshi and Bluemaxx are reconnected to the Model
Men Agency’s mainframe. Both our Model Men heroes are in some sort
of dojo……obviously Icesenshi is running a martial arts program. Thundersenshi: I look
cool…..*blush* Open Ether circuits!! *raises hand and pose* Icesenshi:Hai desu! A moment later, a
windows popped-up above Bluemaxx’s head with the words “LOADING:23%
Completion”. Several seconds passed before Bluemaxx blinked his
eyes and say… Bluemaxx instinctively
jumped forward towards Thundersenshi and executed a barrage of lightning
fast punches and uppercuts followed by multiple kicks from various angles.
The two fights off
again…this time faster and more intense than before. Bluemaxx manages
to execute several tai-chi, wusyu, karate and even wrestling moves in
a row but still thundersenshi manages to evade and block each and every
one of them. It wasn’t before Bluemaxx jumped up and executes a
spike attack before he realized something….. Meanwhile….In
the Gaytrix. Voice:Welcome to the
Gaytrix, Mister elfboy….and Miss firesenshi. We, the Yakazaas have
been expecting the Model Men Agency for some time now……. The Sentinel looked at firesenshi with a hurt look on its face. Firesenshi just glared back. Voice: I apologize
for Squiddy’s…..weird odour. Its hard to get the stench of
pornography off my machine minions you know…… (Somewhere…Bluemaxx sneezed…….while he’s adjusting his Venus bikini.) Voice:Let
me introduce myself….my name is Reyl…..creator of the Reyl
Media Player and founder of the Yakaazas. We sell any media files on the
net for a very reasonably immoral high price……..just like
what good capitalists do. (^_^) Reyl:I’ll never
tell you anything….but I will tell you this……..I have
discovered that your Model Men Agency Utility Thongs contains some of
the world’s best weaponry in the whole civilized world…..therefore
by having these Utility Thongs designs in my controls, I can equip my
most well-endowed soldiers and create my personal invincible fighting
force….Mwahahaha!!!*cough!* Suddenly, a figure appeared behind the Sentinel and walked towards Reyl. Agent Smith smiled as he passed Firesenshi and even gave a similar yet sultry smile at elfboy. He was nibbling on a cookie and was mumbling something about humans being like diseases and parasites and stuff. Agent Smith: Mister
Reyl….I have located Mr. Anderson in Model Men Agency’s Mainframe.
Shall I retrieve him? Elfboy: That’s
not Mr. Anderson…..that’s Bluemaxx; Male Model#1. Agent Smith: Yes sir. Activating ‘Click+Paste’ Program…… The room soon was
filled with hundreds of Agent Smiths as they rush heading towards the
Model Men Agency Main Frame. No one was amazed at the sight of Agent Smith
multiplying……except for elfboy. ~To Be Continued~ Written
by: elfboy Location:
Model Men Agency, Computer Lab (Or the ultra rilly cool looking room) Stevie Jobs: Sorry. My bad. Skysenshi whispered exasperatedly to herself. Skysenshi: That's the last time I place an ad for a qualified electrician in "Geeks Quarterly". GeekQ is just not GQ. The alarm rang once more causing the three of them to turn once more in Stevie's direction. Stevie: Uh... not me this time. Skysenshi whirled round to face the computer screens. Hundreds of white dots dotted the screen that was shaped like a labyrinth... their Model Men mainframe! BlogMaxx was controlling this giant yellow sprite eliminating the white dots but there were blob like shapes floating around... They must be the sentinels!!! But wait, the large yellow sprite ate a larger white dot and then started eating up the Sentinels! BlogMaxx: Yeah! Got
you! Icesenshi: Wait, we've detected a presence entering the Model Men Mainframe. Guys, be prepared for company. Location:
Model Men Mainframe Bluemaxx: Company? Suddenly the walls of the Digital Dojo splintered into a million billion pieces. In the rubble there stood Agent Smith. Agent Smith: Mr. Anderson... Surprised to see me? Bluemaxx adjusted his Venus Bikini (with infra-red RF triggered Utility Thong sold separately). Bluemaxx: Who's Mr.
