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.: Character Profiles :. Written
by: Bluemaxx Location:Los Angeles-Male Model Agency Headquarters Skysenshi, the owner of the Male Model Agency and the big boss of our really-really-really good looking heroes was just about to go to lunch with her mild-mannered boy-toy,Ichi, when suddenly a loud crashing sound was heard outside her office.The hot boss of the Model Men rushed outside her office to see what was going on when a pair of large powerful hands lifted her off the ground and held her like a rag doll in mid air. Sky: You!You're Big-O! Big-O: Dats
rwight lassie!Ids just ye olde pal fwomd the pahst, the Bwig-O!The sexxy-sexxy
man! Accela: Ja!
It ivs I Count Accela Von Boobenheim!Ze Baron of ze Iron-Bras!Long time
no zee,ja?Skysenshi?And how are ve today?Iz good ja? Ja? Iz good? Accela: Ja.
Ve still vorking on zat but ze main zeazon I ze come here now iz Sky: Ah...I
see......the old "I want you all to kisss my ass revenge plan",correct? Camera focusses on Ichi who rushed back into Sky's office.A few momets later, Ichi is seen back again this time holding out a wooden ruler at Big-O(who is still holding Skysenshi by the way). Ichi:...... Skysenshi:...He
said to let me go or he will spank Big-O's fat ass with that stick there...
Ichi:........ Big-O:Ye
aint knoying' what ye is missin'!Once ye tasted fat, ye ain't never goin'
back!*shakes hips*Sexxy-sexxy man! Ichi:.....*looks
sick* Accela:Vould ze pleeze stop zooing zat!Ve aren't here for zat!Ve is zere too ze kidnap ze very hot-looking boss Skysenshi! Sky:Thank
you...... Ichi:What
are you...*BONG!*... Accela:Ze
NO!Mayze next time!*turns around*Come ze big-O! Ve have zo much ze to
do!*waves hand*
Bluemaxx
and elfboy are busy eating dinner in a very ritzy classy Chinese Restaurant. elfboy:Male
Model#1.....you were tapping it with your butter knife...of course it
will break in two. Written
by: elfboy Location: Los Angeles - Model Men Male Model Agency Headquarters: 90210 Our heroes walk in through the sliding glass doors (installed after last episode's fiasco) to find the Model Men HQ in disarray. Male Model #1, Bluemaxx and Male Model #2, elfboy stop cold. Bluemaxx:
Do you see what I see? Bluemaxx
and elfboy snap their fingers. Out of the rubble, emerged a beautiful young woman, a hottie unlike any hottie we've ever seen before. Yes, this hottie was no other than Firesenshi, Mistress of Debriefing and Looking Hot. Firesenshi:
Where were you two? elfboy: Except
for Calista Flowchart. Firesenshi held her head, is this what Skysenshi put up with every other day? Firesenshi: Okay boys, let's focus here. Here's the situation, Skysenshi was kidnapped by the Iron Bra Baron, Count Accela Von Boobenheim and his evil accomplice, Big-O. Any questions? Bluemaxx and elfboy looked at Firesenshi. They then struck their poses, BlueSteel and El Tapir II. Bluemaxx:
Yes, we've got a question. Bluemaxx and elfboy go through a variety of different looks, all of which despite having different names, looked the same. Bluemaxx:
Blue Denim, Blue Steel, Danielle Steele... Firesenshi: Uh, right let's get back to business. We need to rescue Skysenshi from Accela and Big-O before she is subjected to the cruelest torture of all! Bluemaxx:
What is it? Later, in the Unisex washroom Firesenshi, Bluemaxx & elfboy were seated in three separate stalls staring at the wall length mirror which is also a top secret high tech surveillance GPS map (mirror lights and reflective mirror surface sold separately). Firesenshi pointed at the map with a laser pointer. Firesenshi: As you can see, this is where Count Von Boobenheim is keeping Skysenshi. Thanks to the hidden tracking device that we planted on Sky before she was taken away, we know where they are. Any questions... RELATED to the mission?! Suddenly another stall was flushed, prompting our 2 really really good looking heroes and our Hottie Cameo to look in that direction. Out stepped Ichi, Skysenshi's boy toy. Firesenshi:
How long have you been in here listening to us? Firesenshi, elfboy and Bluemaxx looked at Ichi, and then stared at him. Ichi: ... Whatcha lookin' at, foo?! Bluemaxx, elfboy and Firesenshi all pointed at his zipper. Ichi looked down and then turned around trying to pull it back up. He then turned back around to see Firesenshi, elfboy and Bluemaxx trying to control their laughter. Ichi asked embarressedly. Ichi: ...
what's so funny? Firesenshi proceeded to give our Male Model agents final words of advise and the importance of completing this mission, but Ichi insisted that he accompany our really really really good looking heroes. Ichi: I should
be in the mission. I want to save skyhunny. elfboy: It
took years of hard training to become a Male Model like us. But we've
only got a few hours, so we'll just have to settle for Naomi Campbell.
