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Words you can hear only from Nigerians!>

  1. Insult upon injury
  2. Nonsense and Ingredient
  3. If i sound u ehh, I will soon slap you
  4. How Far?
  5. Can i see your particulars?
  6. Anything for me sir?
  7. Are you mad?
  8. Half-caste
  9. Next tomorrow
  10. Make i come block you dia
  11. Lie, Lie
  12. See me see trouble oh
  13. Shift for me lemme sit
  14. abeg vamus
  15. nonsense say wetin happen
  16. Abomination
  17. Over my dead body
  18. 18. God forbid bad thing
  19. I need to retouch my hair
  20. any word with 'bloody' eg bloody fool, bloody liar
  21. Na wa oooo
  22. Tell me something
  23. Why do you want to know my name?
  24. I beg joo
  25. Can u imagine.....
  26. wonders shall never end....
  27. Tofiakwa
  28. Chei, Kai
  29. Oya
  30. Hold on I want to branch somewhere
  31. Come and Escort Me
  32. Stop at that junction over there
  33. Borrow me your pen/biro
  34. Still yet
  35. Me and you will enter the same trouser
  36. You are so annoying
  37. Why? Because Y has a long tail and branches
  38. What is the time? Quarter To buy your own
  39. Effico
  40. ITK- I too know
  41. Muumu
  42. How are you? 'We're managing'
  43. and so what?
  44. I want some assorted biscuits eg Rich tea, Digestive
  45. Your face look familiar
  46. You are so daft
  47. NFA- No future ambition
  48. Are you already ready?
  49. That is so dry!
  50. My belly is full
  51. Did they sack you?
  52. I trekked all the way here
  53. Where is the toil et, I want to piss
  54. I want to drink cold mineral
  55. Which ones now?
  56. He was trying to toast me
  57. Jacker
  58. Your head is not correct
  59. Have you seen that film before?
  60. Just imagine!
  61. My school fees money
  62. No wahala!
  63. Revise back small
  64. Oya, shake body
  65. Shine your eye
  66. Carry go
  67. Don't try me o
  68. Enough effizzy!
  69. Nna, You chop?
  70. Ashewo bastard!
  71. What happen?
  72. We must wash am!
  73. Eeyin, but why? (meaning ore/aboki/friend-- why now?)
  74. You f--k up!
  75. No be soooo!
  76. I will see you today, athink?
  77. Cold iced water!

FLY NIGERIA AIRWAYS



You Know You Are Flying Nigeria Airways

"Good morning, Ladies and Gentlemen. This is your captain, Boniface, welcoming you on board of Nigeria Airways.
We apologize for the four-day delay in taking off, it was due to bad weather and some overtime I had to put in at the bakery.
This is flight 126 to Lagos. Landing in Lagos is not guaranteed, but we will end up somewhere in the South. If luck is in our favour, we may even be landing on your village!
Nigeria Airways has an excellent safety-record. In fact our safety standards are so high that even terrorists are afraid to fly with us!
It is with pleasure, I announce that starting this year over 50% of our passengers have reached their destination.
If our engines are too noisy for you, on passenger request, we can arrange to turn them off!
To make your free fall to earth pleasant and memorable, we serve complimentary Bongo tea and Okin biscuits!
For our not-so-religious passengers, we are the only airline who can help you find out if there really is a God!
We regret to inform you, that today's in-flight movie will not be shown as we forgot to record it from the television.
But for our movie buffs, we will be flying right next to Air Barka, where their movie will be visible from the right side of the cabin window.
There is no smoking allowed in this airplane. Any smoke you see in the cabin is only the early warning system on the engines telling us to slow down! So no cause for alarm.
In order to catch important landmarks, we try to fly as close as possible for the best view. If, however, we go a little too close, do let us know. Our enthusiastic co-pilot sometimes flies right through the landmark!
Kindly be seated, keep your seat in an upright position for take-off and fasten your seat-belt. For those of you who can't find a seat-belt, kindly fasten your own belt to the arm of your seat ... and for those of you who can't find a seat, do not hesitate to get in touch with a stewardess who will explain how to fasten yourself safely to your suitcase."

YOU ARE WELCOME ON BOARD!"



I'm Sending Mama's Body for Burial



A family in Nigeria was puzzled when the coffin of their dead mother arrived from the USA. It had been sent by their sister. The tiny corpse was so tightly squeezed inside the coffin that their mother's face was practically touching the glass cover.
When they opened the coffin, they found a letter from their sister pinned to their mother's chest, which read:

Dearest brothers and sisters,
I am sending you our mother's remains for burial there in Lagos. Sorry I couldn't come along as the expenses were so high. You will find inside the coffin, under Mama's body, 12 cans of Libby's corned beef and 12 cans of Luncheon Meat. Just divide it among yourselves.
On Mama's feet is a brand-new pair of Reeboks (size 8) for Junior. There are four pairs of Reeboks under Mama's head for Tunde's sons. Mama is wearing six Ralph Lauren T-shirts - one is for Omo, the other for Roy and the rest are for my nephews.
Mama is also wearing one dozen Wonder Bra ( your favourite), just divide it among yourselves. The 2 dozen Victoria's Secret panties that Mama is wearing should be distributed among my nieces and cousins. Mama is also wearing eight Docker pants - Ikeje, please get one for yourself and the rest are for the boys. The Swiss watch you asked for is on Mama's left wrist, please get it.
Auntie Ronke, Mama is wearing what you asked for - earrings, ring and necklace - just please get them. Also, the six pairs of Channel stockings that Mama is wearing must be divided among the teen-age girls there. I hope they like the colour.

Your loving sister,
Bukky

P.S. Please take care of finding a dress for Mama for her burial.

Special thanks to Femi Tella (83/88 Set) of NLNG Bonny Nigeria for these contributions
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