Anderson? Thundersenshi: Wooo... *holds out a two piece mini bikini with the Canadian Maple Leaf flag on it* Wooo! Agent Smith: I've had enough of you, Mr. Anderson. Say hello to my friends, Mr. Anderson. 99 other Agent Smith look-alikes entered the Dojo. They started fighting Bluemaxx & Thundersenshi, in that Virtua-Cinematic style. As if on cue, music came on. Unfortunately, we couldn't use Rage Against The Machine's "Calm Like A Bomb" song, so we had to improvise on short notice. Background Music: I'm glad when I'm making love to you... Bluemaxx started dancing like J-Lo in her music video... or like FlashDance, whichever you saw first. Agent Smith: ... Ewww...
that is sooooo Wrong, Mr. Anderson. Background Music: I'm happy you came into my life, everytime... Bluemaxx was rubbing his Venus bikini body in ways that would make strippers the world over blush. He then started dancing with a chair which he twirled around as he made his way up the Dojo Tea House table. Then somersaulting on one hand he reached for a string which dumped water all over his dancing body. Then he grabbed hold of the strippers pole and starting dancing with it. Background Music: I'm happy that you know how to be a man... Thundersenshi: There's
something seriously disturbing about this song and Bluemaxx dancing to
it. The music stops and Bluemaxx regains his senses. He is now surrounded by 100 very angry Agent Smiths, at least that's what he hopes they are... 100 horny Agent Smiths is going to be tricky. Bluemaxx breaks off the strippers pole and uses it as a fighting stick. Then all at once, the 100 Agent Smiths jumped on Bluemaxx. Thundersenshi: Woah!
Prison movie! Agent Smith: I'm sorry
Mr. Anderson, but movie villains also don't fight fair. Bluemaxx, now fired up to fight broke free and as he twirled the fighting stick, he knocked 8 Agent Smiths off their feet. Then he flipped one Agent Smith up into the air before smacking him down again with the stick. But before he could get in another shot, two Agent Smiths grabbed each arm, causing Bluemaxx to drop his stick. But not missing a beat, he used his foot to catch the stick and kicked it against one of the approaching Agent Smiths. Then with amazing dexterity he... (10 minutes later) ... beat another Agent Smith with his fighting stick as 7 Agent Smiths came charging in... (10 minutes later) ... with another assault, Bluemaxx planted the stick into the ground and started running faster and faster against all the Agent Smiths chest but they... (10 minutes later) ... were just falling like flies. Finally, Bluemaxx faced off with the original Agent Smith. Agent Smith: Copies
aren't as good as the original, Mr. Anderson. But Agent Smith disappeared out of the Model Men Mainframe before they could capture him. Agent Smith: ... And buy the X-Box... We've got DOA Beach VolleyBall & Mech Assault... Bluemaxx readjusted his Venus Bikini. Bluemaxx: Thundersenshi,
say it's not true... Meanwhile, Firesenshi: Is this
a dream? Firesenshi turned around to face elfboy. His body was covered in intricate Moorish tattoos, while he wore the smallest pair of hotpants she had ever seen, and left very little to the imagination. Firesenshi: Why are
you wearing that? Firesenshi looked at their surroundings. Firesenshi: This is
all in our minds. None of this is real. Reyl's voice came on over an invisible Public Address Speaker. Reyl: So... you two are finally awake. Very well. Now, let's play a REYL game. The room faded away to reveal elfboy & Firesenshi dressed in battle gear, equiped with a dinky laser gun. They were in a dungeon or deathmatch arena somewhere. Firesenshi: Looks
like we're going to fight. I'm going ahead, watch my back. As if on cue, once again, Reyl's voice came over the invisible Public Address Speaker. Reyl: Welcome to... UN-REYL Tournament! The rules are simple. If you defeat me, you'll UN-REYL me and I will return the Model Men Utility Thong plans. But if you lose... A panel slid open to reveal the bones of the previous losers. Firesenshi: You'll
kill us? Firesenshi and elfboy shared a look. They both knew this was the only way they would escape and win back the Utility Thongs. elfboy: On one condition. elfboy: Yeah... um...
maybe you could put it on her now... Firesenshi looked down at her costume and walked off. Reyl had changed it to the French Maid outfit. elfboy was true to his word, his eyes kept watching her back. Firesenshi: Are you
just going to stare. Firesenshi turned around and fired her laser. Meanwhile Agent Smith: Can I
help you? Agent Smith's eyes narrowed as he scrutinized the man. Agent Smith: You're
not Mr. Anderson. Agent Smith turned around and found a tall elf traversing the Gaytrix. Agent Smith confronted the elf. Agent Smith: So, Mr.