Firesenshi and Ichi slap their foreheads. This was going to be a long mission. Bluemaxx:
Don't worry Ichi. I'll personally teach you everything I know. Everything
in 45 minutes. Shakira's "Wherever, Whenever" song plays and Bluemaxx walks with his rear end shaking endlessly, Shakira style. Ichi and elfboy follow suit. Firesenshi: That Bluemaxx... he's so hot! ~To be continued~ Written
by: Bluemaxx Location:Accela's Iron-Bra Villa Erotica Secret Base (Somewhere in Brazil....bra-zil get it?*crickets chirping*...nevermind..) Our very hot-looking lady boss,Skysenshi is seen being held chained to a pole in a very classy brightly-lit exhibition room.Sky is now wearing one of Accela prototype patented iron-bra outfits complete with silver metalic coloured polyester extra-tight shorts.Needless to say Skysenshi is not a happy mama..... Sky:You bastard......you
made me wear polyester! Sky:Feels
good?Honoured?Parading these tin-cans that are glued to my boobs?You're
crazy! Sky: Oh really.....you
don't say?Mid telling me your big plan on how to conquer this whole modeling
and fashion world? Accela:Inuff of ze naughty vords!Ze believe zat skysenshee vay be needing zoo be teach zome goodz manners from ze Big-O!Big-O!*claps hands*Zeach skysenshi zome mannez!!! The metal doors on the opposie side of the room began to open and loud thunderous stomps was heard.Soon enter, Big-O in all his semi-nude glory........wearing only a very small and tight loin-cloth in the shape of an elephants head.Big-O is also wearing one of Accela's Iron-Bras Version 2.1 to cover a large portion of his exposed buttocks.(Thank God! ) Big-O:Guud
eve-ning missy!Are ye suh-prised to be seeing me wearinh this'll lil wee
thing? Sky:....You're
wearing only a children-sized loin-cloth and covering only a small portion
of your buttocks with a pair of metal bra.....In short,you are exposing
your chest already....and believe me...its not a pretty picture.... Big-O then began touching her hairy chest and starts pinching himself....much to Skysenshi's and Accela's discomfort. Accela:Vundershieltseen
mein fucht!Zis eez alzmost too inhumane to ze watch!!! Meanwhile......back at Model Men Agency HQ(500 feet underground.....very-very-very secret underground training center) Ichi:Skyhunni!!!!!! elfboy:Well....for
starters Male Model#1, our hot-looking boss may be subjected to various
sorts of torture....such as be forced to be wearing non-designer labeled
t-shirts.....or yellow polyester pants...or *gasp*even be forced to drink
ordinary tap water! Ichi:O-Okay.....Male Model#1, Bluemaxx....teach me how to become one please.... Bluemaxx:Hmmmm....to
become a male model; you need two things....good looks and poses!Since
you only look.... Ichi then
marched towards the catwalk stage and does some stretching exercises.Soon
after a few minutes, Ichi walks forward a few steps....puts his hands
on his hips and turns around flashing a smile,winking his left eye and
puckering up his lips. Bluemaxx:Boy-Toy
Ichi......you must understand that a pose only last a few seconds or even
a few short moments......but a REAL POSE can last a lifetime.....posing
is not just making physical and facial expressions....but also projects
something from within..... Bluemaxx:....Nevermind.....let's
try again....this time try to relax and do this....*Does the El Macho
pose*... ~To Be Continued~ Written
by: elfboy Model Men HQ: Very Very Very Secret Model Training Center (500 feet underground, or as we call it, Victoria's secret) Moby not allowed coz he's too mainstream to be underground anymore. Pounding techno music can be heard inside the very very very secret model training center as our two really really really good looking heroes are trying trying trying to teach Ichi, Skysenshi's boy toy and rodeo practice boy to model. Bluemaxx: And turn, and turn, and slide, and pose... Ichi pulled off his Crying Llama look with amazing skill. Firesenshi was taking pictures of Ichi like any good fashion photographer would. elfboy: Sway
those hips! Sway them baby! Ichi shook and swayed, and changed his look to WichyBichyIchi™ look. elfboy: I
think he's got it! Ichi spanked his behind as if he was riding a horsie. Male Model #1, Bluemaxx started to sound more and more like Austin Powers for some reason. Bluemaxx: Spank it baby! Yeah baby! Groovy baby! Now show me more skin! Work that baby, work it work it! elfboy & Firesenshi: (-_-U) Firesenshi: I think he's got it Male Model #1. Bluemaxx:
Hmmm? Oh... oh yeah... right Good work Ichi. elfboy: Not
yet... there is still... one final test. You must pass, there is no fail.
