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| .: Character Profiles :. .: Emoticon Guide :. Written
by: elfboy Location:
Top Secret Perfume Fragrance Farms of Issey Miyake, Cleveland, Ohio A dark silhouette crawled through hole in the barbed wire steel mesh fence. The figure straightened up and limped towards the crops. Sticking a hand down the front of his pants, the figure pulled out... A sock. (cue dramatic music). Putting the sock on his hand, he proceeded to rip out the crops. Daylight Issey Miyake:
Who could have done this? ~~~~~~ Photographer: Yeah, baby. Give me more skin! Bluemaxx pushed open the jacket to reveal his perfectly formed abs, as well as revealing the Tommy boxers he was modelling. Photographer: Give me... Bluesteel! Bluemaxx turned to the camera with his famous patented look, causing all the interns to start spraying themselves with water to keep cool. "That Bluemaxx... he's so hot!" Suddenly the boxers started ringing. Looking down, Bluemaxx answered his Model Men Utility Thongs (available now, our operators are standing by). Bluemaxx: Hello. What's up? All the people on the fashion shoot set looked at Bluemaxx talking to his... boxers. Photographer: Uh, Bluebaby. Are you okay? Bluemaxx looked up at the photographer. Bluemaxx: Do you mind, this is a private conversation. What? You need me to zip over there immediately to deal with a situation that has just risen up? Can't elfboy do it for me? No? I need to handle it with him? Okay, understood. Out. Bluemaxx hung up and looked at all the other people staring back at him. Bluemaxx grinned. The photographer winked at him suggestively. Bluemaxx:
Emergency... need to leave immediately. Bluemaxx: (o_O) Meanwhile
at the Armani Photo Shoot Photographer: Yeah, baby. Now, hold that pose and give me... El-merFudd. elfboy turned to the camera, looking sensually at the lens while his hand went to pull down on the top of the pants, revealing the tanned hip underneath. Suddenly, elfboy's MMiB (Model Men in Black) shades ring. Putting them on, he answered the call. The image of Firesenshi (droooool) came on. Firesenshi: Male Model #2, we need you to come back to the Model Men Agency immediately! A situation has risen in the Secret Issey Miyake Perfume Farms! elfboy: You
mean the secret farm in Cleveland that no one is supposed to know about? elfboy took off his shades and threw it calmly towards the camera, exploding in mid air. In slow motion, elfboy walked into the very next room and placing his hand on the touchscreen there, revealed a secret elevator. Pressing down on the elevator button, the secret elevator zoomed down out of sight. When the doors opened, elfboy was in... Location:
Model Men Agency, Los Angeles Skysenshi:
Welcome, boys. So how were your fashion shoots? Skysenshi: Nevermind the details, here's your next mission. Remember the fate of the perfume world rests on your broad model men shoulders. A holographic image came on. Skysenshi:
We suspect that the person who created the crop circles in Issey Miyake's
perfume farm could have been no other than... Kuni Igor Buni. elfboy: No... it can't be... say it isn't... oh yes it is. The picture of Dr. 3vil/trinity came on the hologram. Bluemaxx:
Who's she, elfboy? Flashback:
Levi's ad Elfboy caught her look of surprise and stopped. He was enchanted, entranced by the girl's beauty. He walked towards her, as the Levi's logo splashed up on screen. Levi's. Doesn't shrink with every wash. And the rest as they say, is history. Present
day Skysenshi: Get your plane tickets from Firesenshi. Dismissed. Bluemaxx and elfboy met Firesenshi. Bluemaxx
(in Sean Connery accent): Morning Ms. Firesenshi, I heard you've got something
for me. elfboy pushed
Bluemaxx out of the door. Bluemaxx waved goodbye to Firesenshi before disappearing out the door. Firesenshi: Ooo... that Bluemaxx... he's so hot! ~~~[To be continued]~~~ Written
by: elfboy Location:
Shanghai, China Bluemaxx
Fan Club: Oooo... tat BrueMaxx... he's so hot! Signing autographs in slow motion as they walked down the red carpet, a dark silhouette suddenly throws a programme at our model men. Sensing danger, our two male models in a synchronized move, pulled off the Keanu Reeves Matrix move, as the programme flew inches above them. The crowd scattered in pandemonium as our male model agents fell to the floor. A feminine hand was ready to pick them up straight away. Taking hold of the hands, the male models were pulled back to their feet. Bluemaxx:
Thank you, Miss... Bluemaxx and elfboy noticed the resemblance between the two identical twins. Bluemaxx:
Are you two related? Fook Mee
(saluting): We arr siste. Agent #1, Wee Fook Mee, repoting fo dutee, Mr.
Bruemaxx, effboy. elfboy: Okay.