Anderson, we meet again! [To be continued] Written
by: elfboy Location:
Un-REYL Tournament Dungeon, YaKaZaa servers However, Reyl had no intention of playing fair. He was sitting in an alcove high above the dungeon. From this vantage point he could see the entire dungeon and he could see the two Model Men foolishly creeping around. Reyl entered his cheat code and immediately received God like status, infinite ammo, powerful guns and a minty fresh air freshener. Reyl: Now, let's see you spot me at the top of this alcove where I can snipe you everywhere you go. Firesenshi & elfboy looked right at the alcove Reyl was camping in. Firesenshi pointed at him. Firesenshi: YOU CHEATER!!! Reyl realized that his P.A system was still on and that he had just broadcasted his position to Firesenshi & elfboy. Reyl: Damn. Oh well,
you can't beat me coz I've got unlimited ammo and weapons!!! Reyl took out the BFG (Big Frucking Gun) and took aim at the two really really hot looking uh... hotties. Reyl: Eat Bazooka Lead! Reyl fired the bazooka shell at our two heroes. Firesenshi quickly ducked for cover but elfboy stood there contemplating. elfboy: Wait a minute, bazooka shells aren't made of lead. Firesenshi grabbed elfboy and pulled him around the corner mere moments before the shell destroyed that part of the dungeon. The blast launched both Firesenshi & elfboy into the air before coming to a skidding halt on the ground a few feet later. Firesenshi found herself sitting in elfboy's lap. She tried to get off of him but he held her back. elfboy: Wait. I've
got a plan. Firesenshi: Ugh! Okay, give me your gun. elfboy handed over his laser pistol. Firesenshi hesitated for a moment. Firesenshi: Okay...
if it isn't your pistol that is poking me in the back... what is it that's
poking me? elfboy took out his Motorized Grappling Harpoon/Hook from his Utility Thong and handed it to Firesenshi. elfboy: Here. Meanwhile, BlogMaxx: Quick Oniichan & Thunder-neechan. Enter The Gaytrix! Meanwhile, Before this disturbing scenario can go any further, both of them enter the Gaytrix. Location:
Un-REYL Tournament Dungeon, YaKaZaa servers Thundersenshi: Where
are they? Just then they saw another blast from Reyl's BFG. It came from the alcove at the top of the tower in the middle of the dungeon. Bluemaxx: That must
be where Reyl is. Blogmaxx (over MANlink - Massive Area Network): [Okay Oniichan. Uploading special gear now.] Bluemaxx & Thundersenshi saw four massive objects glitter and appear in front of them. When they materialized they looked like... Thundersenshi: All
right!!! Xenogears!!! Now I can look even more like KOS-MOS. Meanwhile When they ran around the corner, they saw Bluemaxx and Thundersenshi. Thundersenshi: Firesenshi!
*hugs* Agent Smith: So Mr. Anderson. We meet again. Our four heroes turned to face Agent Smith, the evil agent who has been trying desperately to get rid of them. As they got ready to face Agent Smith, Bluemaxx stepped out in front and waved the others back. Bluemaxx: I'll handle
this. This time... it's personal. Agent Smith moved extremely quick and in a blink of an eye he was pummelling Bluemaxx in the midriff with ultra quick punches. Bluemaxx was absorbing the blows though he couldn't launch a counter attack. Meanwhile, BlogMaxx: Oniichan!!!
He's getting killed. Look at his body flopping all over like that. Icesenshi: Oh no!