Pass or pass not, there is no fail... Male Model #2, elfboy took out a set of silk pink frilly thongs with tassles. elfboy: Ichi. Your mission should you choose to accept it, is to put this on and pose. Ichi took the thongs and looked at it. Ichi: You've
got to be kidding me. Male Model #1 pulled down his pants a little revealing the thong he was wearing. It was blue. Firesenshi: Oooo... that Bluemaxx... he's so hot! elfboy: The secret is to be one with the thongs. Ichi looked at the thongs. There was some inscription on the hem. He looked at the inscription and could understand it. "One thong to find them all, so there are no wedgies behind them." Ichi knew he had to become... the Lord of the Thongs. (cue dramatic lightning and thunder). Meanwhile back at Accela Von Boobenheim's secret Bra Villa (with complementary D-Cup domes) Skysenshi was now dressed in the metal lingerie Princess Leia slave girl outfit, sitting on the floor with her hands still tied behind her back. Big-O sat on the floor behind her, barechested (but in the interest of this being a family type show, he had to keep the kilt on). Accela: Vere
ez dat... eet's beeen thertee meeneetz! *Ding dong* the door brabell rang. Accela: Ahhh... eet ez heere! Accela opened the door and quickly grabbed the box and slammed the door shut. Opening the box, Accela pulled out a fresh pizza. Accela: Ahhh... eet ez zweet! zmellz zo guud! (motioning towards Skysenshi) Youz wantz tu tryz deez Domeenoz Pizzzzaazz? Skysenshi showed her disgust. Oily pizza's were definitely not the way to seduce her & her hot body. Just as Big-O and Accela were pouring a glass of Coke for each other, the door busts wide open, revealing: Michael Jackson, David Beckham and Britney Spears! Pepsi Squad: Put the Coca Cola® down and step away from the table! (Yee hee <-- Michael) Accela: De
Pepzi Zquawd!!! Quik Beeg-Oh, eexztermeenate dem! In a blink of an eye, Big O stuffed Michael Jackson into his kilt, prompting the King of Pop to break off his nose. Big-O: Whaey
yae doo dat fore yae wee man? Michael does his signature crotch grab and falls still. David Beckham:
You killed him! And Victoria was supposed to sing a duet with him! David Beckham: No, don't touch me! You'll ruin my hair and Victoria's skirt which I'm wearing! David Beckham swung his best right foot at Big O but Big O turned around and David's leg made contact instead with Big O's but which was protected by Accela's Iron-Bras Version 2.1, breaking David's second metacarpalwhozit. David went down clutching his foot. Big O turned to face the last remaining member of the Pepsi Squad. Britney Spears and Accela were fighting with swords in one hand, and Accela's patented metal WunderBra's on the other acting as shields. Britney:
I'm warning you, you don't want to mess with me! I was engaged to Justin
Timberlake so I know how to handle men who play with women's bras! Big O rushed up from behind and grabbed Britney. Big O: Aye
hav yae now, lassie! Britney (singing):
You drive me crazy! I just can't sleep. I'm so excited... Big O released
Britney who continued singing at Accela. Accela knocked Britney out with his iron bra. Skysenshi, still chained to Accela's massage table, asked Accela. Skysenshi: You wear bras? Aren't you afraid of looking too girly? Accela pointed at his bra and Big O's kilt. Accela: Ja, ve don't like dem girlie men, ve just like to dress like dem. Meanwhile, just outside Accela's Secret Bra Villa Male Model #1, Male Model #2 and Male Model Ichi were looking down the middle of the bra (like how most men do). Male Model #1, Bluemaxx showed off a variety of hand signals in the low glow of his torchlight. Male Model #2, elfboy looked at it hard and long before replying. elfboy: It's
