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| MICKEY AND MINNIE MICKEY AND MINNIE MOUSE WERE IN DIVORCE COURT AND THE JUDGE SED 2 MICKEY, "YOU SAY HERE THAT URE WIFE IS CRAZY." mickey replied, "NO I DINT, I SED SHE WAS FUCKIN GOOFY." |
| lawn mower One day a little boy walks in on his parents having sex. He looks at his father and says, "Daddy what is that?" The father says, "Oh son that is....daddy's lawn mower!" Then the boy says, "Daddy what's that between mommy's legs?" The father hesitates for a moment then says, "Well son, that's mommy's lawn!" The little boy looks at his father again and asks, "What were you doing?" Then the father says, "Well I was mowing mommy's lawn!" The boy looks confused and says, "Well her lawn must grow fast cause the mailman just mowed it yesterday!" |
| Who is God? (A little boy walks up to his father and asks him a question.) Boy: Dad, is God a man or a woman? Father: Both, son, both. (After a short while the boy comes back.) Boy: Dad, is God black or white? Father: (After thinking for a short while) Both, son, both. (After another wait, the boy comes back again) Boy: Dad, is Michael Jackson God? |
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| The Top 10 Reasons Why It Sucks To Be A Dick 10. You've got a hole in your head. 9. Your master strangles you all the time. 8. Your head is disproportionate to the rest of your body. 7. You shrink in cold water. 6. You never get a haircut. 5. You always hang around with 2 nuts. 4. Your closest neighbor is an asshole. 3. Your best friend is a pussy. 2. Your scalp gets cut off if you're Jewish. And the number one reason why it sucks to be a dick: 1. Everytime you get excited, you throw up. |
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| Brought it on Yourself "If there are any idiots in the room, will they please stand up?" said the sarcastic teacher. After a long silence, one freshman rose to his feet. "Now then mister, why do you consider yourself an idiot?" enquired the teacher with a sneer. "Well, actually I don't," said the student, "but I hate to see you standing up there all by yourself." |
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| Password A new employee joins the Company, and is required to have a password setup for his computer. The boss directed a secretary to setup the password for him. The secretary asks the man for the password. The man, attempting to embrass the secretary in order to show superiority, said, "Penis." Blushed, the secretary inputted the password Penis, and re-typed it again. Then she hit enter. The whole office heard the secretary bursting out of laughters as a reaction from the computer's screen: "Password rejected. Reason: Too short" |
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| David Beckham Picasso went to heaven and got to teh gates, St John said to him "before you come in u have to proove you're picasso. Picasso replies ok then give me a painting picsal. St John clicked his finger and a painting picsal appeared. Picasso drew, and St John sed ok u can go in, and opened the gate doors. Next Day Einstein came to heaven and yet again St John sed he must proove he was einstein due to the amount of fakes who try to enter, so einstein asked for a chalk board. St John clicked his fingers and a chalk board appeared. Einstein drew all his complicated theories on to it, so St John sed ok u can go in, and opened the gate doors. Next day david beckham comes up, and St John says to him, how can you proove you are david beckam? David with a blank look on his face says, wat do u mean? and St John says well picasso prooved he was true by painting a picture, and einstein by drawing his famous theories. David Beckham replies... "who are they?" so St John lets him in. |
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| Why doesnt Jesus play football? because he went for the cross n got nailed.. |
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| What happened to the short sited circumcist? he got the sac |