Do you know where Dr. 3vil is hiding? Bluemaxx & elfboy: (^_^U) Our two really good looking heroes and their escorts quickly make their way down from the helipad into the Top Secret Laboratory below. There, they meet with a small elderly hunched asian man, the genius Chinese inventor, Made In China. Mr. Made:
Welcome Bruemaxx, effboy. We veli honor haffing you with us. Mr. Made In China whipped off a large cloth covering a large shape revealing a huge machine sitting on the top of a giant platform. There were portholes and propellers, and the machine was shaped like a submarine. Elfboy: Woah...
what is it? Bluemaxx:
Wow! A submarine! What power does it use? Steam? Nuclear? Mr. Made opened a small hatch at the side of the submarine revealing the power source. 8 AA sized batteries. Bluemaxx:
Batteries? Fook Yew and Fook Mee grabbed our 2 bewildered but really really good looking heroes and pulled them into the submarine. The submarine was surprisingly spacious inside. As Mr. Made lowered the submarine into the launch bay below the laboratory, Bluemaxx jumped behind the controls and started up the sub. elfboy: I
didn't know you understood chinese. The submarine submerges and starts its journey. 1
hour later, Kowloon Bay Bluemaxx:
Thar she blows! Our male model agents look around the submarine. Hung up neatly against the wall were diving equipment and espionage gear of every kind. Bluemaxx:
See anything we can use? ~~~~~ Random Badguy:
Who is it? The guard quickly lets our heroes into the airlock. Once inside the submarine our heroes overpower the guard. Elfboy: Now
we've got to find Dr. 3vil and stop her. Fook Yew, you're with Bluemaxx.
Fook Mee, you come with me. And remember... Elfboy and Fook Mee sneak around stealthily, learning their trade from hours of Metal Gear Solid playing. Elfboy peered around the corner and saw that it was empty. elfboy: Quick
Fook Mee, this way. elfboy knew that voice. He turned around to see... Dr. 3vil! ~~~~~~ elfboy: Why?
Why Dr. 3vil?! Bluemaxx and Fook Yew saw them walk past, an unconscious Fook Mee slung over Kuni Igor Buni's shoulder. Fook Yew:
We must lescue them, Mr. Bruemaxx! Fook Yew:
Quick. Befo' somebody comes. The laser cutter burnt through the hatch as they pushed against it. The laser burnt a hole in the hatch. The steel door was no match against a Made In China laser. They lost control of the laser slightly and it caused the hatch to drop noisily to the floor. Bluemaxx and Fook Yew entered the brig and knocking out the guard quickly found Fook Mee's cell. Unlocking it, they looked for elfboy, but he was no where to be found. Bluemaxx:
Fook Mee! Where is Male Model #2? Bluemaxx sat down on the guard's chair as Fook Mee, Fook Yew and Lucy Liu stood behind him, posing with guns. Bluemaxx:
Uh... Lucy Liu, what are you doing here? ~~~~~~ next part:
The firing of the Man-Hating Ray! (we're doomed) Written
by: elfboy In the last segment, our really really good looking hero, Male Model #2, elfboy was captured by the deliciously evil super sexy femme fatale Dr. 3vil a.k.a 3nity. Meanwhile Male Model #1, Bluemaxx and the two Chinese operatives, Wee Fook Mee and Wee Fook Yew were planning a daring, but tasteful escape. Location:
Dr. 3vil's Submarine elfboy's hands and feet were shackled to the wall of the torture chamber, his shirt ripped open to reveal his body (sex appeal, baby) as Dr. 3vil, dressed in a Gucci leather catsuit paced in front of him. elfboy: Just
because you've got me locked up in chains I have no possible way of escaping
from doesn't mean that I'm helpless. Dr. 3vil took out a small device from her matching Gucci leather handbag. She held it up for Male Model #2 to see. Dr. 3vil:
Then do you remember... this? Dr. 3vil
hooked the device up to a TV and switched the TV on. Richard Simmons exercise
came on. elfboy: Noooooooooooooooooooooooo! ~~~~~~~ Random voice (from behind them): Not so fast!!! Bluemaxx, Fook Mee and Fook Yew turned around to see Kuni and the rest of the Village People standing there. Bluemaxx:
Hah! Kuni Igor! You should know that all Model Men agents are immune to
