| THE CATT MONROY MANIFESTO As Interpreted by Catt Monroy |
| THE UNILATERAL AND UNDENIABLE LAWS OF SCIENCE. All matter, at its core, consists of four things, which are as follows: water, fire, air, and stuff. Water consists of all things capable of being poured, fire consists of all things that are capable of being burned, air consists of all things that cannot be seen, and stuff contains all things that do not apply to any single thing. These four things combine together in different ways and amounts to form the many things you see around you. Some unusual objects consist of several things combined together, these objects are called limbos and include such common items as ketchup, jello, and matt conroy. If you take the basic building things of life, (water, fire, air, and stuff) and combine them along with electricity (explained later) the result are machines. Machines are anything that you cant find outside on a normal day. Therefore, a pencil or pineapple are machines, wheras a car or bicycle are not. Everything that can be found outside on a normal day are natural. This means that all things can be grouped into two easy to sort columns, machines and natural. Electricity is very important in science and therefore it is important we explain it greatly. Electricity comes only from the sun, via a special form called a sunbeam. The reason the sun warms objects up or gives you sunburn is because it is transferring its electricity into the object. Sunbeams are very special and superintelligent, as they nicely form themselves into many usefull things, such as lightning bolts, power lines, and electric shocks. When you plug a machine into a socket, the electricity that comes out of the socket is recycled sunbeams, which are intelligently "jumping" from the socket to your machine. Because of the great reliance and special importance of sunbeams, we allow them to take long vacations in the winter (to keep them happy). This is why winter exists. Since many nerds enjoy making up useless calculations in an attempt to show how smart they are, it is important that science have means of measuring. All things, now matter how big or small, can be measured in one unit, called the Keig (after the late scientist Michael Kieger). The average thunderbolt contains 56 Keigs of energy, wheras one Keig of liquid is equal to the amount of beverage the late Mike Kieger could down in one sitting, the average loaf of bread weighs 5402.12 Keigs and so on. In special cases, where very large or small numbers are needed, the terms "MilliKeigs" and "MegaKeigs" are allowed, but only with the expressed written consent of the United States Science Counsel. With so much in the scientific world depending on sunbeams, it is important to explain the way energy transfers itself, in units called antiwaves. Antiwaves are the sole means of transporting energy from one place to another and can cross all sorts of mediums without problems. They transport only in straight lines and go at twice the speed of light (approxamately 45 MegaKeigs fast). Luckily for us, Antiwaves never bend, twist, or "rarefact" in any way, nor do they ever change their velocity or direction. They always go straight, at the exact same speed all the time, making it completely unnecessary for teachers to spend several months teaching how they work to students. Although it appears quite different, there is actually only one color that exists - blue. Everything we see as different "colors" is in fact only different shades of blue. White is a very light shade of blue, while black is a very dark shade of blue - when color has no energy, it appears clear. Therefore, all air in the earth's atmopshere is naturally tainted blue, but because of a lack of energy it appears clear. During night, the sun does not send its sunbeams to earth, so light loses its natural color and the world becomes dark. During the day, sunbeams saturate the Earth, and light soaks up this energy, revealing its true color. This is why the sky is blue during the day. There are many different species of animals on Earth, with many different features and characteristics. Thankfully, science has made classifying them remarkably easy. All animals can be classified into three "kingdoms." Pets, Dangerous and Tasty. Animals which are kept or can easily be kept as common household pets go into the Pets kingdom. Animals which are capable of killing a human are classified in the Dangerous kingdom. All the rest go into the Tasty kingdom, for the obvious reason that they are so very tasty. In conclusion, there are many many things in science that cannot be easily explained by the systems and rules states above, but luckily every single one of these things happen to fall into another exlusive category. Whenever something appears to break a rule, or do something that it isnt supposed to do, or do something that you can't explain; there is in fact a simple explanation. Magic. Magic explains the unexplained, does the undoable, and surprises the unsurprisable. Magic is responsible for atom bombs, sporks, and computers. If you cant explain it, its because of magic. Plain and simple, Magic. Magic, magic, thats right - magic. If you can't accept that, then its because of the gnomes. The gnomes did it. Actually, its ..... MAGIC |