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Words you can hear only from Nigerians!>
- Insult upon injury
- Nonsense and Ingredient
- If i sound u ehh, I will soon slap you
- How Far?
- Can i see your particulars?
- Anything for me sir?
- Are you mad?
- Half-caste
- Next tomorrow
- Make i come block you dia
- Lie, Lie
- See me see trouble oh
- Shift for me lemme sit
- abeg vamus
- nonsense say wetin happen
- Abomination
- Over my dead body
- 18. God forbid bad thing
- I need to retouch my hair
- any word with 'bloody' eg bloody fool, bloody liar
- Na wa oooo
- Tell me something
- Why do you want to know my name?
- I beg joo
- Can u imagine.....
- wonders shall never end....
- Tofiakwa
- Chei, Kai
- Oya
- Hold on I want to branch somewhere
- Come and Escort Me
- Stop at that junction over there
- Borrow me your pen/biro
- Still yet
- Me and you will enter the same trouser
- You are so annoying
- Why? Because Y has a long tail and branches
- What is the time? Quarter To buy your own
- Effico
- ITK- I too know
- Muumu
- How are you? 'We're managing'
- and so what?
- I want some assorted biscuits eg Rich tea, Digestive
- Your face look familiar
- You are so daft
- NFA- No future ambition
- Are you already ready?
- That is so dry!
- My belly is full
- Did they sack you?
- I trekked all the way here
- Where is the toil et, I want to piss
- I want to drink cold mineral
- Which ones now?
- He was trying to toast me
- Jacker
- Your head is not correct
- Have you seen that film before?
- Just imagine!
- My school fees money
- No wahala!
- Revise back small
- Oya, shake body
- Shine your eye
- Carry go
- Don't try me o
- Enough effizzy!
- Nna, You chop?
- Ashewo bastard!
- What happen?
- We must wash am!
- Eeyin, but why? (meaning ore/aboki/friend-- why now?)
- You f--k up!
- No be soooo!
- I will see you today, athink?
- Cold iced water!
FLY NIGERIA AIRWAYS
You Know You Are Flying Nigeria Airways
"Good morning, Ladies and Gentlemen. This is your captain, Boniface, welcoming you on board of Nigeria Airways.
We apologize for the four-day delay in taking off, it was due to bad
weather and some overtime I had to put in at the bakery.
This is flight 126 to Lagos. Landing in Lagos is not guaranteed, but
we will end up somewhere in the South. If luck is in our favour, we may
even be landing on your village!
Nigeria Airways has an excellent safety-record. In fact our safety standards are so high that even terrorists are afraid to fly with us!
It is with pleasure, I announce that starting this year over 50% of
our passengers have reached their destination.
If our engines are too noisy for you, on passenger request, we can arrange
to turn them off!
To make your free fall to earth pleasant and memorable, we serve complimentary Bongo tea and Okin biscuits!
For our not-so-religious passengers, we are the only airline who can help you find out if there really is a God!
We regret to inform you, that today's in-flight movie will not be shown as
we forgot to record it from the television. But for our movie buffs,
we will be flying right next to Air Barka, where their movie will be visible
from the right side of the cabin window.
There is no smoking allowed in this airplane. Any smoke you see in the
cabin is only the early warning system on the engines telling us to slow
down! So no cause for alarm.
In order to catch important landmarks, we try to fly as close as possible
for the best view. If, however, we go a little too close, do let us know.
Our enthusiastic co-pilot sometimes flies right through the landmark!
Kindly be seated, keep your seat in an upright position for take-off and
fasten your seat-belt. For those of you who can't find a seat-belt, kindly fasten your own belt to the arm of your seat ... and for those of you
who can't find a seat, do not hesitate to get in touch with a stewardess
who will explain how to fasten yourself safely to your suitcase."
YOU ARE WELCOME ON BOARD!"
I'm Sending Mama's Body for Burial
A family in Nigeria was puzzled when the coffin of their dead mother arrived from the USA. It had been sent by their sister. The tiny corpse was so tightly squeezed inside the coffin that their mother's face was practically touching the glass cover.
When they opened the coffin, they found a letter from their sister
pinned to their mother's chest, which read:
Dearest brothers and sisters,
I am sending you our mother's remains for burial there in Lagos. Sorry I couldn't come along as the expenses were so high. You will find inside the coffin, under Mama's body, 12 cans of Libby's corned beef and
12 cans of Luncheon Meat. Just divide it among yourselves.
On Mama's feet is a brand-new pair of Reeboks (size 8) for Junior.
There are four pairs of Reeboks under Mama's head for Tunde's sons. Mama is wearing six Ralph Lauren T-shirts - one is for Omo, the other for Roy and the rest are for my nephews.
Mama is also wearing one dozen Wonder Bra ( your favourite), just
divide it among yourselves. The 2 dozen Victoria's Secret panties that Mama is wearing should be distributed among my nieces and cousins. Mama is also wearing eight Docker pants - Ikeje, please get one for yourself and the rest are for the boys. The Swiss watch you asked for is on Mama's left wrist, please get it.
Auntie Ronke, Mama is wearing what you asked for - earrings, ring and
necklace - just please get them. Also, the six pairs of Channel
stockings that Mama is wearing must be divided among the teen-age girls there.
I hope they like the colour.
Your loving sister,
Bukky
P.S. Please take care of finding a dress for Mama for her burial.
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