Village People attacks! A disco ball lowers from the ceiling as strobe lights start flashing. A section of wall slides up to reveal the Bee Gees as the floor pops up to reveal hardwood disco floor. Disco music filled the air as Kuni in his pure white polyester disco dancing suit stuck a finger up in the air and pointed at Bluemaxx. Kuni challenged Bluemaxx to a dance off. Staying Alive, staying alive Fook Mee and Fook Yew quickly freed Elfboy from his shackles. Elfboy strutted to the middle of the dance floor, the top two buttons of his loud psychedelia patterned shirt unbuttoned, showing off his chest. The floor had cleared to form a circle for the dance off. Bad disco music flitted through the speakers Staying alive... staying alive... Bluemaxx made his way down to the disco dancefloor, combing his synthetic Giant SuperAfro. He stopped beside Kuni who still held his finger up in the air. Ah, ah, ah, ah, Staying alive, staying alive... Synchronized, Kuni, Bluemaxx and elfboy started dancing, doing the disco, the hustle, the charleston, the funky chicken in an almost pre-choreographed routine. The three of them strutted around the dance floor as one, each one dancing in the exact same style as the disco ball overhead refracted light, casting psychedelic lighting effects. Then the strobe lights came on. Kuni then took center floor, backed up by the Village people, performed his individual routine. His booty shaking in time with the music, he twirled his hands in front of him, before whipping out the all so famous finger. He strutted and strutted ... and strutted... and then he jumped up in the air and landed in a split. The crowd went wild. Bluemaxx was next in line and he took to the floor and began with the same finger move Kuni showed off. Then showing why his tagline was "Ooo... that Bluemaxx he's so hot", Bluemaxx fell on to his back and spun. He spun so fast that his polyester suit caught fire, but he didn't mind. When he finally came to a stop, Fook Mee and Fook Yew sprayed the fire-extinguisher on him. Next was Elfboy and everyone was clapping their hands in synch with the music. Staying alive... staying alive... ah, ah, ah, ah... staying alive... Elfboy went into his routine of hip thrusts, hand jerks, leg pumps, high kicks, pirouttes and in a final, the Moonwalk. As he glided smoothly across the dance floor backwards, Kuni and Bluemaxx got back on the floor and all three dancers resumed their synchronized dance. Ah, ha,
ha, ha, stayin' alive, stayin' alive. All three of them stopped dancing on the final note to rawcous applause. Bluemaxx then stunned Kuni and his back up dancers with "BlueSteel". Bluemaxx lands his killer pose, knocking out Kuni and his backup dancers. The girls and Lucy Liu pose next to Bluemaxx like in a James Bond poster. elfboy: Quick,
we've got Dr. 3vil now! Dr. 3vil looked at her vanquished henchman and taking out a remote control, activated the Man-Hating Ray, "The Queer-crusher!" The ray shoots out from the submarine's giant laser gun, bounces the signal off a few satellites, and radiates the world with the Man-Hating ray. Soon, men of all age, race and color are hating each other. There is no escape. Location:
London George Michael:
Take that you Queen! Elton John gets Celine Dion to knock George out and puts him on the tracks. Elton gets on board the locomotive and encounters Kylie Minogue. Kylie: Do the locomotion with me! Elton takes control of the uh... controls and starts backing up towards George Michael's prone body. Elton John: This train don't stop! ~~~~~~~~ Oprah: There goes my book club! Justin Timberlake:
Hey! It's not fair you get to get sent into space! Whipping out his cellphone, Justin gets online with his agent. Justin: Get me Jerry Springer NOW! Lance throws Oprah's White Chocolate cake at Justin's face - missing him and landing splat on the floor. Seeing what Lance had done to her White Chocolate cake, Oprah starts turning green... her clothes start tearing as she transforms. Oprah: Hulk SMASH!!!!! Meanwhile Skysenshi:
Ru Paul. Why are all the men fighting? Firesenshi and Ru Paul: A good Yaoi...? Skysenshi: Nevermind. Skysenshi breathed a sigh of relief. She almost blew her secret. Firesenshi:
How come Ru isn't affected? Firesenshi & Skysenshi: (-_-U) [Location:
Dr. 3vil's submarine] Bluemaxx: Gasp! That's a secret!!! Bluemaxx used his utility thong to fire a grapling hook at elfboy, who ducked and used his utility thong to shoot Calvin Klein Perfume. Bluemaxx gasped and fell to the floor. Elfboy stood over our prone really really good looking hero and lifted up the chair. elfboy: Smack down! ~~~~~~ ~~~[To be continued]~~~ Written
by: Bluemaxx In the last segment, our two really-really-really good-looking heroes plus the rest of the male population of Earth has been zapped by Dr.3vil's secret weapon,the "Man-Hating Ray" or the "Queer-Crusher". Needless to say, it worked and has eradicated male homosexuality on Earth......much to the displeasure of female Yaoi-lovers everywhere. Location:Male
