sometimes victoria suffers from amnesia and this often means that i have to use my brain for her. she always forgets the best bits too. like when she cried at this woman in pub because all the 'ethnic minorities' were taking all our benefit. and then she latched onto this womans sean connery look-a-like husband and wouldn't let him go. they'd just been to a funeral. then we saw keri dressed as a runner bean. then vic started touchin up all the blokes in this other pub that took us seventy three hours to find. she was grabbin this scouser blokes crotch and he ran away. then she touched my tutors nipple. "he's a married man". thats what i shouted. and she was after this guy all night called james but he's got a girlfriend. "i've got a girlfriend!" thats what he kept sayin. then we went to the union and she spotted steven, so the weekly event of stalking commenced. i had to look up commenced in the thesaurus because i couldn't think for a minute. but he was dancin with a little tart. but she had bog roll stuck to he shoe so we chortled at her. ha ha ha. ooooooooooo am i going on a bit. i must admit i did pour my whole drink down my own face. but thats it. you can't write an essay about that can you. no. i need a wee. and this was just in one night and i'm sure theres more that i've forgotten. oh yeah, she was crying later for some reason. and she cried again because she insists on eating the hottest chilli sauce in the world every week. well i just thought i'd say this because victoria cant ever remember so theres a whole life that no-one ever finds out about. i think everyone should add things that she doen't know about herself. oh yeah, she woke up with a pink peg in her hair the next day. she found it on the floor in the pub that took us seventy three hours to find. ooooooo. but another night i nearly had a fight and i blame it on victoria but it's probably not her fault. but this freaky bloke she knows had a lot to do with it. timothy. he's not coolio. he's scario. who invented the skip?