Guys, I can't disconnect the Model Men Mainframe from the YaKaZaa servers!!! Location:
Back at the Yakazaa servers Bluemaxx: Where did
these railroad tracks come from? The train came hurtling down the track at blinding speed. Mustering all the strength he had, Bluemaxx lept with Agent Smith on his back to the top of the ceiling. At the same time, Skysenshi was briefing elfboy about the situation. elfboy: Oh no! Bluemaxx! We've got to stop Reyl as quickly as possible! He's corrupting the Model Men Mainframe! Bluemaxx was being strangled by Agent Smith. His Venus Bikini was beginning to slip. Bluemaxx: *gasp* *choke*
Uh... could *choke* you help me? *gasp*... elfboy adjusted the Venus Bikini for Bluemaxx. Bluemaxx: *gasp* Thank
You *choke* Agent Smith continued pounding into Bluemaxx's chest area but now with the Venus Bikini adjusted optimally (covering 98% of Bluemaxx's nippular region), Bluemaxx could feel the power of the Venus bikini come to the fore. He easily countered Agent Smith's attacks. So easily, that he could defend it with one hand. Then using his inner-Bikini-Chi, he landed a killer punch, destroying Agent Smith. When the dust cleared, Bluemaxx turned to his three companions. They were playing Dance Dance Revolution with the playmat. elfboy: Oh, he's finished
already. Okay, back to work. Eventually, our four really good looking heroes got into their respective XenoGears. elfboy: How come we
didn't get these when we were fighting Metal Gear OctoSoshi? With all that lengthy dialogue out of the way, the four Xenogears face off against Reyl's battle tower. Reyl: Mwahahahaha!
You think you're going to win, but I'm already absorbing all the information
from Model Men. You have fallen into my trap, because once I wipe out
the information from the Model Men Mainframe, none of you can go back! Reyl: Then eat this! Reyl fired all his weapons (with infinite ammo) at the four Xenogears surrounding the Tower. Meanwhile, Ichi: ... (sub: Ooo... empty terminal. Okay, launch Sinternet Sexplorer.) Skysenshi had to extinguish a fire that cropped up at one of the servers. Ichi: ... (sub: Hmm, which site should I go to? Oh yeah, www.Pornographic_website_specially_made_for_Ichi.com) Icesenshi was quickly typing on the keyboard, hacking the Gaytrix. Ichi: ... (sub: Ooo... what's this? Click here to download 300 GigaByte data file of Porn. We have broadband. Download!) BlogMaxx was knitting a sweater. (He doesn't handle pressure very well.) Ichi waited for his porn to download. Meanwhile, Reyl: Hey! How come I'm suddenly lagging? The four XenoGears were now moving in Bullet Time, dodging the bullets in fantastic moves as the bullets now moved slowly through the air. Reyl quickly checked his servers and found the problem. Reyl: WHO THE HECK IS DOWNLOADING A 300 GIGABYTE DATA FILE OF PORN?!!! I must disconnect from the Model Men Mainframe! It's crashing my system! But as hard as Reyl tried to disconnect, his own hack of the system proved too good. It wouldn't disconnect. Reyl: Oh no! The Servers are crashing!!! The dungeon was crumbling away as well as the tower Reyl was stationed in. The floor of the dungeon gave way underneath the Xenogears feet. Thundersenshi: We're
doomed! Everything was bathed in pure white light. 3
minutes later, BlogMaxx: Oniichan!!!
*flies into Bluemaxx's arms* Bluemaxx dropped BlogMaxx on the floor. Bluemaxx: But not THAT glad. Thundersenshi turned to the others and noticed their worried expressions. She turned towards the inert forms of elfboy & Firesenshi. Thundersenshi: How
come they're not up yet? Just then, elfboy stirred and opened his eyes. Everyone breathed a sigh of relief. They welcomed him back but soon he turned his worried gaze towards Firesenshi. Skysenshi: ... Firesenshi.
I guess all we can do is wait. Come on elfboy, you must be tired. Putting his head beside Fire's, he whispered something into her ear. As if by miracle, Firesenshi's eyes flew wide open and she grabbed elfboy by the collar. Firesenshi: WHAT DID YOU SAY?!!!! YOU'RE DEAD MEAT MISTER!!!! Firesenshi punched elfboy through the roof. Everyone else looked up at the hole in the ceiling. Skysenshi: ... That's
gonna cost us more money to repair, isn't it? :bawling: But Firesenshi wasn't revealing what elfboy said. She went back to a well deserved rest with a smile on her face. Firesenshi: elfboy, I love y... [THE END] After much
speculation, I guess I should reveal what elfboy said to Firesenshi to
revive her. He said: But we're
still not going to tell you if Firesenshi said what you think she might
be saying when she said: But now keep
your eyes peeled coz Model Men
episode 9: A Beautiful Mime is coming. |