Model Agency HQ Sky: "Oh
God!Tell me it isn't so!!!" 'Howie D. and long time secret love Nick Carter has separated after 5 years living together.Disbandment of the Back Street Boys is in works.' Sky:" NOOOOOOO!!!!! "*bawls* *Beep*-*Beep*.........*Beep*-*Beep*.......*Beep*-*Beep*..... Ru Paul: "I'll get it!" *Reaches for Skysenshi's utility thong...with built-in cellphone and CD player* *"Hello? Fook Yew? Fook your sweetie ass back honey!?" Sky:"I think it's for me....." *takes utility thong cellphone from Ru Paul* "Ni hao?"{Ni hao ma skysenshi!It me!Fook Yew!} Sky:"Ahhh....Fook Yew!How are things going on there?" {Thing not going good.....leally leally hot Bruemaxx and vely good-looking elfboy is fighting like two vely angily roosters!} Scene shows elfboy and Bluemaxx having a posedown (both now wearing chicken costumes). Kuni and his vanquished Village People hencmens are tied up with chains while Dr.#nity who was overpowered by Fook Mee and Lucy Liu earlier after activating the Queer-Crusher...a.k.a. Man-Hating Ray.....is being tied with rope; steer rodeo style. Bluemaxx:
"Cluck-cluck-cluck....BlueEgg!" *poses in fetal position* Lucy Liu:"Lucky for us....we managed to find all these rope from Dr.3vil's special 'play' room....not to mention those chicken outfits....*sweatdrops*" Fook Mee:
"What you thinking of with chicky outfits and vely lough-looking
lopes?" Scene changes back to Sky's office..... Sky:"What?Bluemaxx have challenged elfboy into the Siamese Chicken Posedown Deathmatch?They're scratching and pecking each other now?Oooohhh......sounds lovely" {It no look lobely to me here!They looking vely selious now! (T_T)} Voice: "Oooh....I
just love a hot juicy c**k fight do you?" 10
minutes later.......at Dr.3nity's secret submarine base..... Fook Yew:"Agent#1!Agent#2!Lon't
lake off undelgalments flom head!Ol else man-hating lay will take affect
like just now..." Fook Yew: "Chi sin!(translation:Crazy fool)*Bonks Fook Mee* What we meaning is making gay guys again...." Bluemaxx:"Agent Fook Yew.....I believe these people*points at Kuni and his Village People team* are better suited for THAT type of mission....*sweatdrops*" Lucy Liu:"What
they both means is reverse the Man-Hating Ray effects and restore the
world to its true self,you two homo-phobic idiots!" Bluemaxx:"Whatever,
Male Model#2......I do not know why Miss Relic Hunter is so upset..." elfboy:*looks at Fook Mee and Fook Yew*We are wearing Lucy Liu's undergarments on our heads?This either is the most disgusting thing that has happened to me....or the best day of my life! ^_^; Fook Mee:"Solly
ablout lat.......skysenshi boss say wealing women's clothing neutlalizes
anti-gay ray effects...(^_^U)" Bluemaxx:"....I
can accept that....Now, Male Model#2!Let us reverse Dr.3vil's weapon....and
save the world!!!" Lucy Liu:"Hey...I
wonder if I can snatch Dr.3vil's undies for now?I feel kinda drafty and
loose a bit..." Bluemaxx and elfboy is now looking at the Queer-crusher a.k.a. Man-Hating Ray.They have been staring it for the last 10 minutes......trying to think of a plan..... Bluemaxx:"Well
THAT didn't work....' elfboy:"Any
ideas, Male Model#1?" The 2 really
good-looking heroes went to the control panel and somehow Bluemaxx(who
miracalously suddenly knows how to operate the thing) begins to re-program
the damn thing with some ease much to elfboy's suprise. The Man-Hating Ray now in reverse mode fires onto a satelite and the beams spread around the globe returning man to their normal selves....and gay men to their normal gay selves. London *lights turns off for a few moments.When the lights are back on, George Michael in a lion outfit appears behind Elton John....and grabs the mic....* George Michael:"Feel the love tonite......"*duets* Florida Flea:You
dare bought the last packet of ice,huh?You'd expect my nephews to drink
15 litres of WARM Pepsi Twist? Flea:Hippy
Grasshopper?Man....what in hell is wrong with you and your crazy dialogue
man.... *POW!*(Cheap
Adam West-Batman fighting sound effects) Nick: Oooh...Howie...my hero! (^_^) elfboy:Mission
accomplished I think... elfboy:No
problem....and sorry for using that chair and hitting you in the face
6 times....(^_^U) elfboy:Oh...that's
okay...I....hey....I didn't remember you calling me that just now.... ~~~The End of Episode 3~~~ And once
again, the world is saved, thanks to: The Powerpuff... oh, wrong script.
*ahem* |