a cat! With the mission impossible theme playing, our heroes start their descent. Midway down however, Ichi sneezes, his thong wedgies him, causing him to cry out in pain. Accela: Ve are zunderattackz! Meingatt, releaze ze attackz braz modelz! 6 highly attractive models from the Victoria secret catalogue come out ready for our 2 professionally really really good looking heroes, and Ichi, who's only a part time really really good looking hero. Bluemaxx:
Any ideas on how to escape this jam? Bluemaxx looks inside his utility thong (inside his pants, not outside like some superheroes I'm not allowed to mention) and pulls out Macy Gray. Ichi &
elfboy: (O_O) *shocked* Bluemaxx throws Macy Gray away. Meanwhile the 7 (I can't count, don't blame me) Victoria secret models grab our heroes and restrain them. Pinning them to the floor, Big O whips off his kilt to reveal the very small and tight loin-cloth in the shape of an elephants head with Iron-Bras Version 2.1 on his buttocks. He lowers himself down towards our 3 heroes while Accela laughs maniacally. Accela: Muahahaha, eye haf yooz now, Male Modelz! Muahahaha! Ees Deez *ahem* Is this the END of our heroes? Find out when Model Men returns. ~to be continued~ Written
by: Bluemaxx Our good-looking heroes were about just to be met with their doom.....in the form of being flattened by Big-O's 1.38 Metric tonne butt.... Ichi: Ewwww!!!Did
I saw something moved up there?*looks palefully at Big-O's butt* Accela;Mwahahahah!!!!Guud
bye dem girlie men!Ve vish you a ze good trpiz to ze hell,ja? Suddenly... Sky:Fire-dono!*smiles
happily* Big-O:Whois
dat yummy womein ien dat tight ledder outfiet?!! The 7(or 6) Victoria's Secret Models rushed towards Firesenshi each carrying a pair of Accela's Iro Bra(Version 2.1).The evil models surrounded Firesenshi and proceeded to show various versions of poses of kick-boxing aerobic stances around her with extra loud hissy sounds. Firesenshi then wasted no time and proceeded to kick the Victoria models butt...... *Wha-poW!*(Yup...Batman
from the 60s special effect sounds) elfboy:I
just want to be really-really professionally good looking.... Suddenly.....Bluemaxx's utility thong started to make "whirring sounds" while vibrating and all of a sudden, a small turret like like object pops out from the utility and fires a super-heated ray.....freeing our heroes from their restraints. Ichi:Firesenshi
built a miniature laser canon in your thong? Bluemaxx:I
dunno Male Model#2.....that vibrating sension was sure relaxing.....and
leaves a pleasent feeling too.... Sky:Guys!Forget
about me!Stop Big-O and Accela! Bluemaxx:Male
Model#2.....and Male Model-In-Training Ichi, go and help firesenshi with
Big-O!I will deal with Accela Von Boobenheim!!! Elfboy and Ichi went to assist Firesenshi fight against Big-O while Accela was busy running away from the scene.Unfortunately for him, Male Model#1 Bluemaxx cut him off at the exit. Accela:Ze
damn youz ze girlie male model girlie men!Ve great master plan haz ze
been ruined! Accela:Ze
do not understand ze genius zat iz my fashion sense!Ve idea to make ze
iron bras as men wear... was too ahead of vits time and ve is mocked by
ze rest of ze fashion world! From a distance...... elfboy:*looks at the pose-down between Bluemaxx and Accela*Whoa......Accela is good.....Male Model#1 is having trouble. Ichi:.......(translation:HELP!He's
trying to eat me! )*tries to break free from Big-O's grip* Next:The conclusion of Lord of the Thongs Written
by: elfboy When we last saw our really really good looking heroes (and Ichi), Male Model #1, Bluemaxx was locked in a titanic pose off with the evil Iron Bra Baron, Accela Von Boobenheim. Meanwhile, Big O had Ichi in his grasp, Firesenshi was rendered powerless by the huge hypnotic wobble of Big O's flabby rear and Male Model #2 was beating up Britney Spears. Elfboy: "That's
not a Pepsi. It's a Pepsi Twist." Elfboy jumps on Britney and starts yanking her by the hair. Random Voice Over: Pepsi, with a twist of lemon, tastes like (bleep) ~~~~~~~ Bluemaxx and Accela looked at each other intensely, the wind catching their respective trench coats, as doves flew by quietly in the background. They started taunting each other (but for some inexplicable reason, their mouths and words didn't match. 70's Kung fu style). Bluemaxx:
You... I will (mouth moves) kick your Honky style (mouth moves) Hiyaa! Bluemaxx and Accela whip out hairdryers from their trenchcoats and start blowing away at each other. Bluemaxx dived sideways behind a table as Accela's hairdryer overturns the IKEA furniture. An accurate blast of air musses up Accela's hair, blowing it out of style. Accela backs into a wall of glass blocks, hairdryers at ready. On the other side of the wall, Bluemaxx was equally prepared for the final stage of this pose off. Bluemaxx:
So I guess this is the time for our FACE OFF. Screaming, Bluemaxx and Accela turn towards each other, hairdryers set to full. ~~~~~~ Meanwhile Big O tightened his grip on Ichi before scaling the pillar that had a relief of the Empire State Building in it. Firesenshi looked on helplessly when elfboy returned. Firesenshi:
What will we do? How can we save him, unbelieveably hot tooshie elfboy? elfboy: uh,
fire, I meant hang on to me, not the thongs. elfboy: Now stand back and watch what my thongs can do. It was designed by the psyche...psycho... really really evil woman Rinoa before she was really really evil. The Quiet Farty Thongs. With amazing farty power (and yet amazingly quiet) the thongs started to expand and release natural gas power. elfboy: Come
on baby, light my fire. Firesenshi ignited her flamethrower, sending both Male Model #2 and her up in the sky. Big O swatted at our heroes as they circled Big O. Big O: Gae
in mah belly. elfboy: We
can't get close. elfboy: Besides,
I'll have a new love interest the next episode. Big O's giant hand swats at our heroes, sending them tumbling. Firesenshi loses her hold on elfboy and falls. Elfboy reaches out his hand and grabs her hand before she drops. elfboy: Hold
on Fire hottie! Big O, seeing the precarious predicament our heroes are in, decides to swat them for good. However in a superhuman effort to keep them afloat, elfboy's thongs emits the afterburners (burrito style). Big O clutched his nose and lost his balance on the pillar, falling down. Ichi is dropped from Big O's grasp and falls towards the floor. Skysenshi seeing her boy toy dropping like a former Top 10 hit after 6 weeks in the countdown, shouts in slow motion Skysenshi: NooooOoooOoooOoooOoooOoooOooo. ~~~~~~~~ Accela and Bluemaxx are still battling it out furiously with their hairdryers and Vidal Sassoon styling gel, when Bluemaxx is distracted by Skysenshi's call of distress. Taking advantage of Bluemaxx's lapse in concentration, the Iron Bra Baron knocks away Male Model #1's hairdryer. Accela: Now,
I will give you your final styling. As Accela approached our hero, our hero points behind him. Bluemaxx:
Look out! But it wasn't a trick as Big O's giant behind falls onto Accela, pinning him to the floor. If it weren't for the giant crack between Big O's cheeks, Accela would have been crushed. Our villains were vanquished, but Ichi was still falling. Skysenshi: NooooOoooOoooOoooOoooOoooOooo. elfboy: Ichi!
Use the thongs Force! Ichi's thongs suddenly opened up, and a parachute slowed his descent towards the ground. Everyone looked on in wonder as Ichi finally landed. Skysenshi quickly hugged her boy toy while our other heroes congratulated him. Bluemaxx:
Did you see the size of his... Ichi: What are you talking about? Skysenshi whispered into Ichi's ear. Ichi's Free Show: Fall Collection 2002. elfboy: Guess
we have this case all wrapped up. [The End] Bluemaxx: Hey wait, somebody's suppose to say "That Bluemaxx... he's so hot!" The production crew packs up for the day. Everyone leaves, leaving Bluemaxx alone. Bluemaxx: That Bluemaxx... he's so hot! The lights are switched off. Bluemaxx: That Bluemaxx... he's so... hello? Anybody? Mommy? I'm afraid of the dark. [The End] Next Up: Episode 3: Dr 3vil & Her Man-Hating Ray (a.k.a Spy vs Spy) |
