| DIARY OF A MADMAN BY CHARK DETWEAK |
| The Tweakman ponders the wisdom of the most powerful man in the state: Jesse Ventura "I ain't got time to bleed" and "single mothers should have thought about that before they had kids" are all common things that seem to seep out of the cavernous hole that is Jesse Ventura's stupid mind. Jesse "the mind" Ventura? I think not. That man could not debate his way out of a bathroom confrontation with his girlfriend, much less out of a controversy. No surprise he and his wife live in different houses. Simply put, Jesse is a whiny, arrogant, self-righteous hypocrite. I know what you all are thinking, "Tell us something we don't know." OK, i will: Jesse Ventura is actually an alien from the far off galaxy of Hisdorf. He was sent to earth in the early '80s to infiltrate the entertainment system as a professional wrestler. He succeeded and even made appearances in such movies as "The Running Man", "Predator", "Batman and Robin" (hmm. all with Schwarzenegger...), and other not-so-popular movies. After a splendidly mediocre career in movies, he decided to try his luck with politics focusing his campaign at young voters (who were actually impressed by "Captain Freedom" from "The Running Man"). People simply voted him in because they were searching for something different than regular politicians. Jesse, or agent 4578 as they call him, had completed the second phase of his mission. Over the next couple of years, 4578 succeeded in singlehandedly shaming the position of governor and bringing politics in general to do a complete 180. 4578 was trained without knowledge of how to handle criticism, however. Any time anyone, no matter how they have been insulted by 4578, makes any comment about him, he rears his ugly head and shouts about being a private politician (of which there is no such thing). He has no clue how to handle insults, nor how to relate to his surroundings (people). If we elect 4578 to office again, we will be taking another step backwards in human intelligence. (NOTE FROM MATT CONROY) : We here at the Matt Conroy Webpage, after reading the previous article, felt we must respond in the interest of our valued viewers. Despite Chark DeTweak's comments, the Matt Conroy Webpage still full heartedly supports the campaign of Jesse Ventura and hopes that he will win re-election. As most of our visitors most probably know, Predator and The Running Man are glorious examples of meaningless no-plot bloodfests at their very best. The majority of Matt Conroy Webpage viewers do not watch films for moral questions or anything intelligent, rather we enjoy seeing things blow up for 2 hours, for no reason. We like stupid films, stupid books, and stupid politicians. Long Live Governor Ventura! |