Many bisexuals feel they have a "preference" for one gender over another, but they do not deny their attraction for that other gender.
Some bisexuals, however, have no such preference, and instead focus their attractions on qualities they see in an individual regardless of that person's gender. Sometimes these qualities involve gender, sometimes not. For example, some people find men attractive as men, and women attractive as women; others find people's gender irrelevant.
Do bisexuals have to have lovers of both sexes to be bisexual?
Sometimes it is useful to distinguish bisexual identity and bisexual behaviour. People who call themselves bisexual are saying that they are attracted to both men and women. They don't necessarily have to act on that attraction. Conversely there are many people who have lovers of both sexes, but who don't think of themselves as bisexual.
There is a separate newsgroup, alt.polyamory, for discussion of the issues relating to the dynamics of multi-way relationships (whether involving bisexuals or not).
Why do you think bi issues are different from gay issues, since all your problems come from the same source: homophobia?
While homophobia is a bi issue, we do also have concerns different from those of the gay community; the most striking being that of dealing with prejudice from the gay community itself!
Among our other concerns are dealing with the emotion of significant others, whom we do so deeply love, yet who cannot understand our attraction to MOTOS. And being accepted as bisexual if we only have one partner. And we have to deal with a lot of myths which surround bisexuality.
Why would lesbians/gay men discriminate against bisexuals?
Because we are sometimes perceived as "hiding," a sense that some bisexuals use their bisexuality to look heterosexual at work, in straight social settings, to enjoy the "heterosexual privilege" that is part of the social norm. Also, bisexuals are sometimes seen as blurring the issues and weakening the lesbian and gay movement. Naturally, bisexual activists disagree with this view! A further reason is that some lesbians and gay men also have sex with MOTOS (while not identifying as bisexual). Often they can't admit this in the lesbian and gay communities, and see bisexuality as a threat to their safety and/or acceptance.
Why CAN'T you choose one sex over the other?
Some of us have tried, but why should we? Denying our attraction to one sex or the other HURTS. If you ask the question out of innocence (you don't feel this attraction, so why should anybody?) then you're asking us to put away feelings that we cannot and will not live without. If you ask these questions with full knowledge of the issues at hand, then your question is as patently offensive as a white supremacist asking us to choose one race over another.
I've discovered that I'm bisexual - should I tell my family?
Look at your life, and decide that if by telling them you will help yourself, and by not telling them you won't hurt yourself (one doesn't necessarily preclude the other). Both instances, of telling or not telling, can be problems. They may not accept you, then again, maybe they will. Not telling them may leave you at peace, or it may gnaw at your mind constantly, with "I really need to tell them" or "I really need to tell SOMEONE who knows me well."
There are many people in the bisexual community who can tell you of good and bad situations that have happened to us with each different type of decision. Indeed, these "coming-out stories" (so called because they describe "coming out of the closet" and telling people of our sexuality) are often to be heard whenever bisexuals meet - it is something that brings us together, because so many of us have one of these stories to tell.
But, ultimately, the decision is yours, and must be made by you. We can offer support for your courage, and comfort for your loss, happiness for your gain. But YOU must make the step to make it all possible. You must decide whether any need to know, or whether you WANT any to know. Good luck.
Is there really a bisexual community?
You're reading the words written by one right now. We are here to share our lives, through stories, history, friends, family; we are here, on soc.bi, to reach out from one bisexual to another and bridge the gap between isolated bisexual communities. To be the human part of the interface.
We are slowly coming together, demanding that our love of both sexes not be ridiculed or minimized. Demanding that as much as the gay/lesbian community wants recognition and respect from the straight community, we demand recognition and respect from both. We are falling in love or grieving in loss; we deal with the very human issues of having children; we deal with a world after the advent of AIDS.
Are there any bi-friendly places in real life?
Yes. Some lesbian/gay venues (pubs/bars, clubs, meeting-rooms) welcome bisexuals (or in some cases, at least tolerate us). Many major cities in the UK and the USA (and, increasingly, in Australia) have bisexual groups which meet regularly and provide a bi-friendly "space".
All of the frequently asked questions and answers were found on the following websites:
Michigan State Alliance LGBT SA Students
American Psychological Association
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